Writer: @HEEdwards
How many chapters were there?: 42

Welcome to a review for The Wolf Of The Wilds. My name is Sunflower and I will be your host for today. Spend your time savoring an eggcellent meal while reading. It's going to be a long, long journey.

Cover + Summary
Your cover looks nice so far, though the font color is difficult to distinguish from the dark foliage. I can't really see the 'Wolf' in your title or your author name in the bottom. Still, it's a nice cover.

The summary seems like a pleasant read that promises excitement. It's there and it gets straight to the point.

And last but not least, I don't think it's necessary to capitalize the 'of the' in the title The Wolf Of The Wilds. It looks more natural like:

The Wolf of the Wilds.

Since you usually wouldn't need to capitalize the 'of' or the 'the' in the middle of a title.

Grammar + Writing Style
The way that you write is neat, rich, and crisp, all of which are traits suitable for fight scenes and intense emotions. You're quite talented at writing action and describing a character's surroundings. You have a simple yet beautiful style of writing.

There are several suggestions I can make for you punctuation-wise, which I will be doing right now, but for the most part your story just has some grammar and punctuation errors here and there and that's it. Just the typical stuff you'd see in writing that you'd usually miss, it happens to every writer.

One thing I want to mention is that you don't need the comma after the word 'yet' sometimes. For example, in your story I often see lines being formatted like so:

Calculating, yet fierce.

When it's perfectly fine like this:

Calculating yet fierce.

You have to imagine the yet as an 'and' or any other coordinating conjunction. If 'and' were to replace the 'yet' in the following examples I just presented to you, then it would look like this in your story:

Calculating, and fierce.

When it should look like and sound better with:

Calculating and fierce.

I had to do some research on why it's this way, so if you're still curious about this, I'll be happy to send you a link through PM featuring an article that discusses comma placements.

Speaking of comma placements, I want to mention another thing related to that. Whenever a character is speaking to another character and is referring to them by a title or name, I notice that you don't put a comma before a character refers to another character by a name or title of some sort. For example, in your story I might see a line of dialogue be formatted like this:

"Let's eat Grandma," Sheri announced.

Wait, calm down, Grandma! We're not going to actually eat you, what Sheri here meant was that she wants to eat with you.

I hope you see what I mean. To not make Grandma feel like she's about to be dinner, you should modify that line to look more like this:

"Let's eat, Grandma," Sheri announced.

There. Now Grandma doesn't have to be afraid anymore.

I have one more thing related to commas to mention. Sometimes when you have a sentence that's listing three or more things together with the coordinating conjugation 'and', you forget to add the comma after 'and'. For example, I might see a sentence formatted like this in your story:

Nowadays, Joshua liked to laze around the house, neglect his hygiene and forget that manners existed.

When it should look more like this:

Nowadays, Joshua liked to laze around the house, neglect his hygiene, and forget that manners existed.

Again, to reiterate, the comma must come before the 'and' once three or more things have been listed in a sentence.

I want to also talk about dialogue tags and the way that you structure them. Though you do sometimes arrange them correctly, other times you don't. The reason for why I think this is because you mistakenly think that whenever there's an exclamation point or question mark at the end of a character's line, that the personal pronoun (I/he/she/they) in a dialogue tag should be capitalized. To be specific, sometimes I would see lines of dialogue being formatted like this in your story:

"Silence!" He roared.

However, you don't need the personal pronoun capitalized like that. The correct form is:

"Silence!" he roared.

Another example I can give you regarding how I usually see the formatting of your dialogue in the story is:

"What do you want?" She asked.

When the correct form is actually:

"What do you want?" she asked.

Just another note here: if the personal pronoun were to be replaced by a name, then the name would still be capitalized. Like this:

"But I just paid eighty dollars for this shit!" Ryan exclaimed, right before slamming the diamond necklace he had just purchased to the ground. Fragments of the sparkly rock scattered around his dirt-brown loafers. "I can't believe you're breaking up with me just because I'm too poor for you! That was three months of my allowance that I had spent!"

"Um, you do realize that you could've gotten a refund back if you hadn't done that, right?" Sarah asked, pointing at the wrecked jewelry with a manicured finger.

Enraged, Ryan unleashed a screech that would put a banshee to shame and raked both hands through his curly springs of hair, threatening to go bald. "GODDAMMIT, SARAH!"

Only personal pronouns get lowercased, names don't. Hopefully that helps you with the way you write dialogue tags.

Another thing I want to talk about that's related to dialogue is the way you write how a character gets interrupted. In rare occasions, I would see a line formatted like this in your story:

"Hey son, how-".

"Not now, Mom!" Kyle cut off, as he aggressively jammed his thumbs into his video game controller. The television screen flickered from a battlefield scene to his avatar restocking on ammo. "I'm doing something right now-".

Kyle's mother suddenly shifted in attitude, morphing from Nice Mom to Demon Mom. "Boy, get your lazy ass up and clean your room this instance!"

You see, the period after a dash is not needed. You don't need that period at all. More commonly I'll see commas instead of periods at the end of the interruptions in your story too, but commas are not needed either.

All you need is a dash.

I was going to go on and say that you should use an em dash rather than a dash to demonstrate your character getting interrupted, but for you I honestly don't think I should advise that. An em dash is when you put two dashes together without a space.

This is a dash —> -

This is an em dash —> —

The em dash is most commonly found in the American style of English when it comes to writing. And you're from England, judging by your writing and your profile, not America.

British English and American English are different, that I must respect while composing this review.

For example, you would say colour while I say color.

I'd say while and you'd say whilst.

You'd probably use a dash to demonstrate a character getting interrupted while I'd use an em dash.

Both ways are correct, just in different versions of English.

To modify the example I just presented earlier with a dash rather than the common em dash that I would usually use that's found in American English writing, here's the correct way for you to write your characters getting interrupted:

"Hey son, how-"

"Not now, Mom!" Kyle cut off, as he aggressively jammed his thumbs into his video game controller. The television screen flickered from a battlefield scene to his soldier avatar restocking on ammo. "I'm doing something right now-"

Kyle's mother suddenly shifted in attitude, morphing from Nice Mom to Demon Mom. "Boy, get your lazy ass up and clean your room this instance!"

Well, I'd say ass and you'd say arse—

But anyway, hope that helps clarify any confusion. It's always good to build your skills with improvement bit by bit. If you want to correctly write a character stuttering, here's an example:

"W-where's the money?" Greg sputtered, sounding like an ancient car engine trying to revive. The proportions of his eyes enlarged as he leaped to his feet to tear apart his bedroom. "Whe-where's my twenty dollars?"

Another example:

". . . then I just ran!" Gina explained, a sharp bark of laughter erupting from her soon after. "Can't believe I got away with shoplifting like that as a teenager. After I got home that day, I - oh shit. Wait, what time is it? I need to head to work soon."

One last thing, before I finally move on to the characters and plot:

You can have a character's actions be in the same paragraph as their dialogue. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll show you an example formatted in a way that I'd often see in your story:

"Sarah dumped me because I was too poor for her," Ryan wailed, bawling his eyes out. "I can't believe this is my life." Seth, his best friend, anchored a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Hey bro, it's okay. You don't need girls, especially gold diggers like Sarah." Seth sighed. "I'm sorry about your situation. I would suggest that we go back to my place and play video games to cheer you up, but my little brother Kyle's been hogging the game console lately and my mom's probably giving him a scolding for not cleaning his room right now."

The sentence 'Seth, his best friend, anchored a comforting hand on his shoulder' can simply be transferred in front of the second paragraph of this example. So it should look more like this:

"Sarah dumped me because I was too poor for her," Ryan wailed, bawling his eyes out. "I can't believe this is my life."

Seth, his best friend, anchored a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Hey bro, it's okay. You don't need girls, especially gold diggers like Sarah." He sighed. "I'm sorry about your situation. I would suggest that we go back to my place and play video games to cheer you up, but my little brother Kyle's been hogging the game console lately and my mom's probably giving him a scolding for not cleaning his room right now."

Does that make sense? See, if you format it this way, it more easily indicates that your character is doing or about to do something while talking at the same time.

I could go on, but I have to stop so that I don't digress too much. With that, I conclude this portion of the review. Hopefully I've helped you with your writing with these explanations. If you have any more questions, you can comment them here.

First Impressions
This segment of the review will be my thoughts on the first chapter. So here they are:

OH MY GAWD, THAT WAS SO HEARTBREAKING WHEN THE LITTLE BOY TRIED TRIED TO RUN AWAY.

Aawww.

I'm sorry, that hit a soft spot in my heart. When Lena — that's what I'll be calling her since she's referred to as that so often — gave him food and tried to make him feel better, I couldn't help smiling.

I love that you've already set up a touching scene right here. Makes my heart cry for the little boy.

Characters
Wow, these characters are like a breath of fresh air.

Let's start with Lena.

Lena's relationship with everyone — more specifically Adrian — that she's in good terms with is so realistic, raw, and sometimes tinged with bits of humor.

For example, in the scene where she and Adrian are helping out in the kitchens and making bread for the pack, the way that they've grown naturally comfortable toward each other presents to me a very healthy chemistry.

Speaking of which, Lena and Adrian have one of the most amazing relationships that I've ever seen in a werewolf story. They both communicate with each other and respect each other's boundaries. They don't have to be near each other all the time, but when they are near each other, they end up having a sweet time.

Though her platonic relationships with Felix and Iona are also nice, the story unfortunately doesn't show Lena talking to them that much. Maybe Felix talks to her more later on after 30+ chapters once he gets himself involved after hearing that Lena hired Herra, but that's much later.

There's only been a few scenes shown of Lena interacting with them, such as the part where she visited the omega district and tried to teach the children there about human history while Iona helped out with the laundry. Or the part where she saw Felix helping out at the grocery store Iona worked at.

It's more told/implied rather than shown that Lena is friends with Felix and Iona, which makes her relationships with them pale in comparison to her relationship with Adrian.

I'd like to think that friends are just as important as family and your significant other if they're the right ones for you. If they're supportive of you as you are with them, if they feel comfortable keeping in contact with you about their life and the other way around, then they're just as important.

Unless you intended for Felix and Iona to just be friendly acquaintances with Lena — which I'm guessing you're not based on the fact that Lena is happy about the idea of them potentially getting together and she wouldn't have cared in the first place if they were just friendly acquaintances — then you should do more showing rather than telling when it comes to featuring her platonic relationships with them.

You both showed and told what Lena's relationship with Adrian is like. And you do try to do the same with her platonic relationships with Iona and Felix; however, with them it's more told rather than shown. It's not balanced.

There needs to be a balance of shown and told in a story to feature a believable relationship. Again, Lena and Adrian's relationship is a good example of that balance.

Before you say anything regarding this, I will mention again and admit that Lena gets more of her interactions with Felix featured in the story in comparison to her interactions with Iona. With Felix, I can actually kinda see how and why he and Lena click together. The scene where Lena gave him a full deer was actually really touching and I wish there were more scenes like that.

However, with Iona, it's implied that her and Lena hit if off after their first meeting and that's that. The story never showed how they got along or why, other than the fact that Lena doesn't discriminate against Iona for the history of her sex life. But there should be more reasons to a friendship than just that one reason alone.

It is implied and told that Lena and Iona like to chatter, but it's not shown about what or why. It's not shown where they usually go or are whenever they do chat. Does Iona like to visit Lena's place, or the other way around? Do they like to have tea or coffee or water while talking? Where do they like to go to hang out, if they have a usual hang out spot?

You can have something in common with someone, but that doesn't mean that you're friends with them. You might be friendly acquaintances later on that exchange 'hi's and 'how are you's, but friendship is the next stage after you and the other party start getting more comfortable talking about each other's lives, slowly trusting each other, and trading random interests and opinions about the world.

Now that I'm done rambling about Lena's relationships, let's talk about her character.

Lena is a character with a past that has destroyed, burned, chewed, spat out, and stomped all over her. All of the bullshit that she's ever had to endure has molded her into the calloused character that we see today. Her foul attitude regarding rotten connections and discomfort toward those who can't deal with her are portrayed very clearly because of this, and it's a good thing she doesn't give an f about what they think either.

Basically, she's a very well-rounded and real individual with valid feelings that make sense. On top of that, she's got flaws and acknowledges that.

Another random thing: you know else what I love about Lena?

I love that she doesn't have a moral compass.

I love that Lena just murders when she has to and helps out people whenever she wants to, not just because it feels like the 'right or wrong thing to do'. To her, there is no right or wrong. Good or bad. None of that bullshit matters because of how blurred the lines between the two actually are and that's absolutely amazing.

I'm so glad to finally have a character that's not preaching about doing what's best for the world and the people. Instead, she's just doing whatever to survive and be content in life. It's not like a character with a moral compass is necessarily a bad thing, but they're often seen so many times as the angel protagonist. Getting to know Lena, who is neither a hero nor a villain, has truly been an honor.

Adrian is also rich with depth as a character. It took some time to get to know him, but it was completely worth it.

I can't say much for the other characters like Felix and Iona and Alphas Ed and Hermine, considering how they don't get as much time being featured in the story as Adrian. All I can say is that they seem like real individuals so far, which is good.

So with that, I conclude the characters portion of this review.

Plot
For starters, I have to say, I liked that there could be more than one alpha in a pack here in this story. This is clearly not your typical I-am-the-only-male-alpha-and-you-should-treat-me-like-a-king kind of deal. I've never read a werewolf story with this sort of social hierarchy that includes more than one leader of the pack. Maybe I have read stories where the female mate of the male alpha is known as the luna, but she's never really referred to as the alpha too.

*insert applause here*

Also, I'm very proud that you've shed some positive light on omegas. You've made very good points showing how useful they can be and how they need to be nurtured and embraced. Gold stars for that message!

Another subject that you mention early on in your story that I've never really seen much of in other werewolf stories is the amount of wealth some packs, like the Fengari pack, can possess. As a rogue, Lena is clearly excluded from the luxuries and privileges these packs have, which only enhances this fact even more. It makes perfect sense that packs have all these resources and have their own villages and whatnot.

The sad part is, a lot of werewolf stories don't usually feature the pack's living circumstances in this manner and I wish they did. Usually werewolves are just living feral in the woods somewhere. They're usually featured to be scruffy and tough survivors that have to hunt for food day and night just to live, when in actuality only a rogue like Lena would have to do that.

But here, packs have bakeries in their village and shit! Bakeries! And black smiths and secure shelters and—

Ha ha, sorry I sound way too enthusiastic about this.

There are so many things that are new to me that I didn't expect while reading this story, so I guess I'll start listing them and some other plot-related things I'd like to note out here.

1. When Adrian explained to Lena after their first encounter how large the Montis pack was, I was like damn! That's insane! Six betas for that many wolves in the pack?! I never thought that was possible, but it makes absolute sense for it to be possible.

2. Being introduced to what a skin walker is. Holy shit, skin walkers are horrifying. Speaking of which, I feel like in chapter eight, when the first skin walker is introduced, there should be more detail about what a skin walker actually is. I didn't know if a skin walker was still considered a werewolf or not with how different they seemed to be. I definitely need more intel on that. The gruesome battle between Lena and that skin walker in chapter nine, right after it was introduced in chapter eight, was really intense and actually had me on the edge of my seat! However, I'm just wondering how Lena fought it with a blindfold on. Does the blindfold not impair her vision, even if she is a werewolf with sharp senses?

3. Oohh, I truly love how you've slowly incorporated some history behind this story about humanity having been wiped out by a war with only werewolves remaining. This is seriously so unique compared to some of the stories in the werewolf genre that I've read. It's so strange to think that a werewolf would have to wonder what humans were like a long, long time ago rather than just meet one now.

4. I can appreciate that the werewolves in this story try to lock themselves up in cages and stay away from the outdoors on a full moon instead of relishing in the moonlight with perfectly pitched howls and festive hunts. I've never seen werewolves be so wary of the full moon before, but seeing as though they get really wild during that time of the year, it's understandable.

5. It was very intriguing of you to bring up the nachzehrer. Your story is very unique in so many aspects. Usually, in the paranormal, there's usually only vampires and werewolves and nothing in between. The way Lena forced that coin down that nachzehrer's throat was so epic.

6. I feel like I definitely either missed what the Pariter treaty was or it just wasn't explained enough in the story. Perhaps it should be mentioned and explained a bit more throughly to evade any minor confusion on the rich and unique history of this story's setting.

7. When the Montis pack is on a ship heading to Semul harbor, Adrian tries to see where the destination that Felix just pointed out is, but then claims that he needs glasses or better eyesight. I feel like this should've been hinted at, implied, or mentioned way sooner if he has slightly poor vision. For example, wouldn't his not-so-great eyesight hinder him from being active in his wolf form? Or does it even affect his wolf form at all when he shifts?

8. I think you pulled off Herra's introduction pretty well. His introduction serves a great purpose to the story and gives me more insight on what kind of connections Lena had in her past.

9. It still confuses me whether this story written in third POV limited, as in this is limited to Lena's POV only in third person, or third POV multiple. Third POV multiple would mean that the third person POV would jump from Lena's perspective to Adrian's perspective to another character's perspective and so on and so forth. Considering how this is written mostly through Lena's third POV, I could say that this is third POV limited. But if that's true, then why have I read glimpses of Adrian's POV in the story when I'm not supposed to if this is a third POV limited to Lena's perspective only?

When you're writing in third POV limited, you only write through one character's perspective. Again, it confuses me which third POV this story is set in. If this were third POV multiple, then I would suggest that you definitely showcase more of Adrian and/or some other character's perspective too, or else you wouldn't be doing a good job utilizing the advantages that third POV multiple has.

10. The more I read, the more the name 'Lena' disappears and the more the name 'Helena' emerges in this third person style of writing. Noticing that threw me off because you usually stick to one name to refer to your character, not undergo a weird flip flop between their real name and nickname. I definitely feel like you should've stuck with 'Helena' from the very beginning of the story and had other characters who knew her well enough call her Lena or have her tell other people that they can refer to her as Lena through dialogue. That would make much more sense than this weird transition from nickname to real name.

11. The gradual build up of the importance of the silver blade after Lena's interaction with Neron and the remaining survivors of the Angor pack is all coming together now. The silver blade has been hinted at several times, though right now there's no explanation for why it's so important that it will grant Neron and his mate the title of alpha. It's mentioned that the blade belonged to the former alpha of Angor, which she stole, but that's all. Maybe I'll get to know more later.

12. You're a pro at world building in this story. I'm glad that you didn't go all in and dump monologue after monologue of the story's setting. Rather, you made Lena a character with an interest in history and explored from there.

Though a few things that I've mentioned need to be cleared up in this portion of the review, you still have a pretty consistent and steady plot. Good job!

Things I Liked
1. The very first chapter.

2. When Lena shamed the Dens pack for their irresponsibility in chapter two with that slamming speech of hers. Also, I liked how respectful Alpha Isa was about the situation. She wasn't as accusing as her mate Alpha Lucus and even bowed to Lena out of gratitude for bringing the boy back.

3. Aaww, I liked how in chapter three Lena was willing to offer guidance for Felix, Marty, and Jameson when they got lost in her territory, even if it was on the condition that she got food. She didn't even have to do that.

4. In chapter five, when Adrian finds out that Lena is his mate and announces it with such shock, my initial thoughts were:

LOL SUCKS TO BE YOU BRUH

Because no pack likes Lena and he's the beta of one. In my mind, I had to think: wow, that's going to be conflicting.

And on another note: FINALLY, A MALE MATE THAT DOESN'T HAVE LICK-ABLE ABS AND A DEADLY HOT EXTERIOR.

YAY, GO ADRIAN FOR BEING REALISTIC.

Also, I love the awkward realism that occurs once Lena and Adrian find out they're mates. They have to personally ask each other questions and all of that jazz in order to know each other more, which is so invigorating to read because I've never seen this happen in a werewolf story before.

And I just had to crack up when Lena didn't know what the hell snow was while they were talking. In my head, I was like: oh my gawd, I live in Texas and even I know—

5. In chapter six, I appreciate the race that Adrian and Lena have. Nothing like a little playful competition to get the gears in any relationship turning.

AND THEIR TALK ABOUT WHERE THEIR RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE HEADED WAS SO AWESOME.

I really like that Lena bluntly warned Adrian about her and gave him the option to walk out if he wanted to.

6. In chapter seven, I really started to respect Adrian as a person once he told Lena that it was okay if she didn't want to join his pack because she hates packs, and that he wasn't going to force her.

7. Lena and Felix's growing friendship in chapter eight. Also, her preparation for almost any circumstances and the reasons for why she carries ash around.

8. Aaw, Adrian's concern for Lena was touching in chapter ten, after she managed to get away with killing that skin walker and helping an injured man out.

9. The way you described the Arbre pack's massive village in chapter eleven was beautifully detailed. I liked how maniacal Lena seemed for a moment when she confessed to using a silver blade for defense. Adrian standing up for her was gold. I know the Montis pack is fearful of her and alarmed that she carried around silver, but honestly I think that's a clever weapon choice for her to possess. Most to all of her enemies will be other werewolves, so it's good thinking.

10. I liked the descriptions that portrayed what Lena's new horse Cheval was like in chapter twelve. Like horse, like owner.

11. In chapter thirteen, the description of how old the tower that Lena was going to be living was and the characters' reaction to it made me laugh a little. Also, this line that I got from your story:

Nothing was salvageable so it was all disposed of neatly and efficiently. As in they set it all on fire and spent about half an hour staring at the flames like idiots.

That one actually got a chortle from me. Like a real, physical reaction.

12. In chapter fourteen, this quote that Lena says is one of the best quotes I've ever read:

"We're all just diseased fleshy sacks of blood on a space rock. I think everyone is disgusting in their own wonderful and unique way. You're no more revolting than anyone else in that respect," Lena said with a perfectly straight face.

*claps twice as hard as I usually would*

One applause for that quote, and one applause for the blooming friendship between Iona and Lena.

13. In chapter seventeen, when Lena gifted the omega families some food, I just had to go d'aaww. It's nice to see her giving them something to cherish for a while.

14. Ha ha, I liked how the reveal of Alpha Hermine's pregnancy was presented and how awkward Lena felt after spilling the truth.

15. Aaw, I like that Lena frequents the omega district with Iona to see Felix. Also, it's nice how the children have grown fond of her since she's helping their district out.

16. I liked when some of the pack members became more accepting of Lena and pledged their gratitude to Alphas Hermine and Ed when the ex-alphas were trying to put them down.

17. Felix and Iona's subtle attraction for each other is cute. I liked how quickly Lena caught on when she noticed them talking more together, ha ha. 

18. It was funny when Alpha Ed tried to lead his pack and Lena through the Semul streets, only to fail and let his mate Hermine take over.

Also, the inn that they're staying at is called The Lonesome Succubus? Ha, I'm dead!

19. The man advertising for blood on the late streets of Semul in a vendor made me smile a bit. It's weird reading about blood being sold in such a casual manner, but whatever sells, right?

20. Felix's reaction to Lena confessing who she used to be was very realistic and understandable.

21. The shock on Alpha Isa and Lucus' faces were priceless when they spotted Lena with Adrian in the summit.

Oh my gawd, and the way that Lena and Lucus shared that forced killer handshake was perfect.

22. The way that Ed and Lena talked to each other after her reunion with the Angor wolves was interesting. I like that Ed is warming up to her, even asking her if she's okay when she looked glum.

23. I love that Lena has been giving Adrian his space after his odd encounter with Alpha Oskar.

24. ADRIAN X HELENA IS GOALS.

ADRIAN'S BACKSTORY MAKES ME CRY INTERNALLY.

Also, I seriously never imagined that it was possible for a wolf to cheat on their mate. Like wow, why in the hell would you do that? Are they not your mate for a reason? I just don't get cheating in general.

But I'm glad Adrian exists.

Conclusion + Grade
I think if I were to summarize this review up, it'd be another 1000+ words long, and I definitely don't want to make this any longer than it already is.

With that, my grade for this story would be a 8 out of 10.

I had to dock some points off due to the grammar + writing portion — which isn't even rated that low, you just need some tidying up in your story — but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy this. I certainly did!

I forgot to mention that I like the artwork you have of Helena so far as well. You also have a map of your world, which I can appreciate.

Nicely done.

If you have anymore questions about anything or want to say something, just comment!

With that, I'll be proceeding to crack like an egg and split.

Keep writing!