Dally's POV:

I've had a couple boyfriends. Back in New York I flirted with any guy I thought was hot. That mostly just turned into one-night stands or strange looks. But occasionally, I'd find a guy I had a real connection with. But those never lasted long; they always ended with them either realizing they're not gay or their parents threatening them or me. I keep worrying that that'll happen with me and Johnnycakes. I haven't stayed friends with any of the guys I've dated. But he won't ever even know. That's the only thing that reassures me that our friendship will remain intact. Then that exact thing is what breaks my heart. I want him to know. I want everyone to know. Back in New York, the feeling of being out of the closet was beyond freeing; liberating in fact. But now I'm back in, trapped, suffocating. I want that free feeling again, but I'm too scared; last time it ended badly, and I'm sure this time it will too.

After school let out I sat alone in the lot, thinking about Johnny. I was really in a pickle. If I tell him I liked him, he'd reject me because he's straight. If I don't, I'd live the rest of my life with this huge burden, pretending to be into girls. Either way I'll be miserable. I could go back to New York; it's been a couple months and I wouldn't have to hide there. But then I'd be leaving the one person I love. 

"Hey Dally!" 

I looked up and saw Johnny running up to me. "What's up?" I asked, trying not to blush as the afternoon sun illuminated his face and the breeze blow his bangs out of his eyes. 

"You wanna go on a double date?"

"Yes!" I said, not skipping a beat. I couldn't believe it. He actually asked me out!

"Great! Olive has the perfect girl for you! We'll meet at the Dingo at seven."

My heart sank. "Who's O-Olive?"

"My girlfriend." 

I choked back a sob. Johnny had a girlfriend. He didn't want to go out with me. And worse of all, I was gonna be forced to go out with some random girl. I couldn't decide not to go; I'd already said I could go. If I backed out now, Johnny'd get suspicious. I can't tell him. Not now. I'm not ready. 

...

I was not looking forward to the date. Johnnny and I were at the Dingo three minutes to seven. I followed him to a table where two girls sat. They were both pretty, I guess. But when I saw how much cleavage they were showing, I almost threw up. Instead, I put on a smile and sat down across from Johnny and next to a girl who was wearing a leather jacket and baggy jeans. 

"Hi. I'm Dally." I said to her, an alarm going off in my head.

"Francine." The girl replied, looking me over. 

"So... umm... You look nice tonight."

"So do you."

"I'm new in town." I said.

"I've lived here my whole life. Where are you from?" 

"New York." I was getting kinda uncomfortable about how close she was getting to me. I scooted to the edge. Luckily, she didn't get too close. 

"I like your accent. It's real neat."

"I like yours."

Throughout the meal, Francine and I had very little conversation. What I could tell she was into me because of what she said, so I replied with words that sounded like I was into her too, when really, I was more uncomfortable than I'd ever been. I just wanted to shout 'I'm gay' and run outta there. But I didn't. I mostly stuffed my face with fries so I didn't have to talk.

When it was time to go to the movie, we all boarded Olive's sister's car that she was borrowing; Olive and Johnny in the front, and me and Francine in the back. We got a relatively good spot at the drive-in. But Johnny and Olive weren't watching it at all; they were too busy making out. I sank down in my seat with my popcorn and tried not to barf. 

One horrifying moment, I reached into my bucket and found Francine's hand reaching in. I yanked my hand away and our eyes met. Oh crap. There was no way out of what I'd have to do next. I sctartched the back of my head. "So... I guess we should make out?"

She quickly glanced to the front seat then back at me. "Or we could take a walk."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Yeah. I like your idea. Let's do that." 

"Let's." Francine reached over me and pushed my door open. 

We both slid out of the car and walked away from the crowd of cars and people. We didn't say anything until we met the side of a building. Francine turned to me and said. "I'm sorry if I'm ruining your night."

"You're not. In fact, this is actually better than most dates I've had in Tulsa." I said, trying not to think too much about the girls who've thrown themselves at me ever since I've been here. 

"That's terrific! I'm so sorry it has to end here." 

"Thank gods!" I say to myself a little too loud.

Francine put her hand on her him. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing! Just... You're not exactly my type." I defend myself. 

"So you're saying I'm ugly."

"No! No! You're very pretty. I'm just... Not into that." 

"So you're saying if I wasn't a lesbian you wouldn't have sex with me?" Her eyes widened and she clapped her hands over her mouth.

My jaw dropped. "Y-you're a lesbian?" 

She kicked a tree stump. "I suppose you're gonna tell everyone, huh. Tell 'em about Francine the freak who likes girls."

"No! Of course not!" I stutter. 

"You don't have to lie. I know you don't wanna be around me. Go ahead. Leave. Leave me to rot. Say whatever you wanna say. Say I'm a freak. I don't deserve to breathe the same as you because I like who I ain't supposed to." She leaned her forehead against the building."

"I ain't gonna say any of those things." I gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Because..." I had to take a deep breath before continuing. "I know how it feels to be that one kid who don't like who society says they should." 

Francine looked up at me, eyes red and puffy. For the first time, our eyes really met. "Y-you're g-gay too?" 

I smiled. "Yeah. I am."

She chuckled. "Now I feel stupid. I should've realized." 

"Don't sweat it. You play straight so well I thought you wanted me to take you right there in the resturaunt!"

She laughed. "Neither of us would've enjoyed that one bit!" 

"True that." 

"You play straight real well too. But you kinda sounded like you were reading lines for a play you didn't wanna be in."

"To be honest, I kinda was." 

"So you won't tell anyone, right? I really don't wanna come out." 

"Why not? I was out when I lived in New York, and words can't possibly describe how freeing it was."

"Yeah, but it just seems too scary. I mean, I feel safe now, in the closet. I don't wanna come out. Maybe someday. But not today."

"Sure it's scary now, but once you do it you'll be glad you did." 

"If being out is so great, why don't you just go out there and scream it to the winds?"

I looked down. "It's just... I-it's complicated, okay?" 

"So why are you going around telling me to come out when you ain't even out yourself. See ya 'round." She stalked off. 

She couldn't have been more right.

Why wasn't I out?

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This was my fave chapter I hope you like it!

love ya

CC