I looked at them with an open mouth, quite unsure of what to think.

"Well.." singit ni Ella sa katahimikan, seemingly waiting for my answer.

"Well.. congrats?" I was hesitant, anong getting married?

I saw Bri's face deadpanned, tong si Keily naman kumunot ang noo. Ella just face palmed.

"Sophia, Ali's getting married" biglang sabi ni Bri.

I blinked, mouth still half ajar.

I smiled.

"Wow.. kailan pa?" I asked trying to sound just curious.

"Soph.." Keily tried to comfort me.

"Wh-what? I'm asking"

"Huh? hindi mo alam? hindi ka ba nakatanggap ng message? check your email" utos ni Ella.

I immediately did so.

"Wala e, but it's fine baka nakalimutan lang magsend sakin" I smiled again.

Nothing else is running on my mind. This has been a great day until tonight, hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko.

The walls in my room started to act wobbly, my vision in getting blurry from the tears wanting to escape but I can't be like this, hindi ko pwedeng ipakita sakanila Ella how hurt I am. Specially when I can't even believe the words I just heard.

The next minutes were covered by silence, no one dared to break it. Rather my heart is behind all the voices in my head.

Did she really forget me after all? did she never try again? who owns her now? who has the heart of the owner of mine..

"Uhm.." Keily broke the silence sa video chat.

"Oh?" sabay sabay kaming sumagot.

I sighed.

"Guys, I know this might sound like I treat this topic so sensitively but I'm fine, I mean look at me." I faked a laugh.

My eyes were already burning with sting from tears I really need to let out but managed to control.

"So when's the wedding?" I asked trying to act with enthusiasm but greatly failed with my voice almost breaking.

"Actually wala pang date" Ella answered.

"Ah ganun ba-"

"Okay I can't stand this puta, gustong makipagkita satin ni Sam, Sophia, yung message na nareceive namin states kung kailan yon and saan"

I was left dumbfounded nang pinutol ni Bri yung sinasabi ko. I just mouthed an 'o'.

"Magkita.." I whispered.

"Oo Sophia Hannah, next month in Mykonos, all expenses paid for two weeks. Ganun na kayaman yung ex bebe mong pinakawalan mo jusko angslow" pagrereklamo ni Bri.

I scoffed.

"Hello to you too Bri" I smiled though sadly, I really missed Bri.

"So? no go? I mean pwede naman kaming magadjust Soph e-"

"What?of course we go! I was just thinking kung paano magpapaalam sa director namin lalo na kakaaward lang sakin" I cut of Keily. I didn't want them thinking na I'm making them choose. Kaibigan namin si Ali bago pa naging kami.

"Maybe tell him na celebration mo to?" Ella suggested.

"Hmm, good idea Els. Will do"

"Oh and by the way she's bringing the new girl" Ella added.

Halos mabilaukan ako sa sarili kong laway when I heard that. Bigla kong natanong sa sarili ko kung tama ba tong pinapasok ko. Emotions suddenly outburst, I was overthinking.

"Soph? okay lang sayo yon?" Keily asked.

"Sus, mukha namang okay lang yan, di nga niya pinaglaban noon oh.. ahem-" Bri pretended to cough.

"Brielle!" Ella threatened her.

"No, no. It's fine naman e, okay na sakin" with my hardest try, a tear fell on my cheek kaya agad agad ko tong pinunasan at tumingin sa taas para hindi na tumuloy yung iyak ko.

"Brielle kasi e" Ella said.

"Hng sorry na den, apaka naman kala ko naka move on na" Bri answered.

"No-hindi naman sa ganon" I tried to laugh away the tears but they just kept falling.

"Soph do you want me to go there?" Keily offered.

"Sasama ako" dagdag ni Ella.

"Edi kayo na magkakasama" singit ni Bri.

"No!- okay ako. Please believe me, guys just ano-lowbatt na kasi yung laptop k o e. Keil yung charger nalang bukas ah. Bye na muna ingat ka jan lagi Bri-"

With that I left the group vc. I closed my laptop before running to the bathroom.

I held the sides of my sink and looked directly at my reflection. What a mess.

"Don't cry Hannah, just don't.. enough" I wiped my tear with my right hand.

But as soon as I remembered everything, my knees just went weak and gave up. I sat down and leaned on the wall, hugged my self and cried. Once again, the heartbreak from highschool.

The worst one, hitting me all over again, like it just had happened.

Bakit naman ngayon Ali? bakit ngayon na akala ko kaya ko na ulit? na nakatayo na ako ulit at nagkaroon ng pagasang magiging okay na lahat, na magiging okay tayo..

I know we never really formally broke up, and I thought time can heal things; umasa ako masyado don and look where it took me.

Again I felt so lost. Sobrang sakit. She's getting tied, to someone else. Tapos ako ni hindi pa manlang nakakamove on, parang tanga e.

I scolded my self while still crying on the floor. Hindi ko maisip, though it's everything on my mind. How what was my euphoria, is now other's.

She must be so lucky, I saw and not only saw, I experienced a love from Ali; ever so gentle. I felt how her hands are soft in the morning when we wake up, how her eyes squint from the sunshine, how her soft lips curve everytime. I was there, she was ethereal, and I let her go.

Is this how the world wants me to realize how stupid I was. Or was I not enough coming back to? Maybe because I hurt her so bad? Hindi ko alam ang iisipin ko, o hindi ko lang matanggap kung bakit iniisip ko parin to. When for all I know, I want to be happy, for her and me. But also with the knowing that I want that happy to be for us.

It was already 1:32 am when I got the strength to go to bed and lay down. But all that's left is my tear stained cheek, dry mouth and throat, wet shirt and puffed eyes. Together with my blank mind and tired heart, from beating it all out.

My head was aching, sobrang pumipitik na sa sakit from hours of crying.

I want to sleep, I need to. But my body is looking for all the reasons not to. So I stared, at the window infront of my bed. In this room, in my condo, that was once Ali's. It is now that I realize how stupid of an idea it is to buy this place.

Ever nook and cranny reminds me of her. Every thing, every corner has been my favorite place for all these years.

So I looked around, I can say a lot of things has changed. The walk-in closet has gotten bigger, AC is working better. The master's room is now missing the presence of huge screen television and piles of game CDs. The bed is new, covers too. But it feels like nothing has ever changed; I still love her.

It stayed with me, lahat ng past, nasa present, and I don't even know if I want it sa future. But I do, I want her still, siya parin, siya lang. Si Ali lang. But apparently it didn't stay with her.

I never slept, I was already done fixing my white collared blouse before I stepped out of my unit and into the once again bustling street.

My ride to work today should have been one of the best, starting my newly promoted career, but instead it was just silence. Silence that comforted me, and for once in my life the red light did the opposite of its job, it calmed me. It gave me the chance to breath again before I could step on the gas too hard.

But green means go again right? so today I'll try, again.

I quickly grabbed my phone palabas ng kotse after parking. With my pods on, I walked to the hospital and into our department. The day just started but everything's already dark, I decided to not let things get to me lalo na kailangan clear mind yung trabaho ko.

I remembered to put on my reading glasses to, maybe hide my puffy eyes from last night, or morning.

"Doc Sophia, you have two operations scheduled today at 11:00 am and 4:00 pm respectively, and a board meeting to top it of" Joanna, my secretary immediately reminded me as I walked into my office as department head.

"Thanks Joanna ah pero nagkape ka na ba?" I asked her.

"P-po?" she stuttered.

"Ahh hahaha I mean baka kailangan natin pareho ng break this morning, we can start the day right" I smiled, after all it's just 7:00 am.

"Ho? sige Doc, daan muna ako ng coffee" she offered before leaving.

I can say baka hindi siya sanay na I'm not in condition coming to work, I've always kept my head high until now. Mukhang nagsisimula bumaba yung mga pader na binuo ko. And somehow, I don't think it's bad.

"Alam mo ba doc yang anak ko na yan madami pang plano sa buhay yan, dapat ikakasal na sila ng long time boyfriend niya kaso kasi hindi siya pumayag, kasi hindi pa daw siya handa pero Doc 11 years na sila, alam mo talaga Doc hindi ko talaga maintindihan ang mga desisyon ng anak kong yan jusko po.. "

It's been almost an hour after a 56-year old woman ran inside my office and started to rant.

Turns out anak niya pala yung patient ko mamaya, who is a 30-year old lady. Her mother seems really really worried and I can't seem to calm her down.

"Doc.. gawin niyo po lahat ah, naku Doc wala po kaming malaking pera pero mahal ko yang anak ko na yan Doc, kahit matigas ang ulo niyan, parang awa niyo na po-"

"Nay kalma ho tayo, karamihan naman po ng mga nag uundergo Coronary Artery Bypass Grafting ay nakakaligtas at namumuhay pa ulit ng matagal tagal.." I tried to talk her down and explain even the smallest details para makatulong sakanya.

"Karamihan Doc? jusko po.." bigla nalang siyang nagsign of the cross.

"Opo nay" I answered.

"Ibig sabihin pwede pong pumalya Doc?! jusko!" paulit ulit pa siyang nag sign of the cross kaya tumayo na ako sa upuan before handing her water from the dispenser.

"Inom muna kayo nay ha, sabi niyo nga po marami pang plano yung anak niyo. Magtiwala lang ho kayo, lalaban siya." I patted her back as she drank from the glass.

"Mmm salamat Doc ha" she put down the glass sa table.

She then started crying harder.

"Nay, bakit ho?" I asked.

"Wala Doc-" habang humahagulgol parin.

"Pakiramdam ko lang hindi ako naging mabuting ina Doc, dapat nung mga panahong kailangan niya ng suporta nandoon ako pero ang inisip ko lang ay masyado siyang duwag- lalo na wala na ang asawa ko Doc hindi ko kaya Doc!"

"Nay, magiging okay yung anak niyo, pangako yan ha?" I calmed her again.

"Opo- opo Doc thank you Doc, thank you thank you-"

"Walang anuman nay, tahan na ho" She stood up saying her goodbyes while still crying.

"Doc kayo na po bahala ha, ito lang Doc. Sisiguraduhin ko pong wala na akong pagsisisihan pag binigay saamin ito" she said before closing the door behind her.

I was left standing there, speechless. Regret does mess us up a lot. Walang pinipiling edad o sitwasyon. I sighed with that thought. I wish I had the courage to not do anything I before I know I would regret today.

I smiled sadly, there's no time to waste. I have a life to save.

"Doc!! Doc jusko, jusko po! kamusta ang anak ko Doc, Panginoon ko po!" sinalubong ako ni nanay sa labas ng operating room, her face distorted with the agony of waiting, not knowing what to do, knowing she could've done nothing.

I removed my mask before facing her completely and holding her hands.

"Nay, okay na po siya" I broke the news.

"Haaay!! Salamat naku! Panginoon!" she raised her hands up.

"Doctora!salamat!!"she hugged me tight, it was enough to break a real smile on my face.

It's already 2:00 pm when I had lunch pagbalik ko sa office, operations are so much tiring than it sounds, but that mother, is only one of the reasons I love my job.

My next operation is more complex, Ventricular Restoration Surgeries aren't as successful as others. This is only my third time conducting it, luckily I partnered with Lance. The patient's from pedia ward after all; a 10-year old boy.

Malungkot, sa totoo lang, yung part na naiisip ko ring bata palang hindi na sigurado ang bukas.

"So baby you're gonna have to sleep muna ha? when you wake up, you can go home with mom and dad okay?" I listened with hands on my coat pocket as Lanced prepped the child for surgery. They seem to have gotten closer since the planning of the surgery, siya na yung pinili ng batanf maging doctor. He's really only comfortable sa presence ni Lance.

His parents were already aware of the risk this surgery, they were scared, but this guy does not even flinch.

"Sure Sir! I really need to go home and check on my dog Cooky soon so let's get it done, please?" he answered with enthusiasm, his big smile gave me the strength I need for this operation to be succeed.

Lance looked at me as we shared big smiles.

"So? magaling ka pala talaga sa bata ah" I told him as we were walking to the operating room.

"They seem to like me, guess it's my luck" he chuckled.

I smiled.

"Look.. Soph, Brent's a special patient, that's why I'm really counting on you" he suddenly faced me.

"Lance.."

"You are the best.. the best surgeon I know in this field, help me save him" he begged.

Wow, I can see how really attached he is kay Brent.

"We'll do everything Lance, like always" I assured him.

"Let's start" I commenced the operation as the head surgeon in the room.

"I have my eyes on it" I heard Lance so I immediately paid attention and started to work on the valve replacement.

Just as I thought the operation was going well as we were nearing the end, his vitals starts to drop rapidly.

"What is it?" Lance asked in a serious tone.

"There'e bleeding on the left valve, clamp please" I answered, trying to press the panic and not lose my focus.

"There" I looked at the board expecting a good result but few seconds passed and everything is still dropping.

"Doc? why is it not working?"

I was starting to feel the tensed, nothing's changing so I took a look back and for any other complications but there weren't any.

"Soph?" I heard Lance's trembling voice.

"There's already too much blood lost, he's going in shock-"

"I see nothing here, what is causing this?" Lance's words were straightforward, he's starting to lose patience.

"Doc Fajardo?" I didn't know what else was there, I'm trying to find it but time is not forgiving. Pressure is slowly getting the best of me, I can see the life leaving the boy's body. My mind is full of what, hows and ifs.

"Sophia!?" nagulat ako sa sigaw ni Lance, I was lost in trance and I am so out of it, I can't lose this patient.

"Uhm-, give me another clamp please.. and ready the defib" I saw Lance's eyes died inside, I know just how this might end, but I'm not giving up.

I gave it my all, I was more than nervous going in again to try and reach for what was the cause of the complication.

My eyes suddenly widened.

"There's been a rupture on the LV, suction please.."

"We can save him" binulong ko and made sure Lance can hear to help him gain back his focus.

"Doc? Doc how is he? how is Brent?" paglabas namin ng OR, Brent's parent greeted us with concern.

I sighed before removing my mask.

"He's stable, for now" maikling sabi ni Lance.

Napayakap nalang yung mommy ni Brent sa daddy niya sa tuwa before thanking us.

"Our pleasure ma'am, Brent's a sweet child" Lance replied before we eventually left them to check on their son.

"Hey, you mind going out for dinner?" sabay tanong ni Lance habang naglalakad kami sa hallway.

"What? ohh shit, oo pala gabi na" I didn't even realize the operation took almost 5 hours. I don't know where my lightheadedness is coming from but it's starting to get the best of me.

"Haha I know gutom ka na, puntahan kita sa dept niyo" he said before heading to their department office.

Wow, I feel so drained so I just continued to walk to my office para makapagpahinga na.

Nagulat ako when all lights were off sa department namin, I mean dapat andito na yung mga night shift ah.

"Surprise!!" halos napatalon ako sa gulat when my co-workers screamed as the lights turned on, my four other best friends from work.

"Congrats Soph!" isa isa nila akong niyakap.

"Ano to? hahaha bakit tayo may handa?" I asked them nung makita ko yung simpleng salo salo sa table, pizza and soda.

"Well, not only for becoming the hospital's youngest department head but specially on your ACS award! duh!" Sarah, one of my close work friends answered.

"Huy di niyo naman kailangan magabala, ako nga dapat nagpapakain sainyo e" I said.

"Sus, lagi ka namang busy Soph. Saka hayaan mo na parang ayaw mo naman e!"

"Aww tampo na kayo niyan?" I teased them as we got into another group hug.

"To Cardio?" we raised our soda bottles.

"To Cardio!!" and tossed them.

"So? kamusta naman love lives naten mga ateng?" Sarah asked us.

"Hay nako, next topic" Laine complained.

"Hoy wag ka ngang maarte jan, nakita ko kagabi may sumundo sayo nung masyado nang late natapos yung surgery naten ha, inaano mo ako e" pambara naman ni Crisa.

"Jusko naman Criselda, kuya ko yon!" Laine clapped back kaya natawa nalang kami.

"Ah ganon ba? hehe charot lang!" Crisa replied.

"How about you Soph? hmmm that Gonzales guy from pedia still has eyes on you?" pagiba ni Sarah ng topic.

"C'mon guys, please wag to, I need to go home it's almost 10" I begged.

"Che! wag mo kaming iniiwan sa ere ha" Crisa said.

"I'll talk about it when I already have it okay? si Lance kaibigan ko na since med school kaya kami close" I explained while fixing my bag.

"Ehem! kaibigan lang nga ba?" the question made me think, we were friends, we are, right?

"Oh baket hindi makasagot?" sunod pa ni Laine.

"Tch, natitipsy ako sa coke e" I tried to reason my way out.

"Dami talagang arte nitong babaeng to, umayos ka ha, porket dept head ka namen ha, share your tea sis" pangasar pa ni Crisa.

"Oh I'll make sure it's piping hot when served guys, but not now hmm?"

"Oo na nga" they finally gave up.

"Let's go?" I asked matapos namin magayos ng office.

"Sige na una ka na baba Soph, pagod ka and this is your celebration, it's done get some rest." Sarah answered.

"Aww thank you ulit guys ah, swerte ko talaga sa team ko"

"Suuus nambobola, sige na, inaantay ka na ng bebe mo e! ay- bebe nga ba?" sagot ni Crisa.

Huh? anong bebe? nagaantay? I just shrugged it off.

Nagulat ako when I opened the door of our office, sa labas nakaupo si Lance sa may waiting chairs.

"Lance?! I- shit sorry! sila Sarah kasi, they held a celebration-" I brushed my hair upwards with shame.

"Tss, it's fine Soph, I know you ate already, hatid nalang kita sa kotse mo?" he offered standing up holding his white coat kaya lalo lang akong nahiya.

"Gosh.. I'm really sorry Lance, I forgot hindi ko kasi naalala-"

"Hey hey, I said okay lang, tara na?" he smiled kaya dahan dahan nalang akong napatango.

"Soph, you know you can tell me things right?" Lance broke the silence while we were in the elevator.

I smiled.

"Yes, yes I do" sagot ko.

"So tell me, what's bothering you?"

I looked at him confused.

He chuckled.

"I know you're thinking of something, what happened kanina sa OR never happens before-"

"I was just tired Lance" I looked away trying to not think about what he pointed was bothering me.

"Sophia I know, kahit hindi mo ako tingnan sa mata, the way you move, your smile, your voice.. your eyes tell it all" I bit my lip before it starts to quiver.

"Lance.. please, I'm fine. Pagod lang ako-"

"Saan? Paano? I know you and today's your first day after being officially awarded by ACS and this is how you act? And this glasses? since when Soph? you only ever wear it when you're reading-"

"Lance please!" the elevator door opened to reveal the underground parking lot, as I accidentally screamed at Lance.

I felt how he tensed up, but loosened almost too fast. I looked ahead frozen in my place, I was about to start walking to my car when he spoke again.

"Is it her?"

~~~~~~~

uwu :(