SURVIVORS GUILT
୨⎯ chapter six ⎯୧

━━━━ as they hiked towards west boston, there was nothing but silence. everyone know and then ellie asked maria if she were okay and sasha doing the same thing but nothing more. mariposa's mind was blank to even say anything.

the past even seeming unreal and unforgettable.

once they were about 10 miles west of boston they decided to rest. the sun was about an hour away to settling up and the group needed rest. ellie and maria leaned together on a tree, scooting as closer to each other.

joel tried talking with maggie but the older woman shook her head and headed down to the lake. joel dropped his backpack neck to hers. he glanced over at the two teenage girls and shrugged off his jacket handing it to them.

maria, as usual, was going to lean her head on ellie's shoulder but the other girl beat her too it. ellie's head reached her shoulder and maria leaned hers on top of ellie's. the girls got more comfortable underneath the blanket.

unlike maria who took a power nap ellie was wide awake. and the by the time that the sun rise on them, ellie could no longer sleep and was waiting to get back on their hike. soon after an hour and once the sun appeared, maggie and joel came back looking a little less tense.

maggie let out of joel's hand walked over to her backpack, joel following in suit. "you want your jacket back?" ellie asked lifting her head up causing sasha to groan and drop her head back to the tree.

joel zipped open his backpack loudly and took out his food eating a piece of it. he then threw ellie a two pieces. maria ran her hand over her face and rubbed her neck. she didn't open her eyes fully until ellie bumped their shoulders and handed her the food.

maria opened it up and took a bite out of it savoring every last bit of it.

"i've never been in the woods." ellie said again looking out in the morning, "more bugs that i thought."

"you're lucky they aren't mosquitos." maggie said raising a eyebrow at ellie who didn't know what those were but nodded her head either way. "nasty little shits."

after that they went silent. ellie looked at joel who wasn't given neither of them his attention expect for maggie who gave him a stern look.

"look, i've been thinking about-"

"i don't want yours sorries." snapped joel.

"i wasn't gonna say i'm sorry. i was gonna say i've been thinking about what happened," ellie's said and joel gave ellie a look but giving her his attention, "nobody made you or tess or maggie take me. nobody made you go along with this plan. you needed a track battery or whatever, and you made a choice. so don't blame me or maria for something that isn't our fault."

joel nodded his head realizing that what ellie was saying was true. joel turned around looking at maggie who gave him a frowning smile. maria stood up grabbing the jacket and sticking her hand out for ellie to grab.

maria then left ellie and walked over to joel handing him his jacket. ellie then landed behind maria. "how much longer?" asked ellie as maria dusted her hands on her jeans.

"five hour hike."

"we can manage that."

the walk/hike was and is the most beautiful thing that sasha has ever seen. far from the city, the forest being the only thing surrounding them. when they walked past the bridge sasha stopped.

she leaned against the railing and ellie stopped with her. "i love it here." maria breathed out looking down at her reflection on the lake. she grinned when she saw that ellie was looking at her.

"yeah," said ellie and she also looked down backing away clearing her throat when she saw that maria was able to see her.

they continued their hike and maria was slowing down not being able to walk in maggie's and joel speed without her calf's burning immensely.

"you've gone this way a lot?" ellie asked from behind the both adults. joel nodded his head. "no infected?"

"not often, no."

"so there isn't anything to worry or look after?" asked maria swinging her arms feeling every bone in her body start to give up and feeling like at any given moment she was bound to collapse.

"yeah, people." ellie and maria automatically assumed that this people were the bad type of people. but then again joel can say something and not mean it, he just says it to get them to be quiet.

"are bill and frank nice?"

"frank is."

maggie chuckled shaking her head and giving the two girls a glance, "bill is nice as well. he's just more self centered."

"do you not like bill?" maria asked joel.

"how'd you get that scar on your head?" ellie asked joel. joel grunted at maria question and grunted again for ellie's question. "what? is it something lame? like you fell down the stairs or something?"

"i didn't fall down the stairs." joel grumbled.

"okay, so what then?" ellie smiled in amusement turning to maggie, "maggie tell me."

"someone shot at me and missed." joel said giving maggie a glare who was laughing the entire time.

"see that's cool. you shoot back?" ellie asked looking between the adults.

"no." joel said causing maria and ellie to gasp ready to start teasing the older man. "if i did she wouldnt be here right now."

maria and ellie went quiet after that noticing the interacting between maggie and joel. maggie was still laughing and joel gave her a death stare but cracked a ghostly grin that if the teenage girls blinked they would've missed it.

after that there was a few minutes in silent. maggie calming down and now trying to find new questions to bomber joel and maggie with.

"you know, seeing as maria and i are like the only ones weaponless. and maggie isn't good as shooting since she missed you-"

"that was like 3 years ago im better now." maggie defended herself shooting ellie a stare but ellie waved her off giving her a swift nod.

"we shouldn't risk not havin-"

"no."

and that conversation went straight to the drain as joel picked up his steps and walked away from the teenage girls. maria's footsteps became lazy and towards the end of their trip maria was leaning on ellie who tried pushing her away but sasha kept on coming back.

maria put her hand around ellie's backpack and closed her eyes letting them rest. ellie was practically dragging herself and maria while keeping up with joel's and maggie's pace.

"cumberland farms." said ellie and stopped roughly making maria bump into her. "open your eyes sunshine."

"fuck you." maria pushed herself off ellie.

"hang back a minute. i gotta grab some stuff we stashed." said joel not giving them a glance and just leaving them.

"stashed?" asked ellie as the two girls still followed him but listening to him. "why do you have stuff stashed here?"

"you and red ask a lot of goddamn questions." joel muttered waiting for maggie to walk in front of him before walking behind her.

"yes, we do." ellie smiled teasingly looking over at sasha who laughed shaking her head. once they entered the store ellie said, "so are you gonna answer me or what?"

joel rolled his eyes at the teenage girl, "we hide on routes in case we find ourselves shot on gear, which i currently am cause-"

"no way! sasha come look at this!" ellie cut joel off her eyes landing on the mortal kombot game. maria gasped and caught up to ellie pressing the buttons. "you ever play this one? sasha loves this game."

sasha nodded her head remembering the times where her and riley would stay up all night talking about video games, especially mortal kombot.

"there's this one character named mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth and then swallows you whole and barfs out your bones." ellie rambled on sighing deeply as she played around with the button and sticks. giving them one last touch before turning around to face joel.

"joel we get it if you forgot where you put it." maria said chuckling a bit.

"no." joel leaned back up giving her a look, "i'm just zeroing in on it. it's been a couple years."

"okay, well, maria and i are going to take a look around, see if there's anything good." ellie said nodding her head to sasha who walked past her leading them the way towards another room. "is there anything bad in here?"

"just you."

"ah," ellie rolled her eyes turning back around, "getting funnier."

ellie and maria entered the gloomy room. the only light resource being the sunlight coming through the broken blinds from the small window. ellie found a door and prompted it open, letting sasha go in first.

"ellie come on." maria said and ellie following in suit glancing one last time at maggie and joel. the teenage girls looked around the small room. maria tripped over something which caught her attention. "ellie help."

maria crouched down and ellie pushed everything away. once there was nothing on top anymore sasha hooked her finger with the handle and opened it up. "fuck." ellie coughed as the dust went all over her face while sasha backed up just in time.

"rock, paper, scissors?" ellie asked sticking out her fist. maria nodded her head doing the same thing. they waved their fist mid air three times before shooting. ellie: rock, maria: paper.

"two out of three." maria said giving ellie a smirk. and so they went again. three times midair and shot. ellie: scissors, maria: paper.

"last one." ellie raised an eyebrow at maria who shot her a glare. both girls didn't care if they went down, but they did care was that they were losing to each other. three midair and shot. ellie: rock, maria: scissors.

"what fucking ever." maria grumbled grabbing her flashlight. ellie then realized they didn't know how deep it was but right when she was going to protest sasha jumped it landing blindsided.

"maria!" ellie whispered shouted worriedly towards the brown hair girl who was now wishing she landed more gracefully. maria groaned turning herself on her back and flashing the flashlight up at ellie who backed up. "you okay? shout or say something."

"i broke my glasses." maria whined moving the flashlight away from ellie and down to her glasses that were shattered into pieces. sasha doesn't really need them, but wearing them have been a habit.

"maria." ellie called out again.

"i'm okay, ellie. stop worrying." maria said rolling off her back and standing up.

"that's all i do nowadays." maria heard ellie whisper and smiled at that. maria's eyes landed on a grey tin bin and placed it right under the entrance giving ellie a thumbs up who send one back with an eye roll.

maria shined her flashlight around the dark room. towards the far end of the room was trash everywhere, molded into the floor and wall. she then moved more towards the shelves and noticed one thing in particular. maria walked towards it grabbing it and then walking back to ellie.

"el catch!" maria said not giving ellie any fine to react as she threw it up towards ellie who caught it smoothly. maria then continued inspecting the room until something in the trash caught her attention.

an infected. still alive and looking directly at her, groaning and trying to shift himself through all the trash but not being able to get out. sasha tilted her head to the side approaching it slowly. she reached inside her jacket and took out her knife.

she kneeled down in front of it and it's eyes, she felt like they were pleading to her. maria has always wondered if they even know that they're infected. if their mind still works the same thoughts but aren't controlling of their actions. then maria feels bad and then everything leaves. because at the end of the day, they're infected.

maria placed the tip of the blade right on the side of its head. "i'm so sorry." she wasn't saying it to the infected, she was hoping that whoever this man was before getting infected could still process her words and understand. maria, in a swift moment, tighten her grip around the handle of the knife and drove it right through its skull.

"maria! we gotta go!" ellie called out giving maggie a sheepish look who caught them. "and uh, you might wanna hurry!"

"going." maria said taking her knife out and cleaning it with its shirt before shoving it back down her jacket. maria jogged over to the bin and climbed on it reaching out for ellie's hand who helped her up.

"what happened down there?" ellie asked her eyes scanning through all of maria face. maria shook her head putting her lips in a tight line. ellie gave her a 'are you serious?' look and pointed to her cheek swiping away the blood with her finger and showing sasha.

maria smiled innocently at ellie standing up. ellie stood up as well now wanting to know what actually went on down there.

"ellie, mariposa and maggie. let's go!"

"holy shit!" ellie said excitedly looking at the airplane that was crashed up in a hill in front of them. the hike was boring the mind of them all, that was until this happened.

"joel please tell me you weren't as boring as i'm picturing you already and tell us you flew one of those?" maria asked landing between ellie and joel.

"few times, sure." joel responded back.

"so lucky." ellie breathed out.

"didn't feel like it at the time. get shoved into a middle seat, pay 12 bucks for a sandwich."

"dude, you got to be in the sky." ellie said. she then glanced over at maggie who put a hand on joel's shoulder and looked out towards the crashed plane. "what about you maggie?"

"all the time." maggie said grinning at the memory. for a period of time maggie was a pilot, that was until her parents passed away and she needed to take care of sasha. she didn't complain though, her time as a pilot was amazing but a new kind of happiness shifted when she started taking care of a little girl.

"you're definitely the fun person in your guys relationship." said ellie pulling maria with her as they started walking again. joel took this offensively and maggie started telling them stories about her pilot days.

maggie then started telling ellie embarrassing stories about maria when she was younger. maria had enough of embarrassment which ellie was enjoying and eating it all up. maria walked up to joel who was in front.

"how did you and maggie met?" maria asked joel who fixed the rifle on his shoulder. "wait was it the day she shot you and missed?"

joel nodded his head causing maria to grin and bump her shoulder with him. joel glanced down at maria who wanted to know. "it was a month after the outbreak," joel started and maria giggled crossing her arms over chest ready to listen. "tess and i had also just met weeks before and we decided to rest in a building. tess took downstairs and i went upstairs. we thought it was empty but we had to double check. when i went to check it was clear until a gunshot went right through the side my head."

"maggie?" maria asked looking back up at joel and this time he didn't hide it. a small smile tugged on the side of his lips.

"maggie. she shot again, this time aiming my shoulder but it landed on the floor. i remember clearly that maggie then took her knife out but tess appeared from behind snatching it away and knocking her out. you could imagine what's next." as joel said that ellie and maggie from behind started listening as well. after tess interrogated maggie, they decided to let her stay with them until she decided to leave. the stay then lasted weeks, months and soon years.

"does she still suck at aiming?" askeda maria and joel nodded his head causing maggie from behind to gasp.

ellie had another question in mind, "so everything came crashing down in one day?" she asked.

"pretty much." joel nodded his head.

"how?" ellie said walking between joel and maria. "i mean, no one was infected with cordyceps, everybody's fine. eating in restaurants and flying in planes. and then, all at once? how did it even start? if you have to get bit to be infected, then who bit the first person?"

"and how did it spread worldwide if the person who was bitten first was like far, you know?" maria asked glancing back at maggie who tilted her head to the side.

"was it a monkey? i bet it was a monkey." said ellie.

"it wasn't a monkey. i thought you guys went to school."

"fedra school." ellie deadpanned at joel who had a confused look on his face. "they don't teach us how their shitty government failed to prevent a pandemic."

"no one knows for sure but," joel said thinking of a way to word it best for the teenage girls. "best guess. cordyceps mutated and some of it got into the food supply. probably a basic ingredient like flour or sugar. there were certain brands of food that were sold everywhere, all across the country, across the world. bread, cereal, pancake mix. you eat enough of it, it'll get you infected.

so the tainted food all hits the store shelves around the same time. thursday. people bought it, ate some thursday night or friday morning. day goes on, they started to get sick. afternoon, evening, they got worse. then they started bitin.' friday night, september 26, 2013. and by monday, everything was gone."

the group went quiet after the outbreak lesson by joel. taking it all in and realizing how easy it was for the world to end by the main product being food. something everyone needs, something everyone does.

"it makes more sense than monkeys." said ellie.

"thanks, joel." maria said giving the man a soft smile who nodded his head at both girls. joel then stopped holding an arm out towards the girls stepping in front. "what."

"we'll cut across the woods here." joel said extending his arm out towards the woods. maggie agreed with him while both girls didn't see the logic in that.

"isn't the road easier?" ellie asked giving him a confused look.

"yeah it's just," joel sighed deeply looking out towards the road, "there's stuff up there you shouldn't see."

"well, now i have to see." ellie grinned walking backwards facing joel. ellie wiggled her eyebrows at sasha who stayed in her spot giving ellie a look.

"i don't want you to." joel warned to the girl who put her finger up signaling for sasha to follow her, which she did. "serious. ellie, mariposa."

"can it hurt us?" ellie asked hooking her arm with maria turning around.

"no." there it was.

the two girls looked at each other. ellie pushed herself away from maria and shouted, "last one is a rotten egg!" maria shouted back at her yelling, "cheater!" as ellie had a headstart and she didn't. they ignored the calls from joel who's father voice was sticking out making maggie laugh in amusement.

"ellie!" maria panted heavily as ellie suddenly stopped looking down at a pit. maria slowed down her steps as she reached ellie. she put a hand on her shoulder and leaned over her knees putting her arm over her stomach as it was clenching in pain. "for someone who's in an apocalypse i have such a low stamina."

ellie pulled maria jacket to look at what she was looking. "what." maria turned around and glanced down at all the skeletons of hundreds of people on a pit. joel and maggie soon reached them, this is what joel was protecting them from.

"about a week after outbreak day, soldiers went through the countryside, evacuated the small towns. told you, you were goin' to a qz and you were, if there was room. if there wasn't." joel didn't continue that as the girls put it all together.

"these people weren't sick?" asked ellie not understanding how this innocent people were just dumped here, when they deserved a safe place in this apocalypse.

"no, probably not."

"why kill them?" ellie asked again only now letting go of maria jacket. "why not just leave 'em be?"

joel didn't hesitate to say, "dead people can't be infected."