chap 10
Anna awoke from a peaceful slumber finding one of Loki's hands on her forehead, the other holding a book he seemed to be highly interested in. The armchair had been moved to right next to the bed, allowing Loki to be placed in it while still touching her.
"Your hand is so cold," Anna muttered, enjoying the sensation of the coldness against her warm forehead.
"I - yes," he agreed, only then noticing her awakening; "You were worryingly warm when I carried you up, so I thought I would attempt to assist to cool you down a bit. You seemed to enjoy it, so I continued. I hope that is okay."
"It's okay. It's... Sweet," Anna decided, sitting up in her bed before adding; "But I'm still angry at you." Loki laughed slightly.
"That is understandable," he admitted.
"I'm surprised Tony let you in here after your little stunt... He must be pretty mad at me," Anna mentioned quietly.
"He is unaware of my being here. I think he believes you to be alone, awake. He does not know how much it fatigues you," Loki pointed out.
"He doesn't need to know. For some reason, nothing ever appears when I'm sleeping after I've been healing," Anna informed.
"Your magic is rather drained at that point. If it's unused, as it generally is, it is not odd that it overflows when you relax as much as you do during slumber," Loki informed her.
"There's so much I don't know about all this," Anna groaned, slowly sitting up. Loki withdrew his hand, carefully watching the girl.
"This bothers you?" he questioned.
"Well... It bothers me because it's the most important thing about me, and I know nothing about it," Anna explained with a shrug.
"It's not the most important thing about you," Loki corrected quickly; "Far from it!"
"Of course it is. It's why I am where I am, why I am who I am, why I'm even here. It's... Everything that matters about me," she told, looking down at her hands.
"Well... I disagree a great deal. Were I to talk of the most noticeable and important parts of you, I would speak of your kindness, your intelligence, your determination," Loki listed; "I would, to put it simply, mention many things, and your abilities would not rate high on the list."
"Even if that was true, I'd still like to know more about it," Anna told, making Loki nod.
"Hey," Anna greeted softly as she entered the lab, standing in the open door.
"Anna," Tony greeted, leaning back in his office chair. He was sitting with a bunch of electrical devices in front of him, wires and parts Anna couldn't even identify. "Done sulking around?"
Anna nodded without a word, not moving from her spot by the entrance.
"You can come in, you know," Tony offered, seemingly unfazed. Anna squeezed her hands unsurely as she carefully stepped closer, unsure what exactly she expected. Tony would never act violent towards her, she knew that, but it was like her body had learned how to react to irritation and anger and she, herself, had no say in it. Even that made her nervous; what if her nervousness and insecurity would anger him further? But if she acted too confident, he could be annoyed by that as well. In spite of her rationality, she was scared.
"So? What did you want?" Tony asked, resting his hands in his lap.
"I'm sorry, do you want me to go?" Anna asked quickly, already a step taken back.
"Anna," Tony said softly; "Take a deep breath, then sit down." He nodded towards a spare office chair, identical to his. "I won't move from this chair unless you feel okay with it."
Anna nodded softly before doing as told and sitting down carefully.
"I'm sorry," she muttered.
"It's okay. We're just talking, okay?" Tony assured. She nodded before taking a deep breath.
"Take your time," Tony encouraged.
"I... I'm sorry," she began; "I know what I did was wrong and dangerous."
"It was," Tony agreed calmly; "Why did you do it?". Anna bit her bottom lip softly, looking down at her hands in her lap.
"Loki," she admitted in a whisper; "He seemed so confident that I could do it, and I... I trust him."
"I'm glad you were confident with your abilities, that you thought you could do it. The problem is, you could have been wrong. And I could have been dead. We don't know how strong you really are, if you could even heal someone before they were injured," he added.
"But Loki said I could, Loki knew I could," Anna disagreed.
"But he could have been wrong!" Tony exclaimed; "You're talking about trusting a guy who held a knife to my throat, not more than a few hours ago!"
"But he wasn't going to hurt you," Anna argued.
"You don't know that!"
"I do know that!"
"How?" Tony challenged, Anna quieting.
"I... I don't know. It's like, when he lies, I get this kind of feeling. It's like... It's like my chest tightens and I know it's not true," she tried explaining it; "I'm sorry."
"I don't like how much trust you're putting in him," Tony told, leaning slightly back in his chair; "That being said... I have trust in you. For the most part."
Anna looked up, finally facing him properly.
"Don't ever cut my throat again, and please, be careful with Loki. I know you're becoming... Friends, and... And I can't say that I like it," he admitted. Anna nodded, not having a reply to what she'd just been told.
"I was actually just looking into your family. Seeing if I could find any," Tony told. Anna looked at him, nodding to get him to continue.
"So far no luck, but I think my tests on you were inconclusive. I didn't notice at first, but your DNA seems off, somehow. In other words, if you're up to it I'd like to do another round of testing."
"Yeah, that's fine," Anna muttered, pulling up her sleeve so Tony could get access to the vein in her arm.
"It won't take long, we'll be done in time for dinner," Tony assured, getting out the supplies he'd need.
"I'll probably go to bed right after. I'm pretty tired," Anna told, glancing at Tony.
"Mhmm. Who'll be watching you?" Tony asked, not returning the glances he received from the girl.
"I thought... Maybe Loki? If that's okay," she quickly added. Tony looked her in the eyes, not saying anything for a few seconds before taking a deep breath.
"Of course. Just... Promise me you'll stay safe," he added. Anna nodded, but didn't reply. Of course, she would be safe; that is exactly why Loki would be with her.
"He's," Tony paused to think about his words; "I know he wasn't to blame for what went down, but... I don't know, I guess I would worry no matter who you befriend, but I just hope your next friend won't be another serial killer."
"Fine. Mass murderers?" Anna suggested, suddenly much more upbeat.
"I don't think there's a difference," Tony claimed nonchalantly, getting a few cotton swabs out of a small kit.
"Yeah there is, serial killers have to kill at least three people and it has to take over a month, and there has to be time between the murders," Anna argued; "A mass murder is four or more in a short time period in typically one location, and can actually be executed by entire organizations. Often when people say mass murder, they just mean spree killing, which is just one of a few people who kill at two or more places with very little time between them, but they're not defined by the number of victims like a serial killer, you only need enough murders to identify the pattern of time and location, so two."
Tony had stopped working, looking intently at Anna.
"Did Loki teach you that?" he asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.
"No," Anna replied quickly. "Natasha did."
"Are you still tired?" Loki questioned, either out of politeness or honest curiosity; Anna couldn't quite tell.
"Yeah, but I don't feel like sleeping," she told; "I want to stay up all night and read until I forget where and when I am."
Loki smiled. "I don't know why you would wish for that. Here it is fairly decent as well, I'd say."
"Says the guy who stays up reading all night," Anna mentioned as she crawled under her covers.
"I do not stay up to read, I stay up and read. Two widely different situations," he claimed, smiling at the young woman as she made herself comfortable; "Which, may I add, is not allowed for you per your Tony's commands. I do believe he ordered your eyes to be closed."
"Well, he's a buzzkill. Which is generally something no one ever gets to say about Tony Stark," Anna muttered, closing her eyes.
"Buzzkill?" Loki questioned.
"Yeah. Means he spoils an otherwise possible enjoyable event. Like now. I could have been reading, but instead, I get to sleep. Yay," she added sarcastically, turning to her side to face Loki, even though her eyes remained closed.
"Do not even begin to claim you do not enjoy his obvious care for you," Loki teased with a small smile, making it impossible for Anna not to smile a little as well. "Anyway, I wish you a good night's rest. I will wake you if anything appears."
"Thank you. Night," Anna added, always finding it awkward to go to sleep when she knew someone was watching her; particularly when that person was Loki. She always felt a bit unsure of her behaviour when around him, not because he was a god, but because she genuinely liked him. Because he was nice and smart, and cunning in the best way and charming, and for some reason, she couldn't help but want him to like her, too. Furthermore, she always felt like he watched her a little more carefully than anyone else. Tony, who'd taken his fair share and more of nights up, always sat with a tablet or something of the sort, glancing occasionally at her. At least, as long as she was up to observe him.
Natasha and Steve would always take it seriously, as they did anything they considered important, but that didn't mean they weren't bored. Anna could tell by the heavy sighs, their heads leaned back to look at the ceiling and their fingers tapping on the armrest of the chair.
Loki, on the other hand... He would read, only occasionally glancing at Anna, but somehow he felt incredibly present still. Anna wondered if it was about him being a god, if he could focus on two things, or maybe she'd read him wrong, but she came to another conclusion...
Thor, the few times he had watched her, did not have the same ability to make her feel watched. Loki wasn't how he was because he was a god, because of any other thing than the plain truth; he was just really focused on her at that time, for some reason she couldn't quite figure out.
"Read to me," Anna asked softly, making Loki immediately look up.
"What?" he questioned slowly, glancing at her every feature. She seemed... Tense. Not tense, perhaps, but not relaxed either.
"Please?" came her quiet request, making the air stuck in his throat for a second. Something about the vulnerability and softness she offered, a softness he had not met in years, it touched him, in ways he never thought any simple words could do. For the gods sakes, all she had asked was for him to read to her.
"You want me to read aloud to you?" Loki repeated, slightly confused.
"I like your voice," Anna muttered, still not opening her eyes.
"You're supposed to be sleeping," Loki reminded her.
"Tony just said to have my eyes closed, nothing about sleeping. We won't be breaking any of his ridiculous orders or rules," she pointed out, a small smirk reaching her lips. Loki smiled at her, knowing she couldn't see. He was starting to rub off on her, and he couldn't claim to be surprised, all considered. He could tell she was doing the same thing to him, based on the guilty feeling he'd gotten when he threatened Stark on his life. Of course, he knew guilt, but he would have never hurt the man, so what he felt was simply guilt for the fright he must have brought the man, and that was certainly not his modus operandi.
"'I don't love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz, or arrow or carnations that propagate fire...'"
"'...I love you as one loves certain obscure things'," Anna continued; "'Secretly, between the shadow and the soul'. Pablo Neruda, love him."
"Why exactly am I reading to you if you know the thing by heart, darling?" Loki teased.
"How was I to know you were reading the collection of love poems I left you? I wasn't even sure you were into poetry," Anna argued, laughing slightly.
"I can go get another book if you'd like?" Loki offered lightly, but Anna just shook her head.
"No, it doesn't matter. I'll be quiet," she promised. Loki smiled while shaking his head slightly, turning a page in the poetry collection.
"I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom but carries
the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,
and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose
from the earth lives dimly in my body."
Loki glanced at Anna, who was already nodding off and unaware of his stopping. He smiled at her soft features before continuing, unsure for who's sake.
"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride
I love you like this because I don't know any other to love,
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my dreams."
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