Logline for Shivran86
The Question: Does this logline contain enough "spoilers"?
Logline: After the successful marriage of his Senāpati, Rājan must now focus on rebuilding the broken relationships around him. Including the one with a reborn soul.
My answer: This is short and snappy, and yes it is a proper logline. So, this is good. However, I'm missing not so much the spoilers, but the stakes. With that I mean, what happens if Rajan does NOT rebuild the broken relationships around him.
I also wonder whether we need the bit with the successful marriage of the Senapati. Now, perhaps the audience know what a Senapati is, and what this means, but for me it was a bit - unclear.
I see two variations.
A) After the sucessful marriage of his Senāpati, Rajan either rebuilds/mends the broken relationships (in his family, among his friends - I would be more specific here as well) or X happens. Or doesn't happen. And that includes the (describe relationship) with an unborn soul.
B) To prevent X, Rajan must mend the broken relationships (where) . And that includes the (his? if it is his describe what relationship is love/liaison) with an unborn soul).
Now, this will need more permutations, but I think it is a good start. Can iterate via the comments, if you like.
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