"Please let me love you, Sophia"

Bigla akong nahimasmasan, my eyes shot wide open and I suddenly realized what's happening.

Shit! shit Sophia!

I pushed Lance before standing up quickly at pinagpag yung buhangin sa damit ko.

I wrapped my jacket tightly around my body before glancing at Lance who looked confused and surprised.

He gulped and looked at me apologetically.

"Shit, Soph sorry, I'm sorry hindi ko sinasadya.." he explained standing up and attempting to reach for me.

I took a step back still shocked by what just happened.

He stopped before taking a step back too.

"Please don't be mad, I know what I did was stupid.. please, Soph I'm so sorry" he apologized frantically, obviously panicking.

I just stood there internally panicking, I was freezed in discormfort. I couldn't answer him as I just stared at him wide eyed.

I can't believe what just happened, what he just did, and why in the world did I let it happen.

Lance is a friend, a best friend. A big brother, I never thought of him like this.

"Soph.." he sat down tugging his hair.

"Soph please.. I'm just, I couldn't control it" he reasoned.

Naiiyak na ako not knowing what do do next, what to say and if I should even answer.

So I ran pabalik ng cabana, wala paring tao, I went straight to the bathroom and locked the door behind me, I washed my face, my hands and everything I could.

I cried, I cried so hard. I couldn't breathe so I sat down sa bath tub, I opened the faucet feeling the warm water spread and wet me with my clothes.

I was still crying, I wanted to shout. I wanted to punch him for taking advantage of me, I wanted to run to Ella and tell her everything.

That I miss Ali, that I need her to help me with it. Or that I want Ali to come home, to save me again from this place, from where I am now. Like she always did.

So I just cried, until there was no more. Until all I had left were deep breaths, until I was soaking wet in a filled tub, with water flowing down.

I didn't care anymore, I was broken all over again. The ocean's sound again took all what's remaining. The sand again witnessed my misery like everytime. I was once more empty.

I finally got up to get out of the bathroom in my towel after a long hour of letting it all out.

I saw Ella fixing her things sa tabi ng kama nila while Keily was laying down playing on her phone, they both looked at me surprised.

"Huy gurl okay ka lang?! kanina ka pa namin hinahanap nanjan ka lang pala? nakita mo ba si Lance?" Keily asked worriedly.

I shooked my head gently and glanced at Ella.

She was looking at me before standing up towel in her hands, I can't figure out what she was telling me with her eyes but I know she wanted to convey something.

"Wear your clothes, gabi na, pagod tayong lahat sa biyahe, take your rest" she seriously said before entering the bathroom.

Keily then looked at me confused.

"Huh? may problema ba yun? bat parang galit mamsh?" she curiously asked.

I quickly looked away, buti nalang dim yung lights. Hindi nahalata ni Keily na mugto yung mata ko, but Ella.. I know she noticed, maybe that's why she sounded like that.

I got into my sleeping clothes before tucking into the single bed.

"Huy Soph hindi ba nagpaalam sayo si Lance? sabi niya kanina pupuntahan ka niya e di ba kayo nagkita?" I hear Keily asked.

"I-" I was about to answer her when the door opened and Lance came inside with a serious look.

"Oh! san ka galing? saka bakit angseryoso naman ng mga tao ngayon?! may problema ba tayo?" Keily asked sitting up.

Lance just smiled at her before he jumped and toppled her to the bed.

"Aray naman hayop!" Keily complained.

Lance just laughed loudly before pinching her cheeks.

"Nothing's wrong! we're on a vacation, let's stay happy hmm?!" he stood up and went to open his bag, seeming to look for something.

Nagtama yung tingin namin and he quickly looked away trying to smile.

Napalunok nalang ako and faked a smile para hindi na mapansin ni Keily.

I was turning to the other side while laying down when Lance walked to my bed.

"I'll be taking that bed, you can stay dun sa big one" he said.

"No I-"

"Lance" just then Ella came out of the bathroom and called him seriously.

Good thing nakaearphones na si Keily, baka magtanong nanaman kung anong nangyayari. But why is Ella in this mood?

"Please just take the other bed" Lance said before looking back at Ella na nagpupunas ng buhok.

"What?"

"May gusto akong picturan sa labas, can you come with me saglit lang naman" Ella answered.

The way they talked didn't convince me na okay lang ang lahat, Lance obviously became nervous after what Ella said, but he did as she told. Lumabas silang dalawa taking with him his camera.

I was left with Keily sa cabana, I decided na lumipat nalang sa isa pang double bed as Lance requested, or forced, para lang wala nang gulo.

Humiga na ako and tried to sleep, Ella's right. I need to rest.

"Sophia!" nagulat ako when I woke up to Keily's shout.

"Sabi maaga diba? my God te 8:30 na te" she groaned, nakatowel pa siya halatang kaliligo lang.

I slowly sat up and saw Ella applying sun screen sa may mirror, nakatalikod samin.

"Sorry, I was tired" tumayo na ako para maligo habang umiiling si Keily.

I came out already wearing my cropped red shirt and swimming shorts. Keily was in her white bikini which didn't shock me, I knew susuotin niya talaga yun, atleast may gamit siyang pangbalabal, although see through din.

Ella was also in a black one piece, and a hat habang naka sun glasses pa.

"Oops, nuh-uh" Keily pulled my hand as she saw me walking to my bed.

"Bakit? what is it?" I asked.

She opened her bag and handed me a red 2-piece and pushed me papasok ng banyo.

"Go! go go, dali habang wala pang lalake dito, nasa labas si Lance kausap yung bangkero dali na!" she closed the bathroom door.

I stood there checking this piece of swim suit.

"Oh hell no.. no no, Keily!!" I shouted pushing the door pero hawak niya ata sa labas.

"Keil let me out!!" I pushed more before even kicking the door but something was blocking it, or someone.

"Tangina wag ka nang maarte Sophia, di ka lalabas hanggang di mo yan suot!!" rinig kong sigaw Ella.

I had to wear this piece of shit, I felt like wearing almost nothing.

"Guys! palabasin niyo na ako suot ko na siya" I said sa may pintuan.

It finally opened bago ako lumabas.

"Oh!? nasan yung swim suit akala ko suot mo na!?" Ella asked.

"Nasa loob jusko panty at bra lang yun e shempre magdadamit ako sa labas" I reasoned.

"Alam mo gaga ka, halika ditong maarte ka" Keily then pulled my shirt before sila magtulungan ni Ella sa hubarin yung shirt and shorts ko.

"Hoy! saglet!! what the?! stop it!" nagpumiglas ako but then I was left in the swim suit Keily let me borrow.

I covered my body with my hands and looked at Ella and Keily.

Keily was smiling looking proud of her own doing, while Ella's mouth was open obviously surprised.

"Mahabanging Panginoon! where have you been hiding that body?!" sigaw niya sakin.

I furrowed my eyebrows at her.

"I'm such a good stylist, right?" Keily said.

"Tangina gurl! Mukha kang Maria Clara na naging Magdalena!" sabi ni Ella.

"Gago! So mukhang pokpok?!" pagrereklamo ko.

"Ay hindi ba?" epal na sagot ni Keil.

Then the door flew open.

"Let's get it girls! ready na daw yung-" Lance stopped what he was saying when Ella and Keily moved from blocking me from his view.

Napatunganga lang siya while I was nervously, awkwardly standing infront of all of them.

He gulped before smiling at me.

"Oh.. well okay, hmm" he stuttered still standing sa may pintuan.

He's wearing a black trunk shorts and a cream and green aloha shirt na hindi nakabutones.

"Oh yung langaw papasok na sa bunganga mo" Ella commented.

"Hahaha, I did good diba Lance?" Keily proudly said.

He just nodded still looking amazed.

"Okay! chop chop, what did you say? ready na yung bangka?! let's go let's go" Ella lifted up the atmosphere before handing Lance his camera and taking her bag before heading out.

"Omg! kailangan na natin umalis Lance, I can't miss a good shot outside tara na tara na" Keily said bago lumabas na rin.

Naiwan kami ni Lance dito sa loob, I immediately looked for something to cover up my body so I wore an oversized white see through shirt before taking my tassel bag and walking to the door.

Malalampasan ko na si Lance when he suddenly spoke.

"You look good"

I just smiled before walking out at sumunod kina Keily sa shore kung nasan yung bangka na sasakyan namin.

Isa isa na kaming umakyat sa bangka habang nauna si Lance, I can't help but feel awkward when he reached for my hand helping me up.

"Thanks" I shortly said before sitting down sa tabi ni Ella.

Malaki yung bangka para saming apat kaya may table pa sa gitna, aabutan pa daw kasi ng lunch yung biyahe papuntang kabilang isla so nagorder kami ng makakain na dati nang nakalagay dito sa bangka nakatakip nalang ng banana leaf.

"Lance Lance dito naman, oh ganto.. okay tapos next dun tayo sa harap" pagdemand ni Keily habang nagpopose sa camera ni Lance.

"Tss" he just scoffed while smiling snapping pictures.

"What happened last night Sophia?" Ella suddenly asked habang nakatingin kami sa harap.

I looked at her surprised, why is she asking?

"Your look gives it up already, I'm just asking pero kabadong kabado ka na" she added.

I tried to hide my expression na gulat by smiling.

"So what happened sa banyo?" she asked looking at me.

I was relieved na yun yung tanong niya.

"It's a.. just-"

"Stop crying too much Soph.. don't keep it to yourself"

"I want Ali back.." I said with all my might. I want her here with me again, I want us to be together again.

Ella sighed.

"I know"

"But she's just too far, hindi lang physically, she's grown. Enough to forget me, I'm just too late Ella" I frowned.

"You really think that low of Ali? she loved you so much and I know you felt it. If you love her still, why can't there be a chance na pati siya hindi pa nakakamove on?"

Naalala ko nung huli kaming nagkita.

~~~~

"I'm leaving this wednesday Anna"

I looked at her sa other end ng bench, ni hindi manlang namin mahawakan ang isat-isa.

"Please let me know if you want me to stay.." she said before tearing up.

I wanted to hug her, just hold her and tell her I need her to stay, to not go ever again, to not leave me. I want to shout and keep her in my arms.

"You should go Ali.."

She smiled bitterly. She looked like she wanted to speak, to say something, like she wanted to cry and hug me.

But she just stood up, faced me, slowly went down to kiss my forehead before walking away, pabalik na sa loob ng burol.

That night I lost her again, and I regret it again. Paulit ulit, ulit nalang, natatalo ako ng sarili ko. Bakit hindi nagkaron ng pagkakataon na kinaya ko siyang ipaglaban sa sarili ko.

~~~~

"Whatever you think it is Soph.. you can't just sit everywhere and cry, then hope she'd call you after and save you from your shit, alam ko sanay kang siya ang laging nanjan para sayo, but please, now be there for yourself too"

I smiled softly. I can't go begging for Ali to come back pag wala parin ako mapapatunayan, wala parin akong pinaglalaban.

I want to grow, more and more everyday so that in the long run I'll be deserving of every Ali in every universe there is.

"Guys! kain na tayo tinatakwil na ako ng tiyan ko!" pagiinarte ni Keily.

It's been three hours na rin kasi na bumabiyahe kami, halos 12:30 pm na rin naman. So binuksan na ni Lance yung takip sa lamesa and revealed yung mga pagkain for lunch, a seafood buffet.

"Uy shet naman feel ko mataba na ako pagdating natin sa kabilang isla" sabi ni Ella sitting down sa may harap ng table.

"Mataba ka kahit saang isla" pagbibiro ni Lance.

We laughed, seems like we're both trying to ignore what happened. Ayaw lang naming masira yung friendship na nabuo saaming apat dahil sa isang pagkakamali.

I reached for the shrimps para magbalat na, katabi ko si Ella while nasa harap namin si Lance and Keily. I was facing him trying to not think of last night, tinuon ko nalang sa pagkain yung atensyon ko.

"Ella can you pass the salt?" Keily asked, nasa side kasi namin ni Ella yung asin.

"Okay, but can you pass your classes?" pagbiro ni Ella sabay abot ng asin kay Keily.

"Wow, way too much salt" she complained while we just laughed.

"By the way bakit hindi ka pa kumakain Sophia, gabundok na yung hipon sa pinggan mo sabihin mo lang kung anong trip mo-"

Di ko napansin inabot ko sa pinggan sa harap ko yung mga nabalatan kong hipon.

"Uhh.." I heard Lance speak.

"What?" I looked at them na nakatingin sakin when I realized what I just did.

"Oh.. shit" I whispered.

Kinuha ko ulit yung mga hipon from Lance's plate bago binalik sa pinggan ko.

"Sorry Lance I thought you were-"

"It's fine" he cut me off and just smiled.

Naramdaman ko namang kinurot ako ni Ella sa hita before receiving 'the look' from her and Keily.

They knew what just happened, gawain namin ni Ali yun, she's not fond sa pagbabalat ng sea foods niya and she would always want to sit infront of me when we eat together, para daw she can see my face while she eats.

I can't stop thinking of how sweet she is saakin, it hurts even more with what happened between us.

I fake coughed trying to keep my composure while we eat.

Finally nakarating na kami sa kabilang island. Bumaba na kami sa bangka papunta sa make shift na kubo dito to fix our things.

"My God Lance! bat di mo naman sinabi?! nag bikini pa ako't lahat lahat tayo tayo lang pala yung tao dito?!" Keily complained.

Lance just scoffed and looked at her.

"No landi for you today Keil" he said.

"Pero tangina walang signal, how would I post sa insta?" Ella said sitting down.

"Then post it later pagbalik sa cabana" I said.

"Duh edi hindi na live, atm ganern gurl" she rolled her eyes.

"You know what? let's leave things muna, marami tayong activities for today" Lance said as he put down out things sa kubo.

"And what are those?" Keily asked.

He just smirked.

"What the hell!!! oh my God! kuya!! put me down, I'm done!! I can't argh! please- kuyarsghk!" hindi na namin naintdihan yung sinisigaw ni Keily when umangat na yung kinauupuan nila ni Ella.

Lance decided na ibook yung parasailing kaya ito kami ngayon trying stop our laughter while Keily is dying sa takot and Ella looks as if she's going to puke any time.

"Hahahaha stop shouting Keily!" sigaw ni Lance habang nasa ere sina Keily. I laughed at the looks on their faces, until nagkatinginan kami ni Lance na tumatawa.

"Can you handle it Soph?" he asked still grinning.

I chuckled.

"I don't know!"

"Good thing kasama mo ako mamaya hahaha" we laughed it off, it's good to not think about things, ayoko maging awkward with him.

Lance got his camera and snapped some pics of them two before pointing it at me while I was laughing.

"There, best shots ever" he commented looking at the pic of me he just took.

It made me smile, he's sweet.

"Tanginang yan, hayup ka Lance hindi mo manlang tinanong kung gusto namin to!" binatukan ni Ella si Lance once they were landed safely on the boat.

"Haha I know you didn't" he answered kaya naman tinadyakan siya ni Keily bago umirap at umupo.

"Shit.." I was trembling habang inaayos ni manong yung harness ko sa katawan.

Nagulat ako when Lance held my hand sa left side ko, I looked at him surprised but he just gave me a comforting look kaya I just gripped it tighter before closing my eyes.

Naramdaman ko nang unti unti kaming tumataas, sobrang bilis ng kabog ng dibdib ko parang wala akong ibang marinig.

"Hey, open your eyes" I heard Lance say.

Umiling lang ako earning his chuckle.

"C'mon Soph, trust me" he caressed my hand that he was holding all this time.

I slowly took a peek and saw how beautiful the view is.

The glass sea reflecting the majestic rays of the sun, the unending horizon of hues of golden and blue. I smiled, the fear was subsiding. I felt like I was free, flying around.

I looked at Lance who's smiling, nageenjoy din sa nakikita niya. Then I looked at our intertwined hands, what is this feeling? it seems all new all over again.

"What am I even doing here? ish, I wasn't supposed to be catching fishes today" there goes again, Keily's endless complains.

"True, them beautiful boys be at the shore right now picking girls that aren't us cause we currently be desperately just hoping poging merman na yung mabibingwit natin" Ella rolled her eyes.

We're currently sitting sa bangka, waiting for fishes to get our bait.

"Sabi mo nakakarelax to Lance? bakit parang gusto kitang ipain sa pating?" inis na tanong ni Ella.

"Hahaha just wait for it" he replied kaya napabuntong hininga nalang sina Keily.

I looked at my fishing rod because I felt it moved.

"Lance? guys may nahuli ata ako!" I stood up excitedly kaya napatayo rin sila Keily to look at what I was pointing at.

I got startled when Lance held my hand and started turning the handle.

"C'mon Soph! reel it in with me!" he shouted. I got into my senses and started to help him with it.

"Ahhh! ay angcuteee!!" Keily excitedly jumped when we got the fish in the boat.

I smiled happily before jumping.

"Wow shet anggaling ko! nakita mo yun boo?!-"

I looked at the hand on mine sa fishing rod ko and saw Lance smiling looking at me before my smile faded as he let go of it.

"Ahh, good job! kayo wala ba kayong binatbat?" Lance just smiled at me bago asarin sina Keily.

I saw Ella looked at me sadly.

Huminga ako ng malalim before sitting down ulit sa foldable chair.

They went to try another shot while I was just staring sa dagat sa kabilang gilid.

I remembered I first caught a fish, together with Ali.

~~~~

"Boo! anggaling galing ko!" I jumped at Ali happily after namin mareel in yung first catch of my life.

She hugged me back bago ako inikot.

"Yeahhh!! anggaling mo boo hahaha, do it again! I told you you can do it! mas magaling ka pa sakin e" she excitedly said.

She put me down before kissing me sa labi.

"You're so cute" she pinched both my cheeks as I was hugging her waist.

~~~~

I smiled sadly, please be safe always Ali. I pray for the day when I can finally get to you bravely.

We went snorkling after riding banana boat, sobrang nakakapagod yung mga activities.

Keily's already exhausted as she was sleeping sa bangka, we were on our way back to the main island, magaattend pa kami ng night show e.

"Did you have fun?" Lance asked and sat down beside me.

"Hmm, thanks"

"Sus, why thank me? I had fun with you guys too" he replied.

I just smiled and looked at Ella as she's snapping pictures in her phone of the sun na malapit na lumubog.

I was sitting down sa may sea shore watching the sun set, thinking about the times when I was so happy with Ali.

She'd always say na pag palubog na yung araw, it's a sign that I've been strong again for another day, and that another one is coming that we should be thankful of.

Is she still like that ngayon? ginugusto niya parin kayang panoorin yung paglubog ng araw, thinking what's in it for her tomorrow?

Does she still sit quietly somewhere and think of us before, of me. Does she think about what we could have had if it weren't for the things that happened?

Cause I do.. everyday.

"Keily's drunk and Ella's nowhere to be seen, I'm glad you're not that big of a trouble too.." I saw Lance walking to me from my right before sitting down.

I just chuckled, anglaking gulo talaga nila Ella, walang kasing kalat. Buti nalang before we had Bri, now we have Lance.

He sighed as he hugged his knees.

"I'm sorry about last night Soph-"

"It's fine.." pinutol ko na yung sinasabi niya.

"No, it was rude of me to take advantage of you that time" he looked at me sincerely.

"I'm sorry Sophia, please forgive me" I smiled softly at him.

"And the things I said.." he sounded more serious.

"Totoo lahat yun" I looked at him confused.

"Look Lance I'm-"

"I'm not asking for your answer now, take all the time you need. I will wait, I can wait.. please just let me do the things I'd do for you normally"

I licked my lips confused as to what he means.

"I know she's still the owner of your heart, but I'm not here for that"

"If ever the time comes that you choose to let go completely.. please know I'd be here to make sure you won't fall hard" he smiled.

I looked at the sea, the different colored lights, the music I softly hear from the main stage, the sun already leaving, only inches of it golden being left.

The hoard of birds in the sky, freely getting to their desired destinations. I felt something stir iside of me, like a door opened. The dripping pink hues above displayed a solemn sensation.

Is it time to give you up?

~~~~~~~

uwu :>