"Huy Soph, sure kang di mo ipapa U-turn kay manong?" mahinang tanong ni Keily.

I did not answer. Nakasandal lang ako sa bintana thinking how Ali feels right now, I witnessed how close she was sa lola niya.

I can't even imagine how much it hurts for her.

Last night when I found out, I'd be lying if sabihin ko na hindi ko inisip kung makikita ko na ulit si Ali, but then I realized how devastated she must be if ever na andito na siya sa Pilipinas.

Agad kaming nagdecide nila Ella na bumisita na this Sunday baka kasi hindi namin maisingit sa weekdays.

"Hmm balita ko pa naman may kasa-kasama siyang hindi family member sa burol" I can sense na sinusubukan akong paringgan nina Keily.

I stayed still, pinapanood lang yung buwan at mga nalalampasan ng taxi na sinasakyan naming tatlo on the way sa funeral home.

I'm nervous about many things, makikita ko na ba ulit si Ali? will she remember me?

I scoffed sa tanong ko, makakalimutan niya ba yung taong sobra siyang sinaktan..

"Hay nako Keil shempre lalong pupunta yan, di pa nakakamove on ang gaga e" I looked at Ella who's rolling her eyes.

"Ayan edi nakuha din namin yung atensyon mo" Keily added.

I sighed.

"Are you sure about this Soph? pwede namang kami nalang pumunta sabihin namin may sakit ka" tanong ni Keily.

I smiled.

"This is not about me and Ali guys... kaya ko" I tried to reassure myself.

Kakayanin ko ba?

I dusted my ash colored gray pants and fixed mt white cropped wrap shirt after stepping out sa taxi.

I took a deep breath before starting to walk towards the entrance holding Keily's hand na nanlalamig din.

Someone escorted us to a double door room after we registered sa may receiving area.

He opened the dark oak door and told us to enter.

The place was huge, well-lit with marble floors, madami nang tao so we tried to greet everyone na makakasalubong namin.

Just as we were halfway sa aisle papunta ng casket, Ali's mom saw us and immediately went to greet us.

She hugged us one by one with a sad smile.

"Condolences tita.." we greeted.

She smiled with wet eyes.

"Ahh it's been how long? thank you for coming girls.. Ali is infront"

She said with a soft voice, I didn't know how to feel.

Para akong sasabog sa halo halong emosyon when tita mentioned Ali.

I smiled at her before we continued to walk to the open casket.

As we were getting closer, I saw Ali sitting sa may gilid sa harap.

She's wearing cream colored trousers and white turle neck knitted sweater.

She wasn't facing our way but I can totally see her, light lang yung make up niya, almost none.

She looked tired and empty, her eyes were hollow, like everything is gone all over again.

A tear fell on my cheek seeing her like this, ngayon lang ulit kami magkikita, but then she looks as broken as before na parang walang taon ang nagdaan.

I quickly wiped it when we got to the place where Ali's grandma's casket was.

We paid our respect before Ella looked at me seriously.

"Blink twice if dederetso na tayo sa likod uupo" she whispered.

"Stop it Els, Ali is waiting for us" I tried to keep my composure as we walked to Ali.

She looked at us, almost startled to see we were walking her way, she immediately stood up and fixed herself.

"It's never too late to run Soph.." I heard Keily sa tabi ko.

I shushed her still continuing to walk towards Ali.

I saw her smile at us, and it was enough to make my heart beat crazily.

"Condolence Sam.." bati ni Ella before she hugged her.

I can't be hugging her too, baka tuluyan akong sumabog dito, shit.

Keily then hugged her next.. damn it.

Then our eyes met, all I can hear is my heart beat. I feel like I'm going to puke sa kaba, here she is sa harap ko nakangiti..

I tried hugging her without making it all awkward but I majorly failed, I was trembling habang yakap ko siya.

Her smell didn't change at all, maybe nothing did, all about her is as it is tonight, only her hair's longer.

Bumitaw na ako sa yakap when I hear Ella fake coughed behind me.

Then I realized hindi pala ako naka pag condolence, I mentally slapped my self.

The fuck Sophia bakit hindi ka makapagsalita.

"Uhhh.." Ella stuttered.

"Ali, tito's looking for you" we were suddenly saved by someone galing sa likod namin.

She went to beside Ali and faced us.

"Justice?" gulat na sabi ni Ella.

"Oh Ella? hi, long time no see" she greeted back before shaking Ella's hand and smiling at us.

"Uh please take a seat muna guys.. Ave alis muna ako" paalam ni Ali.

We just smiled and nodded.

"Uy kamusta ka?" kinausap ni Ella si Justice as we sat.

"Well, still studying.." she chuckled.

"Talaga? anong tinuloy mo?" Keily and I were just listening to their conversation since hindi naman kami masyadong close with Justice unlike Ali and Ella.

"I pursued Fine Arts after a gruelling prelaw" Justice answered.

"Oh?! diba yun talaga yung gusto mo? gosh, so proud of you na tinuloy mo yun" excited na sambit ni Ella.

"Hmm thanks, it's just someone really talked me into doing what really completes me.. congrats din magdodoctor ka na, kayo" she smiled.

I suddenly remembered the times I almost gave up sa pangarap ko magdoctor, mahirap na financially, matagal pa yung process.

But as said, someone also pushed me hard into not giving it up, and continue pursuing what I love and what will eventually complete me.

I shrugged the thought of Ali again, san kaya siya, I really missed the feeling of being close to her.

"Guys kape lang ako ah.." nagpaalam ako kina Keily before making my way sa may mini counter ng drinks.

Kumonti na yung tao hindi katulad kanina medyo late na rin kasi and ayokong tamaan ng antok kaya magkakape muna ako.

I was about to reach for the creamer when may nakasabay akong kumuha nito.

"Oh sorry.." si Justice.

"Ah hinde okay lang" inabot ko ito sakanya.

I noticed pareho kami ng measurement na nilagay but I disregarded it.

Personal na timpla ko kasi to ng kape so napaisip lang ako.

But then same din kami ng ratio sa coffee to sugar so I was left slightly amazed and decided to ask her.

"Wow.. uhm I can't help but notice Justice, we have the same way of making coffee.." I said sounding surprised.

"Ah? oh no no, this is just something Ali taught me, I'm making it for her, paborito niya e" she answered.

"Ahh.." bigla akong nalungkot.

It's true, I used to make it for her all the time sa condo when we get home.

"Hey uhm, it's good you guys came.. Ali really needed you" she smiled softly before walking away.

I watched her walked to the front and sat down sa kanila Ella, nakabalik na rin pala si Ali. I watched as she handed the coffee to Ali who just smiled at her.

I sipped my coffee looking at her, I noticed her smile was not full while talking with them.

I sighed.

Did she really need me? I do hope so.

Almost spit my coffee when Ali spared me a glance smiling.

"Shit." I guickly grabbed a tissue sa tabi ng mga tasa and wiped my lips.

I looked back at Ali and got startled when she was still looking back with a wider smile.

Napasandal pa ako sa isle at muntik nasagi yung mga tasa. Tangina Ali hanggang ngayon natataranta ako sayo.

I couldn't take it, I had to get out of here.

I went outside sa may garden area, I sat down sa may bench sa tabi ng lamp post.

The atmosphere here is very calm, may mga puting bulaklak sa paligid and trimmed bushes. It's clean and serene. Bihira sigurong may nagsstay dito, ako lang magisa e.

I can see bakit mahal and service dito, kumpleto kasi, and merong lugar tulad nito to let out tears.

I felt awfully in peace just feeling the warmth ng coffee on my hand.

I closed my eyes thinking of what Justice said, ano kayang naramdaman ni Ali when she saw us, when she saw me, galit kaya siya? kinabahan kaya siya? did she want to shout at me? for everything I've left her with.

I felt the cold breeze hit my face and blew my hair lightly, it is really calming here. Parang nasa ibang mundo ako, I can feel like natatakasan ko yung mga problema ng realidad.

Nagulat ako when I felt someone sit sa other end nung bench at natapon ko ng kaunti yung kape sa sarili ko.

"Ouch! shit!" I put the cup down before opening my bag to look for a handkerchief tinapon ko na kasi yung tissue kanina e.

Mainit pa kasi kaya medyo nagpanic ako.

"Arghh" I groaned.

"Hey.. here let me" suddenly I felt someone pulled my hand gently and started to wipe my shirt, so I looked up to see who it is.

"A-ali?.." nawala yung kunot ng noo ko when I saw hers furrowed still wiping my shirt.

"There.. sorry about that" her voice was rather soft, parang mas nakakakalma pa kaysa sa lugar na'to.

She looked at me before smiling softly. I just stared at her with wide eyes, obviously panicking.

She chuckled.

"Please don't look at me like that"

"Ohh.. uhm sorry" I fixed the way I was sitting before fixing my shirt.

She sat beside me smiling sadly.

"Can I ask you something Hannah?" she sounded serious.

It made me more nervous, what does she want to know? I looked at her staring at the sky.

"Hmm, of course" I tried hard not to stutter.

She looked at me teary-eyed.

"Why is it that everyone I love always leaves?"

I didn't know what to answer, or if I should. I knew it had something to do with us too.

I felt something inside me I haven't felt for long, once again I'm lost.

In her eyes, those hazel orbs looking at me like it's desperate for answers.

Her lips were redder than before, eyebwors more defined, after how long, I can see her close again. Admire her every part, like before.

When I usually would cup her cheeks and outline her face's features with my finger and her wearing her wide smile that reaches her eyes.

How I missed you Ali..

"Still nothing huh?" she chuckled bitterly before looking away.

"Ali.." I was about to reach for her hand.

"Haha, no it's fine.. I understand" she said full of hurt, wiping her tears.

I can't process what to do next, I wanted to hug her, I wanted to keep her in my arms and keep her safe from all of this shit.

Am I still the one you need Ali? to keep you under the sheets of calm when everything turns to dust.

I want to speak, I need to. I need to try and see for myself if I still have a piece in her that I hold.

"Hey uhm, I'm really sorry I got carried away" she suddenly spoke.

"Oh, no.. hinde okay lang, you can talk to me, cry and.. uhh stuff" I can kick my self sa sobrang katangahan, I'm just too nervous now that she's finally here beside me.

"Thanks Hannah.. really" she replied.

With that I lost my courage of trying to open up again, after all I know I still love her, takot lang akong mawala pa kung anong natitira samin ngayon if I try reaching out again.

"You're always welcome Ali.." I didn't know what else to say after that.

So we stayed silent, comfortably leaning on the presence of each other. I can hear her breath, I can feel her warmth kahit hindi kami magkadikit.

I can smell her, that slight hint of amber with depth of musk and wisteria. A powdery scent that never failed to intoxciate me.

I guess even her perfume didn't change, she's still allergic sa ibang klase.

Ali suddenly looked at me with eyes of worry, seemingly observing my face down to my body, like she's searching for something I might have.

"Uh.. what is it?" I asked softly.

She then smiled and looked me in the eye.

"Next time when you choose, please choose yourself first"

~~~~~~~

uwu :>