twenty
i'm so blue all the time

THE FIRST FEW DAYS hadn't been bad. Having to walk into camp with three of their quest group missing was a terrible feeling. Annabeth had been putting on a brave face but she'd been squeezing Lennon's hand tight. Lennon knew Annabeth wasn't doing well, that's why she had to be brave for the both of them.

For the first three days, she had kept her bright smiles and optimism. She'd tell Annabeth that Percy couldn't be that far behind them. He was probably walking to Camp Half-blood as they spoke.

Percy was missing. That's what she told herself. Because he was. They'd left in the midst of an explosion but he was fine, he had to be ok.

Lennon had become Annabeth's crutch. And she'd do it a thousand times over if it meant her friend was better.

But then, it was the morning of Percy's fourth day of missing and something cracked. She kept her smile but that morning her mind started to run and run. What if Percy wasn't missing? What if he was never coming back to camp? As much as she had fought not to let the possibility cross her mind, it did. What if he was dead?

Miraculously enough, Lennon made it through breakfast. She had smiled and laughed at all the right moments. She even argued about Abba with Michael for old times' sake. Their cabin was walking towards the archery field when they'd passed the sword arena and Lennon had frozen.

She and Percy had sparred there maybe once or twice but it had reminded her of him. Then it hit her. He could be dead at that very moment while she was walking around camp. She'd told Lee she needed a minute and went back to her cabin.

Sitting there, skimming through her little notebook, she couldn't get the thought out of her head. Percy could be dead. She wouldn't be able to speak to him. With the thought of him being gone, there were suddenly so many things she wanted to tell him. Things he would never know.

Like how he'd become one of her closest friends in a small amount of time. How when she made a breakthrough in her songwriting, he was one of the first people she wanted to tell. How being around him brightened her day. How he was one of her best friends.

"Hey, Lennon, are you okay?" Lee had walked into the cabin, knocking on the door to announce his presence.

She'd given him a sad smile. Even now, she was trying to keep up the happy facade.

"We don't have to talk. How about a hug?" Lee's hugs were always the best.

Lennon barely had control over herself as she crossed the room to hug her brother. She squeezed him tight.

"It's okay Len," he rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.

Lennon hadn't even realized that she started crying. She'd just become aware of the tears streaming down her face. She couldn't help it. It was like there was this balloon swelling up inside her, getting bigger and bigger, on the verge of popping. She'd been putting the balloon away. Hiding it deep in her mind and trying to forget it under all the smiles and optimism. But now it popped.

Lennon didn't know long she'd stayed there crying. At some point, the tears subsided into sniffles and she was clinging to her older brother.

"It's okay, Len,"

She had shaken her head. "He could be dead Lee,"

In the coming days, it seemed everyone was on "Lennon watch". Her siblings and friends would come by to lighten her spirits or distract her. She couldn't go anywhere without someone following after with a smile.

She was hacking away at a poor training dummy, even using it as a target for her beams of light. Music didn't calm her and sleep was no reprieve either. Every night was a new dream. That's why she avoided sleep most nights, finding a way to busy herself reading or writing.

Sparring was a new outlet she was trying out. Maybe, subconsciously it reminded her of Percy. He'd once told her that the sword arena sometimes calmed his nerves. Lennon didn't even realize the point where she remembered those types of things.

"Lennon, did you hear me?"

She looked over her shoulder to see her little brother, Will. Lennon had no doubt Lee sent him but she couldn't be mad at Will.

She gave him a smile— because they wouldn't cease now, even when everyone was adamant about her being sad— and shook her head. "Sorry, no I didn't"

"I wanna spar, get better with a sword," His golden hair shined in the sun as he gave her a soft smile.

"Really?"

He let out a little scoff. "What I can't swordfight?"

"Of course you can but you favor a bow. You've said it yourself,"

"I wanna branch out,"

Lennon gave the boy another smile and let out a sad sigh. "Will, you don't have to come here because Lee asked you. I'm fine, I promise,"

The blonde boy glanced up at the sky sheepishly and idly kicked a rock near his foot. "Lee did send me here but... I want to be here. Just to hang out with you,"

She swelled with a happy feeling. "No checking up on me though. I get enough of the others trying to cheer me up. It's becoming exhausting,"

Will grinned. "Deal. As long as you teach me how to swing a sword,"

"Yeah, I can do that," she laughed.

Sometimes, when she thinks too much about everything, Lennon can't breathe. About Percy, her dreams, the war, the labyrinth, and even Luke. Lately, she just wants silence. People ask her how she's doing constantly. It's exhausting.

It's also a bit infuriating. Look at the smile on her face! Lennon Hart is okay! Look at my smile, she wants to say. I'm smiling for all of you and you still worry. She can't help wanting to feel invisible, even for a moment. In some strange stroke of luck, she'd gotten what she asked for.

She had been hiding away in the Strawberry field for some quiet. She'd heard her brother, Julian calling her name a handful of feet away. She wasn't ready to talk to another person. She would have to put on a show pretending she's okay so no one would worry.

She let out a sigh and stood up, preparing to face her brother when Julian calls her name. He rounds the corner and looks at her, or really straight through her. He's calling her name over and over as if she's not there.

Lennon then notices how the air ripples around her. Impossible to see waves of light are surrounding her, somehow preventing Julian from seeing her.

Julian sighs and then trudges on, mumbling something about being sure she'd be there.

Lennon stared at her hands. She exhaled and slowly the ripples dispersed. She squeezed her hand, willing the light to refract again. Instead, it flickers and disperses. The girl lets out an annoyed sigh and drops to the ground.

The next few days she finally found something to distract her: figuring out her new ability. In between all of it, she was still sad. Still hurt. But it was easier when Percy's... disappearance wasn't the only thing on her mind.

Every day, she had breakfast with her siblings, went to any required activities, and then she slipped away to go hide away in the strawberry fields. The fields had become somewhat of a sanctuary for her. The aroma was now familiar. Though, they still had a somber feeling attached to them.

Today, she had been sitting in the fields since sunrise, leaving a note for her siblings to know she wasn't dead or something. She'd spent most of the morning, as the sun steadily crept to its peak (the work of her father, demigod life was weird), playing with her new ability. She'd learned that she could make the light refract, turning herself invisible.

Lennon glanced up at the sky and let out a curse in ancient Greek. They were probably halfway through breakfast by now. She hadn't meant to stay out for that long. She quickly hurried out of the fields to follow the path to the dining pavilion.

She slowed as she saw the door to the Athena cabin open. Everyone was supposed to be down at the pavilion by now. Lennon had a feeling there was only one person who'd stay behind in the cabin.

"Annabeth?" She entered the cabin to see the blonde staring intently at the pages of a weathered book.

She glanced up. "Oh, hey Len. You didn't go to breakfast either?"

Lennon shrugged. "Nope," she glanced at Annabeth's book. "What's the book about?"

At her question, Annabeth froze, her face akin to a deer in headlights. Lennon rose a brow at her questioningly, waiting for her answer. Finally, the blonde shook her head. "It's nothing. Uh, how have you been? You know, feelings-wise?"

Lennon smiled fondly at her wording. "I don't know, the same?" The look on the blonde's face told her that she didn't believe her. "How are you?"

Annabeth managed a sad smile. "I miss him. I've gotten so used to him being around that his being gone is just... weird. You know Chiron's deciding whether or not to declare him dead?"

Lennon's body went rigid, filling with surprise and grief. She hadn't imagined that Chiron would do that. She didn't even think about what they'd do if Percy never came back. She'd never allowed herself to think that far. She dropped to the edge of the bed where Annabeth was sitting.

"I miss him so much Annie," Lennon admitted with a shaky breath. "Gods, what I wouldn't give to just see him again or even just hear his voice. I don't know it just feels like there's a missing piece in my life, you know,"

Annabeth watched her as she spoke with a knowing look.

"Just the thought of having to wake up and remember he's not here is just..." she glanced at the blonde. "I'm sorry I'm making this about my feelings,"

Her friend frowned at her. "Len don't apologize for talking about your feelings. It's healthy. It's not just about my feelings, yours are important too," Lennon sent her a grateful smile and the blonde squeezed her hand comfortingly. She gave her a teasing smile, "And if you apologize for speaking your feelings again, I'll make sure you get stuck on dish duty for the rest of the summer,"

Lennon let out a soft laugh at that.

"Lennon," Annabeth said looking at her. She seemed to be thinking over her next words. "Have you ever... wondered why you might feel that way, about Percy missing,"

The brunette shrugged. "You mean 'cause he's my best friend?"

"He's my best friend too and I miss Percy a lot, but the way I miss him is different than you do. Just... think about it,"

Lennon was a bit confused by her words. What did she mean they missed him differently? Sure, Percy's absence felt like a hole in her life. It felt like something wasn't right. Her world is off-kilter and she's not sure that would ever be fixed with Percy gone. A thought crossed her mind and she furrowed her brows.

Annabeth watched as the girl sat in thought, knowing the conclusion she was finally reaching.

When the brunette lets the thought linger, she realizes it's always been there, just waiting for her to see it. She thought of Percy in a different way than Annabeth. Lennon couldn't help but want to be around Percy. It's a steady realization as she thinks about their feelings, about her feelings for him.

"Gods how did I not know before? Did you know?"

The blonde shrugged. "I know you very well. It's torture having to sit back and let you guys figure it out,"

Her brow furrowed. "You guys? Annie, just because I like him doesn't mean he likes me back,"

Lennon is sure she watches the blonde's eye twitch. She let out a sigh, "I'll let that slide just this one time," The blonde looked down at her hands, absentmindedly fiddling with her camp necklace.

"What?" Lennon frowned. Her demeanor had changed quickly.

"You remember the prophecy I got?"

"The child of Athena's final stand. Yeah, how could I forget that?"

"There was more that I didn't tell. It..." she paused as if thinking of the best way to say it. "The last line was And lose a love to worse than death,"

Lennon raised her eyebrows. "Well, that's grim," she commented. Then she took in the look on Annabeth's face. "What? I know that sounds bad but— oh. Oh," She caught on to what she was saying. "That could mean lots of things. Love isn't just romantic,"

"No, no. I know," Annabeth reassured her. She let out a wearied sigh. That action alone expressed the exhaustion and grief within the young blonde. "That was just my first thought when he..." The girl trailed off.

Suddenly it made sense to Lennon. It had to have been miles worse for Annabeth. Not only had Percy disappeared, but she basically had confirmation that someone she cared deeply for would be lost.

"He could still be missing," The brunette quickly interjects. "Knowing him, he'll turn up when we least expect it,"

"Lennon," Annabeth frowned. "It's been almost 2 weeks. Chiron is thinking of officially declaring him dead. Sometimes there's a limit to optimism,"

She shook her head. "Someone has to stay hopeful. If there's no one left to stay hopeful, then any efforts will be in vain,"

Annabeth thought about her words before glancing back at the book she'd held earlier. "In that case, I should tell you something,"

"Go ahead," she nodded.

"I was going through the books and I found this," She opened the book to a marked page and pointed to it. "It's a story about Calypso and an island named Oygia,"

Lennon read the story. Once then twice. Slowly she glanced back at Annabeth. She was trying to contain the hope in her voice. The excitement at the possibility Percy could be alive and well.

"You think Percy could be there?"

"Possibly. I don't know how but... he could be there,"

A new explanation got her hopes up. "He could be alive," she concluded.

Percy could be alive and safe on a magical island. Then a small voice spoke in her mind, Why hadn't he come back yet? She frowned. If he had been stranded on an island he'd be trying to come back to them, right?

On Ogyia, it was inevitable that the stranded heroes would fall in love with Calypso. What if he'd fallen for Calypso and decided to stay? Lennon could handle that. Then at least he'd still be alive. That's what Lennon wants most.

"Lennon?" Annabeth asked after the girl's bout of silence.

The brunette looked up. "He could be alive, that's all that matters,"

Inevitably, the day had come. Chiron had declared Percy dead. Lennon had moved through the beginning of the day robotically until she had seen Annabeth. The blonde's eyes were a bit puffy and it looked like she was still on the verge of tears. What was Lennon worth if she couldn't be there for Annabeth?

So, the brunette pulled herself together. The least she could do is provide the camp some hope. All is not lost.

They were in the amphitheater as Chiron made his announcement.

"It has been 2 weeks since Annabeth and Lennon's return. At this point, we must assume he is dead," Chiron spoke. Annabeth squeezed Lennon's hand and she squeezed it back.  "After so long a silence, it is unlikely our prayers will be answered. I have asked his closest surviving friends to do the final honors."

The brunette willed herself not to cry as she and Annabeth walked to the fire. Lennon kept a steady grip on Annabeth's hand as the blonde took the long green silk burial cloth, embroidered with a trident, and set it on the flames.

Annabeth glanced at her, blinking back tears. Lennon nodded. They turned to the rest of their fellow campers.

Lennon took a shaky breath. She tried her best to make her voice reach everyone's ears, Percy deserved to be remembered. "I didn't know Percy as long as I wish I could've but in the time I knew him, he became my closest friend. We've—" she stumbled over her words. "We've lost one of the most loyal and caring people I know and—" She stopped. If she spoke anymore, she was sure she'd start crying. "I'll miss him dearly,"

Annabeth glanced at her and gave her hand a squeeze. She gave her a look that said It'll be all right. Lennon gave the blonde a small smile as she looked up at the crowd.

"He was probably the bravest friend I've ever had. He..." Annabeth paused and Lennon looked at her worriedly.

"What's wr—"

The blonde pointed into the crowd. "He's right there!"

AUTHORS NOTE:

annabeth and lennon getting back to camp:

also lennon throughout this entire chapter:

.... so hi. i kinda dipped but i'm back with a new chapter. very sad everyone at camp was going through it without percy.
also the elephant in the room, lennon realized she's def crushing on percy???? what???? who would've guessed
anywho don't forget to vote and comment!!