Title: What The Eyes Can See

Author: heyennbee

Summary: 4.5/5

I really loved this summary! I'm actually probably going to keep this short, because I want to dive straight into the book after reading that. How mesmerising! Your writing is immediately slick and engaging, if not a little bit playful, and you've highlighted exciting aspects of your premise to the reader. Everything is very clear, and I'm very curious now!

The only sentence that really bugged me, and I think it's because I've been reading too many summaries in the past few days, is the last one. 'Especially when the shadows caged inside her threaten to break free' – it just felt somewhat random. There wasn't really any previous hint towards her having shadows caged inside, so when you bring it up that way, it almost sounds like the reader should have known that from the beginning. But, for all we knew before, she was very ordinary, and just has a bit of an ability. Maybe revise that sentence so it flows better with the rest of the story, and emphasise the stakes; what is so dangerous about those shadows threatening to break free?

Grammar: 4.5/5

Overall, everything is very polished. I don't think I caught any rules being broken. You clearly know your way around grammar and punctuation. Well done! Here are just some slips that I found:

Work related or not. Now was not a good time,

That's how you ended the paragraph. I'm guessing you meant:

Work related or not, now was not a good time.

And then:

The world wasn't perfect, and the people in it from that.

I think you're missing a word in that sentence!

Characterisation: 5/5

Wow. What stunning characterisation. I loved learning how much depth there is to Anaila – I love learning about her addiction, and I was very impressed by how well you broke that down. It felt very real reading about how she was in such a deep influence, with no one to talk to, and the way all that shame and self-disgust manifested. I also loved reading about how she got up, ran, and found herself after some perseverance – and how difficult it is for her right now, in this place of vulnerability. It makes her such a powerful protagonist to follow. As a reader, I love her resilience. If anyone is going to hurt her, she is going to put up a fight, and that makes her engaging and exciting to follow.

There's something quite comical and thoughtful about the way her character, as well as Ryan's, stands out against others. Other characters, like that reporter who was basically harassing Detective Blake with questions, or even Kathy who was bombarding Anaila with questions and theories, or the lady in the restaurant – they all act so superficial that it highlights and emphasises how real our protagonist is.

And I'm so impressed by your build-up of Ryan. I'm so fascinated by him, even if he is the missing one. Reading about how he had been anticipating death from the cancer, hadn't died, and then didn't know how to find himself or hope again – that was really powerful, and it made this missing case suddenly feel a lot more important and significant.

Writing Style: 4.5/5

Your writing was really excellent. There is a purposeful amount of description, the dialogue and pacing is excellent, and I was genuinely hooked onto every single word. The only thing I would suggest is to avoid getting caught up in repetitive sentence structures. For example, I believe you had one portion of the first chapter where these were the sentence starters:

He prodded at the potted...

He went on his toes and...

He poked the keyhole...

I watched him and his antics...

I pressed the button...

All of them start with the pronoun, then the verb, then the rest. It becomes a bit robotic. Just be aware of these moments and consider changing up the sentence structure every now and then.

Plot + Originality: 5/5

According to my plan, this review was supposed to be done by this Friday. However, as soon as I started reading yesterday, I couldn't stop. Well done!

I loved your opening line. How does one identity a killer, indeed! I also was so impressed with the way you introduced the power and concept – showing us the lady who would eventually go onto the podium after receiving an award and going on to achieve great things, and then contrasting this with the man who went into a dark and sad looking future with all the stubs.

There is never a moment without tension throughout this story. Whether it's that cautioning voice telling her to beware as she tries to sleep, or getting glimpses into her past and seeing the way her power was abused by her mother – who forced her to show her everything she wanted.

I'm very excited to see the way this story continues to unfold! The last scene, where she is drunk and seeing Ryan even though he's not really there, was really heart-breaking. And learning more and more about their relationship, as well as hearing whispers about a fraud potentially tied to Ryan, has me hooked. Well done!

OVERALL SCORE: 23.5/25

I honestly wish I had more to say, but I just thought this was simply excellent. Great work! I would just encourage you to polish up a few fine details, like sentence structure and a few little typos. Otherwise, you've done an excellent job. I hope this review has helped!