Writer: @CreativeDelinquents
How many chapters were there?: 4

Welcome to a review for Safety In Her Silence. My name is Sunflower and I will be your host for today. Sit back and sip on some coffee. Hoard the entire pot of you want. This is going to be a while.

Cover + Summary
Oh wow, great job with this portion of the review so far!

Fantastic first impression.

What an alluring summary and cover. Nothing else to comment on here.

Grammar + Writing Style
I only have a couple of suggestions here in this portion of the review because honestly . . .

Your writing style is amazing, brimming with top-notch imagery and poetic prose that really amplifies the emotions in your story.

With that being said, let's get into this.

In chapter three, when Mason meets up with Mia and she starts talking in a rapid fire fashion, whenever Mason is getting interrupted there should be another quotation mark after his interruption.

Here's an example of what I mean and what you shouldn't do:

Ma shook her head. "Sweetie, you can't just—

"I'm doing it," I announced, blocking out her words in place of sheer determination. "I'm going to start a band."

"That's a bad idea—

"Why can't you just believe in me just once in your life?!" I exclaimed, a scowl dominating my face. "Why can't you—

Before I could finish, Ma smacked my head upside down. "Fool, you don't know how to play any instruments or sing! Now how you gonna talk about being in a band?"

This is the kind of formatting that I'd see in your story. However, it should be modified to look more like this:

Ma shook her head. "Sweetie, you can't just—"

"I'm doing it," I announced, blocking out her words in place of sheer determination. "I'm going to start a band."

"That's a bad idea—"

"Why can't you just believe in me just once in your life?!" I exclaimed, a scowl dominating my face. "Why can't you—"

Before I could finish, Ma smacked my head upside down, triggering a high-pitched yelp from my vocals. "Fool, you don't know how to play any instruments or sing! Now how you gonna talk about being in a band?"

See how there should be a quotation mark at the end of the em dash that represents a character getting cut off? It should look more like that.

Another thing I want to point out is to just be careful when writing your past tense. On a rare occasion, I'd catch present tense being used. It's a common mistake that we writers make, so it's okay, just be sure to be careful with that.

At times, I also felt like some of the lengthy descriptions being used weren't really needed. They definitely were needed in some parts, but not in every little thing that Mason does. Sometimes we need more shorter and choppier sentences to add some variety in our writing styles.

Annndd . . . that's all I have to say. Everything else is pretty much good so far.

You can keep reading the rest of the review!

First Impressions
These are my thoughts concerning the prologue only:

I can't emphasis enough how elegant and eloquent your writing style is. The events being described were nicely narrated.

Just an important question here though: is the prologue written in third person omniscient?

Because if it is, then good job showing it. If not, then I would advise that you don't blend each and every character's POVs all in one chapter. Usually you have either first POV, third POV limited, third POV multiple, or third POV omniscient in a story.

Third POV omniscient is the most rarest of all POVs to write because it is one of the most challenging to execute. In fact, I've never ever written in third POV omniscient. Even after who knows how many years of writing to back me up, I'm still afraid of writing in third POV omniscient.

It's just that hard and it's so rarely done nowadays, even in real world literature, and I'll explain why.

First of all, let's review all of the POVs you can select and use in a story.

You should already know what first POV is. It's just when you use a more personal perspective in your writing, often involving I/me pronouns.

You can use first POV for more than one character, but it's rare to do that and you have to be a really good writer to pull that off without stirring any confusion on whose character's perspective you're reading through this time. For starters, if you are writing first POV switches, you should only switch POVs between characters after a separate chapter to avoid confusion.

It's never a good idea to switch first POVs randomly between characters in the middle of a chapter. I've seen tons and tons of new writers do it all the time on here, but doing that amateur technique only serves to disrupt the story's flow.

(You don't do that, I'm just stating this.)

Remember: first POV isn't as flexible as third POV. It's more jarring and difficult to switch from one character's head to the next with it.

First POV can usually be shared between three characters at the max. Any more than that and all clarity for your story goes out the window! You might as well stick to third POV multiple if you're going to feature the perspectives of more than three characters.

Meanwhile, third POV limited is when you feature one character's perspective only, often using more distant pronouns like he/him, she/her, and they/them. You probably already knew that too.

While we're getting deeper into this topic, we can also discuss what third POV multiple is. Third POV multiple, a POV that I've been using a lot at the moment, is when you jump from one character's head in one chapter/page break to another character's head in the next chapter/page break.

If you don't know what a page break is, here's what it looks like:

You have one that looks like this:

~~

It's that little symbol, usually right in the center but sometimes just to the left, that gives the readers a break from one scene and smoothly transitions the plot line into the next event.

Usually there needs to be either a whole separate chapter or a page break before there can be any POV switches from one character to the next in third POV multiple.

While in first POV, it's recommended to only switch POVs from one character to the next after a whole separate chapter, in third POV multiple you can more easily switch POVs from one character to the next after whole separate chapters and page breaks.

The reason why first POV changes usually can't be made after page breaks is because confusion can ensue more easily for your readers if you just randomly switch from one character to the next out of nowhere.

To reiterate, third POV multiple is just way more flexible with handling constant POV switches and head hopping in between multiple characters.

Last but not least, third POV omniscient is when you have a disembodied and unknown narrator that tells a story about what everyone is thinking all at the same time.

It's kind of like your prologue, where you've featured the POVs of Valerie, Mason, and all four of Valerie's friends at once.

I've noticed that the rest of this story won't be in third POV omniscient. Instead, it will be in first POV. Maybe only the prologue is supposed to be in third POV omniscient while the rest of the chapters will be featured in first POV.

I can let that slide. It's really rare and difficult to pull off, but I've seen published authors use this same technique.

Besides, you seem to be writing first POV correctly so far. You at least have alternating chapter titles indicating which character is the one talking now, which is an absolute necessity in my opinion. It can be so easy to get confused over which character is talking this time. Any chapter titles that indicate who is who in a story, like yours, can really help evade confusion by a lot.

Even if you already knew all of this, I just wanted to explain all of this to you in case you didn't know about all of these story POVs. You'd be amazed by how many writers, mostly new but some old, don't at all know about this.

Characters
There's only been 4 chapters out so far for this story, so I really can't say anything about the characters. I can't say much about Mia or Valerie or the frizzy-haired girl that stopped Mason from jumping. The only character I can really talk about is Mason, but understandably not that much is revealed about him since we're only a few chapters into the story.

Yes, I as the reader know that he's kind of a shut-in and lives alone and struggles with depression. There's also a brief mention of him attending school, which makes me question his age (he must be in college?) and whether or not he's struggling to keep up with his classes.

Because people who struggle with mental illness typically can't focus well in school. It doesn't seem like Mason has high-functioning depression, a depression that's less severe but still prominent. It seems like he has very severe depression, to point where he doesn't eat much and he's plagued with nightmares in his sleep. Speaking of nightmares, maybe he also has PTSD as well? That would definitely explain the nightmares and his avoidance of the graveyard up until now.

People with PTSD will for certain try to avoid anything that reminds them of their trauma at all costs.

If he does have PTSD, then you're really showing the symptoms of it well, down from the nightmares to his behavior to his strong avoidance of the trauma that has destroyed his life.

Again, I can't really say much else in this portion of the review, but Mason does have a real voice as a character so far.

I know a lot of readers would typically talk about how Mason pities himself too much and how his depression drags out for too long in the story, but as someone who has personally dealt with depression a lot (based off my own experiences from a distant past and having to help others who have had it), he as a narrator works out.

What people fail to realize is that that's the whole freaking point of depression.

People can complain all they want about how characters or real life people who have depression shouldn't be so self-pitiful, whiny, constantly despairing, moody, and more, but that's literally what depression is.

What everyone needs to know is: there is no real reason for depression.

That's why it's called clinical depression.

It just happens.

It's just there.

It's uncontrollable.

And it just exists.

Sure, it's likely that there are events that can trigger it at first, but after some time passes those events don't really stay as the 'main reason' for depression.

It's deemed as a mental disorder for a reason.

As of now, psychologists have concluded that depression is linked to a chemical imbalance in the brain, specifically dealing with abnormally low levels of serotonin. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter in your brain that elevates your mood and can regulate your appetite and sleeping patterns.

Serotonin deficiency can result in mood problems, irregular sleeping patterns, and off-tune eating habits. That's why people with depression typically don't eat that much, can't sleep that well, and can end up developing insomnia.

The biological components of your brain are literally incapable of producing the happy hormones that you would usually need when you have depression.

If a person is depressed, yes, they will be moody at times. Yes, they will feel constantly down to the point where it may seem annoying or over the top. Yes, their mindset will be constantly trapped in a cycle of hopelessness, but that's simply because their brain is physically not able to function as well. It's not just the mental aspect of it, there's the physical aspect of it that many need to consider too.

I'm sorry, I just internally groan every time people think that depression can just be something that can be cleared with a walk outside the park or finding a new hobby.

(Sure, finding a new hobby can help, but it won't 'cure' it.)

It is not that easy. Everyone forgets about how depression is not only damaging psychologically, but biologically as well.

Plot
Here's a chronological list of plot-related thingamabobs I'd like to note and discuss regarding your story:

1. Right off the bat, I have to say, a lot of writers on here usually tend to use time skips like:

~ Five Years Later ~

Writers on here and in fanfiction sites do this often to indicate that time has passed. And I guess that's not too bad, but honestly I think it's more creative to just omit that time stamp and describe how and what five years of time being flashed forward in the story is like instead.

That's what published books do, and they pull it off pretty well.

I'm aware that Wattpad stories aren't the same as actual published works out there, but there's a lot of great writing techniques that people fail to recognize when they don't study the formatting and charisma that a published book possesses.

You can learn so much, from how to better craft your writing style and so much more.

2. I have to admit, the first chapter that featured Mason's POV and his struggles to find a reason to keep living was absolutely breathtaking.

The only issue I have with that chapter is: how in the world would Mason have known that a girl was going to help him? I know, I know, this is great foreshadowing, but through his POV, he shouldn't know that this stuff will happen yet.

It doesn't seem like he's narrating a tale from the past either. The scenes where he almost considered jumping from the top of his apartment building and found his fridge empty seemed like it was currently happening and not something that already did happen in a distant past. Because of that, the foreshadowing feels off compared to the rest of this beautiful chapter.

3. The way that Mason tried to cope from that nightmare in chapter two was presented nicely. There were a lot of rich details in that scene.

4. When Mason held that razor after waking up from his nightmare, my breath had been suspended as I read in apprehension. You don't hesitate to go down that road, which I commend you for. Shit like this happens and it's real.

I also love that none of this is being romanticized and I hope it doesn't become romanticized later on. There's a lot of potential here so far.

Cutting is seen an outlet for raw, unadulterated pain, not something to glorify in this story.

5. When Mason heard the music after using his razor as an outlet (great job on describing that horribly poignant scene by the way), I had to wonder if it was a song he was remembering in his head or if there was actually music that was playing so loudly within his apartment complex that he could hear it echo through the walls. It's never directly stated where the music came from and why it's there, I would advise some clarification over that. For example, I know the music is coming from somewhere down the hall, but is it his neighbor singing? Are the walls of his apartment complex so thin that he can hear a girl singing and music from down the hall? I'm assuming they are because you did describe how worn down the place is, but still, it'd be nice to mention that the walls were thin enough to allow sound to permeate like that.

6. I found Mia's introduction in chapter three to be quite interesting, as she does serve as a reminder of Mason's horrible past. I felt like her speech was realistic and her reaction to seeing Mason was understandable. Even if I don't know exactly what's going on, not showing up at the funeral is definitely a huge sign of disrespect.

I can understand that Mason might have felt like he didn't deserve to be at their funeral, whoever they are, or that the pain was so overbearing that he couldn't bring himself to go.

7. Mason's semi-panic attack at the mention of Valerie's name coming from Mia's lips was described nicely. The way that you portrayed Valerie's baby blue eyes haunting him and that trigger really emphasizes his inner turmoil.

8. I don't understand what exactly compelled Mason to visit the graveyard. Was it their death anniversary? Or did he just one day finally thought about going for once? Again, it's never really explained why he felt compelled to visit.

9. The rooftop scene was heartbreaking. As Mason's determination to end it all slowly broke down because of the frizzy-haired girl, I just felt a lot of things. So many things.

10. The ending of chapter three installed a sense of hope within me. I really did enjoy it, although there is a problem.

The main problem I have with this story so far is the fact that, even though this is written in Mason's first POV, he says things like 'little do I know' and predicts events that haven't happened yet or will happen.

This is Mason's first POV. His current POV, as in this isn't some story he's retelling from his past.

This is him living in the moment, in the present.

Yes, this is written in past tense, but that doesn't mean he's living in the past.

And as a character living in the present moment, he can't know what's going to happen to him in the future.

First POV doesn't work like that.

With third POV, especially omniscient, it's more flexible to do that. It's more understandable to foresee what might happen soon.

But with first POV, that just doesn't happen.

Mason can't know how the frizzy-haired girl that stopped him from jumping feels or how she thinks. He can try to tell based off her behavior, but he can't truly know. He can't get inside her head.

He can't know that she's not willing to let history repeat itself or that she might have been the one singing in chapter two because he's not her.

He can't know that stuff. He can't know what some characters will do to him later on throughout the story, he can't know any of that because this isn't a narration about what happened in the past.

This is a story about him struggling with his existence right now.

Right?

You can correct me if I'm wrong, it's okay.

First POV has its pros, but one of its cons is that it is very limited in how your character sees the world and just foreshadowing and predicting what will happen to your character.

Things I Liked
1. I appreciate what you're doing here by writing this story.

I'm currently studying psych right now; basically, I'm a huge advocate for mental health awareness. Reading this story has truly made me proud with the way that it's being portrayed.

Well, sure, I can predict that some people may not like the idea of Mason having to rely entirely on one person alone to live, as that is unhealthy to do.

However, I've personally dealt with situations where some of the most important people in my life have had awful thoughts about themselves, thoughts that they couldn't control. Those people have only had me to rely on in order to continue surviving.

I let that happen for a while at first, let them depend on me while they picked themselves back up again, but eventually, with time, they had to stop focusing on just me and start expanding their will to live again through other means in life.

It's just much more healthier that way. We all can't depend on just one person as a reason to live for the rest of our lives.

We can get help from that one person and they can be our main pillar of support, but we can't expect them to be a constant hero in our lives. They've got problems and boundaries to concern themselves over too.

There are tons of other reasons to look forward to living again, even if small.

Like for example, maybe you want to wake up the next day to go feed the ducks at a local pond.

Or maybe you want to watch that new movie that's coming in theaters soon and you can't do that six feet underground.

Maybe you just want to savor one of your favorite foods and drinks because you know you won't be able to if you're dead.

Things like that. Those are other reasons to rely on too other than just one person. They're small yet impactful, in a way.

Just thought I'd express my personal opinions regarding this topic.

2. In chapter three, after that visit to the graveyard, I like the subtle symbolism behind the five stars hanging in the night sky that Mason would look back on.

3. The way that you write Mason's self-harming scenes and his toxic mindset is incredibly well done.

4. I really like that self harm isn't being romanticized and glorified so far. Yes, it's explicit, but it's not romanticized or glorified. It's not there for the sake of 'aesthetics' or to make a character 'more edgy'.

Conclusion + Grade
Based off the four chapters that I've read of your story so far, I'd give this story a grade . . .

Of 8 out of 10!

It's definitely been an intriguing read and for sure worth the journey. Usually I'd wrap up everything I've said here, but this review is one of the shortest reviews I've ever made. I think my points have been pretty clear, but if you have any questions please feel free to ask them.

With that being said, I think now is the perfect time to head to the restroom after all of that coffee. After a while, your stomach will feel like hell with all that caffeine mucking your system.