before.

You are the ocean, full of secrets and treasures and so beautiful. I reveled in your glory, loved you so much, let my young heart soak up in all the love you gave me.

But I forgot that the ocean had its dangers too so I drowned.

"YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATURE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, AKATSUKI MANA AND I WOULD LOVE YOU EVEN IF YOU WEREN'T SO STOP PUTTING ON WHATEVER THOSE THINGS ARE AND LET'S GO."

Mana ignores him. She continues spreading the tinge of pink on her cheek with a brush, makes sure it's perfect and that it makes her look like someone full of vitality.

When she puts down the brush in the vanity, she swears she's never heard someone sound so relieved. Oikawa Tooru stands in her doorway, leans against it frames and if he stands up straighter and increase his height by a couple of inches, she's sure his head will bump into the doorway.

Mana picks up the hairbrush, begins taming her hair and ponders if she should tie it to a waterfall braid, twin tails or a ponytail. She's very certain she'll look hideous in a messy bun, so she immediately crosses that option out.

"Mana-chan for goodness sake, you know I love you in all ways possible so please please stop trying to be beautiful for me and let's leave now," Oikawa whines, and she's certain that if he didn't that have the principle of not entering a girl's room, he might have dragged her out by now.

"Oikawa," she begins, exasperated. It's actually a huge plus that she didn't call him with those depreciating nickname Iwa has for him. "I'm not dressing up for you. I'm doing this for myself. Stop acting like some majestic asscrown and thinking that the world revolves around you because it doesn't. Me, myself and I wish to look like this so I'm going to look like this. I can wear baggy clothes and parade around town with it and I can wear high heels and perfume because I feel like it. This is my body and I decide what to do with it and it's certainly not for you."

He shuts up.

"Good," she says and turn to the mirror again, and begins brushing. "Because you wouldn't like it if a certain someone breaks up with you before you even have the chance to become her boyfriend."

She finishes the last stroke of the hairbrush, wears her hair into a waterfall braid and struts out of the room, so confident.

She steals a last glance at her reflection on the mirror above the vanity. Eyes warm, hair the perfect chocolate brown and cheekbones that looked like they could cut glass.

She looks like a doll.

With a fierce swipe of her sweater sleeve, she leaves, the makeup gone.

Mana is all false fierce and batting eyelashes. She may have been beautiful outside, but no matter how thick the layer of makeup she applies, she's a rotting corpse inside.

* * *

Oikawa takes her to a place, one that smells of gardenias and kneels on one knee. The paths are cobblestone, flower boxes filled with stargazer lilies and hyacinths. The beautiful dance of blue and white. Clesar skies and puffy clouds.

"I know I'm not exactly the most reliable sort," he begins and brushes a lock of his hair with his thumb and pointer. "I keep on saying the wrong6 things. I'm a dumbass, but I like you Mana-chan. I want to be your boyfriend, did I say that right? And also, can I be you know- your boyfriend?"

Mana doesn't fake a surprise. She knows. And he knows that she knows, because he let her know. Because that awfully persistent perfectionist side of him wants this- every single detail about them perfect. Beginning, middle end. A perfect story for the perfect dolls.

"How can you be so casual about it?" she asks, a mix of irritation and confusion painting her face. She agreed to this stupid proposal, but what he said, everything is unrehearsed. All sloppy smiles.

"Well, I'm not really used to asking girls out and we've been together"- he pastes his two pointers together- "not exclusively so it isn't much of a surprise for you. I just really want you to feel special, because you are and I would be the luckiest creature in this planet if you said yes. And Mana, I don't want to rush you but I really really need you and love you."

Her jaw drops at the sincerity and a smile blossoms on her face. "Did you just call me, Mana?"

"Yes, I-"

She smiles again. "I like it."

"Oh good, because-" She silences him with a simple finger pressed to the surface of his lips. She looks him in the eye, truly appreciates those dark caramel eyes.

"I like you too."

"So it's a 'yes'?" he asks and swallows the words.

She laughs, a light one that makes the mellifluous harmony in music proud. "Confirm it before I change my mind, Tooru."

"Of course, Mana."

* * *

now.

TO MOVE OR NOT TO MOVE, THAT IS THE QUESTION.

She begins tracing the soft birch table in the small kitchen, eyes trailing the fireflies that light up the big willow tree next door, ears catch sound of drunkards playing the guitar and singing melodious tunes, nose smelling the faint and bittersweet aroma that permeates from the bitter bitter coffee the woman that lives across the street makes, tongue tasting the sweet and bitter memories that remind her of family and friends.

Mana closes her eyes.

She hates change but in this ocean of sadness, it is a life vessel. She wants to grab unto it but love for this place clutches unti her like metal, drags her to the bottom of the ocean where she can't escape.

She shakes her head. Laughs a little and stare at the stars through the window.

It's impossible. She wouldn't - couldn't leave.

* * *

The sound of volleyballs hitting the wooden floor of the entire expanse of the gymnasium occupies her ears. It's as steady as a pounding of a heart.

"It's just a practice match," Iwaizumi complains seating next to Mana as the Aoba Johsai team battled with some no-name high school from the Kanto region. "Why does he need you to cheer for him?"

Mana smiles at Iwaizumi.

"It's not that big of a deal, Iwaizumi," Mana replies.

"You know what?" Iwaizumi asks with a smile that's both forlorn and knowing. She looks at him with bewilderment and then he just shakes his head and says, "Nothing. Forget it."

The world is round, that's a fact. Sometimes we're above and sometimes we're down. Things change in the revolving and rotating world. Once upon a time, Iwaizumi Hajime was the closest confidante she could have. An equal, the older brother she never had. How tragic that time trickled past them and once close friends now barely talking.

Crazy thing was, it wasn't Iwaizumi who made them fall apart, or a mutual agreement. It was Mana.

Mana who fell in love with Oikawa and savored in all his glory that she forgot Iwaizumi, that she forgot she even had her own life. In a way, Oikawa was the one who broke them apart but not strong enough because there's still a semblance of friendship between them. And in an ironic way, Oikawa held them together.

When Oikawa looks at the two of them, she waves at Mana and smiles.

He doesn't move from his spot and it's only until she waves back that he moves. Unfortunately, a volleyball has headed to his direction and smashes his face.

"Get a grip, Trashykawa!" Iwaizumi roars from the bench. "Focus on the damn match!"

Oikawa merely sticks his tongue out and the tick marks on Iwaizumi's face increase.

Mana chuckles at the comedic banter that passes between the both of them. It's nice that Iwaizumi- good and brave and loyal- is there for him. For them.

"Such a vulgar idiot," Iwaizumi hisses under his breath and Mana laughs at him.

"I like him the most when he's honest," Mana says with a smile.

"Yeah right," Iwaizumi snorts.

It doesn't falter Mana though, she continues watching the game unfolding in front of her. Aoba Johsai is leading with a score of two and they're almost at set point. "And although he's a scheming little bitch when it comes to volleyball," she says, feels awkward at the bad word that escapes her mouth. "He's never been so genuine. So genuinely happy."

"Mana," Iwaizumi says with a tone that vaguely resembles someone announcing a death. "You love honesty and yet when you're with Oikawa. It is when you lie the most."

* * *

e n d.
-
[ Supermarket Flowers ]

'sometimes, it's just better to let go.'

[ a u t h o r ' s c o r n e r. ]

realization train coming up !!