(Lily's P. O. V)
-------- 2 weeks later, 8:30pm -------
I haven't been out of my room since the killing, only for food ect. I have only spoken to Castiel nobody else although Georgie and the rest have tried I didn't reply. Okay fine I did but I either say 'go away' or '"leave me alone'

All I do is look out the window, draw pictures and sometimes look at the darts with Cas. Only occasionally though.

After I had a shower and got dressed I went back to my room without anyone coming up to me to talk. Once I am out my room they take it as an opportunity to talk but again I don't, only to Cas occasionally. All I want to do is to sit on my bed and stare into space.

I don't care if I'm hungry, I don't care if someone is worried or angry, I don't care what they think and I definitely don't care what they'll do. What could happen? It's not like any of them know what I've done. Dean shout at me, Georgie talking to me like I'm going back to the old days when I couldn't stop, Castiel getting worried and thinking to much and Sam will probably do something smart or whatever. I don't care anymore.

All I can think about is what i did. I did it because I had no choice, the demons could have killed or burnt down a village or two by now but I stopped them. I did the right thing right?

But what if I didn't?

Nah I'm just over thinking it.

Why is everything so complicated now?! For fuck sake I used to enjoy most hunting trips! But now, what I did I haven't been one one since then, Sam and Dean have done another case with help form Georgie. I can't let it change me. I have to stay positive or the same thing will happen like last time. I can't control it.

I growled loudly and clenched my fists as I look up at the ceiling.

Why do I have to deal with the these problems?! It's not my fault! Yes it is shut up what am I talking about?! Fuck off! No you fuck off! Make me bitch!

Am I really having an argument in my head with myself?

I growled again louder this time.

"Lily may I come in?" Cas asks nocking on the door. I felt calm now, well slightly calmer now I heard his voice. "Yeah" I mumble as I stay laying on the bed facing the ceiling. I clenched my fists.

I heard him come in and close the door behind him and walk over and sit beside me quietly.

"I want to help you calm down" he says softly looking at me with his baby blues. I sigh and close my eyes "Cas I'm fine, honestly babe" I promised.
"But I-" Cas started
"-Castiel. I'm fine" I said opening my eyes and moving my hand to his.

He frowned. He wasn't convinced. "Why are you here all alone? Everyone is worried about you Lily. Why don't you come down for tea?, you haven't had anything to eat in days" He asks calmly. I remove my hand and sigh again.

I shrugged. I don't really want to talk about it right now to be honest, maybe later. I'm hungry but I can't risk walking into anyone. They'll want awnsers.

"Lily" Cas said. I looked him in the eyes and changed the subject. "So what are we going to do?"

His eyebrows furrowed and then he relaxed. "I'm not sure why?"

I laughed and got up to get a hair brush and hair band. Cas watched me as I sat beside him. I started to brush my hair and then begin to plait it.

Cas watched mesmerised. "Teach me how to do that please" he ordered. I smiled at him "of course" I undid the plait I was currently making and started again slowly going through the steps for Cas to see.

Once I had done he nodded and "I understand now. May I?"
I nodded and undid it again. He started of okay but it got messy near to the end and to be honest it didn't really look like a plait. It was good for his first try though. "There" he said as he moved his hands. I looked at it and smiled "well it's definitely better then what I expected" I giggled.

He smiled "I'll undo it now" he announced as he carefully undid it. I smiled at him. For the first time in weeks I am actually happy.

Thanks Cas

"My pleasure" he smiled. I frowned and replied "Cas I said stay out my head you assbutt" I laughed punching his arm playfully. He smiled.

We talked basically all night about stuff, literally it was just random stuff. First it was bees then school work, then the future and somethings about heaven. He convinced me to eat something. Cheese pizza which he ordered and brought to me.

I don't know how he does it but when I'm with him he makes me feel safe, loved and most of happy. I am very thankful to have someone like Castiel in my life.