Where am I?

Holographic numbers ticked around her. Her classmates whispered around her and didn't acknowledge the relentless sound. Infodrives piled in small slots on the corners of their tables. Nova squirmed in her seat, an uncomfortable wave of nausea overtaking her when she found herself trapped.

Class.

She was in class.

Nova tried to peer through the veil of water. Kiala sat somewhere to her left, nose deep in her texts as she adjusted her rimmed glasses against her nose. Air caught in her lungs when she fought to breath through the suffocation. Every number glitched with a tick. On her other side, near the staircase to the ground level, a couple of people spoke noiseless words. Formless faces.

All but one.

Neo Teimea. He kept his gaze trained on nothing as he chewed on his pen and folded his arms against his desk. A visage unmatched with her memories of him. Nova curled her arms against her chest while the 'popular' students had their conversation among themselves. Unaware of what was around them. Unaware of the consequences.

It glitched in violent motion.

One of the formless faces laughed, and she found herself unable to bridge the distance of space and time. Neo tapped his pen against the edge and smiled at the one who laughed, but he flicked his gaze to her.

Wait, wasn't I... weren't we...?

Time wound down when Neo chattered with his classmates. Butterflies fluttered around her, and she swallowed on blood when one flopped on top of her datascroll, and crimson splattered across its rainbow wings.

Chaos theory. The butterfly effect.

Everything slowed down.

Water washed the clarity of fear into her heart. Her hands shook when she tried to catch Neo's wayward attention, who no longer acknowledged her — too engrossed in his conversation, so far away from her.

No...

Every butterfly disappeared to leave a path of starlit chances not taken.

Isn't this... Isn't this the day I presented my stupid ghost project... and I made him laugh? I think it is, and then I thought he was laughing at me... but that wasn't it at all, wasn't it? I kept asking you questions. You kept asking me yours. And then... Stars, I realised I had never seen you smile like that.

A nagging voice asked, Would things have changed if you pretended he didn't exist?

Nova bit on her tongue and dissonant bells rang through her ears and screamed with an alarm. Neo's attention drifted back to his notes. Emptiness. More than she remembered, or she had never noticed it before. Their faceless Overseer wrote strange hieroglyphs on the holoboard, but no one, not even Neo, brought attention to it, so she sat with the heaviness in her heart, trapped in an endless loop of time and space.

But what would happen if I just let it go? Let him go? If I had just not said anything that day...

Everything recited in her mind, constant and all at once. Alarms continued to scream in her temples when it fell into a fritz, of Neo holding out the sleeping capsules, unaware of her presence behind him in their dorm. Her one step through the starlit chance made him turn. Emptiness, but he smiled at her.

What were you thinking? Stars, Neo, what were you really thinking when you told me you just needed some sleep? What was that look you made? Why am I remembering this? Don't make that look again. I can't do it a second time.
A gunshot rocked through her head.

It tugged at her soul and returned her to the first path of starlight. I never... I thought he had an ego to match that brilliance. I thought he looked down on people, but I was wrong. I remember what I said. I remember when I turned around.

Nova let it pass out of her fingertips.

It fell silent in the white noise of alarms. Time changed. Loop shifted. Nova squirmed in discomfort when the lockdown screeched in pain. Everyone left their seats, and she found her strength sapped. Every one passed her, with no faces as they headed for the grinding maw of the black hole waiting at the door to rip them to shreds the moment they stepped through.

Let it go. Let him go. If we never met — if we never made that fleeting connection, then...

Neo came down the steps. It echoed in the distance with her scream. Blood oozed through the numbers.

"LOCKDOWN Z INITIALIZED."

Don't let it happen in the first place.

Her heart screamed when he frowned, and the truth of her unreliable memory became too clear.

He hadn't smiled once.

What if?

Starlight bound.

Her hand laced through his and space cracked at their touch. It shattered to reveal the backdrop of metal walls as they stood in the corridor to their dorm on the space station — the loop where she failed him again, and he took his own life. Nova dug her fingers in. No... that came from somewhere, didn't it? Somewhere that I didn't... see.

I can't.

Space and time embraced, and she found herself underneath the flames.

"Nova! Nova! Nova!" someone screamed her name, but she sat beside Neo as the light left his eyes, and his hand fell limp in hers.

"Wake up!"

Wake up. Close your eyes. Wake up.

Neo... that whole time, were you...?

Suffocated on blood smoke, she gasped into someone's awaiting arms.

"Nova," a familiar voice whispered. "Nova, it's a nightmare."

Water swallowed her world. Izerva's blurry shape whipped around outside, but Nova gripped onto the closest person trying to hold her through the flames instead. Blood caked her fingers, but she tugged at his labcoat to get him to wake up.

"What's going on?" Thuni mumbled from his corner.

Nova froze when someone grabbed her shoulders in a firm grip. Neo. He studied her, examined her in concern. "You with me now?" he whispered. "You awake?"

Something cooed in the canopy.

"Nova, are you okay?" Ulin asked through a yawn.

"I'm so sorry," she rasped a thousand apologies to make right her ignorance as she hugged him around the neck and stifled a sob. "I'm awake. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Neo mumbled and steadied her. "It's okay."

Thuni groaned and lifted himself out of his makeshift bed before joining Izerva outside, motioning at them to switch the watch. Nova shuffled out of the way when Izerva entered to lay down. None of them pressed her or pressured her, and she held on tighter to Neo. "I'm sorry," she repeated, trying to stem the tide of suffocation in the smoke, unable to gather further words to make sense of the situation. "I shouldn't have woken you up. You must be exhausted."

He shook his head. "You should try and get some more rest." He let go of her, and never smiled before slipping back into his makeshift bed to rest on his side without another word.

He's still exhausted... He's been exhausted, but for how long? Nova stretched out her legs with a whimper and tried to clear her mind of the nightmarish memory — of a moment long gone. Unable to sleep, she waited for morning to come before gathering with everyone but Neo, who tucked himself closer to the wall with deep shadows under his eyes.

Or maybe they had always been there.

He wasn't sleeping, was he?

Bile rose to her throat, and she slipped her lips between her teeth.

"Should we head back to that slime pit?" Thuni asked.

"How're you two feeling?" Ulin mused.

"Not burning anymore," Thuni said. "I'll assume it's not instantly a problem, at least." He turned to Neo, who stared into nothing. "Teimea, you with us?" When Neo gave no response, Thuni snapped his fingers. "Hello? Teimea—Neo? You there?" Thuni dropped his hand against his side, then brushed the bridge of his nose with a groan. "Ulin, how is your geomap coming along?"

"I should have a better picture when we get around the disruption — if it's the slime pit."

"It's not."

Neo's voice made everyone but her jump. He lifted himself from his staredown with the abyss.

"How do you figure?" Thuni needled. "We haven't shown you it."

Neo said nothing for an elongated moment. "Unless the scout was in the middle of the slime pit I don't see how it'd disrupt a geographical registrar," he pointed out with the freezing universe behind his tone as he folded his arms. Nova shivered at a static visage of grey, nebulous tendrils. Full of rage and resentment when he glanced away from them. "It'd require a stronger anomalous force to do something like that. I'm assuming you took a geofeeder to mark waypoints. Whatever is blocking the connection is something substantial, and I don't think it's your slime pit. A single pocket of anomalous force wouldn't do much." He returned his attention to the dark.

Thuni pressed his lips together. "You still haven't seen it."

"It's an educated guess."

"You still can't make much of what we described without seeing it," Thuni reiterated. "I know how this works, Teimea. Before you make guesses, you need a firm foundation. At least, if you don't want a proverbial engine blowing up in your face. I'm not saying you're wrong, but I'm more considering the fact we got slimed in the first place." He shifted. "And I'm not sure if it hasn't done something to us." Thuni shrugged his shoulders. "It's less us thinking this is what's blocking the scout and more of 'oh fuck, I hope this doesn't have any lasting effects.' That sort of thing." Thuni smiled.

Atmospheres chilled when Neo twisted around on his back to them, wide-eyed with a blank expression.

Powerful intensity.

Her heart dropped.

"You know what? You're right." Neo hauled himself to his feet, the same frustrated expression of the formless being who hunted the corruption of the D.S Butterfly. Unwavering. "You're right! You can't—shouldn't do anything without the proper measures of safety." He shambled out of the shelter, almost a zombie as he came into the light of the sun. Nova winced at his sickly pallor as he smiled, and she swore the black hole's teeth would rumble into existence once more at the wild glow in the greys. "Ask yourself something, then, about the B.H Supernova." His smile dropped. "How does that happen but an inability to make a guess — or to even consider the possibility?"

"I... I don't even really understand what happened," Thuni said and took a cautious step back, and Nova frowned when his eyes widened slightly at Neo's dogged approach. "At least... I don't like thinking about it too much. Teimea—"

'Neo, stop—!' her own plea screamed in her head to prevent the black hole from ripping apart time through the throats of Thuni and himself.

He stopped on time with her scream. "You didn't tell them."

"I was going to tell them when things cooled down."

Izerva flicked their ear.

"Nova told us we were in a time loop," Thuni said in a measured, calm voice. "We don't... we don't remember most of them, obviously. At least, I kept getting deja vu. I remember that much. I just haven't been able to wrap my head around it, it's almost more like a nightmare than a thing that actually happened." He took in a short, stuttered breath.

"Then let me illuminate it for you, then," Neo said, and Nova was never able to stop him after all.

Not at that moment.

And not in the last.

"We dragged an unknown temporal anomaly onto the space station. At the time, we couldn't figure out if it caused the D.S Butterfly's disappearance. The senior research team took a cautious approach, but me?" Neo swung out his arms. "I chose the opposite."

"Neo..."

Stop!

The black hole bared its needle sharp teeth.

"I wanted an answer, so I touched the anomaly," he stated, and Thuni's brow furrowed. "In so doing — I created a time loop to find that answer once and for all. Because all that mattered to me was what happened, I didn't give a shit about who got in my way to that answer."

Neo, you know it was an accident, don't make it sound like you did it on purpose...

"You what?" Thuni asked.

Monsters coiled and raged.

Neo continued as if Thuni hadn't spoken at all, a pale reflection of him, "Through the time loops, I came to a single conclusion through the answer I was given. I set in motion events which would repeat over and over," Neo said, then pointed at Thuni. "You, for example. Not only did you die almost as much as I did... I was the direct reason for two of them."

Ulin opened their mouth, but Neo never relented.

Ice collected in the atmosphere at the staredown repeated. "What do you mean?" Thuni asked.

Nova went to interrupt, to throw herself between them, to stop Neo from causing himself harm.

"You got in my way once," Neo continued. "And I couldn't have that. You were too close, you know? Too close to the truth of the loop." His hands clenched as he came closer. "It was so cathartic driving that knife through your throat. You wouldn't remember, as long as I got my answer." He swayed. "And then the next, once again, I shot you. There was another option, and you didn't have to die, I didn't have to kill you, but I did. I did because if it doesn't stick, why bother? It all comes down to the same. I released caution to the wind and interacted with the anomaly," he said as the other three stared at him, with Izerva's brow knitting into further confusion. "I just wanted an answer to a simple question — and I would do anything to get it."

It fell silent.

All you wanted to know is if all those people could be saved. You didn't care about what they found. You didn't ask about what they learned. You asked after their wellbeing... and the anomaly gave you a weapon to release them from that endless existence.

Embers bit at her throat and fingertips.

"You're the reason all of that happened?" Thuni asked through his teeth, a different rumble of a different monster. "You killed me because I was getting too close? You caused all of that to get a worthless answer? How many people had to die, Teimea?"

"As many as it took."

Thuni glared at Neo, and Nova readied herself for the end, for nothing to repeat again. "Fuck," he hissed as his pupils thinned in awful recognition. "Fuck, I hate that I believe you. Fuck. Here I thought you were different from the rest," Thuni snapped and took a large, lumbering step for Neo, who stiffened and Nova flinched at the memories. Of monsters clashing. "I should've known better. People like you and the IAR never care about who they have to hurt to get results."

He's not wrong about the IAR — but Neo, stars sake, for once— "Shut up!" Nova screeched and bounced between them before it came to blows. "As if you're so damn above that, Thuni Horizol!" she snapped, causing both of their focused expressions to break. "You want to know why he killed you all those times? The first time, he had to. He had to because a corrupted piece of time took over your body and you actively tried to kill him. The only person who didn't have to die in that instance was Neo!" She whipped around to Neo. "You ignored me! I told you to stop, and what do you do? You lash out anyway. You lash out at him and yourself and didn't let me try to find another way. That wasn't seeking an answer, that was bringing harm onto yourself! Thuni was already dead!" she said and whipped to Thuni. "He shot you because you almost killed me! You were going to kill me if he didn't do something! You murdered him in front of me." Blood oozed between her fingers and soaked her boots at the puddle seeping from Neo's torn neck. "You're absolutely right! The IAR didn't care about us, not a bit. They sent us to find an answer they knew would lead to death. That was not Neo's doing! You want to know what he really asked?"

"Nova..." Neo rasped, eyes wide in horror.

Nova tossed her arms aside. "He wanted to know if the people on the D.S Butterfly could be saved! He wanted to know if we could be saved." A sob escaped her throat. "But that's all that's left. It's just us. He didn't know what would happen! What it would do to him so he could correct the stupidity of someone else!" Thuni took a small step back, but she threw all her own rage into the universe, "I would've shot you too. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. And because of my stupid hesitation you murdered him just as much as he killed himself. Neo isn't the one who left all those people in the loops." Tears filled the world as Izerva frowned. "You have none of the context I have, none of you." Hot ash swallowed her lungs when she faced Neo, who echoed Thuni's attempt to flee. "You? In what lens, Neo? Remember — I'm the one that lived them. Really lived them. You lived them through so many eyes, and I just had my own. All I had was myself to try and save you, so I didn't have to watch you die again."

So I didn't have to watch the light leave your eyes.

Neo took another step back and sank into his shoulders, the truth revealed.

You would never hurt people to find an answer.

"I think... I need some time to think," Ulin broke the silence and rushed into the forest.

Thuni eyed them both before following Ulin with a sharp scoff.

Nova held her ground in front of Neo.

"It might be for the best to let this information settle in everyone's minds," Izerva signed with a soft sigh. "Try not to wander too far from camp. I will make sure they don't do the same." Izerva rushed into the trees and climbed onto the lowest branches, shuffling the leaves as they went.

Alone, constant, time and space in the endless dance of the chaotic sea.

Neo remained unblinking, and she matched him.

He finally blinked with a shattered frown.

He stormed off into the unknown, and left her alone in the universe.