Sam x Reader

Sitting there with a glass of whiskey in his hands, Sam chuckled darkly at the fact that he felt so much like his big brother then. Drinking away his problems, keeping his emotions locked deep away inside of him.

It still hurt, more than any physical pain he had ever endured before, and he wasn't sure that pain would ever go away. Whiskey, sleeping pills, anything he had tried to dull the pain worked for only a fleeting period of time before a vison of you came before him, and the pain would return, just as strong as when he had felt you go limp in his arms.

The hunt was supposed to be easy. At least that's what the three of you had thought. You and Dean taking bets on who would make the kill, always surprising you with how well the two most important people in his life got along. The sun had been shining, the birds chirping, the werewolf having no idea what was coming for it.

So lost in the beauty of the day, Sam hadn't even realized that Y/N was standing there next to him until her small hand slipped so easily into his embrace. "I say after this hunt, the two of us go away from the weekend. A cabin, a motel at the beach. I don't care as long as it's with the man I love."

It had sounded amazing, and maybe the promise of things to come had made all of them sloppy. One werewolf had turned into two, and before he knew it, Y/N was laying bleeding on the floor, a viscous swipe of the werewolves' claws ripping through her skin like butter.

He didn't really remember what had happened after. He vaguely remembered shooting the werewolf, it falling to the ground as he raced towards Y/N who was holding a hand to her chest, trying to staunch the blood pouring from her wound. Taking her in his arms, he had kneeled, staring frantically at the wound, knowing there was no way he could stitch this one up.

"Sam." She had whispered, her vivid eyes meeting his, full of pain and fear, making his heart clench. "I'm scared Sam."

"It's okay sweetheart. I've got you. Everything will be okay." He had assured her, even though he knew it wasn't true.

"I'm so cold." She had whispered, as her blood seeped into the ground beside her. "Sam, I'm not ready to leave you yet."

"You aren't." He promised her, but she shook her head. Her cheeks were pale, her entire body trembling in his arms.

"Sam, I know I'm dying." She said, as one of his tears fell down and splashed against her hand. "I love you Sam." She whispered, her eyes drifting shut.

"Y/N!" He had pleaded with her, feeling her body go lax in his arms. Holding her tight to his chest, he let the tears fall, wishing it had been him laying there, and not the wonderful woman he had fallen in love with.

"Sam, you need to go to bed." Dean whispered, waking Sam from the same nightmare that plagued him each and every night. Every time he closed his eyes, he witnessed Y/N's death repeatedly.

"Dean, I can't." Sam said brokenly. In truth, his bedsheets had only been rumpled a handful of times since burning Y/N's body. He couldn't handle sleeping in the same bed that he had held her close to him each and every night.

"Then I'll make up another room. But you need sleep. It's will help you slowly move on." Dean had insisted, his eyes full of grief at the pain his brother was feeling.

"I can't move on from something that wasn't supposed to end!" Sam yelled, slamming the glass of whiskey on the table. "Y/N shouldn't be dead! She was to full of life and love to have her life ended so soon!"

"I know Sammy, I know. She might not have been the love of my life, but I loved her like a sister, and I'm missing her too." Dean answered. "But she wouldn't want you drinking yourself to death. You know that."

"I don't know what to do." Sam answered softly, tears sliding down his cheeks. "It hurts so bad. Dean, I can't make this pain go away."

Reaching out, Dean pulled Sam to his feet, wrapping him in a tight embrace. "I wish I could make it go away from you. It takes time, and it will never fully go away. But I'm here for you brother. Every step of the way. Lean on me. Let me help you."

It was then Sam finally found himself able to let go. With a sob, he clung to his brother, letting the tears fall that he had been trying so hard to hold in. Knowing it would be a long hard road, but with his brother by his side, maybe the pain of losing Y/N wouldn't consume him.