"I'M GLAD YOU FOUND THE TIME TO TALK TO ME, SENPAI."

The river below reflects the cloudy sky, the wisps and puffs of grey covering the golden ball of gas. The grass where they lay is soft and ticklish.

"Don't worry about it," she says with a smile, grey eyes gazing upon the larkspurs that bloomed where they lay. "You're my favorite junior afterall."

She can almost hear the soft tinkling of his eyes, the golden stars appearing.

"Mana-senpai, you're a good person," he comments and she can hear him sipping the contents of the carton of milk.

"You're strong and brave, and you're nice. You have imperfections but that doesn't hinder you from helping others. You're perfect in your own way and you're amazing because of that. Remember when you said these things to me? They gave me courage. I want to do the same to you. Give you courage to start loving yourself. Mana-senpai..." he pauses and their eyes are meeting now. Laying on the grass, faces inches apart, the breeze smelling faintly of the poppies and daisies near the sidewalk.

"Why do you let yourself hurt?"

And she tries to look away but his eyes are so soulful. She reminds herself that—

That what?

Mana cannot make up an excuse. He's not the best of speakers and that wasn't the best motivational speech, but his words are soothing every fiber of her body.

Moving.

Too moving, actually.

Tears are damping her pale cheeks, rivulets and rivulets of tears coalescing until they form bodies of water like the one that is only meters apart from them. The river with its graceful currents, splashing and sloshing. Flowing like a gentle caress.

But the emotions churning inside her are violent. Storms of confusion, anger and loneliness. Different colors melding and painting her monochrome thoughts of the still life she possessed.

"You wouldn't understand," she says and it takes almost all of her strength to avert her gaze from him. She curls into a ball, eyes distant. The grass tickles the skin beneath the fabric of her shirt, sending miniscule, fuzzy feelings through her body system.

"I don't," he says. "No one does, because you don't want anyone to."

"Stop it, Tobio-kun," she says and she's clenching her trembling fists now. It takes almost all of her self-restraint to stop the unnecessary palpitations of her heart. Kageyama Tobio is a simpleton, but he's something that Mana can never figure out.

"But it's true. It's not that you don't see it, the fact that he's horrible to you. It's that you choose to avert your eyes from the truth. You deserve much more than this senpai. You kept me going when I almost gave up and I'm going to do the same."

She remembers that time. (And there is a pang in her chest; disappointment coursing through veins because of the fact that he's just doing this to repay a favor of some kind.)

"Let's stop talking about this."

She laughs, a bitter and broken laugh that is meant for no other than her. Telling him he doesn't understand when it's exactly what it is. What a hypocrite.

And he's right actually. And she's tempted to follow him. But she's terrified at the same time. She can't bear to be left behind. If she leaves Oikawa, who will be left to be with her? Who can she stay with? Mana is a sad girl, in this world that takes and takes and she is lonely, but if there's one thing, Mana is not alone. She has Oikawa.

And if Oikawa is gone, will she truly be okay?

* * *

The leaves rustle as a cool breeze pass the cherry trees. She's in Aoba Johsai now; attending all her afternoon classes. The teacher is mumbling something that enters her right ear and exits the other. She's not feeling like it today. To listen and live the life of an empty shell of a girl.

Maybe she'd rather get detention. Something different for a change of pace; a different path for the worthless cycle that was her life. She knows what her destination is, what she is and what she's meant for. Detours comforted her.

"Akatsuki-san!" She's surprised to find her seat mate, a plain looking boy with black hair and green eyes, saying something to her. Mana blinks, as if everything is just a figment of her imagination. She's never been one to properly communicate with her male classmates; there's a certain awkwardness with them that she's avoiding.

It doesn't help that even though her poor excuse for a boyfriend is undeniably hot, he's still insanely jealous with boys not even in his calibre.

"What?" Mana asks, careful to maintain the discretion of their conversation. She's okay to be in detention, but not with a boy. She can't handle that- all the judgmental things and petty accusations.

"You should listen to the teacher," the boy says and he's flushing beet red. Mana may be blind to Oikawa's scandals, but she's not blind when it comes to this boy. She's particularly good with reading strangers. And this boy had a crush on her. "You'll get detention at this rate."

She merely smiles and averts her gaze from him.

Oikawa picks her up after her class and he's wearing that same goofy smile he wore when he last saw her, as if he hadn't lied to her about that practice with Kyotani Kentarou. As if everything is all rainbow and glitters.

She's suddenly overwhelmed by anger. Red is tinting her vision, flowing through her arteries, igniting crackles of rage inside her.

It's an accident when she shoves her shoulders against his, but Mana feels a lot better.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

"Mana...?" Bewilderment paints his words, chestnut colored eyes sparking with surprise. Mana almost responds. Almost.

She continues walking. Maybe Kageyama was right. Maybe she should stop averting her eyes from the truth. Maybe she should let him see what's true. That everything's not going to be the same as it was when they were in love.

"Mana!" he says, catching up to her (she curses his inhumanely long legs). "What's wrong?"

She sneers at him and Oikawa is more than confused. It's like he doesn't recognize her. Wondering as to who this girl is and where his fragile Mana Akatsuki is. She was always like this.

Akatsuki Mana is not kind. She's just been weakened by past experiences but when she heals, she'll be back. From hurricanes to zephyr to hurricanes again. A cycle she can't say she doesn't like.

"Mana, notice me," he says, but he can barely utter the words with humor. They're on their way to the gates now, students murmuring as they passed by. Oikawa looked like he was going to cry.

"I can go home by my own," she says and it's hard to deflect his unwavering gaze. "I'm sure you have volleyball practice to attend to."

"Mana, I asked permission. It just seems fair that I spend this time with you. Our date didn't really go as planned since I had practice," he explains.

Mana smiles, but it's dripping with sarcasm. "Oh that." She wouldn't forget that practice. With Kyotani Kentarou? He should just be honest and admit that he was ogling girls.

"Mana!"

People are staring. Let them, Mana thinks.

She can't care anymore. Everything is beginning to irritate her at this point; even the soft humming of the birds are beginning to sound like wailings of the damned. Mana's fuse has ignited. She's going to explode.

"Why are you staying away?" he asks and there's that part of her that's frustrated. Isn't it obvious? "Is there something wrong, Mana?"

She ignores him.

"Tell me," he says and he's begging, judging by his tone. The number of passers by has decreased at this point, but the embarrassment is still there when he presses her to his chest. Hearts are beating in some sort of rythym, fast like the sound of drums in marching bands.

Her face is flushed pink and his scent is wafting. Cologne and sweat. Barely distinct but gentle to the nose.

"I love you, Mana," he says and it's too full of longing and love that she forgets her anger. That she covers the truth again and drown herself in lies.

"I love you," he says again and the intensity is overwhelming. She forces herself to remain closed off, escape from this worthless cycle. This prison! But... everything shatters to shards when he buries his nose on the top of her head, lips almost pressing on her forehead. "Why won't you believe that?"

You'll get hurt again. You'll get hurt again.

Listen to the people around you. Don't let honey tongues fool you.

He parts his face from hers and he wipes tears from her face (she barely noticed the rivulets streaming on her skin). His lips form a soft smile, boyish but gentle.

"I love you."

And she's pulled in again. No matter how strong Mana is, she's still a fool. A pathetic weakling.

And he's pressed his lips against hers. She's opened her mouth and she can smell his scent at this intimate distance. A dash of perspiration and cologne. It's slow and she's reminded of how his kisses made her feel special and whole.

With every movement, with every bit of oxygen extinguished, she knows that she'll end up broken again. Like China falling on the stone cold floor, shattering into thousands of pieces that can never be put together again.

His lips are poison and she's drinking it all, greedily. She knows she'll die; she's okay with it.

Everything is a contradiction, she thinks.

He's her survival, but he's her killer.

* * *

e n d.
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[ Supermarket Flowers ]

'sometimes, it's just better to let go.'