Chapter 5 

Stefan Rice sat in splendid isolation in his office and watched Kim approach Lieutenant Connell with a query. He saw Connell answer seriously then offer a quick smile as Kim thanked him and returned to his own office. He was too familiar, thought Rice, always trying to get the men on side, be their friend or worse ...  

XXX 

This looked set to be the longest six months of his life, thought Connell gloomily.  

Captain Rice had reprimanded him, again. He never seemed to be able to do anything right, or at least, that the Captain thought was right. This morning he had come into work dressed in casual greys, ready for an assignment down on Isis in a couple of hours time. He had thought he was saving time, wearing the correct clothes for the job but Captain Rice thought he should have come to work in his uniform and changed later. 

This time, he had let a flash of irritation show before he was able to master his features, it was getting harder and harder to take this sort of petty criticism. He was a Lieutenant for god's sake not a private in his first year. Surely he should be credited with some sort of autonomy? Some respect? 

Now Rice was looking at him twice, for putting a friendly hand on Kim's shoulder. Connell had had enough. 

"Right! Captain, let's sort this out now," he fumed, leading the way into Rice's office, pushing Kim ahead of him. Rice looked up warily, what was going on?  

Connell turned to the young man. "Kim, the Captain is concerned that I am making improper advances to you. Am I?" 

Poor Kim looked and felt horribly uncomfortable, caught in the crossfire between the two officers, one of them radiating angry resentment, the other an ice cold disdain.  

"No sir, of course not," he managed to reply, looking at the Captain. "The Lieutenant told us at the beginning he doesn't make passes at men under his command." 

If Connell hadn't been so angry he would have laughed. The look of shock on the Captain's face was priceless. "You ... you know he's an om?" he stuttered. 

"Oh yes sir," Kim replied, surprised. 

"Thank you, Kim. You can go now," Connell told him, it wasn't fair on the youngster to keep him here any longer. What happened next was going to be just between the two of them. 

"You told him?" Rice still couldn't believe Connell had actually told the men he was an om. His father had been so insistent homosexuality was something to be ashamed of, hidden at all costs, especially in the Patrol. 

"You're straight, normal," the Colonel had told him, "and just as well. There is no way you could afford to be anything else, not given ..." He had cleared his throat, "Well no need to go into that again. I've said it before and I'll say it again, oms shouldn't be allowed into the Patrol in the first place, just asking for trouble." He had clapped Stefan soundly on the back, "I know I'm fussing unnecessarily, you'll do me proud!" 

"Of course sir, I've found it's best to be open about these things." Connell was explaining, still angry. "It prevents misunderstanding." 

"The men don't ... don't-?" What - despise you? Mock you? Snigger behind your back? 

Connell interrupted before the Captain could think of how to finish his question. 

"Usually they get over it soon enough, once they see I keep my word, that I keep my private and professional lives quite separate." Connell was glaring at the Captain, waiting for his response. He wondered now how he had ever thought he was attracted to him. He probably hadn't even smiled at him at all, it had probably been a grimace of pain, a trick of the light. He was narrow minded, a martinet and had no personal charm what so ever. He- 

"I apologise, Lieutenant," Rice said stiffly. He sounded as if it actually hurt to say those words. "Evidently I was mistaken." 

Connell stared at him, not quite believing what he had heard. 

"Perhaps you'd join me for a drink at the Golden Crown this evening?" Now it was Rice who couldn't believe what he had just said. What on Earth was he doing? 

The man looked as if he was eating ground glass Connell thought, and declined as politely as he could. "I'm sorry sir but I'm already committed for tonight." 

"Of course, another time then," Rice replied, still stiffly, his fingers white as they clenched around the edge of his desk. 

Connell hesitated for a second then saluted and left the room, eager to be out of a situation which had suddenly and unaccountably become acutely embarrassing. What on Earth had that been about? He knew the Captain disliked him intensely, why on Earth would he ask him out for a drink when it when it was clear it was the last thing in the universe he wanted to do? 

XXX 

Captain Rice carefully rearranged the few items on his desk, again. Well what had he expected? That Connell would leap at the opportunity to go out with him? He still couldn't believe he had actually issued the invitation. What on Earth had he been thinking? It was obvious Connell disliked him intensely. After all, why wouldn't he, given the way he'd treated him? He had wanted to keep a safe, professional distance between them by keeping their relationship as formal as he could, but he feared that instead, he had completely alienated his Lieutenant. 

Rice stared blankly into space, remembering one of his father's many lectures. 

"Always remember Stefan that you are in command. All you need is the men's respect, fear even, you're not there to mollycoddle them or to be their friend, you're there to get the job done. Stick to the regulations and you can't go wrong. Never forget, at the end of the day, whatever happens, you are the one who will be held responsible." 

Well that part was certainly true, he was the man responsible, but for the first time he wondered if his father was right about everything else.  

When he thought about Connell's behaviour objectively, he could see perfectly well that the Lieutenant had not stepped over the line, he was just ... doing his job, instructing the younger men and encouraging them to work out solutions for themselves. Doing the job he was supposed to be doing as their Captain. He could see plainly that Connell wasn't feared, but he still had the men's respect. It was so hard not to feel envious.  

Part of the reason for his behaviour was guilt of course. Even though he told himself a hundred times it was nothing to do with him, he felt guilty on his father's behalf. He wondered, not for the first time, if Connell knew what his father had done. It was hardly likely, it was not the sort of thing he would ever tell his son if it had happened to him. 

He dropped his head into his hands for a moment. He had been so keen to succeed, to prove to his father that he was ready for command, but maybe he had been wrong. He was starting to think that being a Captain might mean a lot more than simply following the rule book.