chapter twenty-four ━ return to new york
( original chapter )

❝It's not... Beth...❞

ELLIE SAT AT the kitchen table of the apartment, scrolling through her emails on her laptop when her phone rang. She picked it up, not glancing at the caller id, and brought it to her ear. "Yep. Hello?"

"Well, it's been a while."

Ellie choked on her coffee at the sound of the voice. "Mrs. Shepherd... h—hi. Uh, what made you call?"

"Well, I thought I would have gotten a phone call by now considering that you nearly died," she replied and Ellie sighed.

"So who told you?" she asked. "Mark, Derek? Was it Amelia, even?"

"None of the above," Carolyn Shepherd answered. "I saw the documentary while scrolling through the channels. Now, when were you planning on telling me?"

Ellie shrugged sheepishly. "Well... I wasn't really... going to..."

"I called Mark straight after," Carolyn continued. "He told me you had died. Twice!"

Ellie pressed her lips together. "Look, Mrs. Shepherd, I'm sorry... I've just had a lot on my mind with it all."

"I understand. Now, when are you coming to visit?" she asked and Ellie opened her mouth. "Mark mentioned that you have a few days off this weekend."

Ellie tilted her head. "Did he now?"

"He did," Carolyn confirmed. "Come on, just a quick visit. We all miss you. Besides, Kathleen, Nancy, and Liz are all going to be in town. We can have a family dinner."

"A family dinner?" Ellie repeated, doubt filling her tone. "I don't—"

"I'm not taking no for an answer," she interrupted and Ellie let out a breath. "It doesn't have to be for long. We just want to catch up with you."

"Fine," she relented. "Fine, I'll book a flight tonight. I'll see you this weekend."

"Wonderful." Carolyn smiled. "We'll see you then, Beth."

Ellie looked at her phone as the dial tone filled her ears. "It's... not Beth..."

☀️

"ARE YOU OKAY?" Andy asked a few days later and Ellie looked away from the window. She smiled with a nod.

"Yeah, sorry," she said with a sigh. "I just have stuff on my mind."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

Ellie trilled her lips and ran a hand through her blonde locks. "I'm going to New York tomorrow and..." She shrugged. "I don't want to."

"Why not?"

She let out a breath. "I like to tease Derek," she said. "Mess with his head a little. So I always tell him that his mom calls me once a month. It really freaks him out and it makes me feel... I don't know, like I'm a little kid again. But, in reality, I haven't spoken to Mrs. Shepherd in nearly four years."

"Why not?"

Ellie pressed her lips together. "I've known her practically my entire life," she said. "She's practically my mother. But... we don't have a lot of similarities. She always had a lot of expectations for me. And it certainly didn't help that Amelia was always the one that I was closest to. She's the one who was closest in age to me. I went to her for advice on a lot; boys, makeup, everything. And then... when she was thirteen, she overdosed on pills and her sisters and mother, and maybe even Derek, still can't get over it. She's still the black sheep of the family.

"So before I came to Seattle for my internship, I found out that Mark slept with Derek's wife. That's a whole other story that doesn't matter much anymore. But I went to the Shepherds to spend time with Amelia when her mother came into her room and started yelling at her for using again. Amelia tried to defend herself, but she didn't believe her. So, I stood up for her. I believed her, because she was doing good. I got into an argument with Mrs. Shepherd and the next day, I was on a plane to Seattle. And I haven't spoken to her since."

Andy nodded. "Well, it's probably good that you're going, right?" he asked. "Try and clear the air?"

She shrugged. "I guess. I don't like to hold grudges. That doesn't mean I won't, though. But I don't even know what I'm going to say to her. I didn't think this was how I was gonna go back to New York..." She glanced down at her watch. "I should probably get going. I have an early flight tomorrow."

"Let me drive you," he offered and she smiled softly.

"That's sweet, but Mark is driving me," she replied, hugging him tightly. "But I'll call you when I land, okay?"

"I look forward to it."

☀️

ELLIE STEPPED OUT of the airport and took in the reminiscent smell of the city when she heard a car horn honk. She looked in the direction of the sound and saw Carolyn Shepherd stepping out of her car. She took in a breath before walking over to her. "Mrs. Shepherd."

"Beth, dear." Ellie mentally grimaced at the nickname. "It's so good to see you again. Have you gained weight since the last time I saw you?"

"Uh—"

"Anyway, dear," she continued, not letting Ellie reply "The girls are all so excited to see you again. It's been, what, two years?"

"Four."

"That long?" she asked and Ellie nodded. "My, how time has flown." Ellie pressed her lips together as she put her bag in the trunk of the car and sat in the passenger seat. "How have you been, dear? Seattle is treating you well?"

She nodded. "It's good," she replied, replying to a text that Jackson had sent her.

"Anyone you're seeing?" Carolyn asked. "You know, your sisters were all married by the time they were your age." Ellie nodded, looking out the window. "You're an attractive girl, maybe lay off some coffee from time to time—"

"His name is Andy," Ellie interrupted and the Shepherd matriarch looked at her.

"Oh, you are seeing someone," she said with a smile. "That's wonderful! And is he also a doctor?"

"Teacher."

"Oh." Carolyn nodded, her smile faltering. "How... useful."

Ellie looked at the woman with a frown. "There's nothing wrong with being a teacher," she said. "He's very nice, I'll have you know, and he treats me very well."

"That's nice, dear."

Ellie turned back to look out of the window, partially listening to Mrs. Shepherd's chatter, taking in the familiar sights.

"Congratulations, Ellie!" Mark said, hugging his younger sister at her high school graduation. "Class valedictorian. I knew you could do it!"

"Of course she was going to be valedictorian," Derek told Mark, hugging her when it was his turn. "It's Ellie, we're talking about. Your speech was great."

Ellie smiled. "Thank you." She looked around at the other families. "Is it just the two of you? I already knew Mom and Dad weren't gonna come..."

Derek nodded. "Yeah. Mom had to work and so did the others."

"Even Amy?"

"Oh, he's just making it seem as though I'd forget." Ellie turned around at the sound of the voice and saw Amelia walking toward her. "I wouldn't miss this for the world. Congratulations, baby Sloan."

Ellie crinkled her nose. "Ew. Don't ever call me that again. It makes me sound like I'm Mark's daughter or something."

Mark huffed and walked away to the refreshment stand. Derek followed him and the two girls chuckled at their older brothers. Ellie slung her arm over Amelia's shoulder as they followed from a distance.

"So, how's work?" she asked.

"Oh, you mean being the other Dr. Shepherd?" she replied. "Just great. Swell."

Ellie sighed and laid her cheek against Amelia's. "I'm sorry. But you do know you're capable of being better than Derek, right?"

"See?" Amelia smiled at her. "This is why you're my favorite."

Carolyn pulled into the driveway of her house and as soon as Ellie stepped inside, she was immediately pounced on by three brunettes. "You're here!"

"Oh, my gosh!"

"We haven't seen you in ages!"

Ellie grunted from the weight of the three sisters. "It's nice to see you too, Kathleen. Nancy. Liz."

"We want to hear everything!" Nancy said, dragging her into the living room.

Kathleen nodded. "Yeah. Are you seeing anybody?"

"What specialty are you gonna do?"

"How's Derek? He hasn't answered our calls recently."

"And Mark. Oh, we've missed Mark."

Ellie sighed and leaned her head on her hand, looking at them. This was going to be a very long trip...

☀️

ELLIE POKED AT her food at the dinner table, listening to the Shepherd sisters talk about their marriages and children.

"So, Beth." Grimacing at the nickname, Ellie looked up at Liz. "Is there anybody special in your life?"

She nodded. "Uh... yeah. His name is Andy. He's a teacher."

"How... exotic."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "What is wrong with being a teacher?" she asked in annoyance. "So he doesn't make as much as a surgeon or a lawyer, believe me, everyone tells me that, but he's changing lives every day just as much as a doctor or a lawyer."

"But can provide a life for you?"

Ellie scoffed. "We aren't getting married," she replied. "And who says that he has to provide for me? I can provide for myself just fine, thank you."

"Can you?" Nancy asked. "You're a resident."

"So?"

"You hardly make enough," she continued. "And aren't you living with your brother?"

Ellie sighed and set down her fork. "That's because there was a shooting at the hospital and he had to commit me to psych for a month to get better. Because I fell on top of my best friend's body after she was killed. And then I got shot. Twice. So, forgive me, Nancy, for living with my brother as a grown adult."

"All we're saying, Beth, is that you need someone who you can depend on."

Ellie tilted her head. "I don't need to depend on a man," she retorted. "And I have a life that I love. And you know what? I loved it before a man ever entered the picture."

"So, any wedding bells in the future?"

"No, Nancy, there are no wedding bells in the future," she said in annoyance. "Because we've only been dating for a few months and we've never talked about it. And before Andy, I had a man who was perfect for your ridiculous standards. He was a lawyer, successful, too. And he loved me... for me."

"What happened to him?" Kathleen asked, sipping her wine. "Scare him off?"

Ellie let out a breath while Liz nodded. "She never was very good at keeping boyfriends in high school."

"'Cause you'd know that how, Liz?" Ellie asked, crossing her arms. "You weren't there. You were doing your residency. Only Amy and Derek were around. But to answer your question, Kathleen, he died. In a car crash."

"Oh." Nancy stood up. "We're gonna need a lot more wine."

"No, don't bother, Nancy," Ellie said, shaking her head. "I don't drink."

"So, how's Amy?" Nancy asked, sitting back down. "She still of the rails?"

Ellie scoffed. "You know what, she's doing great," she said. "She's sober and she's getting her life together. Working with Addison in California, last I heard." She shook her head. "I... I shouldn't have come back here. This was a mistake."

"What do you mean?" Carolyn asked.

"I mean, I hate it here," she replied. "I hate it here. It's suffocating. It's—It's not my home. Not anymore. Seattle is my home. With my brother and Derek. With Jackson and April and Andy and all of my friends."

Nancy furrowed her brows. "Jackson? Who's Jackson?"

Ellie shook her head. "That's not important," she said. "I came here because you asked me to, Mrs. Shepherd, but I won't sit here and listen to you all berate your younger sister for something she did twenty years ago. She's not the same person she was when she was thirteen. And she's as much my family as she is yours, but at least I treat her like it. I'm sorry I haven't called, but when you all can accept your sister, then I'll answer."

☀️

━ author's note:

her relationship with the shepherds will always be complicated (including derek & amelia), but the strongest will always be those two...