THE GIRL WANTED TO BE HAPPY.

And she became happy. Despite the pain that used to hit her like thousands of needles underneath her fingernails. The pain of losing others, the sorrow of being left behind. Despite leaving the person who anchored her sanity. The recoil in burning bridges. She managed to. Because she knew. She knew how to move past obstacles now. She didn't turn her back and distance herself from them now. She conquered them like a queen.

The girl learned happiness. No she rediscovered it. How to be truly happy.

Happiness didn't mean that you had to be with someone. Being happy was a state of serenity.

With yourself.

It wasn't about fighting the demons or the removal of grief and all the negativity in your heart.

Mana knows that those demons would never disappear. Her life wasn't a fairy tale and getting the happy ending wasn't as fast as fitting your foot to a glass slipper, demons would never go away. They'd be back, clutch you by the throat until you're waking up, form adorned with sweat and panting. But you would endure.

It was learning to live with it, but still look forward to the thousands and millions of possibilities that awaited you. It was coming to terms, it was learning to be alive.

Some people will tell her she's weak, that she's a coward for breaking it with him and refusing to stay. That cutting ties with him was ugly and revolting. People will tell her that. Eventually there will.

But everything has progressed. She is aware. Like the first light in endless years of eternal darkness. There was no beauty or strength within remaining in a relationship that's done nothing but hurt you and hindered your betterment. There was only strength in leaving. Beauty was in your deed to do something for yourself. Finding love that you deserve.

She's a scarred girl with a scarred heart, but she's living.

And for now, that was all that mattered.

The familiar message tone beeped on her phone and she glanced down at the flickering screen to find out who sent the message. She half expected it to be Kotone; her aunt must want her to run some errands. She was ready for departure earlier but the train had met some problems so she could not leave Miyagi for at least a couple of hours.

KAGEYAMA TOBIO
━ 05: 12 pm ━

↱ Mana-senpai, it's Tobio-kun, but you must have figured that out from the sender name so I'll go straight to the point. I saw you after our watch and I'm grateful you watched it. I heard from Oikawa-san that you two were not together anymore so if you're feeling down, you're always welcome to watch our match with Shiratorizawa. I'll toss so good that you'll leave all that sadness behind :) And also, I have something to give to you so if you're still in Miyagi, can you go back to the gym? ↰

She can practically hear Tobio's awkwardness. This must have been the first time he had texted her. Nevertheless, it makes a smile dawn on her lips.

AKATSUKI MANA
━ 05: 12 pm ━

↱ The train encountered some problems so yeah, I'm still in Miyagi. I'm heading to the gym now. Congrats for winning, by the way! ↰

KAGEYAMA TOBIO
━ 05: 12 pm ━

↱ Thank you, senpai :D ↰

She whips up a fast 'No problem' and puts the phone back on her bag. She begins walking to the gymnasium and for a second, ponders if Oikawa is still there. She's glad that he's okay.

It would be bad if he didn't because Mana can't return. Mana has realized so many things now.

That things weren't always what she believed to be. That people, that Oikawa and Mana broke off because they were strong enough to realize that they could be better without the other.

She's moved on. She's moved. She's moved on. She's moved on.

She has.

But has he?

* * *

THE BOY WANTED TO BE HAPPY. Even when his team, the efforts he put into winning, failed to beat Karasuno High School. Even when the girl he had loved more than all his past loves decided that he wasn't worth it anymore. (And maybe he wasn't because what he did, what he was doing, was so wrong).

Mana had loved him in her own way, fierce, ferocious Mana Akatsuki who had a heart of steel and strutted on earth. He broke her and he called it love. He held her back from the world, from her past at the guise of protecting her. He loved another, many others, because he couldn't be contented with the tame version of love that was merely an excess of her once pure, whole adoration.

The boy wanted to be happy.

But he couldn't.

It was his fault. And even when it felt so lonely and depressing, he felt even worse. This was the worst. He had smiled at her when she told him that she was okay now, when she hoped for the best with their friendship.

Volleyball wouldn't leave him, that was the truth, but Mana had gone away. And even with those promises, he has broken too much of those promises that he knows, that he can't hope for Mana to keep it.

He feels sick to the stomach but he refuses to let the tears flow. This must have been what she felt. What she had to endure. And he was a selfish person for thinking that he was unloved. He was a despicable creature for hating her deep down because she refused to give what he needed.

She had been wounded too many times and half of those wounds belonged to him. To him. To the selfish, horrible creature named Oikawa Tooru.

"Oikawa...?"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He hated his own skin. He wanted to disappear. Didn't she just turn her back and leave. Why is she back? Why is she here? Why is she standing two feet away from him with those lovely eyes?

With those lovely silver eyes that don't betray a hint of hate for him. How can she just stand there looking so whole, looking so precious and perfect? How could she stand there, looking at him as if he had not hurt her? How could she show concern?

How could Akatsuki Mana?

He sinks to the floor, landing on his knees, resting his back against the painted walls. Earlier, he managed to smile at her. Act as if everything was okay, because he knew that Mana would not leave someone broken behind. He wanted her to move forward so he stayed. Broken. Alone.

"Oikawa, what's wrong?" she asks.

Everything. Everything.

"How can I help?"

He wants to tell her to stay with him because he's only a shell of what he used to be without her, he wants to tell her to try again, because he can't lose her. He wants her to stay again. To endure for him. He wants her to hurt for him again.

Oikawa says nothing just shakes his head so when Mana brushes fingers through his caramel locks, it's as disheveled as he is.

"I'm your friend," she says softly. "You can tell me."

He can't. He can't tell her that he still loves her and even though he knows it would be unhealthy for them to stay together, he wants her to be his again. He wants to tell her how he loves her smile and the way she says 'Tooru' as if he's the most perfect thing on Earth. He wants to tell her to never leave him.

Oikawa refuses to tell her. She always hurt for him, so this time, he would carry the burden on his back. This time Mana wouldn't be the one to discard her happiness for other people. That was going to be him.

"Oikawa..." she says. And he wonders how he could let such an angel go. How he could rip the seraphic wings of such a magnificent creature and chain her to the Earth where she rots. He wonders how he let her drown in the ocean that was him and became the trouble he wanted to protect her from.

"Say something..."

He finally looks up at her. "I-" he whispers, voice hoarse. Voice broken like his heart. His eyes are dull, once capturing the hearts of other girls from left to right, back, front and center, now void of its very own muscle.

"Mana, I love you." Oikawa says. He says it with such a sweet tone. He says it with so much devotion. He says it with every bit of love and romanticism in his body. He says it with passion.

He says it to the girl who is no longer his girlfriend.

THE END.
━ kylalily, 2018 ━