newt lay half awake with his arm draped over his very not-awake boyfriend. the sunlight streamed through the curtains illuminating the room softly. newt liked the way thomas looked so peaceful while he slept.

newt felt sleepy, a nice kind of sleepy, with the sunlight hitting his closed eyelids. when he opened his eyes again  thomas was still there, still sound asleep. it was all a little hazy, like a white summer day.

a day where the seconds seemed endless and everything was dream-like. a warm day, laying in soft green grass, a soft breeze hitting your skin. it was like smelling the freshly washed sheets on the clothing line, while laying on said grass.

that's what it felt like to wake up next to thomas every morning.

newt smiled into his pillow.

newt's eyes fluttered open as his alarm blared beside him. the smile that was set on his face disappeared almost instantly. the sun's rays poured through the window, taking up the empty spot beside newt.

newt hit the button on his alarm clock and stood up to shut the blinds on his window, blocking the sunlight. he sat at the foot of his bed, burring his face in his hands. he took a deep breath.

it had been months since he'd heard from thomas. his reoccurring dreams convinced him for a second that thomas had never left.

when his eyes were closed; that was the only time things felt alright. thomas was burried in his veins. he couldn't get him out no matter how hard he tried. everything was vivid in his mind. he hated thomas for it.

it was the simple things like an embrace that sent electricity through newt's skin. it was those moments that made newt fall in love with thomas all over again.

his favorite part about thomas was the freckles on his skin and the color of his eyes. his eyes were wild and beautiful, like they held all of the wonders of the universe.

his lips were warm and they felt like home.

newt also recalled the way thomas' eyes looked scared and confused that night newt last spoke to him. the way thomas left was a blur. things had been calm and okay and happy until that night. but suddenly, thomas was frantically throwing things into his suitcase and his hands were trembling. tears were streaming down his face as he apologized a million times over. and just like that, he was gone. it was as if he never existed in the first place, no calls no texts, nothing.

"newt, people like me aren't meant to be loved by people like you."

"i'm sorry newt. i can't. i'm not meant for you, not like that."

and because of all these things, newt had sworn to himself he'd never feel anything like that again.

newt hadn't been the same since thomas left. nothing quite made sense. recalling their last conversation always made newt want to turn back time.

if newt had known what was at risk, he never would have told thomas how he felt. he would have never told him he loved him, not once. he would've kept all of it inside. that way, thomas would have stayed for at least a little longer.

with ever fiber in his body, newt regretted every word he said that night. it hadn't left his (or thomas') mind since.

the house was so goddamn empty after he left. for days, newt did nothing but stare at the empty spot in his bed where the sunlight hit every morning, almost like a reminder that thomas used to lay there. as much as he thought about it, it never made any sense. he couldn't seem to fathom what happened that night. at 2am, the only explanation newt could find was that thomas never cared in the first place, that newt was just his favorite pastime, a joke, a lie. not even that made sense.

the way thomas left was an impulse, caused by fear. he knew he was a coward for not being able to face his feelings. he knew he was selfish for only thinking of himself and leaving newt the way did. he had finished convincing himself that there was no way in hell he deserved someone as fucking beautiful as newt.

newt had to get up on day, and decide thomas leaving didn't hurt him anymore. or at least, he could pretend it didn't.

eventually things went back to the way they were, except the sun never shined quite as bright.

at the end of the day, the other side of newt's bed was still cold and empty,

and thomas was finally trying to figure things out.

it wasn't until almost two years later newt and thomas had their first re-encounter. it was by mistake.

they were in an unfarmliar room, probably thomas' hundredth temporary motel stay. they were giggling and intoxicated as they fumbled in dim glowing lights to take off each others clothes. every time they touched newt felt himself being pulled into the flames again. thomas was saying things he hardly understood like remind me what it's like. the look in newt's eyes was just like thomas had remembered and it was bliss.

newt woke up the next morning tangled in bedsheets and the warmth he'd missed. he felt dream-like. when he was finally fully aware of his surroundings, thomas' face was the first thing he saw.

thomas' hair was tousled against his forehead. newt's arm was wrapped around thomas. his eyelashes were fluttering against his cheek and the sunlight was on his face. it was a deja vu moment for newt. he missed it more than he cared to admit.

thomas awoke slowly to be met with warm brown eyes. the night's memories flooded into his mind.

newt, him, kisses and moans, bed sheets.

no words were exchanged between them. they simply stared at each other. it was as if time was frozen and they could stay there forever. only the steady rising and falling of their chests reminded them of the real world.

"i haven't stopped thinking about you since the day i left, and its so damn weird without you by my side," thomas wanted to say but all that came out was, "hey,"

"you won't believe how much I missed this, you're still all that i want" newt replied only it sounded more like, "morning,"

silence.

"i... should," newt began to say, feeling the words stuck in his throat.

"you don't..." thomas said as well, his words drifting off.

the were quiet, neither of them wanted to say goodbye.

"you can, stay," thomas suggested quietly, words slowly falling from his lips.

"will you?" newt asked.

their limbs were tangled together, and their hands were interlocked with each others. their bodies had always fit together like puzzle pieces.

thomas kissed newt, softly, lips barely touching. he wanted to make the moment last as long as possible. the light in newt's eyes made a decision for him.

"yeah. i'll stay, right here. with you. just like this,"

the sun was illuminating the room just right. the sunlight was soft against their skin. the real world was gone. the moment was infinite.

"just like this," newt echoed.