We open up to London, where we see a guy trying to get it with a woman.

Man: Oh come on love, show us your tits!

She slaps him across the face!

Man: Well, she declined. Now let's get pissed.

Man 2: Hey Mate. What's the last thing you thought you'd ever see in the night sky?

Man: Oh ... that's ... that's a deep question, man, I-

Man 2: No, cause it's blimps.

A bunch of Millennium blimps were flying over the city.

Major: Gentlemen! Ve have made it!

The soldiers cheered!

Major: Alright! Achtung! Achtung!

Soldier: WOO-WOOOOO!

Major: Hans, Hans, bring it down a notch.

Hans: Wooo.

Major: Now: Herr Doktor, Captain, First Lieutenant, and our fabulous mascot; please lead us off!

The Doctor: Of course. Everyone, thank you for coming to the mandatory pre-war seminar. Please open your World War III pamphlets to page 3, as the first two pages merely contain a foreword from Nicholas Cage.

Everyone did so, with Schrödinger flipping through them over and over.

Major: We have an exciting itinerary of ze evening events. TONIGHT VE ANNIHILATE LONDON!!

Nazi Grunt: All of London?

Major: All of London! Buckingham Palace? Laid to vaste. Big Ben? Toppled into the ground!

Nazi Grunt 2: Ze House of Parliament?

Major: Eradicated!

Nazi Grunt: Ze Tower of London?

Major: OBLITERATED!

The Doctor: Ze Holocaust Museum?

Major: Leave zat be. No one will deny what we did.

Nazi Grunt 3: What about London Bridge?

Major: Ja ja, "London Bridge is Falling Down," ve all know the song. Look, you be ze first to burn it down, go ahead and sing it. I don't care. Of course, speaking of music, ze accompaniment tonight has already been selected via survey! Und I hope you're as excited as I am. Ze song tonight is more appropriate for ironic reasons. Ze best reasons! But first .... a toast ... to ze answer of an age old question.

The Nazis began to slaughter all that were in their path as a song played from the Zeppelin!

https://youtu.be/hZJRJpbGkG4

Doctor: Is it everything you hoped for, Major?

Major: Yes, because it means zero destruction of innocent lives. Induction, zen destruction. WHO VANTS TO DIE?!

At the same time...

Penwood: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S STUCK ON THE BOAT?!

Integra: I mean he's stuck on the bloody boat! I need you idiots to send me a helicopter after him and retrieve him!

Penwood: Can't he fly with his vampire powers?

Integra: What? No! He can't fly with his powers!

Penwood: Then how did he get there?

Integra: With the Blackbird we appropriated.

Penwood: YOU STOLE THE BLACKBIRD?!

Integra: WOULD YOU JUST SEND THR HELICOPTER?!

Penwood: WE CAN'T, OUR COMMUNICATIONS ARE DOWN!!

Integra: What?

Penwood: They have been for the past few hours.

Integra: So you're telling me that we have no access to Alucard. Communications with our forces and the outside world are down, and the enemy could very well be knocking at our door?!

Suddenly the doors burst down with a bunch of Operatives appearing and Reginald put a gun to Integra's head!

Reginald: Or perhaps the enemy was sitting behind you at the Round Table this whole time!

Integra: Oh Reggie, this is adorable.

Reginald: SIR! Reginald! Is my name. I have spent the last five years of my life, cleaning up after YOUR pet vampire! And now! It is time Sir Reginald is paid what he deserves.

Integra: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I get it now. 

Reginald: What? 

Integra: How Alucard feels. Just a little bit anyway. 

Reggie was boiling mad at Integra's words. 

Integra: But I must say, "Sir Reginald," it is QUITE impressive that despite how hilariously amateur this little "coup" of yours is, that you're still managing to hold that gun.

Reginald: WHAT?! ARGH! 

Walter used his garrote wire to tear off Reggie's arm! 

Walter: Who wants daddy's belt? 

The operatives open fire, but Walter tears them apart! 

Penwood: AGH! 

Walter: Now think about what you've done.

Integra: Are you alright, Sir Penwood? 

Penwood: Well... Reginald was actually... my brother-in-law. So... Currently... Processing that...

Suddenly, a roar of alarms sounded! 

Officer: Communications are back up! Everything is on fire!

Officer 2: London Bridge is falling down!

Penwood: Falling down?! 

Officer 2: Falling down! 

Reginald: London Bridge is falling down...! My fair lady! What should we do?!

Integra: We have to evacuate immediately! Sir Penwood, You could ride with me. The rest of you, carpool.

Penwood: No. I'm not going anywhere. I know I'm... not much of a man. I've had a silver spoon in my mouth since the day I was born. This position... It's not suitable for a meek gentleman like myself. But I'll be damned, I say, if I tuck my tail in between my legs at the first sign of peril! I THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE, MISS INTEGRA! BUT I--!

She hands him a gun. 

Integra: Here's a gun, there are twelve holy bullets. Save one for yourself. Walter? 

Walter: Yes, Sir Integra? 

Integra: Ready the car. We've got a war to win. 

The two walked out with the others, leaving Penwood to defend his position. 

Back on the main zepplin of Millennium... 

The Major watched the carnage, the destruction of Buckingham Palace. 

Major: Ah, yes. Buckingham Palace is burning. Und so are my loins~!

???: AHEM! 

A muscular woman with a massive scythe appeared. 

Zorin Blitz (The First Lieutenant of Millennium! She is one of the most sadistic members of the organization and has a thirst for battle! Former Olympic Body Builder as well! Her right eye gives her the ability to put people under illusions! Voiced by Rachel Robinson (The voice of Irene Belserion!)) 

Major: Ah! First Lieutenant, former Olympic bodybuilder Zorin Blitz. Sorry, I was understandably caught up in ze moment.

Zorin: You finally have orders for me, Major? 

Major: Ah, indeed, my dear Zorin! You have a very SPECIFIC target.

Zorin: Where shall my scythe be pointed?

Major: Ze Hellsing Orginization Headquarters.

Zorin: Yes...!

Major: Und you...

Zorin: YES!!! 

Major: Shall provide reconnaissance.

Zorin dropped her cigarette in shock. 

Zorin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

Major: Okay, Zorin! Zorin! I need you to bring it back for me: take a deep breath... Contain... ze calamity... zat is your mammaries.

Zorin: (grunting Nazi rage) 

Major: Zere is no one more eager to see zem bleed zen I! But Ve must be CAREFUL! Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing... ANY woman who commands the respect of a beast such as Alucard is NOT to be trifled vis! Fantasized of on a lonely Saturday night wiz a bottle of Chardonnay? Most certainly. But NOT trifled viz!

Zorin: BUT SHE IS JUST VUN VOMAN! 

Major: Und a girl. A police girl! Ze only living vampire sired by Alucard himself. Vhy? Is it her skill? Her unpredictable nature? Ze big titties?! Maybe... Who knows? But I do not gamble viss "maybes"! You vill act as a vanguard and surevy zeir forces. Are ve CLEAR?

Zorin: Transparently. 

Major: Wunderbar! Now speaking of vic, Seargent Klaus? Have you spotted Frau Hellsing? 

On the ground ... 

We see Klaus and his men spotting Integra's car. 

Klaus: Ja, Major. Driving past Primrose Hill.

Major: Is it on fire? 

Klaus: It could be more on fire. 

https://youtu.be/6fBJdarRsl8

The car came to a stop. 

Walter: Sir Integra? We have a problem.

Integra: OH MY GOD! THE ROAD IS ON FIRE! 

Walter: Unfortunately, that's not the worst of it. If you will excuse me, I have to meet with an old friend. You need to take the car, and make your way to the HQ on your own. I believe in you, ma'am.

Integra: Walter... there's someting I want you to know. 

Walter: This is no time for goodbyes, Sir Integra. 
Integra: No; I... I don't know how to drive. You have driven me literally everywhere since I was ten.

Walter: Oh. Well, perfect time to learn. 

Integra: You come back to me. No matter what. Understood? 

Walter: Understood, Ma'am. 

Integra: Now, which one's the clutch? 

She messed around with the car until she finally got it. 

Integra: OKAY! WE'RE DRIVING! 

The car sped off as Walter came face-to-face with a tall man. 

The Captain (The strongest enforcer of Millennium! He never speaks at all! Serves as the Major's personal bodyguard, only ranked just below the Doctor!) 

Walter tried using his garrote wires, but the Captain caught them with ease! 

Walter: Oh brilliant, you haven't aged a day. 

The main zeppelin appeared. 

Major: (over a loudspeaker) Ah yes, ve have aged like fine vine. You, on ze uzzer hand have aged like milk...Spoiled, sour... und ruining my meal... but don't get me wrong, it's still splendid to see you~! Lets have a heart to heart...

Back with Integra... 

Integra was trying to get the hang of using her car as she noticed a bunch of Nazi Grunts chasing after her at top speed! 

Nazi Grunt: Zere she is! Johann, tell her to pull over!

Johann jumped onto the car! 

Johann: Guten Abend! Could you please pull over? AGH-CK!

She knocked him over and ran him down! 

Nazi Grunt: Vell, she declined! PANZERFAUST!

Integra: YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME!!! 

The car skidded and crashed into a lampost, killing Hans! 

Hans: WOOOO! AGH! 

Nazi Grunt: Hans! Nein! And he was having such a good day! He even got to burn down London Bridge! Sing the song! EVERYTHING!!!

Integra: (sarcastic) Con-gra-tu-lations. It took an entire squadron of inhuman, nigh-immortal fake vampires to hunt down and corner a 22 year-old woman.

Nazi Grunt 2: SHE'S A VOMAN?! 

Nazi Grunt 3: She's 22?! 

Integra: I hope it's everything you've dreamed of. So have at it, then! Come and get the first real fight you've had in 50 years, you DICKLESS COWARDS!

Nazi Grunt: I'LL STAB YOU IN ZE FUCKING THRO- 

But then Anderson appeared and sliced him in half! 

Nazi Grunt 3: GOD'S ASSASSIN! 

Nazi Grunt 4: SAINT GUILLOTINE! 

Nazi Grunt 2: ZE ANGEL'S DUST! 

Nazi Grunt 5: JUDAS PRIEST! 

Nazi Grunt 6: Wait, like ze band? 

Nazi Grunt 5: ZEY VERE NAMED AFTER HIM! 

Anderson: By JOVE, ya fuckin' hedder of a woman! Surrounded by 50 vampire Nazis armed literally to the teeth! And waddaya do?! Ya get outta yer fuckin' car, Pull out your sword, Cut off one'a thier heads and yell, "Come at me, ya Kraut shits!" No wonder Alucard wants to plow that virgin soil! I'm thinkin' about growin' some flowers meself!

Integra: Alexander Anderson, to what do I owe the unepexcted pleasure? 

Anderson: Ah, yanno, just out and about with me posse! 

Integra: Posse? 

A whole bunch of Catholic Priests armed with weapons joined up with Anderson. 

Anderson: And look! Yanno how yer pet vampire's got his own pet vampire? Well, that got me thinkin'! So I acquired some learned youngsters m'self! TWO OF 'EM! WHICH IS TWICE AS GOOD! And here's the real kicker: One's Japanese... and the other one's fuckin' German! Ain't that topical?! I just need an Italian one and I've got me an Axis of Righteousness!

The priests were being led by two women. A Japanese one and a German one. 

Yumiko Takagi and Heinkel Wolfe (These two Catholic girls were raised by Anderson! Yumi is a Japanese swordsman who will kill sinners with blinding speeds! Fluent in both English and Japanese! Heinkel is her partner/girlfriend, and a German sharpshooter! She is known for being quite the calmer of the two! Like Yumi, she is fluent in English, but also in her native language, German! Yumi is voiced by Janice Kawaye, and Heinkel is voiced by Kira Buckland!) 

Anderson: Yumi! Say something in Moonspeak. 

Yumi: Kekkōdesu, Andāson Shinpu.

Anderson: HAHAHAHA! And the German one is Heinkel! She loves shooting things! It's great! 

Heinkel: Hmph, pop pop. Watching heathens drop. 

Nazi Grunt 2: Ze Iscariots? Ve're not scared of you! Look at you! You don't even know how to use a bayonet! It goes on ze gun, idiot!

ANDERSON: Now if you'll excuse us, ya English Cow, it's time for the Iscariots to do yer job for ya, and put these SOULLESS BODIES where they belong! In the ground in case ya didn't take--

A Nazi charged at him, and Anderson cut him down! 

Anderson: IN CASE YA DIDN'T TAKE MA MEANIN! 

https://youtu.be/wUcZi4J-Yws