Title: Komoreby

Author: SuVida777

Similar to the last review, my keyboard just won't let me use 's' and 'w', so please pardon the many typos there will be. Also, I know this was quick, but it's because, while I took my reviewing break over the last few weeks, I was reading through this book and the last book! So catching up on these was quick. The next two reviews may take a bit longer, as my thesis is due next week.

Summary: 4.5/5

You know you've found a good summary when you forget to write about the summary and instead launch straight into the book. Overall, I think what shines about your summary is the language – it's very polished and clear, yet it's also incredibly fun and clever. A herbivore with a taste of video game blood? Phrased beautifully, and instantly captivates me more. You show us a very good taste of your protagonist, the conflict, and the direction of the story.

The only thing that didn't sit right with me was the final sentence. There's nothing wrong with the sentence itself, it's just the placement. It comes straight after a rhetorical question, and honestly, I feel like your summary would have more impact ending on that question. The, 'Meanwhile, she's forced to navigate...' doesn't have an ending note to it. I wonder if you could slip that sentence in before the rhetorical question, so you can still end on that strong, open and questioning note? I'd simply switch the order around.

Grammar: 5/5

Genuinely, I found nothing at all. Everything is very clean and very polished. Really well done!

Characterisation: 5/5

Instantly, it's very easy to like Evanna, and sometimes it's because of the little things, like the fact that she says holy cowsies! I think, overall, as a protagonist, she's very relatable. She's not overwhelmingly timid, but she does try to hide in the shadows a bit when in an unfamiliar environment – it's instantly connectable, and you can't help but root for her to win when she almost instantly faces adversity (such as the incident with the pork sausage, where they pretended they were soy... how awful of them).

Also, she wants to find aliens as her future goal. It's literally so cool.

And yes, while she likes Shane, she's not a complete blubbering mess around him. When he has her locked in that storeroom, she still has the courage and strength to lunge for the door and run out, regardless of his charm. In fact, what I liked the most was the way I felt her grow as a character – maybe I'm reading into it too much, but I felt her grow more courage and find herself more, which is so ironic considering the story circumstances.

We see her exhibit more bravery and lowkey recklessness as time passes, like when she and Marilda basically break into a house – she's crazy and daring enough to ask questions about Rind's indefinite leave, and she's ready to sneak upstairs despite the danger. When Dara basically abducts her, she stands her ground to a realistic extent and demands answers instead of just giving in. I loved seeing her grow into this!

Additionally, character interactions were great. The moments with Shane could be cute, like when she gives him chocolate and he makes her face her pride and say sorry a bit louder than I comfortable. Marilda is also such a mood. I knew I would like her from the moment she was late for class, because she got hungry and dropped to the cafeteria instead. She and Evie's friendship, and Evie literally saving her from an abomination of a haircut, was also so nice.

Writing Style: 4/5

I do love how descriptive you are in your writing! The best part about each description is that it is relevant, like you're touring us along with Evie throughout the course of the book. I think you have a very comforting and welcoming voice to your writing, which is fun as well as accessible, but still eloquent and fluent. Well done!

I noticed a few things throughout the writing which I have taken some notes on, though. Let's go through them!

First of all, redundancy. This didn't happen often, but there were moments of repetition that didn't seem purposeful and instead came off as awkward. For example:

There were multitudes of pipes and cables – thick ropes of cable lay everywhere like a runaway, metallic infestation.

The repetition of cable just felt a little jarring. Consider just removing the first cables in the sentence.

Next, showing instead of telling. Again, this was very rare – you did a great job at showing consistently. However, be careful of awkward moments like these:

"Sorry?" Oleanda said, looking annoyed at being interrupted.

Consider a way to show us. How would Evie know that Oleanda is annoyed? What would the facial cues be? Or would there be something in her voice? Show us, otherwise it can sometimes come across as clunky.

And finally, em dashes. You're definitely using them correctly, and as someone who loves em dashes, it made me very happy. The only issue? I think you're using them excessively. Now, this is coming from someone who also uses them... a lot. So I assure you, we will get better together! When I say 'using excessively', I mean that you often have instances where multiple sentences in a single paragraph all have a similar structure due to the em dash being employed. For example:

The frenetic activity of the past few days – packing, unpacking, travelling and interacting with overs – had been corroding Evanna's inner sanctum built on silence and solitude. Not that she utterly despised change and human interaction – to the contrary, she welcomed it once in a while. There was a whole new city she had to explore – the expansive modern city of Komoreby with its eco-friendly architecture and glistening skyscrapers that were snugly nested in groves of greenery. She just felt like she needed at least a week to recharge – that's so not happening.

Every single sentence in this paragraph is using an em dash. In particular, with the way they are employed in the last three sentences, it makes the sentences become a bit too rhythmic, to a point where it's noticeable and awkward to read. I would consider changing your structures and be aware of how frequently you are using the em dashes.

Plot + Originality: 5/5

I have to give you credit for the sudden switch of dimensions. It's so effective, with all the minor details – the uniforms, her mother scrapping pancakes for eggs when her daughter is a vegetarian.

Your story also has lots of exciting concepts that make it immersive. I love the houses, and how each one represents a different type of person – I'm sure your readers will be wondering which one they'd be in based on their talents and personalities. I also loved the scenes throughout the playing of Arcana – and how, even if it's not linked to the moments happening in the present world, it still almost builds to her character. Also, I saw you mention Naruto, and that randomly made me happy because that show was of my childhood. Anyways.

You can ask literally anyone, and they will tell you that I adore the concept of parallel universes. And the way you finished the first part of the book is so fantastic – we can see a way to set things right through the CRC being built, only to find out it'll be made in a year. So close yet so far! And the way the powers are done feels very real – even for the reader, we experience how foreign and strange it is when Evie's body shudders and the garbage bin basically slams into Oleanda. Really well done!

The climax is fantastic. I love all the action between Rind and Dara, and that moment of terrifying stillness when Rind pulls out the gun and shoots – followed by Evie leaving, coming back, and suddenly it's all gone. No shattered glass or blood. Side note, I also loved the mini twist of Anukie being Sef that whole time – it was fun to guess how Sef would be important, especially since she's the second person Evie told the truth to, if I recalled correctly. It just felt like a very smooth way to wrap it up.

Your epilogue is fantastic. The way you ended it in the Arcana-esque world, and having Zero go to Artemisia but refer to her by her real name. We all felt that cuteness. It was a sacred moment. And it is such a thrilling, open end of 'we are at a place of content, but we haven't quite gotten what we need'.

OVERALL SCORE: 23.5/25

Overall, a great story! I hope you're proud for finishing a whole novel, and one that is so polished and gripping. All I would suggest is you work on fixing up some little redundancy issues. Best of luck with your sequel!