SURVIVORS GUILT
୨⎯ chapter nine ⎯୧

━━━━ the truck went silent everyone in a their own deep thoughts. ellie thinking about tess, joel about tommy, maggie thinking about how much she disappointed her parents as a big sister and role model, and maria thinking of the what ifs if maggie ran behind her.

"you and mariposa got up pretty early. if you wanna grab some sleep-"

"i'm not even tired." said ellie.

"i'm wide away." said maria.

the second that ellie and maria got comfortable on their seats they blacked out. leaving maggie and joel in peace for their conversation.

maria woke back up with someone shaking her lightly away. "mari, maria, wake up!" ellie whispered getting annoyed that maria wasn't waking up. joel told them to stay out as he walked out the truck and checked the place.

ellie leaned forward completely and shook maria awake roughly. maria gasped awake looking around in her surroundings alarmed. ellie snickered putting a hand over her mouth. maria glared at ellie who sat back down in her seat.

"maria, i'm sorry. please." ellie laughed but pressed herself on the seat. maria launched herself towards ellie with her arms extended in front of her.

"no, maria, no. okay! stop!" maggie exclaimed shielding ellie as maria landed ontop of her but maggie held her away from ellie. the ponytail girl stuck her tongue out at maria and maria pushed herself even more but maggie managed to keep her steady.

"i could've died!" maria shouted.

"oh your so dramatic!" ellie shouted back shrieking loudly when maria was inches away from her. "maggie! help!"

"maria!"

joel entered the truck again to the scene that was unfolding in front of him. joel shook his head snatching the map from maria's seat and started to find another route. joel backed up and pressed the break roughly.

maria was thrown forward to the backpack landing in a weird position but stopping their fighting. ellie took this opportunity to crawl on the front seat away from maria.

joel continued his road giving the map to ellie. maria sat properly behind ellie's seat crossing her arms and looked out the window. maggie breathed out sinking down in the seat.

"i can't see the highway." joel grunted going through an alley and entering a street.

"i can't tell from this. i'm all turned around." ellie said having to flip the map a few times to read it correctly but even when flipped correctly she couldn't find the highway.

"don't look at the state map. look at the inset." joel snapped.

"i don't know where we are in that either! this if my second day in a fucking car, man." ellie snapped back, "i think we're heading north?"

"maggie, please." joel said snatching the map away from ellie and handing it over to maggie. but even maggie was confused with this map.

"got it. go right." maggie said patting joel's seat. the second joel was going to do the turn ellie shouted, "stop!"

she looked over at her left, "is that the qz?" joel, maggie and maria also turning their head over to the entrance of the qz. "where the fuck is fedra?"

"people." maggie breathed out glancing back at joel, "joel we gotta move."

"hey!" a man's voice shouted and appeared in front of them. he looked hurt, holding both hands on his stomach. "please help!"

"put your seatbelt on." joel said putting his own seatbelt on. the girls all doing the same thing starting to get worried.

"aren't we going to help him?" ellie asked her eyes widen when joel's face went stone cold. his hand holding the gear and his fist giving the steering wheel a tight squeeze.

"he ain't even hurt." joel grumbled and pressed on the gas with everything he had. he almost ran over the man who threw himself off the road.

"joel!" ellie shouted noticing a man on the railing throwing a brick on the window. joel pressed on the gas even more but more people were showing up. joel abruptly turned crashing inside of a store. he moved the gear to park and quickly turned around.

"no one's hurt? nothin?" joel asked looking at maggie, maria and ellie who all shook their head rapidly.

"i don't think so." said ellie.

"no, no. no i'm good." maggie breathed putting a hand over her heart pressing on in as she felt her heart thumping loudly.

"yeah i'm goo- shit!" maria shrieked as they all ducked down when gun shots hit the side of the truck.

"belts off! fast!" joel shouted as the gun shots continued. ellie and maria opened the door to their side and crawled down. joel slammed the door and crawled over to the backseat grabbing his rifle from the floor.

maria pressed her back on the truck closing her eyes tightly and controlled down her breaths. but the more gunshots and shouts from the men she heard jt messes up her process causing her attack to come back.

"ellie, maria, hey, you see that hole? can you squeeze through?" joel asked looking directly at ellie and sasha. ellie nodded her head for both her and maria. ellie reached her hand down towards maria's and intertwined their fingers together.

it didn't calm down sasha who flinched at the gunshot again and cursed at herself - but it did give her a comforting thought that ellie was beside her. never leaving her.

"when i say go, you guys will crawl to that wall. and you squeeze through and you don't come out until ou say, okay?" joel panted making sure they were listening. maria let out a shout shooting her hand straight to her mouth. ellie pulled her away as the window shattered, a few glass pieces landing on sasha.

ellie worriedly looked around her surrounding along with maria. she never wished for them to be clickers or anything infected so bad. but this were people. people who had the same ability as them to kill. to kill them.

"hey, hey! they're not gonna hit you. look at me!" joel shouted. ellie and sasha looking at joel. maggie using her own gun to shot the man while joel instructed them on what to do. joel held his arm in front of ellie and maria, "they're not gonna hit you. you stay down, you stay low, you stay quiet. okay."

"okay." ellie and maria breathed out as the same time. the minute silence was too short. maria gave ellie three tight squeezes.

and the second joel shouted, "go!" ellie and maria didn't waste another second than to crawl over to the hole and entering it without looking back at joel and maggie who were fighting with the man.

ellie and maria seperated, the hole being in between them. maria's breath quickned. maria put a fist in her mouth as she sunk down to the wall. weak, your weak. that voice in her head boomed just as loud as the gun shots maggie and joel were shooting and reviving.

"maggie! no!" joel shouted alerting maria who peeked over the hole. she didn't get to see anything because ellie pushed her back shaking her head. the two girls flinched once more pressing themselves once more on the wall.

"your going to pay for what you fuckin' did. you fucking killed yourself, motherfucker!" a man shouted after maggie and joel killed everyone of them.

maria ignored ellie's pleas and looked through the hole. he was holding joel down on the floor with his own rifle pressing against his throat. maggie thrown on the floor with a gun shot on her leg. maggie reached for her gun that a few feet away but the man lifted up his knife and threw it at maggie, landing it on the arm that was reaching to the gun.

"fuck!" maggie screeched biting down her teeth. she couldn't move, if she moved her arm it'll hurt cause of the knife. if she moved her hand she'll lose lots of blood due to it being the only pressure on her wound leg.

the man - or more so kid - was minutes away from chocking joel to death. maria thought fast and reached for her knife. she was ready to go out of the hole but ellie went out first. she creeped up behind the boy and the second she saw joel, she pulled the trigger.

maria caught up to her standing on her side as they both looked down in shocked at the boy. "i shot the hell out of that guy, didn't i?" ellie panted heavily looking over at joel while still holding the gun up to the boy.

"no, no, no, no! it's okay. it's okay. it's over. we're not fighting anymore. i'm gonna go home. i'll tell everyone you're good. i don't know what to do. my leg don't work." the boy begged, pleaded with a loud sob as he couldn't move his bleeding leg. "my mom isn't far, if you could get me to her. please, i didn't mean to hurt her or him!"

"wish i could shot you myself." maggie grumbled and hissed in pain when joel grabbed the knife from her shoulder and ripped a piece of his shirt and wrapped it around.

weak. it said, ringing through her head. maria glanced between maggie who was in pain and the man who had just confessed on hurting maggie. their relationship may be difficult right now but they were still sisters. and maria sure as well wasn't going to lose her again.

maria snatched the gun away from ellie and held it up again at him but stood even closer. "no! no! we could trade with you guys. we could be friends. i didn't know. i'm bryan. im bryan. whats your name?"

joel walked up to maria and something in her mind switched. she extended her arm out and ignoring the guys waving plead she shot him again on his other leg. joel reached forward going to snatch it away from her but maria shot him on his arm this time. the man shouted and right when maria pointed it between his eyes joel managed to snatch it away.

maria glared at joel and then looked down at maggie. the older sister holding a proud look and gave her a smirk. she weakly gave her a thumbs up but gave up midway dropping it back down.

ellie pulled maria back with her away from joel who pocketed her gun and took out his own gun. "wait, wait, wait." he weakly let out and reaching at his knife and throwing it, "you can have it. it's a good knife."

joel grabbed it and turned around giving the girls a stern look, "get back behind the wall."

"no, no, no, no! im sorry! im sorry! please, please. we could just talk. im sorry! im sorry! please, please." ellie's hand dragged down maria's arm until her fingers intertwined with maria's. ellie turned around pulling maria with her.

"no, please! please! please! no, please! im sorry! im sorry! please! you don't have to! im sorry! im sorry! please! no, no, no! we can just talk! we can just talk!" that wasn't what made maria's heart clench up and the tears finally dropping down her cheek, it was when he shouted, "mom! mom! mom!"

silence. everything. no shouts. no pain, no pleads. maria could feel the way her heart touched her chest. the way she couldn't stop the tears flowing down her cheeks, the way that the lump behind her throat was seconds away from letting out a chock sob.

"ellie, maria. we gotta get in there. we can't fit through." it was loud again. joel's voice bouncing through the walls.

"hey, hey, hey," ellie whispered turning maria around. the brown hair girl shook her head inhaling deeply and letting out a shaky breath. ellie put her hand on each side of her cheeks and wiped the tears from her face. "it's over, mariposa."

maria dropped her head on ellie's chest and the girl immediately wrapped her arms around sasha who controlled her cries. "maria? ellie?" joel called out again.

"uh," ellie kept maria on her arms while she looked around the room, "there's some stuff against the door."

"well, can you move it?" joel asked hurriedly as he has to fix up maggie before she bleeds to death. maria parted away from ellie. she nodded her head at ellie telling her to go help her. maria ignoring how her cheeks were all heated up as she helped ellie move to the desk.

once joel and maggie made it inside, maria and ellie pushed it back pressing it on the door. "hey, you girls
okay?" maggie asked limping on her right leg holding onto joel for balance.

"i'm okay. i'm good." ellie said grabbing her backpack and handing sasha hers.

"peachy." maria said despite her shaky voice.

ellie then prompted her backpack on the table in front of them. "i got some food in here still, i got this bandage for maggie, and i got your light still. what now?" ellie asked handing maggie the bandage and
joel his flashlight.

maggie moved away from joel hopping on the desk and fixing up her leg with joel's help. joel - who still had a stunned look on him - finished helping maggie and said, "we go up." he tapped on maggie's thigh as she hopped off the desk.

"to get a better look?" ellie asked, as always waiting for maria to walk in front of her before heading of behind.

"hopefully, we spot a clear route out." joel turned on his flashlight and secured maggie's arm around his neck. he opened up the door and turned around, "stay close."

maggie held the gun while joel held the flashlight. they made their way out of the building and looked over making sure no one was there before quickly going to hide behind a car. maria leaned her head against ellie's back as she heard a man shouted, "bryan! they killed bryan!"

joel left them to go to the other building and open up the door. sasha moved away from ellie and to maggie. the older sister wrapped her arm around maria. "ready?" maria whispered to maggie who nodded her head letting out a grunt as she stood up. they rushed over to joel, ellie seconds behind.

the group found a lonely and empty bar and decided that that will be their hide out. lucky for them, the windows were already covered with newspaper. maggie rested on the ground, ellie and maria right besides her while joel checked every 5 minutes out the window.

"seriously who the fuck are they?" ellie asked as joel was peeking, "they're not fedra and they're not fireflies, so who are they?"

"people." joel and maggie said at the same time.

"are we okay in here?" asked ellie.

"for a little bit, maybe. looks like they're checkin' out apartment buildings first. but they'll be coming through these places soon enough. mag, how's your legs and arm?" joel asked moving away from the window at the same time as ellie stood up from the floor and looked out.

"i can finally feel my leg again." maggie said smiling up at joel. the man walked over to maggie looking down at her worriedly. maggie stuck her hand out toward joel. she swung them softly, "i'm okay, joel."

maria felt a weird odd feeling is her chest as she watched her sister being loved and cared for by a man who shows no emotions what so ever. it wasn't a bad weird off feeling, is the one where she felt almost proud. maria hugged her knees up to her chest as a ghostly grin pulled on her lips.

"there's a really tall building four blocks away." ellie said intensely looking out the window.

joel sniffed and cleared his throat, "yeah. saw it."

"so that's the one." ellie asked looking away from the window and over to joel who was still holding maggie's hand tightly on top of his.

"as soon as we don't hear a truck, we move. fast as we can." joel said moving away from maggie and pulled up two chairs from across sasha. joel gently pulled maggie up and helped her sit down. he pulled her chair closer to him. joel leaned his head against his hand that was on top of the table and used the other one to hold maggie's hand again.

ellie slide down the wall besides maria. the brown hair girl - who had her head rested between her legs - turned her head over to ellie. marias eyes light up when ellie smiled softly at her and scooted closer to her.

maria then lifted her head up and looked over at joel and maggie. "are you guys alright?" maria asked leaning her head on her knees.

"everything's alright." maggie assured.

"yeah." joel breathed out. he glanced between ellie and maria who noticed the unsure look of joel and the way that maggie kept on whispering stuff to him that only calmed him down a little. "are you girls alright?"

"yeah." said ellie fixing her position the same way as sasha.

"little better than before."

the room went quiet and joel grunted shaking his head catching their attention. "thing is," joel muttered, "is i didn't hear that guy comin', and, you shouldn't have had to, you know? and maria, i can't-i can't have you pulling something like that."

"well, you're glad i did, right?" ellie asked him with a little of unsure in his voice.

"i don't know what happened." maria said in a low voice to them. she lied not ready to admit it. she knows that part of it was because of the voice in her head bringing her down but the other part, seeing her sister hurt and the person who hurt her right in front of her. her opportunity was right there.

"you girls are just kids. you shouldn't know what it means to-it's not like you killed him. well, sasha you did shot him more but-but still." joel said struggling to word it correctly for them. but whenever he looked over at maggie and she nodded her head at him, he knew he could do it. "i know what it's like first time that you hurt someone like that. if you- i'm not really good at this."

"yeah, you really aren't." ellie shot back quickly looking directly at marias hands that were fidgeting with her bracelet. the bracelet that ellie and her made on their last day together for maria.

"i mean, it was my fault. you shoudnt have had to. and i'm sorry." joel said really meaning it. he could feel his heart clench, his father instincts hitting hard, as he saw ellie roughly wiping her tears away. joel looked away from ellie and over to maggie.

she brought her hand up to joel's cheek and rubbed it softly as a comforting matter.

"it wasn't my first time." ellie said. as joel heard this he thought about it for a little bit. maggie's hand dropped down as joel reached the gun inside of his jacket pocket. he took out the bullets and the one already inside.

he took the other gun from his pocket and handed it over to maggie. "show me your grip." joel demanded handing the gun over to ellie. the girl grabbed the gun and did it as she usually did. "finger off the trigger."

joel frowned his eyebrows and took it away from ellie handing it over to maria. sasha held it exactly like ellie. "now, who taught y'all that?"

"fedra schools." ellie and maria answered. the little things about weapons that they learned about fedra.

"figures." joel said now understanding and maggie scoffed from behind them. joel reached his hand out towards maggie and the woman handed the gun to him. so now both girls had one. "your thumb," he grabbed ellie's other hand, "over your thumb. left hand squeezes down on the right. you got it?"

maggie admired him as his voice dropped down from his usual ruthless tone to his more normal and gentler tone. he showed maria the same way and nodded his head, "there ya go. look it." joel then pulled on ellie's gun as she held it tightly.

marias lips turned into a chester cat smile as ellie breathed out a chuckle. joel then looked over at sasha pulling it the same way. "okay?" he said his voice turning more into a warning tone. joel took the gun away from ellie and put the bullets back inside.

joel handed ellie back the gun and grabbed maria putting her bullets back inside. joel didn't give it straight away but held it up looking over at maggie. "she's your sister."

ellie, joel and maria all looking at maggie who laughed leaning forward on her knees. maggie groaned sliding down and kneeling next to joel. she grabbed the gun and turned to face maria.

"promise me, you will only use this as protection. not to kill someone for revenge, or just for the hell of it. protection only." maggie said and sasha quickly nodded her head. maggie trusted her and believed her. she handed the gun to sasha who smiled wickedly.

not to kill anyone for revenge or just for the hell of it. protection only. oh how the tables were going to be turned.