Word Count: 1316

Pairings: Dean Winchester x reader

Warnings: Angst, blood, possible trigger

A/N: Feel free to drop me a request, and enjoy the story!

Summary: Everyone has their inner demons, some worse then others. You try to hide your demons, you don’t want to burden anyone else with your problems. But your eyes don’t shine like they use to and Dean notices.

……………………………………………………

You forced a smile when Sam asked if you were ok. You lied and said yes, but you weren’t.

“Are you sure? You look like you’re in pain.” Sam frowned.

“I’m fine Sammy.”

How many times had you told that lie this week alone?

I’m fine.

It was a lie.

You waved a hand dismissively and played it off as nothing. You and the two Winchester brothers had just gotten back from a hunt. You had gotten hurt but refused to let the brothers know, especially Dean, he would worry too much. You didn’t notice Dean watching you closely as you shuffled out of the room. You made your way to your room in the bunker, closing the door and heading for your bathroom. You held your breath as you shrugged off your jacket. You carefully lifted your shirt, cursing under your breath at the pain it caused.

’Great’

You thought sarcastically. A nice sized gash was on your left side. It was bleeding and would definitely need stitches. Moving slowly you found your suture kit and sat on the edge of the tub. Just as you were about to put the needle through your skin someone knocked on the door startling you.

“Christ…”

You nearly stabbed yourself with the needle. You glared at the door as if it was responsible for interrupting you.

“Y/N, you ok?”

You panicked slightly and bit your lip, it was Dean.

“Yeah, I’m fine just about to shower.” You lied.

“You sure you’re ok sweetheart?”

There was something about the way he asked it that made you pause for a moment. You pushed the thought from your mind.

“I’m fine Dean.” You said with a little more hostility than you meant to.

Dean said nothing else and you sighed when you heard his footsteps retreating. That was to harsh, he was just worried about you. You worked as quickly as you could to stitch yourself up and showered. Once you were stitched and in fresh clothes you walked into the library drying your (Y/H/C) hair. Dean and Sam sat at one of the tables, various books surrounding them.

“Hey boys, found another case already?” You asked.

“Not yet, you seem happier.” Sam said.

Another forced smile and you shrugged. Dean frowned.

“I always feel better after a shower.” You laughed, though it was fake.

Dean watched you for a moment and you gave him a confused look.

“What?”

He didn’t say anything just shrugged. You looked at Sam for an answer, but he looked just as confused as you.

“Well ok then, I’m going to make sandwich if you want to come stare at that too.” You teased.

Sam snorted and Dean rolled his eyes. You walked towards the kitchen and as soon as you were out of their sight you leaned against the wall. Your side hurt so badly, but you started walking, trying to ignore the pain. You finally made it to the kitchen and proceeded to make your sandwich.

“You’re bleeding Y/N.” A deep voice said behind you.

You screamed whirling around and nearly stabbing Castiel with the butter knife.

“Cas, oh my god, don’t do that! We’ve talked about this!” You let out a breath.

Castiel tilted his head but nodded nevertheless.

“I am sorry, but your shirt has blood on it.”

You looked down and sure enough you had popped a stitch. You cursed under your breath and ran a hand through your hair.

“I will get Dean.”

It took you a moment to realize what he said, once you did you quickly grabbed his trench coat.

“Wait, wait, wait, no. Don’t tell Dean, just heal me.” You said quickly.

The angel gave you a confused look.

“But Dean will want to know you got hurt.”

“I know, but I don’t want him to know, Cas, please.” You begged quietly.

He relented and placed two fingers on your forehead. You immediately felt better, well physically anyhow. You thanked him with a small smile.

“Why would you not let me tell Dean?”

You turned away from him and glanced at your sandwich, your appetite suddenly gone. You didn’t seem to be very hungry lately, in fact the last few days you had forgone eating all together.

“It’s nothing Cas.”

You were even surprised by how empty your voice sounded. You hurried from the kitchen and straight to your room. Lately you just haven’t had the will or energy to do anything. You felt helpless and pathetic lately and it made you so angry. The brothers even wound up having to save you on multiple hunts lately. You let out an angry shout, slamming your fist into the wall. You immediately regretted it as pain shot through your hand.

“Great going Y/N, try hiding your bleeding knuckles from the boys.” You muttered bitterly.

You turned around pressing your back against the wall. You slid down to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest. You stared blankly at the floor. You didn’t respond when you heard someone knock lightly. Dean walked in when he received no reply. He saw you sitting on the ground hugging your knees.

“Y/N…”

He knelt down in front of you, noticing your bloody knuckles. He gently took yours hands in his. You didn’t try to stop him, but you didn’t react either.

“Hey there beautiful, you doing ok?” Dean asked softly.

You slowly meant his eyes and Dean was taken aback by the emptiness in your eyes.

“I’m fine Dean.” You mumbled pulling your hands away from his.

“Y/N. Are you okay?”

You looked back at him realizing he wasn’t talking about today. He was asking if you were ok mentally. He was asking why you had been forcing smiles and faking laughter. He knew you, hadn’t been ok for a while.

“You know… how long have you known?” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

He didn’t answer at first getting up to grab your first aid kit from the bathroom. Dean sat back down in front of you gently grabbing your hand. He lightly dabbed your knuckles with rubbing alcohol. You flinched slightly at the stinging sensation it caused.

“I’ve known for a while sweetheart.” Dean sighed.

You fell silent as he wrapped your hand. He kept a hold of your hand even after he had finished wrapping it.

“How did you know Dean?” You asked.

“Your eyes, they’ve seemed so… lifeless… I was waiting for you to tell me on your own but you just kept drifting further away from all of us, from me.”

You looked away, ashamed. Dean quickly assured you he wasn’t mad.

“No, sweetheart, it’s ok. It’s not your fault. I ain’t mad at you.” Dean said.

You looked at him trying to keep your tears at bay.

“I feel so useless like this Dean. I’ve been so distracted you and Sam had to save me on the last hunt.”

Dean pulled you onto his lap holding you close. Wrapped in his warm embrace you couldn’t help but let the tears fall.

“Y/N, it’s ok, cry if you have to. You are so brave, you are one of the best hunters out there. Hell isn’t half as scary as you when you’re mad. You’re a force to be reckoned with.” Dean chuckled.

He cupped your face in his hands smiling at you with so much love in his eyes.

“You’re amazing. It’s ok if you need help or you just need me to hold you while you cry. I will never think any less of you. I never could. I love you baby girl.” Dean promised you.

“I love you too Dean.”

You smiled at him placing your hands over his. Dean’s smile grew when he saw your eyes light up. Your smile was genuine and your beautiful (Y/E/C) eyes seemed to shine again. Dean kissed you, resting his forehead against yours.

“There she is.”