Blake: So, what's Alucard doing now? 

Yang: Showing off to Integra. 

(Y/N): I still can't believe we're dealing with Nazis. 

Ruby: They just don't give up. I mean, Hydra, and now these guys? 

Alucard: Just say it. 

Integra: (on the phone) FUCK YOU! 

Alucard: After you say it. 

Integra: You're really going to force me on this? 

Alucard: I'm at half mast! I need to hear this! 

Integra: FINE! YOU WERE RIGHT! 

https://youtu.be/jveOY1Osx0I

At that moment, Anderson burst in! 

(Y/N): ANDERSON! 

Alucard: Okay, dude, I just- I just finished, I'm going to need like five minutes over here to recharge! 

He throws his bayonets as Alucard blocks them! 

Alucard: Never mind, we're back in business! 

Seras: I GOT HIM! 

The moment Seras pulls out her gun, Anderson threw a bayonet that almost hits her! 

Seras: EEK! 

She fell down with shivering legs. 

(Y/N): You okay? 

Seras: N-Not really. 

Alucard: Ah great, she's triggered. Could be all day with it. 

Weiss: Geez! What do you want, you maniac priest? 

Anderson: The good Lord has handed down a blessing to ya filthy heathens as a sign of goodwill... A small private Vatican jet. Now, if you would be so very Christian-like to ship your sorry pale asses out!

Yang: Okay, you're still a dick though. 

Alucard: Man, I don't know what I find funnier:

https://youtu.be/HCNs2iJHIPU

https://youtu.be/ZAAZsKtCSSY

Soon enough, our heroes ... and Alucard return to London.

Renaldo: Di banner won't a come-a down. I think it's a constrictor knot. 

Alucard: What do you mean you "forgot the song?" 

Ruby: I didn't have it ready. 

Alucard: Screw it! Just take my phone and hit random. 

Ruby: Okay, uh ... oh! Here it is! 

ALucard: Okay, three, two- 

https://youtu.be/oUsGNQbSbAg

Play from 0:16-end... 

Yang: Yeah, that works for someone like me. 

Blake: Really, Yang? 

Yang: What, doesn't that song fit me? 

(Y/N): Oh definitely. 

Integra: Following your example? 

Alucard: Ooh, catty! Oh shit, is that Betty?! 

Bodyguard: Excuse me, Sir, you're going to have to- 

Alucard: Get out of my way! 

Alucard shoved the bodyguard out of the way! 

Right before the vampire was Queen Elizabeth herself! 

Queen Elizabeth: Well, well, well. If it isn't Allie. Your skin is still as smooth as the day I felt it on my own...

(Y/N): Alucard knows the Queen of England. Why am I not surprised? 

Yang: They are both pretty old. 

Alucard: You know it. Reminds me of when I'd keep your bed warm during the Blitz.

Ruby: AGH! FILTH! THIS IS FILTH! 

Queen Elizabeth: Those were better days, I was younger, beautiful ... 

Alucard: Oh shut up, you old hag! I'd still wreck you like Diana!

Queen Elizabeth: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, you know exactly what to say to moisten me up... 

Penwood: Gah, I can never have sex again! 

Integra: Alucard ... if you please. 

Alucard: You're right. Enough focusing on the past... Instead, let's focus on the past! Back in World War II, Walter and I were part of a top-secret government operation called "Operation Kraut Control". Walter was fifteen, and I'm pretty sure if I'm remembering correctly, I was a girl...

Team (Y/N): Uh ... 

Alucard: It makes more sense in context. 

Reginald: Wait a second, then that implies that the Queen-

Alucard: 

https://youtu.be/3kl41bR5lQo

But yeah, we were nder orders to stick it sideways to a group of Nazi scientist whackjobs interested in creating a vampire army. And did we!

(Y/N): Seems like you missed a spot. 

Alucard:  Are you g- Are you gonna do this right now? In front of everybody?

(Y/N): Yes I am, because that was a shit job you did there. 

Integra: The point is, enough members have survived and are planning on finishing their mission. They've established a base in Brazil, and are using the name-

???: "Millennium." 

All of a sudden some cat boy appeared! 

Schrodinger (Millennium's Mascot/Warrant Officer! He just hangs around and does what he wants! Doesn't seem to die! Voiced by Amber Lee Conners!) 

All of you take out your weapons on him! 

Schrodinger: Warten Sie! How do you say... "Do not shoot ze messenger".

Ruby: Oh, he does speak German! 

(Y/N): Is that ... a cat boy? 

Yang: Hey, we have a Cat Girl, and now here's a Cat Boy. 

Alucard: 

https://youtu.be/YeLTvpeP3RY

Integra: How did he get in here? 

Walter: We had over a dozen guards. 

Alucard: Those were ours? I mean oh my God, how did he get through the guuuardss-ss-ks?!

Weiss: SERIOUSLY ALUCARD?! 

Schrodinger placed a TV on the table. 

Schrodinger: My commanding officer, Ze Major, would like to personally introduce himself... along with our vonderful organization.

He tries to adjust the channel, but nothing happens. 

Schrodinger: What? 

The Cat Boy begins pressing every button on the remote. 

Major: (from the TV) Schrodinger? 

Schrodinger: It's not working, Major! 

Major: Did you click "TV" zen "Power?" 

Schrodinger: Oh vait, I'm on Video 2. 

Major: Nein! Video 1! 

Schrodinger: Got it! 

He turned it on properly as the Major appeared on screen. 

Major: Hello! 

Alucard: He-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! He's still so fucking fat! He's like a Nazi Louis C.K., ha-ha-ha-ha! Wait, wait! No, no; Jim Gaffigan! Jim Gaffigan...!

Major: Ah, if it isn't ze memorable Alucard... his provider, Sir Integra... ze Bean Counters... und of course - very interesting to see, by ze vay - ze Vatican. How does it feel to vork vith your svorn enemies, Father Maxvell?

Maxwell: Not as painful as your obnoxious voice.

(Y/N): Something I actually agree on with you, you giant hypocrite. 

Maxwell: Filthy Protestant. 

Major: Ah, come on! Ve used to be friends with ze Vatican! Remember how you aided us in our escape from Germany?

(Y/N): YOU WHAT?! 

Team RWBY: HE WHAT?! 

Maxwell: AGH! 

Major: Uh-oh, I guess they veren't supposed to know zat~!

Integra: So that's how you knew about them. 

Yang: Again, the fact this guy has Pucci's first name is not a coincidence. He's definitely evil! 

Major: I'm sure you're chomping at the bit to find out vhat ve have in store for you, nein?

(Y/N): Dude, we know you're Nazis. 

Major: ...Wow, just... kill all ze fun! Put ze fun in camps, vhy don't you?

Alucard: Yeah, you Fun-Nazi. 

Integra: Get to the fucking point! 

Major: Vell, mind me if it seems a little too American for you, but... at some time, some place, somezing vill attack you. Maybe. Probably. Could be happening right noooow~!

Yang and Alucard: Fingers crossed. 

Major: But rest assured, zis is no simple incursion. We have prepared studiously, und soon, ze fruits of our endless dedication will run wild. Und ze blood of Britain shall flow out the English Channel!

As the Major was talking, Schrodinger turned his attention to Seras. 

https://youtu.be/Bdu4t0CkV2k

That's when you and Alucard both slaughtered him! 

Alucard: Was that girlboy bugging you? 

(Y/N): That sets an example. 

Major: Und like zhat, ze var begins! 

Alucard: Whoops! Looks like we accidentally a war! 

Integra: Police Girl! 

Seras shoots the TV down. 

Seras: They would have looked rather nice, actually. 

(Y/N): Uh ... 

Seras: (blushing hard) I mean ... uh ... please forget that. 

Yang: Yeah, your kids would look better if (Y/N) was the Dad. 

(Y/N): YANG! 

Seras was completely red now. 

Integra: Alright, (Y/N), have you and the girls clean up the- 

You all noticed Schrodinger was gone. 

(Y/N): WHAT?! How is- Is that guy immortal or something? 

Alucard: Looks like he was self-cleaning! And/or magical.

Queen Elizabeth: Integra? Alucard? 

Alucard: Yes, Sugarlips? 

Queen Elizabeth: When you find him, and when you kill him... I want you to record it, so I can fall asleep to it every night.

Alucard: 

https://youtu.be/5AcVHzU3h8A

Back at Millennium's Base... 

Doctor: Ah, Major, I think that vent vell. 

Major: You zhink it vent vell? Herr Doctor, I was there. Und much like our former boss... I KILLED IT! 

Schrodinger: Let us hope ze Major does not end up ze same! WE do not have ze freezer space to store all ze incidental leftovers! 

Major: Ah, Doctor, usually it is a faux pas to give a pet as a gift... but I love him!

Doctor:  Major, I am so sorry for his disrespectful disposition!

Schrodinger just giggled. 

Major: Ah, don't vorry. I much enjoy some playful cattiness in my staff.

Schrodinger: NYA! 

Major: Nonezheless, it is time for phase two of our operation: Our fräulein's excursion to ze English Channel!

On the English Channel... 

Soldier: Sir! There's an inount helicopter trying to land! 

Soldier 2: That seems odd. Commander Violet, do you know- 

He sees Commander Violet with the fangs of a vampire. 

Soldier 2: OH GOD, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE PURPLE! 

He violently kills the soldiers, leaving only himself and a girl jumping off the helicopter. 

Rip Van Winkle (A soldier of Millennium! She claims to be a feminist and social warrior, even though she's a fucking Nazi! Very good with her giant gun! Voiced by Jessica Calvello (The voice of Excel from Excel Saga!)) 

Rip Van Winkle: Zhis is mein favorite kind of ship: Running wis blood und seamen.

Violet: What? 

Rip Van Winke: Ze game! 

Violet: What game? 

Rip Van Winkle: You lose! LOL! I'm so random! 

Violet: Uh... so... The ship is now under your command, Miss Rip Van Winkle.

Rip Van Winkle: Ah~, danke schön~, Captain! Tell me, how did it feel slaughtering your kinsmen, turning zhem into ghouls, betraying your family und country... all for ze selfish desire to become an immortal vampire?

Violet: Wow, uh, when you put it like that, I feel like kind of a cunt. 

Rip Van Winkle: Oh, but you know what might make you feel better, Captain?

Violet: Uh, what's tha- 

She shoved her musket into his face with a giant demonic grin. 

Rip Van Winkle: CHECKING YOUR PRIVELEGE! 

BANG! 

Back in London... 

Alucard: Walter... if I may confide in you...

Walter: I temper my sense of decency in expectation.

Alucard: I am positively throbbing over these guys returning!

Walter: Well, if it lasts for more than four hours...

Alucard: Walter, do you know my top three favorite things I've killed are? Third is the Turks... Second is Nazis... Can you guess the first?

Walter: Your father?

Alucard: Nailed it! 

At the same time... 

Anderson was calling Maxwell. 

Anderson: I see! Now it's open season for these heathen swine!

Maxwell: Alexander, while I mirror your fervor to lay steel upon the soulless jowls of the English Church... we have a much bigger foe knocking at our door.

Anderson: They knock at the door of Hellsing... and as the wolf huffs and puffs, we shall skewer these pigs ourselves!

Maxwell: I do not know the metaphor on which you draw... but regardless, we must set aside the quarrels of our houses, and unite under the banner of God.

Anderson: Ah, I see! So this is a crusade! 

Maxwell: No, no, no-no-no-no! We don't say that anymore; we're calling it, ah... Damn, what do the American cows say?

Anderson: Peacekeeping? 

Maxwell: Right. Now, shall we keep the peace? 

A bunch of Nazi Soldiers burst in! 

Nazi Soldiers: FOR MILLENNIUM! 

But before they can fire, Anderson takes out his bayonets and carves the shit out of them, leaving their entrails all over the ground! 

Anderson: Only until it's time to slide in the knife!