chapter forty-four ━ jane doe
( season eight, episode twenty )

❝That girl has been through hell
and back. I just want to help her
get back to a good place.❞

━ trigger warning: kidnapping, abuse, rape ━

"HOW DID I even lose that badly?" Jackson asked as Ellie got out of his car. "I mean—I'm usually very good."

She looked back at him. "You chose bowling," she told him with a chuckle. "The last time we went bowling, April beat you. April. And she got five gutter balls."

"Haha." He rolled his eyes and she laughed, unlocking the door to their apartment. "Well, I'm not the one who ate six slices of pizza."

Ellie squeaked in offense. "You offered them to me!" she countered, walking into the kitchen and pulling out a Diet Coke. "So, you don't get to use that argument." She let out a small breath and leaned forward on the kitchen island, looking at him. "We should talk."

Jackson nodded. "About our next date? I'm in."

"About whether we should tell people," she said and he glanced back at her. "I just—The boards are coming up in nearly three weeks. And everyone is on edge."

"Well..." He sighed and walked over to her. "What do you want to do? Because, I know for one, that April would lose her mind."

Ellie smiled to herself. "She would," she agreed, chuckling lightly. "So would Mark, I think. But..." She looked back up at him. "Do we even have to tell them? If one person finds out, the rest of the hospital will soon."

He nodded, wrapping his arms around her waist as she twisted around in his arms to look up at him. "That's true. And then we don't have to field any questions."

"I love it when we're on the same page," she said, pecking his cheek as she pulled herself out of his arms. "And we should get to bed. We have work in about—" She looked over at the oven clock. "—seven hours." She opened her bedroom door and glanced back at him. "You coming?"

☀️

ELLIE PEEKED HER head around the large basket she was holding. "Am I going to run into anything?" she called out and Jackson took it from her. "This is for Cristina."

"Oh, this is getting ridiculous," April groaned in annoyance.

"The NIH?" Jackson asked, taking the card from its clip. "Since when does the NIH bribe residents to come work for them?"

Cristina shook her head. "Oh, they don't, except when you're me—a God."

Just then, Alex walked in and stole one of the cookies, taking a bite. "Cookie's stale," he commented and Cristina looked at him with a pout.

"Aw, Karev, is this hard for you?" she asked him. "Having to beg for interviews while some of us just sit back and get wooed?"

"No one is begging."

April shrugged. "Maybe you should," she replied and Ellie raised her eyebrows, sitting beside Jackson. "Maybe that way, you'd actually get an interview."

"Ha!" Cristina laughed. "I love mean Kepner."

Ellie sighed and shook her head. "Alright everybody, let's get to work," she said. "I'm sure there will be plenty of interviews down the road."

Owen poked his head inside the resident's locker room. "Sloan, Karev, we have a trauma coming in," he told them and the two residents looked up at him. "With me."

She fluttered her lips and stood up, following Alex into the hallway. The three of them made their way up to the roof where they were meeting the helicopter that carried their patient.

"Female hiker found at the bottom of a ravine," the paramedic informed them. "Positive LOC with obvious head and abdominal trauma, hypothermia, frostbite, you name it."

"Let's go!"

"Airway looks clear," Alex said.

"Weakened pulse," Owen added.

Ellie moved to Alex's other side and noticed the girl starting to wake up. "Hi," she said and the girl looked at her. "I'm Dr. Sloan. This is Dr. Karev and Dr. Hunt. You're in the hospital. Can you tell us your name?" The girl started to gasp and she nodded. "Okay, okay. It's okay."

"Let's go," Owen said again. "Outta the way!"

As they brought her up to get her CT scan, Ellie kept an eye on the young girl who was looking around frantically. She gripped tightly onto Ellie's hand and she looked down. "You're okay," she told her, rubbing reassuring circles with her thumb.

Owen and Alex went into the other room with the computer while Ellie set up the girl in the machine. "I'm gonna be right on the other side of that glass, okay?" When she went to leave, the girl didn't let go of her hand and Ellie looked back at her. Her eyes traveled down to her wrists, seeing marks on them before pulling back the covers from her ankles, finding identical scars. "You weren't hiking out there, were you?" she asked her.

The girl shook her head just as Owen's voice echoed from the intercom. "What's the holdup, Sloan?"

"Uh—" The girl gave her a pleading look and she nodded. "I'm staying in here!" she called back to him and he furrowed his brows. "Get me an apron, please." A nurse handed her one and she looked at the girl once more. "I'm gonna stay in here with you, okay? I'm not leaving."

She glanced through the window at Owen and caught his eye, letting out a sigh.

Once they had gotten the girl's scans back, they hurried her into surgery to treat her immediate injuries. "She was abused," Alex said to the attendings while looking at the scans in the OR. "It's all over the x-rays."

Ellie nodded. "Then shouldn't we be calling the police?" she asked.

"Just stay calm," Owen said and she looked at him. "We don't know anything for sure until she talks."

"Hunt, she has a temporal bone fracture," Derek told him and Ellie glanced back at the girl. "I'm gonna have to do a middle fossa approach."

Bailey pointed at one of the scans. "There's an aneurysm in her celiac artery," she said to the room. "I'll need to put a graft in."

"She's ready to be put under, chief," Knox informed him and he nodded.

"Wait." Ellie walked over to the table and stopped the anesthesiologist. She looked down at the girl on the table. "You were running from someone, weren't you? Is that how you fell?" The girl hesitated and looked back at her. "Nobody is going to hurt you here, I promise. We just need to know your name, sweetie."

"He—He called me Susan," she replied and Ellie looked up at the attendings. "But I—I think it's Holly."

☀️

ELLIE HAD BEEN tasked with helping Owen speak to the police given that Holly trusted her the most which is why she found herself walking into the OR alongside the chief of surgery.

"Bailey, Shepherd, can you stop for a moment?" Owen asked them.

"What is it?"

"The police want us to check for a birthmark under her arm," Ellie replied and Bailey lifted the arm, shaking her head; no mark. "The other side. Further up."

She turned over the arm and Ellie sighed, seeing the mark. Once the surgery was over—and Holly was awake—the group of doctors were gathered in her room. Ellie stood beside the girl's bed after Holly requested she stay with her.

And Ellie was not the type of person to abandon a girl in need.

"Okay," Derek said and Holly looked at him. "Can you wiggle your toes?" Holly winced when she did what he asked. "Painful?" She nodded. "Yeah. You hit your head pretty hard when you fell. But you're doing great, okay?"

Owen looked at the group outside of the room and nodded. Two officers and a doctor walked in. "Holly, I'm Dr. Fincher," she said. "I'm a therapist who works for the hospital. Is it okay if the police ask you a few questions? Only if you feel up to it." Holly looked at Ellie who nodded reassuringly and she nodded in agreement. Dr. Fincher glanced at Ellie briefly before one of the officers stepped forward.

"Do you know his name, Holly?" the officer asked her. "The man that was keeping you?"

"Joseph," she answered after looking at Ellie for reassurance. "Joseph Ingles."

The officer nodded. "That's great. It's really helpful. Now, can you tell us anything about where you were living? Was it a house, an apartment?"

"It was a house," she said quietly. "One story. It has a basement."

"Do you know if there were any roads nearby? Could you hear cars?"

"He didn't let me go outside," Holly told them, her voice cracking and Ellie laid a hand on her shoulder.

Dr. Fincher looked at her. "Holly, we can stop if you need to. Just let us know."

Holly hesitated and looked back at Ellie. "Okay, then," the blonde said, looking up. "Maybe we should—we should take a break. Sure." Owen led them outside while Ellie rubbed Holly's shoulder. "That was really helpful, Holly."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Very," she assured her. "I'm just going to step outside for a moment. I won't be gone long."

As she walked out of the room, she heard Dr. Fincher's frustrated voice. "—and now our patient has bonded with a surgeon."

"If you want her to cooperate, then it shouldn't matter how it happens," Ellie said, walking over to them. "I understand that this is your area of expertise, but she feels safe—probably the safest she's felt in years. And during med school, Dr. Kathleen Shepherd gave me small, private lessons studying psych. You are more than welcome to call her. And I also have experience in psych after the shooting at the hospital." She sighed. "Look, I'm not trying to take over for you, I just—That girl has been through hell and back. I just want to help her get back to a good place."

Owen looked back at Dr. Fincher. "I think it'd be best if Dr. Sloan stays with Holly," he said, agreeing with his resident. "At least until her parents arrive."

Dr. Fincher glanced at her. "We'll have to work together on this."

"Absolutely."

She nodded. "Thank you. If you'll excuse me, the family's waiting for my call."

☀️

"HOW IS SHE?" Jackson asked Ellie, setting a cup of iced coffee in front of her. She looked up briefly, smiling to herself at the sight of the beverage—and that he remembered her order.

"She's terrified," she replied with a shrug, glancing into Holly's room. "Barely talking. I mean—Can you imagine her parents right now? For so long, they were probably sitting at home, thinking the worst, and then they got this call. A call telling them that their daughter is alive. She's alive, but she has these memories that no matter how much she tries, she won't be able to erase."

"At least she has you," he said and she looked back at him. "She has a sense of trust with you. That's something, at least."

She sighed. "There's only so much that I can do," she replied, leaning her head on his shoulder. "We have to rebuild her confidence—her trust. And she has to remember how to do basic things because she doesn't remember them anymore."

Jackson wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer, and kissing the top of her head. She snuggled against him, both of them forgetting that they had agreed to not tell anybody about their relationship.

"Oh, my God." They both looked over when they heard a voice and saw a man and woman standing outside of Holly's room. "Holly? It's her. It's her."

Ellie looked back at Jackson before pressing her lips together and walking back to Holly's room. Her parents were standing in the doorway with Richard and her mother had tears in her eyes.

"I'd know you anywhere," she said and Holly looked at her. "You are... still my perfect baby girl. Holly... I know it's soon, but... I would like to hug you. Would that be okay?"

Holly glanced at Ellie who nodded encouragingly. Holly nodded in agreement and soon, both of her parents were hugging her tightly.

"Oh, my baby girl. My baby girl..."

☀️

𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑

ELLIE WAS SITTING in a chair next to Holly's bed, flipping through a photo album that her parents had given her, in hopes of remembering her old life.

"This is—I think—your first day of school," Ellie said, pointing at the photograph before turning the page. "Your sixth birthday. It looks like that's where your bunny came from." She pointed at the stuffed bunny that sat on the side table. Holly stayed silent and the blonde glanced at her. "So today, Dr. Torres is going to be realigning your arm. You'll have a lot more mobility in your elbow afterward."

"Did they really think that this would work?" Holly asked quietly. "Give me some photo albums and a stuffed animal, and we'd be normal again?"

Ellie shook her head. "No," she replied. "I think that they're just trying to help you remember because you were only six..."

"Well, then tell them that I remember all of it," Holly said, looking at Ellie. "The first day of school and the sixth birthday. Just like I remember the first time he made me take my clothes off and how hard he kicked me when I didn't act like I liked it. Or how his breath smelled like cigarettes, how I could've gotten away a bunch of times, but every time I made it outside, I could hear his voice inside my head... that they didn't want me, that I was dead to them, and that the only reason I finally ran away was because he told me that he was gonna take another girl... because I was too old and used up and disgusting now." She faced Ellie. "Tell them that."

She let out a breath and stood up. She glanced back at the girl who stared at the wall in front of her, memories swirling in her mind. She made her way to the exam room where Holly's parents were currently with Richard. When she knocked, her mom perked up. "Did you show her the photo album?" she asked her.

"I did."

"Did she remember?" her father asked hopeful. Ellie paused momentarily before shaking her head and his spirits sank. "Not even the bunny? She loved that thing."

"She didn't remember," Ellie said quietly. "I'm sorry."

Richard looked back at them. "She'll come back to you," he told them. "It might take some time, but the memories are still there. You just have to be patient."

A short time later, Ellie was sitting in the observation deck of Holly's next surgery. She looked down into the OR where Jackson, Mark, Callie, and Bailey were currently working on repairing her arm and ligaments.

Callie sighed. "Man. Look at all this callous formation," she said and Ellie looked up at the screen. "He would've had to break this arm three or four times to get this amount of scar tissue. And the humerus is pretty strong, even in a young kid. Kinda makes you sick just thinking about the amount of... force it took to break it—"

"Can we talk about something else?" Bailey asked, interrupting the orthosurgeon. "I mean, you know, who knows what they hear subconsciously? So it... maybe it wouldn't hurt to come up with a conversation about something other than every parent's worst nightmare."

Mark nodded while Ellie brought her legs up to her knees. "Avery scored an interview at UCLA," he said.

The man in question looked up at his mentor. "That is not what she meant."

"No, that—that's good," Bailey said, shaking her head. "Let's hear about that."

"Well, it's a top ten program, which is impressive," Mark bragged and his sister snorted softly. "Ellie, did you hear that Avery got an interview at UCLA?"

She nodded. "Yeah," she answered. "I was there when he found out. Just like when you found out and just now... when you just told the entire OR his news."

Callie glanced between the two. "Here's a topic we can talk about," she said. "What's going on with you two?"

Jackson looked up and Ellie caught his eye. "What?"

"Anything new happen between you two recently?" she asked.

"No," they said in unison.

Mark narrowed his eyes at his sister. "You kissed, didn't you?"

"Wh—" Ellie frowned before looking down at Jackson and back at her brother. "How did you know that?"

"I was raised you, Ellie, I was around when you got your first kiss," he said and she sunk in her seat. "You have the same glow that you had back then. Just... glowier."

She opened her mouth. "I—I'm not having this conversation with my older brother in the middle of a surgery," she replied.

"No, this is good," Bailey said with a nod and Ellie looked at her. "Keep going."

She shook her head. "Page me when she's out of surgery." She turned back just as Mark turned his attention to his resident. "And leave the poor man alone, Mark."

"You're no fun!"

☀️

"IT CAN'T BE that bad. I mean, she still complimented you," Ellie said to Jackson a few days after Holly's surgery.

It had also been a few days since Ellie and Jackson's relationship became public knowledge to the hospital courtesy of Mark Sloan and his 'big mouth' as Ellie described it. A few days since April Kepner absolutely lost her mind from excitement and Meredith had to begrudgingly pay Alex for losing her portion of the bet.

When were Ellie Sloan and Jackson Avery going to admit their feelings to each other?

Alex won by three weeks.

"Because I'm Harper Avery's grandson," Jackson told Ellie who was leaning into his side and she patted his cheek.

"You're a name brand," Alex said and they both looked over at him. "You're like the freakin' Ritz-Carlton of surgery. Who cares if that's why they want you?"

"Because I'm sure he'd rather get a job as Jackson Avery, not Harper Avery's grandson?" Ellie replied and he smirked.

"Oh, whatever, Dr. Sloan," he said teasingly and she threw one of her grapes at him. "I overheard your brother mentioning that the two of you are together to a few nurses."

Ellie groaned. "Oh, God. Is he ever gonna stop?" she asked Jackson.

"Probably not."

She crossed her arms and pouted like a child. He chuckled and let his arm fall over her shoulders as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Oh, oh, oh!" April said suddenly and Ellie looked up at her to see she was watching Holly in the distance. "She's going for the soup."

Cristina nodded. "Bold move. She's gonna have to talk to the soup guy."

Ellie sighed. "Guys—"

"She's looking good," Jackson said, also watching the girl walk around the food options. "Looking confident."

Alex turned around. "And she bails. No soup for Holly."

"She looks terrified," Lexie said before looking at Ellie. "Why are you so mean? Would you just go buy her some soup?"

"I'm not being mean," Ellie replied with a frown, picking up a carrot stick. "She's going home soon, and Dr. Fincher says she has to learn to do things for herself. So I can't help her even though I really want to." She paused. "Mer, aren't you supposed to be at your interview in Boston?"

"Oh, she's avoiding it," Cristina told her.

Meredith looked at her. "I am not avoiding it."

"Well, when you go, just be aware, they may judge you more on your personality than what really matters," April said and Ellie glanced at her. "Like your resume."

"Meredith isn't like you," Alex commented. "Her personality doesn't suck." Ellie threw another grape at his head and he once again caught it. "You can keep doing that, but you're just giving me more food."

"Pizza station!" Jackson exclaimed, looking back at Holly.

April groaned and turned away when Holly abandoned the pizza. "Oh, whatever! You know what? Those programs can suck it. I'm tired of trying so hard not to be me. You know what? I like me."

Ellie nodded. "I like you, too."

"That makes two of you," Alex quipped and April frowned at him. "You make it so easy."

Ellie threw a plastic spoon at him and he winced. "No more grapes for you," she told him. "Look, Apes, if they don't want you for you, then they're not worth it."

Just then, Mark walked up to the table of residents. "Get up," he said to Jackson.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Claire Hiatt just called to tell me that you walked out on your interview," he replied and Ellie raised her eyebrows. "Call her back, apologize."

"Mark—"

"Hush, Ellie."

Ellie shut her mouth and Jackson looked from her to his mentor. "Look, I respectfully withdrew my application," he said.

"Do you want me to drag you out by your ear?" Mark challenged him, leaving the resident mildly confused.

"Uh—"

"He will do it," Ellie said and he looked down. "And it hurts." Jackson sighed and nodded, standing up from the table. He handed Ellie the rest of his fries and she smiled. "Good luck!"

Alex groaned. "Freakin' Robbins!"

Ellie looked back at him. "Is she also sending you to ridiculous places?" she asked.

"You too?"

She nodded with a small sigh. "Yeah. But then when I go somewhere that Callie sent me to, they find out that I also do peds and offer me two positions. It works out for me."

Alex huffed in frustration and left the table just as Holly walked up to them. Ellie looked at her. "Uh—so I didn't actually—uh—speak to anyone. But... I—uh—did go to the self-serve station. And it actually wasn't that hard." Everyone was looking at her tray full of desserts. "What?"

"Nothing," Ellie said, shaking her head with a smile. "It looks good. But—" She pulled out an apple from her bag. "—eat this, too."

☀️

"HEY." ELLIE KNOCKED on the door to Holly's room and walked inside. "How are you feeling? That was a pretty big deal."

"Not really."

She shrugged. "I don't know," she said, sitting down in the chair beside Holly's bed. "Braving that cafeteria line is pretty major. Even for those of us who haven't been—"

"Kept in a basement for twelve years?" Holly finished, looking at her. "Why do they all talk around it? The therapist, my parents, and... what I've been through is being... kicked, and raped, and slapped, and starved. And I—I get it, but... it was my life. And I didn't get to talk to him about my life with my parents, and now I don't get to talk to anyone about him."

"But you can talk about him."

Holly shook her head. "No, I can't," she said. "No, you'll—you'll think... You won't get it."

Ellie pressed her lips together. "I've watched you gain more confidence every day, Holly," she told the girl. "I've watched you try and be the person you think everyone wants you to be. But you're not. I know that. So... tell me about him."

She looked back at the resident. "He wasn't only bad," she said quietly. "Sometimes he was okay. He'd let me go upstairs and... we'd watch stuff together—movies. And it was like it was normal. When I came back here, I turned on the TV, and there was this... movie on that we watched together. And I started to miss him.

"And I know that's bad, and I must be sick. And don't tell the shrink that I said anything 'cause she... she's gonna ask me how I feel about it. And I don't know. All I know is—is... I should be happy that I'm here and not there. But sometimes I'm not."

"That's okay," Ellie said to her. "Whatever feelings you have... they're all valid and yours. You're allowed to have mixed feelings about him, Holly. People may not understand why, but you do. That's all that matters."

☀️

𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑

OWEN STOOD IN front of his staff in the conference room. "Patient is eighteen-year-old female Holly Wheeler. Dr. Altman?"

"I got the page from Dr. Yang at 2218, and then met her and Dr. Bailey in the OR where we discovered that the previous graft had become infected," Teddy said. "While we tried to interpose another graft away from the infection, she arrested several times on the table. We had to restart internal cardiac massage and give her an intracardiac epi, and fortunately, we were able to resuscitate her. Dr. Bailey was then able to repair the graft and other than some initial touch and go in the CCU, she has been stable ever since."

"Your recommendation?" Owen asked.

"Patient is healthy and ready to go home."

He nodded. "Neuro?"

"Signed off."

"Ortho?"

Callie smiled. "We're good."

"Plastics?"

"Send her home!" Mark cheered and Ellie chuckled lightly at him.

"And general?" They all looked over when they heard a sniffle. "Dr. Bailey?"

Derek slid over a box of tissues toward the general surgeon and nodded. "Dr. Bailey signs off."

"Great." Owen nodded with a smile. "Well, Holly will continue her therapy with Dr. Fincher, but as far as surgery is concerned, she's set to go home. Thank you, everyone. And, especially, a big thank you to Dr. Sloan."

Ellie smiled in response and let out a breath of relief that felt as though she had been holding it in for weeks. Richard stood up and began to clap, the rest of the surgeons joining in.

"Okay, that—that's enough," Owen said, shaking his head. "Let's get back to work."

Ellie nodded to herself before walking the familiar path to Holly's room one last time. She knocked on the door and Holly looked up from her seated position on her bed. "They're good parents, right?" she asked as Ellie sat down beside her. "I mean, they seem like good parents."

She nodded. "They've been here every day since you came in—all day—just in case you wanted to see them. That's rare to find. They've taken a step back, just to try and understand what all of this has been like for you. Give them a chance, Holly. Just talk to them like you would with me."

"The car's all packed," her father said, walking into the room. "We have everything?"

Her mother nodded. "Uh—yeah. I think so." Ellie helped Holly into her wheelchair and her mother looked at the resident. "We can't thank you enough, Dr. Sloan."

"It was my pleasure," she replied with a smile, squeezing Holly's shoulder. "But I don't want to see you back in here. Stay healthy, okay?"

Holly cracked a smile and her father looked at the side table. "Oh, you don't want to leave this behind," he said, picking up the stuffed bunny.

"Uh... yeah." Holly looked up at her parents. "Actually, I do. Um—I don't know. It just reminds me of everything that I—I missed out on. I'm sorry. I know that it—it means a lot to you guys, so—so we can take it if you—if you want, but—"

Her mother shook her head. "No. It's fine. We can leave it."

Ellie waved goodbye as they wheeled Holly out of her room. She picked up the stuffed bunny and rubbed her thumb over its soft fur before setting it back down on the table. She walked over to the door and turned off the light, glancing at the empty bed.

"Go get 'em, Holly."

☀️

ELLIE WAS AT the airport bar, drinking her Diet Coke with Jackson, April, and Cristina before their next round of interviews for fellowships.

"'Be less you'?" April asked herself and Ellie looked at her. "How do you be less yourself?" Cristina set down her drink before closing the redhead's binder and throwing it into the trash. "Um—"

"There," Cristina said with a nod. "Less you."

Alex joined them and they all looked at him. "What?"

"You put on your suit?" Ellie asked him.

He nodded. "I gotta be at Yale first thing in the morning," he replied, taking off his jacket and setting it on the table. "What if my flight gets delayed?"

"Or worse," Jackson said, picking up the coat as he maneuvered around Ellie. "What if you go in there looking like a hobo in a wrinkled-ass jacket?"

Ellie chuckled to herself as he smoothed out the jacket and folded it nicely before pulling her back towards him. "Your inner-Avery is showing," she whispered in his ear and he smiled in amusement.

"Hey," Meredith said, sitting next to Cristina. "So I rescheduled my interview at Brigham, and I leave in an hour."

Cristina smiled and raised her glass. "Cheers to that."

"Jackson, Ellie." April caught her best friends' attention. "We gotta go. We're gonna be late."

Ellie nodded and let out a breath. "And we're out," she said, finishing her soda. "Good luck, everybody."

"Happy interviewing, losers," Jackson added.

"New York..." Ellie sighed as he grabbed her hand and followed April to their gate. "And to think I fled to Seattle to escape New York. Why am I going back for an interview?"

"You don't have to go," Jackson told her.

She looked at him. "Well, I do, because otherwise I'd get an earful from Mark."

"Oh, very funny," he replied sarcastically and she laughed to herself, nudging him in the sides.

"I thought it was."

April looked back at them, shaking her head. "You guys are going to be adorably annoying now that you're together, aren't you?"

"You're the one who'd been rooting for us to get together," Ellie retorted and the redhead shrugged. "But to answer your question, probably."

April smiled to herself. "Good."

☀️

━ author's note:

welcome to the 'ellie and jackson are official and will be annoyingly-adorable' era of sunshine!

it's in there with all the grief ellie experiences in season nine... if you know, you know

also, april kepner as soon as she finds out about them: *war is over!*