Title: Healing Wounds

Author: dilenu

Summary: [no score – not added to final score]

You don't really have a traditional summary, which is fine! It just means that I decided not to include anything about a summary in your blurb, because it's a little hard to discuss when it's already quite ambiguous. Still, it clearly states the purpose of your story, so great job!

Grammar: 2/5

First of all, I will say, congratulations on finishing the story! That works really well now, because you can now focus on giving your story a quick sweep in terms of editing the grammar and punctuation. Let's discuss that now.

Overall, the fluency of your story is often interrupted by the consistent errors in the chapters. We have incomplete sentences, run-on sentences, sentences missing punctuation (full stops, commas, capitalisation) and such. I would brush up on those skills. Let's also go through some examples of the more complex things, however.

Dialogue and punctuation. When dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'they exclaimed – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question, and an exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"You are welcome to Bee's interiors, it is a pleasure to have you here." She said while extending her hand for shaking.

Not only does the full-stop need to be changed to a comma before the dialogue tag, but you also have yourself a run-on sentence. "You are welcome to Bee's interiors" works as a sentence on its own, as does "it is a pleasure to have you here". Therefore, it should look more like:

"You are welcome to Bee's interiors. It is a pleasure to have you here," she said while extending her hand for shaking.

Next, you also keep changing tenses every now and then. For example:

Tara was studying her new bosses. From what she had seen and heard, she believes that she can say something about their personalities.

If we break it down:

Tara was studying her new bosses. [was = past tense]

From what she had seen and heard, she believes that she can say something about their personalities. [believes, can = present tense]

Make sure you choose one and stick to it.

Additionally, watch out for semicolons. Sometimes, you use them a bit too often, and in a way that isn't actually accurate. Semicolons should be used to separate two independent clauses – meaning that, technically, the two sides could work as a sentence on its own if you replaced the semicolon with a full-stop. Now, let's look at your story:

As she chewed in relish; from the corner of her eyes, she noticed a lady with a ridiculous amount of make-up on her face.

'As she chewed in relish' does not make a complete sentence. Therefore, I would replace the semicolon with something more apt, or restructure the whole sentence.

Characterisation: 3/5

From the very start, I found Tara to be quite an amusing character – I love how her sensibleness contrasts the rather dreamy and chaotic Alice, and we could see that when she smacks some sense into Alice with the whole "don't you think it's a bit too early to be crushing on your boss's son who may or may not exist?" What a foreshadowing moment, too!

I think the highlight of your story was the development of the characters. Tara shows us that she can be stern, and when she is faced with her past, she's bold and tough and tells him that she's not his chocolate. Over time, she becomes strong enough to face and share her past, but you've taken a realistic approach to show how tough it is and how emotional it is on her.

However, I feel like you need more feeling and more tailored writing for your characters. For example, let's look at the start of your story, with the mother/daughter conversation. They've both been through so much, and yet, the conversation felt like any generic conversation between any two people who share a house. This is, as a reader, the first impression we have on these characters – seize the opportunity to show us idiosyncrasies of the character, or give them little things that will instantly make them memorable and stand out. If it's a basic "hello, how are you" conversation, then it falls flat as an introduction to your story.

Then, let's flashforward to the near-end of the story, when she's about to tell Philip about her past so he doesn't hear it from a third party. She's obviously crying and shaking a lot, but what is going on in her head? What are her thoughts? What is she seeing, without having to oddly stick a flashback in the middle of it? Give us some personification or metaphor to really help us grasp the emotional intensity of the situation without it feeling blatantly told to us.

Writing Style: 2/5

I think you've got some good language usage happening here. I especially liked the moment of awkwardness between Tara and Philip before she tells him about her past, and you use that expression with the canopy of silence. I encourage that figurative language!

However, overall, there is a lot of telling and not enough showing throughout the whole story. If we pick out a simple example from earlier in the novel, when the bosses are arriving:

Tara was the most frazzled.

I'm picking out a random sentence, but let's workshop it in our heads. Why not show the moment? Why not flesh it out by describing the setting, how Tara is interacting in that setting to show that she is frazzled, and really just show us what she's like in those moments where she is frazzled? Is she tidying things? Pacing back and forth? Biting her nails? What are some ways you can show this?

Overall, I've found a lack of cohesion in the writing. One moment, in a later chapter, she's smiling from the breeze. Then, she's thinking about how, in her teenage years, her favourite activity became peeking through the library window at some dashing young man who practiced playing basketball, and as she thinks about this, she's now crying. However, for the reader, who can't see any thought processes because you haven't shown us, it's a bit jarring to just rush from one emotion to the other without any smooth transition or justification. Slow down the pace, and don't feel afraid to really just let us into her head. If you want to avoid telling us about her past exactly, that's fine – but hinting and foreshadowing are completely acceptable tactics.

Additionally, your writing has lots of repetition, which can make the writing clunky and awkward to read. For example, I picked out a moment from your story, and wrote down all the sentences. Then, I wrote down the starting few words of all these sentences which, by the way, all are clustered together:

She opened her eyes...

She looked down at her lap...

She gazed into his eyes...

She blinked back tears...

She looked down and sighed...

She resumed talking...

All these sentences have the same structure. 'She', followed by a verb, followed by the rest. It becomes a bit repetitive and robotic, so I suggest becoming aware of this and trying to change it up.

Plot + Originality: 3/5

I think the concept of your story is beautiful. It's an inspiring story about growing stronger as an individual, facing the past and embracing who you've become – as shown through Tara. I'm so glad she went to Philip's house and chose to give them a chance with love; the je t'aime moment was very sweet. The highlight for me, though, was the mother at the end. It was so great to give her a moment in that final chapter where, after going through so much abuse, she's filed for her divorce and is putting her happiness and health first. I'm very proud!

There were some very cute moments in the story, and I did enjoy them going around the museum/art gallery, and it was exciting having all Tara's hard work pay off with a promotion.

However, a few instances in the story lack purpose, drive and mood. Let's go to the chapter at the hairdresser. There are some moments that are important, like running into Martinez and showing us how much that emotionally affects her. However, before that, there's just small talk with the hairdresser, and of course, the beautiful new hairstyle. But, because it is just small talk, going to a reception, checking the booking, and then doing regular and non-story relevant talk, it lacks a drive in it. And it goes for half the chapter.

Why don't you slow down the pace, and show us more about the character and where they're at during that point in the chapter? Or, alternately, show us more about the setting or culture to ground us more? It's such a culturally rich idea, and yet, I feel like there could be so much more introduced to the reader to make us feel well-introduced to this new setting.

OVERALL SCORE: 10/20

Overall, an inspiring concept! I would work on polishing your overall writing, as well as your grammar. I hope this review helps!