My room is kind of a mess right now. Instead of a single C-Cup bra or bikini set on the floor, my swimsuit drawer occupies more than half of the carpet. Even though I know exactly what I'm wearing to my friend's house, I'm lazy and am sitting on my bed. The pile will get put away by the end of the month. 

Other than desperately looking for something to wear, I check my phone every once in a while. Last night, Jude was being extra flirty and I was certain he likes me. Much to my disappointment, he hasn't sent a single message. Not even my daily "hey gorgeous" text pops up on the screen. It's only been about fifteen hours since he almost kissed me in his car, so I cut him some slack.

On a positive note, Eva's picking me up and we're having a sleepover. We haven't seen each other in what feels like forever. Plus, her tan looks really good in her Instagram pictures and I'm sure she's glowing even more in person. 

They say sisters before misters and I hope seeing a close girlfriend helps me forget about my neighbor's bullshit. 

Eva finally lets me know she's outside and I run out, grabbing my stocked overnight bag. I shoot my parents a quick text and make my way to the beautiful white Jeep. 

My best friend received a beautiful and dark tan in the Keys. I was right, her skin is literally glowing like a model's. "Long time no see, sweetheart!" I missed being in her arms with the smell of her strawberry perfume in my nostrils. 

"I missed you, Eva." I say, playing with the end of her blonde ponytail. "When Victoria's home, we better do this again."

Eva puts her hands on her hips and gives me a stern look. "I'm starting to think you like her more."

"Never!" I confirm. "Can we go now?"

She shakes her head and smirks, revealing her pretty teeth. "Patience, Shapiro." 

One of the windows in the back rolls down. "Evangeline! Take me back home!" Carson whines, alerting me of his presence. The cousins have matching pairs of Pit Vipers, only Carson is using his as glasses instead of a hair accessory. 

"Since this is a democracy, we're heading back." Eva gives in, making herself comfortable in the drivers' seat. After she puts her sunglasses on, we speed out of my driveway. 

I have to pray the rosary at least ten times. To put it lightly, Eva isn't the safest driver. It's like being on a ride at Universal with its unpredictable speeding up, slowing down, and turning. Universal's a fun spot, but there's no reason driving should feel like the fastest roller coaster at that theme park. 

Still, I enjoy the ride. Her cousin unfortunately doesn't feel the same. The rearview mirror indicates Carson will pee himself all over the leather seats of Eva's baby. 

"There's no need to floor it." Carson begs, holding onto his seat for dear life. I don't know if Eva heard, let alone heeded his request, but we slow down as the gate becomes closer. That's when she drives us like a normal person. 

Finally the car is a block away from the Hamiltons' and Eva side-eyes her chicken of a cousin. "We're home. You can stop screaming like a little girl now."

"Uncle Tommy and Aunt Nikki won't be too happy about your first speeding ticket." 

"That's not happening anytime soon."

The three of us step out and Carson offers to take my bag from me. I declined and thankfully he's too tired from the eventful drive to press the issue. Eva shifts her attention back to me as she recounts her visits to the picturesque beaches the Keys boast. 

"We have to go for one of our spring breaks." She raves, earning a nod from Carson and I. "The house is walking distance and we can just tan for however long we want."

Carson looks excluded from these plans. "Who is we? You don't tan for a week straight without swimming at some point."

"That's not what your mom said." Once again, the family members' argument entertains me. Because my cousins are adults, some with at least one child, we disagree maturely like the UN diplomats. 

The house seems empty. Her parents, Carson's aunt and uncle, don't signal that they're home. I assume they're nowhere to be found. Carson knows for a fact his uncle is golfing, but his aunt's whereabouts are harder to pinpoint. 

It's just like I remember it to be. Afternoon sunlight pours through the massive window, the sofa sitting in front of and perpendicular to it. Pictures of newborn and baby Eva sit on the side table.

Eva throws herself on the couch. "I guess it's just us, bitches."

"Language, young lady."

Disregarding Carson, Eva and I get to talking. "Did you miss me a lot?"

"I cried myself to sleep every night knowing we couldn't be together." I lie, earning a laugh. 

"You can't be alone, huh?"

Carson shakes his head. "No shit." 

"This is a girls only conversation, stupid." Eva looks at me apologetically. "Someone needs to put him in his place."

"I don't care."

She nods, playing with her ponytail. "Make yourself at home. Mi casa es tu casa, EJ."

"Will do." I sit on the opposite side of her away from Carson. 

"How's life, freshman?" He inquires.

"Upcoming junior, actually." I correct him, shaking my head. "I'm not going to complain."

"I heard about what Payne did to you. That bites." 

My heart drops, but I manage. "Thank you."

Eva goes off on Carson on my behalf. "She doesn't want to hear that name anymore, dumbass."

"It's no big deal." Yes it is, Emilia. You'd cry and throw up if there weren't two people here. 

Hearing that only a small amount of the male population doesn't think I'm ugly kind of hurts. Even though everyone and their mom agrees that boys suck ass and shouldn't determine how you feel, it's not enough to keep me from sobbing my eyes out when no one is watching. 

Jude started being a little shifty himself. Once again, why is a stupid text wagging the dog? I guess we'll never know. 

"Speaking of..." My serious look shuts Eva down. She doesn't need to know about Jude right now. "Someone's a little feisty."

"Is it about that guy you brought to the bonfire?"

I think about my answer without him figuring it out. "It's nothing."

"Gotcha." Carson goes out of his way to change the subject. "So, are you looking forward to Eva's party?"

My life has been a roller coaster with softball and Jude. So much so I forgot about Eva's upcoming sweet sixteen. Thinking about it again excites me. "Yeah. It'll be fun."

"You should wear the pink dress." Eva suggests. "I know it's my birthday and in theory, the attention should be on yours truly, but that dress looks beautiful on you." 

It takes me a bit to put two and two together, but the baby pink dress my future mother in law won't be seeing me wear is a contender. When Valentina, my awesome cousin from Miami, got it for me, I remember laughing in her face. I fully expected it to look like shit on me. 

To my surprise, trying it on was like a bride finding the perfect gown for the big day. It's on the shorter side but the ruffled skirt compensates for it. The straps cross in the middle of my chest. "Of course, birthday girl." 

As I confirm my outfit choice for Eva's party, soft footsteps are audible from the master bedroom. She reveals herself, only wearing a towel and a smile. Eva's mom's face turns into pure mortification when she realizes I joined her family earlier. I guess she didn't expect her nephew and I to be here.

Nikki Hamilton isn't someone I get to see very often. When I do get to spend time with Mrs. Hamilton, I soak up her carefree and gentle spirit. She goes out of her way to make anyone who walks through the door feel welcome. As her daughter's best friend, I'm no exception.

"My bad, kids." is all she has to say before she leaves the three of us alone. We brush it off and continue chatting. 

It isn't long before Nikki returns wearing real clothes, a nice top and skinny jeans. Looking at her is like looking at an older and taller version of my friend. She's blonde and big-boned like Eva and has the Oscar winning smile to match. 

"So sorry about earlier, y'all." She says more to me than anyone. Nikki grew up somewhere in the North, but being married to Eva's dad gave her a Southern drawl. 

"Don't worry, Mrs. Hamilton. We'll laugh about this later."

Nikki chuckles, not even bothering to correct me. "Thank you, sweetheart." She turns to Eva, telling her that her dad will be home from his golf session soon.

"Emilia," She focuses her attention back to me. "Long time no see. How's softball?"

"We had a good season."

"Glad to hear it, young lady." She stands up straight, demonstrating the inch she has on Eva. "Y'all need anything?"

Carson and Eva don't speak up, leaving me to decline on their behalf. "No thanks, Mrs. Hamilton." 

"Please call me Nikki. And please don't hesitate to give me a holler if y'all need any snacks." She squeezes Eva's shoulder before retreating back to her bedroom. Without Nikki's laughter, silence takes over the air and we just sit on the couch awkwardly. 

Carson sighs and stands up like he's about to leave. "I should probably leave you girls alone. I'm hanging out with the guys." 

"Don't party too hard." Eva says, prompting him to leave. Unlike some guys, Carson is pretty chill and I don't really mind him. I just need some estrogen right now. After half a week with a guy, I forgot what it's like to be with my amazing girlfriends. 

The minute he shuts the front door, Eva and I catch up. Since I know everything about her trip, I tell her about Jude and waitress at the beach club.

"Hitting on a sixteen year old in college? She needs Jesus and therapy."

I laugh my head off at her response and I'm reminded why I appreciate Eva. She can put me in my place and laugh with me in the span of a few minutes. 

After we compose ourselves, Eva's voice becomes serious. "You like him, don't you girl?"

"Can I be honest?" I lay down next to her. 

"That's what I'm here for, EJ."

"Yeah. He's really cute and makes me happy." I impulsively recount last night. The last time I saw his dimples.

Eva squeals, pulling me off the couch. "Emilia. This is a huge deal." She hugs me so I smell her body spray and almost die. 

I lay back down. "I don't understand."

"Oh sweet Emilia." She says, a chuckle lacing her words. "He's smitten with you. Kissing you in the middle of Chick-Fil-A? Someone's getting action."

"That's not really the full story. He hasn't checked on me in almost eighteen hours." 

My cheeks flush because getting ghosted under these circumstances is embarrassing. I'm sure he's embarrassed about what transpired. It's also partly because I know she's right. 

Eva's eyes bulge out of their sockets. "What?"

"Yeah. I feel like he lead me on." I sigh, my insides deflating. 

"Damn, I didn't know. I'm sorry to hear that."

Blinking back tears, I reply: "I don't care." In reality, I can't stop thinking about him. The first guy that went out of his way to make me feel like I matter isn't who I thought he was at all. I can pretend to be one hundred percent sure of myself all I want, but Jude makes it hard. 

She plays with one of my curls. "Emilia, I can't read minds and it's definitely not my place to say this on Jude's behalf. He really likes you."

"What makes you so sure?" I sit up, making sure I look as confused as possible. 

Eva's face softens. "He lets you sit in his lap and couldn't care less if you end up hurting him."

"If he likes me, then why is he like this?"

"Jude isn't the most confident person in the world." Eva theorizes. "You know that good and well." 

A lightbulb goes off and it all makes sense. Part of me thinks Eva is lying to make me feel better, but she hit the nail on the head. There's so much to love about Jude, from his dimples to the way he hugs me like an old friend. He doesn't see himself like I do and probably thought I was weirded out by last night. 

I never want him to feel uncertain again. 

~
Eva's words replay in my head and almost make me go crazy. Even when we're tanning and talking about everything except for Jude I know I need to figure this out. 

"Girl, your skin is glowing." She rubs my darkened thigh. If Jude were here, I'm sure he'd do the same thing to awaken the butterflies. 

I laugh. "So is yours. I might have to go to the Keys myself."

"Damn right you do, baby girl." Eva rolls over, revealing her Barbie pink bathing suit. The bottoms have cute bows on them and the top pushes up her already perky boobs. Behind the straps is pale skin that looks white in comparison to her sandy tan. "Also, can I borrow that bikini you're wearing?"

"Be my guest." I sip the smoothie Nikki made for Eva and I. "Your mom did good on these."

Eva picks up her glass, partially melted frozen strawberries and milk inside. "Every time I try to use the blender it literally short circuits."

"Just put shit in and press a button." I roll my eyes. "You can do it."

"Thank you, Emi." She smiles, sitting back up. "So, may your best friend who can actually fit into your clothes have that bathing suit?"

"I already said yes." I play with one of the straps. The triangle top is navy blue and the bottoms are white and my ass spills out of them. 

Eva pumps her fist. "Look at my girl Emilia in a bikini. Two years ago you'd wear a hoodie to the pool." Eva's house was the first time I felt comfortable wearing a two-piece as she hyped me up the whole time. Without her, I'd still throw up when I see my reflection. She made me feel pretty long before any guy did. 

Speaking of guys, I snapped a certain one.