Trigger warning: cutting, suicide, blood, death (this is angsty as hell whoops)

This fic is based on the song "Supermarket Flowers" by Ed Sheeran

I took the supermarket flowers from the windowsill

You had always loved flowers. You'd said they reminded you of me, with their soft petals and lingering smell, just like my fluffy hair and addicting scent. And also because we were both beautiful.

I'd always blushed at that, not being used to compliments.

Before we'd moved in together, you would give me a bouquet at every date we had. After a while, I would dry the petals and put them in a photo album, as a memory of a happy day.

I threw the day old tea from the cup

I hadn't gotten to cleaning our - my - apartment since. I'd felt numb. Drained of all emotion, like I would never feel anything anymore.

Packed up the photo album Matthew had made

A week after, I'd found the photo album again. It was full of photos of you and me, decorated with the flowers you had gotten me.

Your smile ached. A dull pain in my chest. I shut the photo album close.

Memories of a life that's been loved

They were happy memories.

Dates, moving into the apartment, getting our cats. Breakfast in bed, cuddling at night, Soft kisses and nose boops. Butterfly kisses on the forehead before heading to work. Watching a movie and you falling asleep in my lap, so I had to carry you to the bedroom, gently putting you on the bed before laying down next to you.

Took the get well soon cards and stuffed animals

I'd received a lot of 'em. They were all shoved in the top drawer of my desk. I couldn't stand to look at them.

Poured the old ginger beer down the sink

The apartment was a mess. Dirty dishes were on the counter, the refrigerator was almost empty and there was dust everywhere.
I hadn't been in the mood for cleaning.

Dad always told me "don't you cry when you're down"

But mum, there's a tear every time that I blink

The tears just wouldn't come. Not at the moment of discovery, not at the funeral, not at the after shock.

I just felt numb, like I had been drained of all emotion. Like I would never cry again.

Oh, I'm in pieces, it's tearing me apart

Meanwhile, my insides were screaming. They clawed at my brain, making me go crazy. I was falling apart; again. This time without you.

But I know

A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved

It hurt. A lot. We'd been together for years, married even. I had gotten so used to your presence, a loud, happy person, always by my side, ready to back me up.

So I'll sing Hallelujah

You were an angel in the shape of my mum

You had been a godsend. You were the embodiment of kindness, excitement and care. You helped me to stand up again, claw my way out of the shadows that held me down.

When I fell down you'd be there holding me up

You were the one holding me up, keeping me from falling again. Without you, I'd just fall forever, lost in my head, stuck in the dark hole my thoughts were.

You were the glue to my cracked mind, holding me together. Without you, I would fall apart. I was a shattered mirror, the sharp pieces digging into my skin, slicing me open, just like the knife on your wrists.

Spread your wings as you go

And you go. You go away, leaving me behind. You steer up on your majestic wings, the wind tickling my cheek teasingly as you go.

When God takes you back we'll say

Hallelujah

You're home

I hope you found peace, wherever you are. I hope you are happy, free from your broken mind.

Then at least one of us would be.

I fluffed the pillows, made the bed, stacked the chairs up

Folded your nightgowns neatly in a case

The house was empty without you. No booming laughter, loud music or teasing words. Only deafening silence.

No flowers, clothes on the floor or warm bedside. Only nothing where before there had been something.

A lingering absence.

John says he'd drive then put his hand on my cheek

Then wiped a tear from the side of my face

When the tears finally came, they wouldn't stop flowing. They came and came, no stopping possible. It was like they were trying to pour the sadness out of me, like it would leak away with every teardrop I spilled.

I hope that I will see the world as you did

You always saw everything with such positivity. You could make every situation better.

You saw the best in every person, encouraged them to follow their dreams. You've helped countless of people.

If I just could have helped you.

Cause I know

A life with love is a love that's been lived

You had always made sure I knew how much you loved me. A wake up kiss every morning, exchanging "I love you"s while getting up. A hug before heading out. Spooning at night. Your hand ruffling through my hair. Small gestures.

So I'll sing Hallelujah

You were an angel in the shape of my mom

When I fell down you'd be there holding me up

There wouldn't be any arms to keep me from falling now. Just a cold nothingness.

Spread your wings as you go

And when God takes you back

We'll say

Hallelujah

You're home

You are in a better place now. You are happier there than here with me. That's why you went, right? Because you weren't happy here. Because you weren't happy with me.

You were an angel in the shape of my mum

You got to see the person I have become

Without you, I wouldn't have been the person I am now. You built me up again, healed me. I thought you pulled me out of my thoughts, but instead I used you to pull myself out and you in. I got out of the shadows and you got in. I got better and you didn't.

Spread your wings

And I know that when God took you back he said hallelujah

You're home

Lance.

Wait for me.

I'm coming.

~

Mmmmmmmmmm

'm sorry. I wrote this at one in the morning. I was listening to this song and suddenly inspiration hit me. I fell asleep at 3:30 lmao

Word count: 1096