Title: Armageddon

Author: OGSmithson

I just want to apologise for taking so long to get back to reviewing! Unfortunately, I was dealing with some workplace harassment issues, and that was... an experience! But that's a story for another day. Onto the review!

Summary: 4/5

Romance summaries are tough! I think you've done a really great job at introducing your two protagonists, and very obviously hinting at the romance to come. It's written in a very engaging way, and I'm actually very interested to read more about them.

I do wish you were a bit more detailed in some areas in your summary. I do like the mention of the past traumas, insecurities and pitfalls of fame. But, if you mention wars raging, it feels a bit random; where are the wars kicking in? I understand it may have just been dramatic language, but it does stick out and seem a little random because there isn't quite the set up behind it. I just wish I had a bit more of a taste, overall, about the direction of the conflict. Either way, still a great summary.

Grammar: 4/5

Your story is really quite polished. I think there were only a few minor things that I noted, so I'll quickly run over them.

First of all, towards the earlier chapters, I noticed you were using hyphens instead of em dashes. It's such a small thing – and my guess is that Wattpad is just being irritating and not allowing you to format it correctly.

Next, your usage of semicolons. I would revise your usage of them because I feel like, in some instances, a comma would work better because you weren't separating two independent clauses. For example:

Everyone is busy, Edgar; and a lot of people really couldn't care less that you don't eat meat – for whatever reason.

I think a comma instead of the semicolon would be more fitting for that sentence. That, or remove the 'and' after the semicolon. Another example:

Sure, athletes aren't the smartest people on the planet, stereotypically speaking; but I'm not about to be passed up by the chance to see half-naked Greek gods.

Again, because you've got the conjunction straight after the semicolon, the semicolon just doesn't really fit. Consider:

Sure, stereotypically speaking, athletes aren't the smartest people on the planet, but I'm not about to be passed up by the chance to see half-naked Greek gods.

Additionally, I noticed the following typo in your story:

What if I never had to put up a façade of strength I the first place?

I think you meant 'strength in the first place'.

Characterisation: 4.5/5

This has been done really well! Characters immediately stand out with distinct voices, from Edward to Alejandro and even Charlene. They're all very intimidating characters to me, but are all incredibly distinct in how they communicate, so really well done there.

I'm going to focus on Edgar here, for obvious reason. First of all, wow. I love her narrating voice. From the very start, there's an instant engagement to her tone – it's so relatable! Putting things in places specifically to not lose them (and then still losing them), as well as wishing to be born in a rich aristocratic family. Mood. There is also a magic to her very first line of dialogue being "fuck you". She has a lot of confidence and snark, as well as a lot of demons that keep rising up as the story progresses, and that makes her such a fantastic character to follow. We also know, through your subtle actions, such as giving fruit salads to Charlie, that she is a gem behind all that snark.

I will say that, as a reader, it was very jarring to see her call the players losers and telling them off so confidently when she first met them all. I know she is set up to be quite confident in public, perhaps to hide all her inner insecurities, but I just feel like we needed more justification behind her almost rude behaviour at that time – especially because it was her first time in this specific context, so it felt weird that she wasn't having any moments of hesitance. This was especially noticeable for me because, later on, when we meet Charlene, she's a lot more flustered. And, sure, Charlene is a stranger, while Edward is a very familiar friend so she would naturally be more comfortable, but the way she just interacted with the players was just jarring for me to read. Just a bit more justification or internal monologue to brace us for her actions would be welcome.

Writing Style: 5/5

I didn't take any notes here, and that is a good thing. It just means that, as I was reading, the whole story felt cohesive and fluent. The writing, as I mentioned before, is very engaging, thanks to Edgar's phenomenal voice, and you've done an excellent job keeping the reader hooked. Really well done here.

Plot + Originality: 5/5

Yeah, this is honestly great. I had such a fun time reading this – once I started, I actually struggled to put it down. It's the first somewhat-romance that I've read in a while, and for me, the whole narrative just screamed 'intelligent' to me. We have great philosophical statements and questionings about whether social order is as natural as we make it out to be, and we are shown the affects of trauma on a person in the long term.

Edgar is set up in this rather terrifying inner circle, where being a minute late means that a warning is written up. I was mad on her behalf when the letter said she was fifteen minutes late! She is set up to seem more humble this way, and someone we instantly want to engage with, and we just want her to succeed overall. I felt a little bit giddy seeing the way she impressed Charlene with her meet-and-greet-ideas, and I can tell that some research has been done to clearly demonstrate the world of a publicist and how every statement and article and podcast matters.

I am also loving the way we learn about her backstory, and the way it has been surfacing more and more. Learning more about her father, about Sophia – it's kept me really curious and always asking questions. I'm excited to see her eventually stop running away from her past, because right now, there's a lot of running. You've set up a great route for character development and I'm excited to see it!

OVERALL SCORE: 22.5/25

I really, really enjoyed this! It really got me back into the swing of reviewing, so thank you for that, and thank you as well for your patience. Overall, I would just polish up some small punctuation things, but otherwise, you have a very promising story to tell. Well done! I hope this review helps.