:::Not Mine:::
:::supernatural-jackles:::
:::On Tumblr:::

It had been a rough couple of weeks. You and the Winchester’s had just gotten back to the bunker after hunting a nasty demon for three weeks. You were all exhausted and agreed to take some time to rest and get your strength back.

 The hunt hadn’t gone as planned. You were captured by the demon and tortured for twelve hours before the boys could find you. You had cuts and bruises all over your body, a couple of them needing stitches, but you were okay. You had to be. Sam was thrown into the wall, a sharp piece of wood cutting his back, requiring a fair amount of stitches. You knew Dean was taking it rather hard. You knew he was blaming himself for you getting hurt. He always made it his responsibility to protect you. You were his best friend; his family. He would go to any lengths to make sure you okay.

 You decided you were going to make your specialty pie, which just happened to be Dean’s favourite pie in hopes to cheer him up and make it known that you didn’t blame him. You made your way into the kitchen to find Sam sitting at the table with a salad and his computer.

 “I thought we agreed to take a few to recuperate?” you asked as you opened the cupboard.

 “Yeah. I’m just making sure everything is good. Just in case there is one, and I can call Garth to deal with it,” he told you as he sipped away at his drink.

 “I see. Have you talked to Dean?” you inquired, hoping that you’d hear something along the lines of ‘he’s watching Dr Sexy’ or ‘he’s sleeping.’

 “I haven’t. He’s been in his room with his door shut since we got home,” he said. “He’s taking this kind of hard.”

 “I know he is, and I’m worried. That’s why I’m going to make him his favourite pie and hope he lets me in,” you mentioned.

 “You just need to make him talk, which will be easy for you.”

 “What do you mean?” you furrowed your brows.

 “How can you not see it, Y/N?” he chuckled.

 “See what?” you raised your voice.

 “He’s in love with you!”

 “No he’s not, Sam. Please don’t say stuff like that to me,” you turned to look away from him, avoiding his gaze.

 “I wouldn’t have told you unless I knew for sure. I know you’re in love with him, I can see it. But when you were captured by that demon, Dean freaked out and I mean freaked out. He first called you ‘his girl’ when he was on the phone with Garth asking for information on the demon. Later on he confessed that you were the girl he loved and would do anything just to keep you safe. I didn’t make a big deal out of it, in case he freaked out more so I pretended that I didn’t hear him, but I did,” Sam explained to you. “I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you. But I know my brother, and he will never tell you this because he feels like he’s ruined your life enough already.”

 “So you’re saying I tell him?”

 “If you want to, it’s up to you. But know that he’s pretty broken inside. He’s going to need a lot of reassurance and patience. I trust you and I know you’ll treat him right, and I know he’ll do the same,” he grinned.

 “I’ll think about it, Sam. I know it’s going to take a lot to fix the pieces, but it’s going to take a lot more to get him to let me pick them up in the first place. I want to, god I want to. But I have to make sure I’m ready,” you revealed. “I want to be sure I can take care of the both of us.”

 “I understand. You’re already too good to him anyways,” Sam complimented.

 “Thanks Sam.”

 You began to make him the pie. You gather all the contents and placed them on the counter. You cut up the apples, making sure you put just the right amount before placing them in a bowl. You combined the materials together and mixed them well. Then you rolled it out carefully, making sure it was just right before you placed the bottom part of was going to be the crust in the pan. You mixed your choice of spices into the bowl of apples, opting to throw a shot of liquor in with it. You added them to the pie crust, already enjoying the scent of the pie before placing the rest of the pastry on top. You closed it off and glazed over the top before making a few slits in the top. Then you placed it in the oven and set your timer.

 “Do you want me to make you anything Sam?” you asked him.

 “No, it’s okay. I’ve had enough to eat. Though I may steal a piece of that pie. You know how much I enjoy your pie,” he smiled.

 “Alright. I’m going to quickly go change into my pajamas, and I’ll be back for the pie.”

 You made your way down the hall to your room, which was located right next to Dean’s. You heard a muffled cry come from his room. You figured he was watching something on his TV. You knew how he liked watching odd TV shows, even though he would never admit to it. You stopped for a second, your heart dropping when you heard it wasn’t his TV, it was him

 Never in your life had you seen a Winchester cry, let alone heard one. The thought of it broke your heart and you knew this hunt was his reason for breaking down. He always put on such a brave face, acting like failed hunts didn’t hurt as bad as they did. He was in there blaming himself for it all. His walls were finally crashing down, but this time at a rapid speed. You wanted nothing more than to go in there and wrap your arms around him, and you were going to as soon as you had some pie for him.

——————

 “Hey, I was wondering what was taking you so long. Your pie is done,” Sam said as you strolled in the room.

 “Thanks.”

 “Everything okay?” he questioned.

 “No, but I’m going to make sure they will be,” you assured him as you cut a large slice into the pie.

 “I’m confused. What’s going on?” he furrowed his brows. You grabbed the can of whipped cream from the fridge and added a generous amount to the pie.

 “Don’t worry,” you smiled. “If you need me, I’ll be in Dean’s room.”

 You grabbed a fork from the drawer and headed towards Dean’s room. You didn’t exactly know what you were going to say, but you were going to try and comfort him in the best way possible. You weren’t going to give up until you saw that beautiful smile of his.

 You stopped at his door once more. His sniffles could be heard through the door. You were a little hesitant at first, but you finally drew enough courage to knock on the door.

 “Dean, it’s me,” you said softly.

 “I’m a little tired, Y/N. Can you come back later?” he said.

 “Can I please come in, Dean?” you pleaded. You could hear him shuffle, he never said a word. You carefully opened the door, revealing his dark room, faintly lit by his by his lamp. You could see the silhouette of his body on the bed, facing away from you. He was wearing a white fitted t-shirt that clung to his body and plaid pajama pants that always hung low on his hips. You circled around his bed and kneeled at his side. You saw his eyes were red and slightly swollen. Your heart immediately breaking at the slight.

 “Dean,” you whispered as you placed your hand on his cheek. “I made you some pie, my specialty.” He stayed silent, you knew it was going to take more than some delicious pie to get him to talk. You placed the pie on his bed side table before your eyes met his. “Talk to me, Dean. What’s got you so upset that you’re crying?” Your voice gently spoke.

 “I’m sorry you got hurt because of me, Y/N” he sniffled.

 “I didn’t get hurt because of you, Dean. I’m alive because you saved my life,” you told him, your thumb gingerly brushing over his cheek.

 “You’re in this life because I dragged you into it. You could have been doing something much greater with your life but instead I ruined your life. I’ve ruined everyone’s lives.”

 You were completely taken back by his words. Never in your life would you have ever thought he had ruined your life. You got up off of the floor and stood before him. You climbed onto his bed, urging him to move over slightly so you could lay with him. You instantly wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into your chest. He buried his face in the crook of your neck. You could feel the tears sliding over your skin, his grip on you was tighter than it had ever been. He needed to let this all out; he needed you.

 “Shh, Dean. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” you assured him. You ran your hand through his short hair. “Dean, you haven’t ruined my life, you haven’t ruined anyone’s life. You have saved so many people. People are alive because of you.”

 “Yeah, but-but you and Sam deserve so much better,” he cried.

 “And so do you, Dean. But who would be out there saving people?”

 “You don’t deserve this life. It’s my fault you’re in this life, you get hurt on hunts because I couldn’t save you. Sam gets hurt because I can’t get there fast enough,” he choked out. “I’m useless.”

 “Baby, you’re not useless!” you sternly said.

 “I’m not good enough though. You wouldn’t have needed stitches if I would have protected you. I should have been able to protect you, Y/N,” he said as he squeezed you tighter.

 “But you saved my life by getting me out of there. You got to me before he could kill me. Dean you are forgetting about all the times you’ve saved me, and I’m not just talking about on hunts,” you began. “There was that time we ran into my ex boyfriend and you pretended to be my boyfriend so that he wouldn’t come near me. Or that time I really needed someone to talk to and you sat and listened to me talk for an hour and you didn’t judge me once. You have no idea how much that meant to me. And dare I say the time I unexpectedly got my period in that restaurant and bled through my jeans and you knew something was wrong. You have no idea how embarrassing that was to explain that to you. You kindly gave me your jacket, then went out and bought me tampons and chocolate, and never spoke about it again. Dean, you have seen the worst sides of me, sides I’ve never wanted anyone to see and you never treated me any different. You can’t say you’ve ruined my life, and you can’t say you’re not good enough. You’re the best goddamn thing that has ever happened to me.”

 He pulled away and looked into your eyes, your gaze softened at the sight of him. He was so vulnerable, so broken and all you wanted to do was pick up the pieces and mend them back together. You placed a kiss to his forehead, your lips lingering over his skin momentarily before moving down to his cheek. He relaxed almost instantly under your touch.

 “I want you to remember that Sam wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you. You practically raised that boy, and he turned out to be an amazing man, just like you. You would do anything and everything to save him and you have no idea how much he appreciates you. Sam wants what’s best for you too, Dean. He wants you to be happy. Don’t blame yourself for how bad the hunt went. We did our best.”

 “Thank you, Y/N,” he muttered. You kissed his cheek again before pressing your forehead to his. “I guess I’m just scared of losing everything I have. I’ve lost so much already, almost everyone I love is gone and I don’t think I could bare the thought of losing you or Sam. When I saw that you both got hurt, I felt like I failed. It’s my job to protect you and I had to stitch you both up. You both are all I have left and I need you both, especially you.”

 “You’ll always have me, Dean. I promised you, I’m not going anywhere,” you smiled. He curled into your neck once more, your grip tightened on him. “I love you, Dean. Always have, always will.”

 “What?” he said loudly. “you… you love me?”

 “Yes, I love you.”

 “As a friend, right? Like family?” he inquired.

 “I meant it as something more. I’m in love with you, Dean. You know, the kind of love that makes your heart race when they walk in the room. A simple touch sending a spark throughout your body. The love that causes you to think about them constantly, and what it would be like to hold them in your arms, what it would be like when they kissed you for the first time. I love you like that, Dean.” you explained. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know. You think you’ve ruined my life? Try the complete opposite.”

 He pulled away from your neck, his face a little hesitant at first until he saw the love in your eyes. His hand came up to cup your cheek and you smiled. He leaned in, his chapped lips pressed against yours. You almost instantly kissed him back as you held the back of his neck. His tongue gently ran over the bottom of your lip, asking for permission. You opened your mouth, his tongue massaging against yours for what seemed like years before the need for air became too much. He pulled away and tucked his head in your neck once more. His grip on your body growing tighter.

 “I love you too, Y/N.” he whispered, “I’m glad I have you here to protect me from myself. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

 “I’ll always be here. This time to pick up the pieces and put you back together. We’ll do it together, just you and me, like it always has been.”

“I’ll always be here for you too,” he smiled, “especially if you keep making me pie.”