Writer: @Complexity_
How many chapters were there?: 5

Welcome to a review for Prat. My name is Sunflower and I will be your host for today. Scoop yourself a spoonful of ice cream. It's going to be a journey.

Cover + Summary
Your cover is pretty simple and neat. It's not the most sophisticated and alluring, but not all covers have to be. Sometimes simple is better.

I guess you could've had your author name be repositioned at the top center of the cover rather than in a random right corner, but other than that no complaints about your cover whatsoever. I can clearly see the font of the title and the cacti on the bottom.

The blurb is also simple and neat. It sums everything up in just one sentence. 

Nice job.

Grammar + Writing Style
While reading, I've noticed a lot of past and present slip ups in the story. I just want to advise you to be very careful when writing in present tense, or using it at all in your story. I feel like this story could've been framed way better in all past tense because of these following reasons:

1. Present tense is often used in action-packed novels. Action as in combat scenes, gun fights, etc. It's also commonly used to make the story feel like the reader is watching a film, but for the most part it's suitable for action. Constant motions and all.

2. I can see why you might've used present tense in the first two chapters of Prat. It's not bad to use it, but it's very tricky sometimes. When you use present tense, the reader feels more closer or connected to a character's emotions in that moment.

However, if you're going to describe more of a character's past or if you're intending on featuring their flashbacks in the story, keep in mind that past tense is way better at doing that than present tense.

When it comes to time leaps and skips, the use present tense for that purpose is jarring and not as smooth or natural compared to past tense. While past tense is meant to handle time travel in a story, such as describing what a character's past is like, present tense is not. Present tense is better when the story's setting stays in the present, not meddles with time.

3. You can't use both past tense and present tense at the same time. In writing, you can only use one or the other. Using both is usually not advised in writing because it can disrupt the flow and structure of a story. After catching onto the past and present slip ups, I became confused.

Was this supposed to be in past tense or present tense? Again, it can't be both in a story.

Other than the past and present slip ups that I've noticed, your grammar, punctuation, and the overall structure and formatting of your story is mostly on point. You do format your characters' dialogue properly and your spelling is polished. The way that you weave words together is well executed.

That doesn't mean that I didn't spot any minor errors with grammar and such. I did, so I would still suggest that you edit your chapters, but the errors were so little and few that it's not that much of a problem.

For example, you would often get the word loose and lose mixed up.

The word loose means not fastened or pre-packed; not tied up or confined; able to move freely; not tight, not firmly fixed; not close-fitting; careless, inaccurate, vague; dissolute, immoral; not closely woven.

Meanwhile, the word lose means to no longer have; be deprived of by accident or misfortune; mislay, fail to find; fail to get or win; be too late for; be bereaved of; waste; be defeated or beaten; suffer loss, become worse off; fail to hear, see or understand; cause or allow to perish.

Those definitions are from the dictionary. Careful to not mix the two up, I know it's pretty easy to get them confused.

Also, just another note here, even though you write dialogue tags correctly, just be careful with writing out a character's gestures or actions in dialogue. For example, if a character is sneering, I don't think they can sneer while speaking at the same time. Whenever a character is speaking, they might either sneer before or after their words, but it's physically impossible to sneer while saying their words at the same time.

I've noticed that you're in search of an editor, which is great; however, it's also nice to learn from your mistakes and know what you can practice and improve on for the future. It's not bad to get an editor, you should definitely get one if you feel like it, but also be sure to keep practicing your writing as well.

First Impressions
After reading the first chapter, I had to say: wow.

That was beautiful prose.

I could just feel how intense Jasper's attraction to Hoseok. Amazing.

It's so clear how much in denial Jasper is of his attraction toward his rival.

Also, I'm getting a full grasp on who these character are right off the bat and why they're rivals. Nice job introducing the setting there.

On a small note here, I'm confused on why these college students have already decided to have minors though. Usually college students wouldn't decide on what minors they'd want toward their degrees until their sophomore or junior years.

I've already mentioned and explained what I thought regarding some of the past and present slip ups in the grammar + writing style portion of this review.

Again, this is my take on your story so far without reading all of the chapters yet. This is first impressions only.

You've nailed it so far.

Characters
I love the character dynamics of Hoseok and Jasper. In the second chapter, Hoseok is right. He and Jasper really are like sushi and ice cream, they're so different.

But what he's wrong about for sure is them not having chemistry.

Because they certainly have chemistry.

I can just sense the aggressive attraction they have for each other.

My guilty pleasure is the opposites attract trope. You have that trope neatly tied into this story and I can't resist it.

I don't know too much about Hoseok and Jasper other than:

1. Jasper comes from a wealthy English family.

2. Hoseok has no family.

And since there's only a couple of chapters out so far, I can't really analyze their characters that well, but they do act like real people. They have consist personalities, so that's a plus.

I'm hoping more of Jasper and Hoseok's background stories come to play, as in I'm hoping to see how the way that they've been raised growing up has shaped them to be the characters that they are to this day. It'd be out of nowhere and flat writing if Hoseok doesn't struggle to keep his emotions in check at the thought of his deceased family.

Plot
Here are some plot-related thingamabobs I'd like to discuss:

1. I like how you have the first two chapters set up to star both Hoseok and Jasper's POVs. We get to see what they're both thinking and feeling. I love the alternating perspectives that hop from Jasper's head to Hoseok's head, then Jasper's again and Hoseok's again.

One thing I would suggest that you be careful with is not blending their perspectives together in one chapter. For example, if a chapter is starring Jasper's perspective and Hoseok knows something that Jasper doesn't, then don't suddenly switch to Hoseok's perspective in the middle of the chapter out of nowhere or have Jasper know about the secret that only Hoseok knows about.

Make sure to balance out and alternate between their POVs carefully.

2. I love the way that you set up the mood and tensions between Hoseok and Jasper in the third chapter. That comeback that Hoseok had was epic!

3. Whoa, did not expect them to already be kissing in the fourth chapter. Not that I mind, that scene was written very well. Seriously, I was experiencing all sorts of emotions. My thoughts while reading that chapter came out like this:

AHHHAHDJWNIFENKAAAHHHH!

Even with my giddy surprise toward this chapter, I still wish there had been more chapters showing rather than telling what Hoseok and Jasper's relationship was like as well as their college lives.

For example, do they have friends? Acquaintances? Roommates? Any classes that they find annoying or pleasant? Because as a college freshman, you're required to take classes that are required for your degree, but aren't necessary for what you major in. You're required to take at least 1-2 math classes, even though you may be an art major, and so on.

More questions I wish I got answers to are:

What do they usually like to do while on campus? What's the campus like? How does everyone know them? What's their take on the co-ed fraternity house they're staying at and just university in general? Are they interested in joining any school organizations or not in the near future? What hobbies do they like the most?

That one scene in chapter three where Hoseok roasted Jasper was awesome, but it would've been nice to see way more of their interactions and what their worlds are like before their kiss.

4. I see what you're doing with the deliberately short and sweet chapters. I think it's really fitting, even if I already know that this is a short story. It's like the story is showcasing clips and pieces of the characters' lives. This is also a really good read for readers who like to read while on the go, as in they like to read while on the bus to school or on a subway to work.

5. Is there a reason for why Hoseok and Jasper call each other by their last names? I know some guys tend to do that, but not all of them do. So finding out why they do might add a bit more insight on their interactions with each other.

6. Aww, that last chapter (or at least the most recent) where Hoseok rests his head on Jasper's lap is so sweet. Their sassy exchange with each other only adds to the sweetness of it all.

Things I Liked
1. Hoseok and Jasper's character dynamics.

2. When Hoseok roasted Jasper in chapter three.

3. That kiss.

4. Their exchange during the most recent chapter.

5. HOW AM I ALREADY SHIPPING THIS? I BARELY KNOW THESE CHARACTER, THIS STORY IS JUST STARTING OUT, AND I'M ALREADY SHIPPING THIS.

Conclusion + Grade
I think I've explained myself pretty clearly here, but to briefly summarize my points here they are:

1. Be very careful with your story tense. Remember, past tense and present tense should and can never mix. It's either one or the other.

2. I'm aware that this is supposed to be a short story, but it'd be nice if you can show more depth to Jasper and Hoseok's characters before their kiss. Really flesh them out, make them more human and real. Maybe explore their creative interests and their views on college.

3. Keep up the nice 'opposites attract' character dynamics between Hoseok and Jasper. Just remember to be careful with alternating between one character's perspective to the next.

With all that being said, I give this story a 7 out of 10.

Reading your story has been lovely. I guess you could say that the journey has been as sweet as ice cream.

. . . All right, I'll show myself out now.