haha- you know since i was a kid i had cramps due to this shit- and even rn I'm being bothered by them qwq hate my life at times- my mom literally thinks I'm a masochist at this point with how often I'm in pain- I ain't.

i despise the pains the extra bones have caused since it bothers me most days of the week- even now, several months after surgery I'm dealing with these pains. Both of the surgeries were mainly to minimise these horrid Cramps. 

My mother getting a bit concerned called my doctors and apparently, this might be from a mental cause now. No longer having something to trigger something I'm so used to may have caused me to react by a mental trigger or something i dunno. It just hurts a lot and constricts me a lot making me slower and unfocused and they can get really REALLY bad at times.

I feel like this chapter is just going to be me venting but can you blame me? 

It feels horrible and sometimes no matter what i do i can't do anything but wait them out.

At school at times when it gets so bad i have to go out of lessons with a note from my teacher to get pain killers from student reception. There are times when i have to put my hand up to loudly declare it to the class and i would get weird looks of either pity or distrust. I try to be as quick as possible when i need to go get them hence why i have access to the elevator keys of my school because we have classrooms 3 stories tall and all those steps would be like hell. 

Stuff like this really is just not good for you mentally at times. Thankfully there are classes where i can subtly tell teachers i gtg get pain meds but some question why I'm leaving and it is awful as all the attention gets put on me and others try to use it as an excuse to misbehave. 

Cramps are literally the worst thing that i have to deal with and worse after surgery as the sensitivity in my feet is 4 times the normal person's. Seriously i despise them but i've come to the point I'm so used to them that i try to ignore it and only talk about it at times hours after it first happens. It is literal torture and I'm at the point that it hurts but i can at times pay no mind. 

I find it sickening.