*~~continued for "Little Oops" ~~*

It's been three months.

Three. Painful. Months.

I went from the bunker to heaven. I stayed at Lucifer's old place. No one has ever came here so I was left alone. Just me and my baby.

I felt so broken. With every day I felt more and more numb.

Today marks the third month sense I left. Breaking any and all contact with Sam and Dean Winchester.

I don't feel that bad anymore.

Since the numb ache came I haven't felt much of anything.

Being in heaven and with the angels started making me feel like an angel again.

A cold, broken Angel.

My baby was growing very healthy.

We spent hours talking with each other.

It was easier for her to talk in my mind when we were in heaven.

Oh yeah, and it's a her.

I spent eight to ten hours sleeping every day and one to two hours eating.

I understand why Lucifer loved this place. Here I am isolated from all humans.

No humanity in this room.

I started to love it with every day I spent in it.

Baby was kicking and it woke me up.

Someone was knocking on the doors.

I groaned and stood up, going to open the doors.

"What?" I groaned and leaned against the door frame.

"I'm sorry but we have a message for you. Please come to the master room." An angel said formally.

"Okay, alright. Give me five minuets to dress." I said with a loud yawn.

Baby kicked again.

"Good morning sweetcheek." I petted my stomach where the babies leg was showing.

I put on some comfortable clothes and headed to meet with the angels.

When I stepped into the room all the chatting angels froze, all eyes meeting mine.

Every angel was in a suit. And than there is me. Wearing sweat pants and big sweeter.

"So, what message are you talking about?" I said grumpily and leaned against the desk.

Baby kicked me with big force.

"Ouch." I put my hand against the hurting spot. "Please don't do that. It hurts baby." I put my hand against my stomach, rubbing the aching spot.

"You should sit down Castiel." An angel in a female vessel told me and shoved me to a seat.

"Thank you." I sat down and kept rubbing my bump.

"Castiel. You have been here three months. You have isolate yourself from humanity." The same angel said to him.

"I know." I snapped.

"We have a message for you. Ersam has met by your human friends. They gave him a message for you because you don't answer to their prayers." Another male angel said and handed me 2 pieces of paper.

"I haven't answered their prayers because I haven't heard any." I practically growled out. Glaring at everyone.

My sassy self was still going at full force most days.

"Take them and choose what you will do. But please don't risk the others. Because these Winchester's were not soft toward Ersam." The angels stood up.

I stood up and went back to my room.

I sat on the bed and ate my breakfast to please my baby.

Then I started reading.

-Castiel. I understand that Dean was acting like a total dick, but after you sent that text message he came home all worried and in search for you. He prayed for you every day. He is a mess. He berly eats. He drinks almost all the time. He goes hunting but does not think about the consequences. He doesn't care if he will get killed. But I care and I hope you do too.

Castiel, please listen to him.

He is just so broken.

And I am so sorry for all the pain he put you through.

I really am.

He is too.

I would be happy to meet you again some day soon.-

~ Sam Winchester

Sam's message made anger glare up in my chest.

Oh he is broken and hurt.

But what about me?

What about the baby?

Stupid humans!

They are selfish shits!

Always caring only about them self.

Why did I need to fall for him. In all ways!

Stupid human.

Baby kicked, and I stopped my inner torment.

"Yes, sweetum?" I asked, softly.

"I don't like when you are mad...It don't feel good..." A soft voice rang in my head.

"I am sorry baby girl." I petted the bum. Smiling brokenly.

I breathed deep and started to read Dean's message.

Cas.

You don't answer to my or Sams prayers.

You left your phone.

Where are you?

Are you even alive?

~You shouldn't leave.~

~It was stupid. Idiotic.~

~come back you idiot~

I know I shouldn't left you alone ~for so long~.

I am sorry.

~I miss you.~

Did you keep the baby?

I want to explain why I left.

I was scared. Scared about everything.

I didn't think that I will ever be dad.

~shit. I sound so pathetic.~

This message is stupid.

I don't know why I even tried to write it.

~will you ever read it?~

~I am drowing myself in Alchole to forget.

I go hunting with one thing on my mind. To forget. I don't even care if I will get killed.

Because my life is hell without you.

~I can say that because I spent fucking more than 40 years in hell.~

I am not the one who would beg forgivness or mercy.

But I am begging you.

Please...

Cas please...

Come back to me...

I need you...

~shit. I hate crying.~

I have done enough stupid things.

I just can't anymore.

I can't.

Sorry,

Your Dean.

On the bottom of page was stains of tears.

It told me that Dean was crying while writing this.

Flashes of Dean being with someone else came into my mind.

And all the pain started coming back. The numb feeling fading away.

But I blocked it all out.

I went to the control room.

"Show me all about Dean Winchester in these three months." I didn't leave any room for hesitation.

The angel nodded and gave me access.

I slid down and looked through the files.

Drinking.

Hunting.

Fighting.

More and more drinking.

Arguments with Sam.

More fighting.

Destroying things.

Typical Dean.

I watched throught it all when something caught my attention.

Dean went to a bar and drank again. But then he sat down next to a blonde girl, flirting with her.

They were flirting and flirting.

Dean was laughing and puting his hand on her thigh, sliding it up.

And then they left to the motel room.

The girl kissed him.

I stop breathing.

Dean kissed her back and put his hand in her hair.

My chest was getting tighter with every kissing second.

I wanted to run away but I needed to see if he went all the way.

With every clothing pulled down I started to feel more and more sick.

And then Dean was on top of the naked girl.

He was naked.

More kissing.

And than he slid inside her.

I let out broken sound and fall to the ground.

Everything hurt.

I couldn't breath.

He really cheated on me...

He choose a girl over me...

Tears were running down my cheeks.

Angels run to me and tried to help me.

I only felt pain. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Somehow they got me to my room.

I was alone sobbing.

I watched the stars, letting the wind kiss my wet cheeks.

I wish I could get rid of all the feelings.

He broke me again.

And he wanted me to come back after what he did?

Stupid human. Didn't think I would know what he did.

Anger was boiling in me.

I stood up.

I choose my next step.

I went back to earth.

I went back to the bunker.

I went inside it.

Dean was siting at his desk with a wiskey glass and some papers infront him.

Sam was sitting infront of him, reading as well.

He was the first one who saw me coming.

"Cas!" Sam yelled, shocked, standing.

Dean's head snapped up.

His eyes were red.

I went straight to him.

"Cas.." Dean's eyes were wide as they travled around me.

I gripped his hair and slammed his head against the desk.

Once.

Twice.

"Cas. Stop!" Sam yelled.

"Stay out of this Sam!" I snapped, glaring at him. "I don't want to have to hurt you too."

I forced Dean on his feet just to hit him with big force.

He fell to the ground, gasping.

I was right next to him and kicking his chest and than stomach until he was a bloody mess.

"Castiel! Please! Stop! You will kill him!" Sam pleaded but didn't dare move towards me.

"I? Killing him?" I stopped and let out hysterical laugh."He killed me! Over and over again! He left me when I needed him! He fucking cheated on me!

One more kick.

Tears were running down my flushed cheeks.

"He..He what?" Sam asked in shock.

From what I could see Sam had no idea.

"He cheated on me. With a girl from a bar! And after that he says that *i* need to come back! What is wrong with you people!" I punched Dean once more in his bleeding face.

"Cas.." Dean spit out some blood. Begging me with his hurt eyes.

"Shut the fuck up Winchester! I rebelled! I killed my own kind! My sisters! My brothers! I stoof up to them, to Lucifer and Michael! I went through hell and purgatory! I killed! I fell! I broke! I did it, all of it, for you! But all you can do for me is to leave me and cheat on me! Lie to me?! Break me! Is that all you can do!?" I kicked him one more time.

"You fucking left! And the first memories you gave to our child was her father leaving! You left our child! For some slut!" I screamed at Dean. Crying.

I stopped for a second, taking in a shaken break and looked into Dean's broken green eyes. "I loved you and you've broken me."

I felt a sharp pain in my baby bump after croaking out those broken truths of words.

I put my hands against it.

The pain was get stronger and I fell to my knees.

I screamed out in pain and fear.

Sam was by my side lying me down.

Dean forced himself up to grip my hand.

The baby was slamming kicks into me at full force.

"Something is off!" I said loudly between pained breaths.

"Dean! He is bleeding." Sam said with frantic eyes.

"Sammy get everything that we need to help him. GO!" Dean pushed Sam away when Sam just stared at me, frozen, scared for my life.

He cupped my cheeks in his hands.

"Cas...baby... Please try to calm down...Anger will only hurt you.." Dean gasped out, close to tears.

"You look awfull." I murmured through pain. I put my fingers to Dean's forhead and he was perfectly fine again.

I felt more sharp pains in my back now.

"It hurts...I think the baby can't breath...That's why it is kicking so histericall.." I painfully gasped out. "Get it out Dean...Help our baby... Please... Cut her out.." I screamed in pain.

The babies voice came inside my mind. Pleading and begging me to help it.

"Dean! Now! It is dying! Now!" I gripped his knife and put it against my baby bump.

"Cas, you can't! It can kill you! Dean yelled, shaking his head. Sounding so worred.

"Do it right now Dean! Save our child! I dont care!" I yelled, staring into his eyes.

"But-"

I grabbed Dean's hand and stabbed the knife into my stomach, urging him to cut forward.

Dean helped me.

The pain was so bad.

Pain was all I felt.

I needed to stay strong for my baby. For my Dean.

Dean's hands went inside the cut on my bump.

I let the tears and screams come out.

"I'm almost there baby." I didn't know if he was talking to me or our child.

I started to fight against the darkness that wanted to over come me. I needed to make sure she was okay.

And than I saw it.

The most beautiful creature ever seen.

Loud baby screams rang throught the bunker.

"We..We have a daughter Cas...A little baby girl.." Dean put her to my chest.

Beautiful eyes met mine.

This was all I needed.

I held her with my last strength.

Sam started working to put together my wrecked body.

Dean helped him with all he could do.

"Cas, can you try to heal yourself? It would help to stop the bleeding." Dean pleaded at me.

I nodded without removing my eyes from my baby girl.

"Nothing is happening. He is too weak Dean..." Sam sounded so worried.

But all the pain started to go away.

My baby was looking into my eyes. She didn't cry. She was calm and just looking into my blue eyes.

"I love you.." I whispered, looking at her. A broken smile coming to my bloody lips.

Dean's head snapped to look at me.

"Cas- Castiel! Loo at me!" Dean guided my eyes to him.

I stared into his broken and hurt eyes. Trying to keep the smile on my face for him.

"I forgive you.." I whispered with my last breaths. "I love you D-Dean Winchester."

Deans eyes were full with sadness.

"I love you too. That's why you need to stay with me...." His voice sounded so far away.

I look edback at my baby girl one last time.

"I love you daddy." Her voice said in my head.

I let my eyes flutter closed. The small smile still on my lips.

Darkness over took me.

_

The light in Castiel's eyes faded as his eyes drifted shut.

"No! No! No! Open your damn eyes!" I screamed at him.

Sam took the baby off of Cas chest.

"Castiel! Open your eyes! Look at me! Look at me!" I begged through broken sobs.

I tried to give him CPR. Begging silently.

"Come back! Come back! Come back!-i murmured.

-Castiel! Come back... Baby..Angel... I need you... Our daughter need you..." Sobs wrecked through my body. "P-please d-d-don't leave m-me."

"Dean... he is gone..." Sam whispered, sounding pained.

"No..He can't be gone. He will open his beautiful eyes. He will come back...He is just sleeping.." I cried out.

"Dean...Please...He's..." I glared at Sam, he was crying and holding the baby in his arms, wrapped in big fluffy towel.

"No...No!" I yelled out, angry tears running down my face.

I gripped Castiel's now cold body against mine.

I cried and keep him close to my chest.

I was rocking from front and back.

I screamed until my lungs started to hurt.

I heard the baby crying out and Sam silently taking her to another room.

I let out all my tears and screams.

Castiel's cold body was lying in my bloody arms.

I put my cheek against his forehead.

I cried and screamed until I had no more breath.

I just keep holding him in my arms.

I was broken.

My love, my angel, was gone...

I was lost...

(Try listening to Allman Brown - Between the Wars while reading that last part. It should give you a more sadder atmospher.)

I am so so sorry...

edited by Amberv12

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