SURVIVORS GUILT
୨⎯ chapter four ⎯୧

━━━━ in the shitty school system that she had up in the military base, she never learned anything useful. never learned to use a knife, use a gun, fight with her fist or even to defend herself. she learned about math, proper english, days and years before the outbreak.

part of maria likes the fact that she got to learn a little about the earth before it went to shit because now, she sees how lucky they must be. to see the earth when it used to be beautiful.

maria taught herself some useful skills, but she isn't the best. maria likes to thank that part to riley who was her own dummy but only when it came to defending herself without weapons. maria used the wall for the weapons.

"so, the state house is across there. it's about a 10-minute walk if you could go straight." tess said as they stared straight down the rough path. maria, somehow, landed in between ellie and maggie.

maria may remember her now, but it certainly doesn't mean she trusts maggie. maria scooted closer to ellie who noticed the discomfort from the girl. she doesn't want to seem mean or hurt maggie feelings but she isn't exactly trustworthy of her, even if maggie wouldn't hurt her.

"long way or short way?" joel asked.

"i mean, it's the long way or the "we're fucking dead" way." tess responded looking over to joel and maggie.

"well, i vote long way just based on that limited information." said ellie and maria nodded her head looking straight at the buildings that were all either leaned up against each other, destroyed ( all ) or filled with grass and vines.

"we have to check it from the hospital first." said joel. and so, the group started to make their way over to the hospital. tess and ellie walked in front, maria in the middle while joel and maggie walked behind.

it was quiet, the walk, until ellie started asking tess questions about their surroundings and tess responded back. tess then started to ask ellie how did she get bitten. and the story begun.

maria fell back not wanting to hear this story again, not wanting the memories to flood back again. even though ellie might not tell tess everything that happened, she knows. she was there.

"hi," she heard the familiar voice of maggie ringing in her ear. maria snapped out of her daydream and glanced over at maggie who seemed afraid to talk to her. not knowing if maria is going to tell her to leave or not talk to her.

"hey." maria deadpanned only now realizing how far behind she landed from the group. maria pulled the strings of her backpack and looked back down to the dirty floor, kicking the rocks that were big enough to kick.

the unknown sisters went quiet not knowing what else to say to each other without sounding stupid and completely embarrass themselves. joel gave maggie a quick reassuring nod. ellie noticed maria who mouthed to her if she was okay which maria nodded back.

then maria got the courage to finally speak, "why didn't you ever come looking for me? i mean, im sure you had ways to get information of where i was or with who, especially with joel and tess."

"mari, i-"

"no. i mean back there you told joel that you weren't going to lose me again. your saying that like is i'm here with you again." maria said, her voice not raising nor lowering down. she kept it steady showing no signs of weakness.

maggie did show signs of weakness. her eyes started whelming up, her lips started quivering and a lump in her throat kept on going back and forth. her breath was turning shallow and maria noticed the way that her hand trembled even when curled into a fist.

but that wasn't going to stop maria. if she was here right now might as well let it out. tell her how she truly feelings about maggie.

"maria it was an accident." maggie said shaking her head and taking in a deep breath. "i know i was supposed to follow you, i know. i know, i know. but the second i killed that infected, you were gone. i rushed towards the swarm of people from the direction you went but i could find you anymore. sasha, i searched for you. believe me, i searched. god, i almost sacrificed myself once just to find you. people called me delusional for trying to find a kid in this apocalypse but i never gave up on you."

maggie and maria had stopped walking along with the others who waited a few feets for them to hop over the cars that were blocking them. since maggie was taller than maria, the young girl had to tilt her head up. all her bottled up emotions showing clearly to maggie.

seeing her voice broke maggie's heart. she messed up. everyday she tells herself that she messed up, that it's her fault. maggie looks back in time and asks herself, why didn't she just tell sasha to hide in a spot where it was close? why didn't she just run with sasha? but then again, you can't change what has already happened.

"i don't believe you." maria snarled. roughly wiping away the tears in her eyes and then stomping her way over towards the group who held sympathy looks on their faces.

"maggie," joel walked over to the woman who shook her head frowning her eyebrows deeply. "she's a stubborn kid like you, it'll pass."

"i don't think so." maggie is stubborn. any one that has met stubborn maggie know that it won't leave for days, maybe even weeks until she, herself, understand the things or see it from different perspective. and is sasha is as stubborn as maggie, she'll stay with the silent treatment for days.

maria felt like they have been walking forever until they finally reached the hotel. sasha let out a groan slowing down her steps as they entered the hotel.

"ya ever stay in a place like this?" ellie asked with a shocked face looking around the hotel.

"no, a little out of our league." tess responded back causing maggie to snicker knowing how expensive this hotel might have been. along with how luxurious.

"how do you even know what this is?"

"have you heard of books?" ellie deadpanned. both girls giving joel a side eye. joel looked away unfazed by the looks of the girls while the two woman adults had an amused look, never seeming to get tired of the youngsters and older man bickering.

"wait, are we going in there?" ellie asked worriedly as joel entered the gross green water. maria snickered at the girl and ducked her head making ellie smack her in the arm.

"yeah, we gotta get to the stairwell on the other side." tess informed.

ellie backed up shaking her head while her eyes rapidly looked at joel then at tess, "well, i-i don't know how to swim."

"seriously?" joel deadpanned.

"do you think we have pools in the qz?" ellie shot back. maria wasn't that afraid to swim, she doesn't know how to either, but maria has an idea of how too so she didn't get like ellie.

"no, smart ass." joel then stepped completely on the shallow ground.

"how am i supposed to know that." ellie grumbled signaling for maria to go first which she did. once maria reached the bottom, she gave ellie a evil grin and held her hand out towards ellie.

the girl took it and went down the steps and when she was going to jump to the shallow part maria pulled her arm making ellie shriek loudly. ellie composed herself quickly snatching her hand away from sasha who entered a laughing fit.

"you should've seen your face!" maria laughed wrapping one of her arms around her stomach while the other latched itself to ellie's arm. ellie glanced at her clearly not finding it funny.

but maria's laugh is contagious to her. maria leaned her head on ellie's shoulder as she tried calming down her laugh. "it wasn't even that funny." ellie said shaking her head but managing to crack a small grin. just for maria entertainment.

"maria look!" ellie said pointing over to a desk that was most likely the reception desk. maria and ellie locked eyes already knowing what they were about to do.

"i want to be lady behind!" maria called pushed herself off ellie and running over to the desk with ellie following behind. their running made the water splash everywhere, wetting a little the adults who just let them be.

ellie leaned over the desk and her eyes lighted up when she saw the bell. "ding. ding."

"how may i assist you beautiful girl," maria said tilting her head down and finding a keybord and started typing it. she typed out ellie's name assuming that's what they did to sign someone in. when she didn't hear ellie respond back, she glanced back at the girl, "ellie?"

"oh right," ellie snapped herself back from her own thoughts. going into a daydream the second that maria called her that, but it's maria. it's in her nature, which alerts ellie to why is she thinking so much about it now. "yes, sir. i would like your finest suit. please."

"yes ma'am!" maria typed even louder before doing one more louder one and gave ellie an imaginary key. "here ya go! would you like me to take your luggage?"

"yes ma'am!" ellie said raising her voice higher causing maria to laugh and go around the desk.

"let's go, ma'am!" maria laughed out putting her hand on the bell cart and ellie put her other hand there and at the same time the two girls pushed it

"you two are some weird kids." joel said and maggie slapped him in the arm.

"your a weird kid." maria and ellie said at the same time pushing the cart further but then a skull popped up scaring the teenage girls shitless.

"oh fuck!" ellie shouted backing herself and maria away. for maria she didn't exactly see it until ellie screamed and it appeared on the ground. "oh my god."

maria landed on ellie's chest and right out the back she could hear her heart thumping loudly. maria backed up from ellie who needed time to calm down. once ellie calmed down and joel came to check up on them.

maria slapped ellie on the arm before throwing her arms around ellie, "you have to stop scaring me shitless!"

"sorry." ellie chucked savoring the few seconds that her and maria are close. maria backed away shaking her head at ellie who only chuckled more.

"you okay?" maggie asked the two girls once they rounded around the piano.

"yep. fucking fabulous." said ellie, her heart now thumping for a different reason.

the group reached the top floor but they were trapped inside. so tess went out through a crack from the ceiling to find ways to get out from the roof. joel and maggie staying babysitting the two girls.

"okay smartass riddle me this," maria turned her full body around glaring at ellie who scoffed throwing her head back to the wall. her eyes going from sasha's eyes to the knife sasha had in her hand.

"all i said your doing the trick wrong." ellie said snatching the knife from maria and showing her how it's done. "see. now try again."

maria put herself back on the wall, bringing her knees up to her chest and tried doing the trick again. still not being able to do it without dropping it.

"nice knife." joel commented but neither ellie or maria responded back. "where'd you learn to do that?"

"the circus." ellie said and smiled widely when sasha landed the trick. maria gasped and her mouth gaped open looking over at ellie who had a proud expression on her face.

after that, they all went silent. maria continued to do the trick, ellie admiring her, maggie and joel watching sasha do the trick over and over again and also catching the admiring glimpse in ellie's eyes.

"where are you from?" ellie asked moving her eyes from sasha and over to maggie and joel.

"texas." said joel and ellie raised an eyebrow to maggie.

"minnesota."

"what about tess?" asked maria, her eyes never leaving the knife now adding new tricks.

"detroit. it's in michigan."

"we've gone to school. we know where detroit is." ellie snapped and another awkward silence filled between the group. ellie noticed the glance joel and maggie gave each other, "so, you two like a-"

"pass."

"i'm talking about you and maggie." ellie said as it sounded like joel thought he meant tess.

"pass." joel hesitated a little but answered. maggie, to add on, made a disgusted face.

"how'd you end up in boston?"

"pass. no more questions about me." joel said and both girls started thinking of other questions to ask.

"how long do infected live?"

"i thought you went to school."

the conversation between ellie and joel lasted longer than the two sisters would have imagined. surprised them both when joel and ellie didn't bicker not even once during their serious conversation.

soon tess arrived back with a new way to get out of the hotel. just that, when they reached the top of the building it was a sight that made everything so real.

ellie and maria leaned themselves on the brick wall to glance down at the infected party down on the ground. "there are so many." ellie breathed out and they noticed how there were some on top of others.

"the last time we were here, they were still deep inside the buildings. then i guess enough people came through looking for the qz. they went inside seeking shelter, and that's how they got more and more of the city bit by bit, year after year." explained tess. which they understood completely, only attracting them to know even more.

maria leaned her on her hands, scrunching up her nose to scoot her glasses back up her nose bridge.

"they're connected." said ellie but sasha couldn't read what they of face she was making. maria sometimes wondered what is going on through her head, especially at this moment.

"more than you know. the fungus also grows underground. long fiber like wires, some of them stretching over a mile. now, you step on a patch of cordyceps in one place, and you can wake a dozen infected from somewhere else. now they know where you are, now they come. you're not immune from being ripped apart. you understand? it's important. i'm tryin' to keep you alive."

maria sighed deeply dropped her forehead on ellie's arm before backing off the brick wall. ellie following in suit. "so we're not goin' that way."

that's when it hit maria like a million bricks. "oh fucking shit."