Title: The Right to Die

Author: avadel

Summary: 4.5/5

I really like this summary! You introduce the protagonist, the important aspects of the context, and how it leads into the main conflict. I really like the language you've employed—it has drama, intrigue, and mystery throughout the whole blurb. And the final line, of course, is a great, punchy end.

Personally, I would like one more sentence about what this glittering world of courtiers is for this world specifically—and how it'll end up connecting to 'starting fires.' I realise that is not clear, so let me rephrase: I personally would love to know more about his role, as a revolutionary, in the story and his motivations as he enters this glittering world.

Aside from that, love this! I would want to buy this book immediately if I read this on a bookshelf.

Grammar: 4.5/5

Looking good! I've just caught a few minor little slips in the writing, so I think a little polish would help here. Here are just some examples:

M'yu's blade aimed straight at Rusland's torso, and...

I believe you meant Ruslan!

"Go?" he cocked his head, feigning innocence.

I would consider the 'he cocked his head' as a separate sentence from the dialogue. I would go with:

"Go?" He cocked his head, feigning innocence.

"Shut up." M'yu muttered, but a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.

I think it would flow better if you did:

"Shut up," M'yu muttered, but a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.

As always, great job here!

Characterisation: 5/5

Lots of love for everything here!

M'yu makes such a fun protagonist in general. He keeps it so real. He is placed in all these reluctant situations, and he's always surrounded by people who are seriously into 'setting things straight' or threatening/warning him, so it automatically feels like he has this fun, carefree edge to him. The language he uses is so chilled and casual; it's super endearing and makes him very likeable and familiar to the reader. When he and Ruslan are talking it out, and he went 'do you always have your conversations in bathrooms?'—I genuinely laughed. I like that he always has a smart response for everything, and love the way he learns all about the fact that we are often deceived by our own preconceptions. Really nice development there!

I really enjoyed the dynamic between M'yu and Sviya! I think M'yu put it perfectly—yes, she kind of fits into that rich kid, bossy mean girl stereotype, but you've written her so cleverly with little nuances that make her endearing. And I like that she goes from 'please do not associate yourself with me', to dragging him to athletics, to avoidance, and finally to him carrying around her books (or, at least, that's what she suggested!). I like that she picks up his more laidback language and starts cursing too—cute little switch.

And Aevryn very quickly wormed his way into my heart! You just immediately can't help but like him because of his lowkey fatherly vibes, despite him being on the opposite side to what M'yu would find comfortable and their initial interactions. And, for a while, I actually was super suspicious of him, and that slowly turned into being consistently terrified for him. The moment in Right to Stand where he essentially 'freed' M'yu had me feeling things. Stress being one of them.

With characters, I really liked that the ones from the very beginning were some of the ones we should have been more wary of, while the ones we were actually wary of in the beginning were ones we could grow to trust. I think that really twists a lot of narrative structures on the head, and was really fun to go along with. I also think it's a pretty lovely capture of what the book tells us about how M'yu was perceived himself by others, and perhaps also a little bit about how some things always start with good intentions—but humans have a good way of making a mess of things and getting a tad greedy.

My only note that I've written here is regarding the first chapter. We're introduced to quite a few people very quickly. M'yu and Karsya immediately feel distinct because of their conflicting values, but then when we also add Lania, Dahnko and more to the mix—we don't get too much description about them. This is sort of good, because it would be too much for the reader to process, but I do think there could have been more small details about them slipped in just so that I had more to work off when imagining the scene in my head. This could specifically be because I'm quite a visual person who likes more guidance with what I'm picturing in my head while reading, but I think a light little description (without stopping any of the movement) could be good.

Writing Style: 5/5

I never have any critiques here for you! Your writing is superb. You have this wonderful balance between witty dialogue, beautiful descriptions that aren't too dense, and quick-paced action that feelings meaningful throughout the story.

I particularly liked the recurring theme of 'control' from the purpose of why it's meaningful to M'yu in the beginning, to it echoing like a pulse—whether it's in magic or behaving himself in dinner. I feel like control, who has control, what control means as a concept—all of this felt quite prominent within your story.

Sometimes, the battle scenes—because they're so punchy—felt like the writing just was becoming a bit too rigid. I think it was particularly in the writing, where sentence structures were repeated. For example, you had a section where your sentences all started with:

M'yu swung again...

M'yu's blade slid to the right...

M'yu drew his sword back up...

When all these sentences are in a row, it almost feels a bit too much and a bit stilted to read.

Really good work here, though! I'm a big fan.

Plot + Originality: 5/5

Up with the innocent! Down with the powerful! What a fantastic concept to instantly be introduced to us. And I loved the dramatic heist-esque beginning!

I very much loved the worldbuilding—how cool! I like the quite futuristic AI energy of the story, contrasted by very fantasy elements such as witchcandy. Overall, I think you've done a fantastic job with the timing and balance of your world-building—you seem to know exactly when and how to introduce a new concept, whether it be LMS suits or information about Houses.

I also very much enjoyed the premise of the Trials, and once that was introduced to us, I was like 'Aha! The title of the story!'. I was very pleased with myself. But, even better yet, throughout the whole story, you always feel like M'yu is a massive underdog. Against the whole system, as well as against certain characters. That fight dynamic where M'yu literally knew he couldn't land a punch on Ruslan for the whole overarching plan to work, so he had to helplessly take punches? Brutal. I loved it.

The build-up was so immensely effective, getting to care about these people and understand why change is important. Then, the trials happened, and I was on my toes—when Miss Dess didn't throw M'yu under the bus and sort of stood up for him? I loved that flicker of hope. I also enjoyed the tension of M'yu wanting to tell Aevryn about the Signal Cloaker—it's such a cool trope, where the reader wants the protagonist to just spit it out because we know it's significant and may backfire if he waits. And sure enough, things dissolve into chaos before a clear conversation can be had, and it just amplifies the stakes and makes everything feel more tense. Great!

The way everything was wrapped up was also so smooth. Even Ruslan, after some scrubbing, got some redemption with the reader! And I love the way the political side of things get resolved, where solutions were made to make people feel like they were cared about and have a chance in the world. The story almost felt a bit like a commentary on some aspects of our very own world—with opportunity and intention quite big themes that recur.

I really enjoyed this! I was made to feel and, more importantly, I was made to think—that takes clever, meaningful writing.

OVERALL SCORE: 24/25

I really wish I had more to say other than 'this was fantastic'. Thank you so much for requesting, and I would just recommend a polish of some of the writing for fluency. Really great work!