Writer: astrophile
How many chapters were there?: 9

Welcome to a review for Lifeless. My name is Sunflower and I will be your host for today. Knock yourself out with with a drink. It's going to be a long journey.

What's that? You're not legal yet in your country?

Er, well . . . I guess you can get some soda or whatever and pretend it's alcohol. That's close enough to the real thing.

(Not really.)

Cover + Summary
You have a pretty breathtaking cover.

Also a pretty intriguing summary. It's got some charm to it.

I don't have much else to say. The approval seal goes out to both of those.

First Impressions
Here are my thoughts regarding the contract and the prologue:

Wow, you did a great job portraying Allison as a super stubborn person at first. She came off as whiny too, so if that was your intention you've nailed it so far. Either that, or she seemed really adamant with not getting her fingerprint into the system. This kind of makes it seem like she's hiding something.

Her interaction with Patrick later on during dinner did soften her as a character more, which is good because I was hoping she'd be more than just her stubborn attitude from earlier. That ending where she decides she would want to name her daughter Faith added a sweet and fitting touch as well.

I was mildly surprised that Allison wants to be a parent at age 23. Considering how this is the future, I'd figured she'd be in her 30s since most people nowadays want to marry and have kids later and later. That's real life statistics speaking, not me.

But it's whatever, that's just nitpicking on my part and doesn't apply to everyone.

Grammar + Writing Style
Your writing style is pretty simple and neat, mostly free from grammar and punctuation errors. You seem to know how to write your dialogue tags and action tags correctly at least, and that's good because too many writers on here nowadays structure those incorrectly.

The only problem I've spotted with dialogue is how you'd format your character's dialogue when they're stuttering or stammering.

First, let's try to note the difference between stuttering and stammering.

Because I'm too lazy to print out the definitions right here, here's some images containing the definitions of these words instead:

When a character is nervous and shows it through their manner of speaking, they will usually both stutter and stammer.

When you are stammering, you are repeating and speaking with pauses in between your words.

Here's an example of a character stammering:

"I didn't — I'm sorry." Anna sighed, wiping at her eyes. "You don't realize how — how hard it is to control what I'm feeling sometimes. I . . . I don't know what to do anymore."

As you can see, the em dashes — you can just use a regular dash too, I just use em dashes because that's the preferred way to write in American English — here indicate that Anna has either stopped herself from finishing a previous sentence or repeated a word.

Meanwhile, the ellipses — the three dots that represent a character's words trailing off or pausing — also represent a stammer because she is pausing in between her words.

By the way, in case you didn't know, ellipses can be written in three ways:

1. Like this . . .

2. Like this...

3. Maybe even like this ... yeah, I don't know, this is more often used in journalism writing rather than literature.

All of these are correct though in terms of usage.

Now, let's transition back to the main topic.

Meanwhile, if you are stuttering, you are usually repeating the letter or part of a word.

Here's an example of a character stuttering:

"I-I'm sorry, sir!" Ella squeaked, jumping back with a horror struck face. "I didn't mean to spill coffee all over you-your shirt!"

Here's another example of a character stuttering:

"H-how'd you get in my house?!" Gerald exclaimed. "I'm calling 911!"

When a character is stuttering, they are making a quick and repetitive sound, so you'd usually always use a dash to present that rather than an em dash. Using a dash (-) shows that the noises the character is making is short-lived while using an em dash shows a longer break, if that makes sense.

Longer breaks are more suitable for stammering.

And when you're stuttering, the noises you're making don't demonstrate a longer break, so there's no need for an em dash to represent a character stuttering.

Do you see the distinct difference between stuttering and stammering? Do you see how those two should be embedded properly in dialogue?

In real life, I am a person who has a problem with stuttering and stammering, so for me it's no problem writing characters that also fumble with their words since I do it so often. For other people, however, I can see how it may be difficult for them to portray a character with a speech problem or just caught up in the intensity of the moment.

You already know this, but when writing characters who have issues with their speech, never overdo it. Realistically, one to three stutters and/or stammers in a line of dialogue is fine.

You shouldn't exaggerate it like this:

"H-h-h-h-how are — are you-you-you?" Sasha asked.

Yikes, nobody talks like that. Again, this is coming from a person who stutters and stammers regularly.

Here's an example of two characters both stuttering and stammering naturally:

"Look I'm . . ." Sidney buried his face in his hands in a poor attempt to conceal the pink that colored his cheeks. "I-I'm sorry, okay? I didn't — didn't mean to be such an ass to you all this time. I didn't mean any of the things I said to you before. It really fucking hurts to — to not be able to talk to you anymore. To not be around you these past few months."

"Sidney . . ." A watery smile twitched the corner of Flynn's mouth, his voice thick with awe. "Are you — are you being serious right now?"

"Of course I am!" Hot tears welled up in his eyes after the sudden outburst, which he quickly tried to eliminate with the back of his hand. "Fuck, I'm a mess."

"Aw gee, Sidney." Flynn scooted closer to him, letting their shoulders meet as the distance between them narrowed. "You-you're a lot more sappy than I give you credit for. I like that you are."

"Shut up, I'm not sappy."

"I've missed you too."

How was that? This is a natural example of characters stuttering and stammering while conversing with each other. Hope that helps.

Overall, your writing style isn't bad. It's not very descriptive or unique, but writing doesn't have to be super descriptive and have flowery details to be good.

John Green's books are a great example of that.

Your writing style sort of reminds me of his.

The only problem I see with your writing style is that it uses a lot of white room syndrome.

White room syndrome is when a character's surroundings are not described well enough for a reader to get a gist of where they are.

It's not too bad to have white room syndrome in romance-driven stories, but for sci-fi stories that have artificial humans in it, the environment can make the backbone of the story. Without the backbone, it literally falls flat. 

I would advise putting more effort into painting out a better picture of what a character's environment looks like.

As an example of how to paint out your character's surroundings, I will present to you an excerpt from an unpublished chapter of my story Blue.

Here it is:

Sylvia lends out a hand, a smile fixed on her bronze complexion. "Hold onto me. I don't want you getting lost."

A moment's hesitation later, he takes her hand.

Together, they enter the mansion.

Upon stepping inside of the new household he will be staying in, Clay is overwhelmed.

Waves of nausea churn his stomach as he clenches the hand that's not held by Sylvia into a fist, his nails biting into the skin of a slick palm as he urges one foot over the other.

"I hope you'll end up feeling safe here." Sylvia spares him a glance over her shoulder, only to note his visible discomfort. A frown dips her lips down. "Are you okay?"

Everything is too much for him to take in.

The marble white floors underneath him are polished, absent from any specks of dirt. Two sets of creamy white stairs, which form to create a dual staircase, are located in opposite sides of the entranceway, dominating the left and right corners.

Ahead of him, a singular glass table is rooted in place like an exhibition. On the clear surface, a milky white vase with an hourglass body stands. An arrangement of roses bursts from the vase's opening, showcasing an explosion of pale blue petals instead of the typical red.

Surrounding the table is a tasteful arrangement of armchairs and a sofa — all reflecting off the same light shade of blue as the roses. Shelves of books line the walls and an unlit fireplace is also spotted.

A chandelier hovers over all of this, its crystal shards luminous with a white glow.

"You must be nervous," Sylvia says, when Clay is rendered speechless. "Do you want anything to eat from the kitchen? Our chef can prepare you breakfast."

He nods. Maybe the knots in his stomach will be undone when food comes into the picture.

After glossing over the interiors of the room with blue furniture and books one last time, Clay is led into the kitchen next door.

You don't have to go that far with your writing, but just try to touch up on describing your character's environment so that the readers can feel more immersed in the world you're trying to build.

Things I Liked
1. Cynthia's introduction was nicely done. I already liked her when I was introduced to her.

Because she seems like a nice character so, I won't be talking about her much in the characters portion of this review. There's no need to when it seems like she's in the process of being fleshed out right now.

I really do hope she gets fleshed out a lot, she seems to have lots of potential so far.

Same applies to Nate and Zack. I don't know those characters very well since they've just been introduced.

2. This is an interesting story concept regarding artificial humans.

3. Although I wasn't fond of the characters being forced into a school at first, it does make a lot of sense in a way. The faculty working for the school can monitor these artificial humans at all times.

4. Even if he was recently introduced into the story, I like Nate's characterization. He's portrayed as this kinda laidback guy with messy hair.

Plot
Here are my thoughts concerning chapters 1-8:

1. I find it to be an odd ordeal that Faith already had her suspicions about being an artificial human and that Allison never had to directly state any of that for it to be revealed.

I figured that her reasonings for thinking that would be expanded on. For example, how did she figure it out? How did she notice that she was different from her human peers one day?

And the most important question of all:

What is the difference between an artificial human and an actual human, other than the fact that they're probably made differently? 

But as I read more and more, none of that gets explained. That's quite a shame.

Because of this, the interaction between Allison and Faith was more shorter and rushed than I thought it would be since apparently Faith already seems to know.

Also, in this scene:

When Faith puts emphasis on the word mom, I feel like Allison's reaction to that should've been tweaked better for more clarity. Rather than telling Faith not to call her mom, Allison should've told Faith to not call her mom in that tone.

Because I'm sure that Faith refers to — or used to refer to — Allison as her mom on a regular basis. It's just the tone here that's different, it's the tone that makes the word seem more cruel in this scene.

So Allison should be scolding Faith for her tone, not for the usage of that word.

2. Holy shit, Jenna just went feral after Faith tried to say no in that art classroom!

The subtle hints indicating that Jenna and Emery have history together is a nice touch, a great writing technique I would say.

Jenna's characterization was well executed.

Faith's meeting with Emery makes sense and seems natural enough. It also intrigued me when Jenna referred to Emery as her clone.

3. Emery's reaction to Faith being an artificial human was very odd, considering how she's a clone of Jenna and not that human herself. I know that this scene is supposed to insert mystery and whatnot, but I figured her reaction would be:

Oh gawd, I can't believe this changes how I see you now! I need to go to process this elsewhere, this is really mind-blowing.

Not:

Oh gawd, how dare you be not the human you claimed to be even though I'm not human myself!

Her reaction aligned and seemed more similar to the second example, not the first one, which is very peculiar. Emery has no right to be mad at Faith for not being human when she's not human herself.

Emery's apology in the chapter afterward, when Mr. Harris swung by to pick her and the others up, also felt too sudden, too abrupt. I figured it would've been saved for later when it was just the two of them and they were in a more private setting, not in front of Jason and Mr. Harris.

(However, after seeing what happens to Emery, I guess this makes sense in that context.)

And Faith just gave in so easily too. How is Faith not at least a teeny weeny bit mad at the fact that her best friend just ran out on her like that for no apparent reason?

4. I find it incredibly unrealistic that these three kids — Emery, Jason, and Faith — are all suddenly moving into a prep academy without at least saying goodbye to the people that raised them first.

Listen, it doesn't matter if the people who raised you aren't linked to you by blood, they're still — or at least were in this case? — your parents.

That's why the adoption system exist.

Doesn't Faith, even if her mom didn't tell her she was an artificial human until the last minute, miss Allison? Or what about Patrick? There's literally been no mention of him since the prologue.

The f happened to Patrick?

Doesn't anyone miss their parents? The people that were there for them for 10+ years? No? Seriously?

How have the parents of these artificial humans not tried to sue already if this was something that just happened? These parents — who are consumers of this system and are the reason this system is a thing — have cared for these kids for so long, for a huge portion of their lives, only to not even say goodbye to them once they're up and gone?

Wouldn't there have been a massive protest over that? Wouldn't the system shut down because of how many parents that might try to issue lawsuits?

The system behind the creation of artificial humans should be riddled with lots of controversy if this was the case.

And they'd lose business too.

Like what, if I were to raise a kid, I can't even say goodbye to them after all these years? There's no warning or anything?

Why do they even have to leave in the first place? Do they suddenly become a danger to society after a certain age? What's the point in raising a kid that you'll never see again?

If I were trying to become the parent of an artificial human, I'd say:

No, forget your company policies! What kind of logic is that?

I'm just going to stop thinking about this for a while and move on to my next point:

Considering his profession, I'm very certain that Mr. Harris has to explain what's going on instead of just ushering Jason, Emery, and Faith into his SUV like a complete creep.

I found him forcing them into the situation not at all okay or realistic. He has to first explain to them that their parents at least consented to this before telling them to follow him. Otherwise, everything about this just reeks of skepticism.

Legally, when apart of any business/corporation, you are obligated to explain what is going on. If you don't, you're breaking a lot of protocols.

I understand that they're running late to wherever, but he can still at least briefly sum a few things up.

Unless he doesn't really see them as people, but instead creatures lesser than that? Which is a massive possibility that makes sense, but he would still at least need to explain the situation more specifically to the teacher instead of just flashing her a random business ID.

I mean, how would you feel if some random man you didn't know suddenly came to your classroom, flashed a random badge that you don't know the meaning of to your teacher like that's going to explain everything, and then just took you away from your school, your parents, and your old life for forever?

I guess that explains why Faith tried to run away.

Guess that explains why a lot of artificial humans run away if it's like this.

5. I swear, after the Emery-Jason argument, when Mr. Harris said, "Welcome to your new home," my reaction was not pleasant.

The fuck do you mean 'new home'?

They haven't even said goodbye to their old home.

DOES NOBODY MISS THEIR PARENTS?

Is the situation with Allison never going to be resolved? Is that how it ends? It was never stated or implied that that would be the last time readers would see Allison, so I didn't consider Faith's outburst with her mom to be their final goodbye before Faith had to leave for this prep academy BS.

6. Wait, after Emery, Faith, and Jason sign their papers, how are they starting school already? That shouldn't be possible, they'll need at least a couple of days to adjust to their new environment and know their surroundings and what to do.

The pacing of the story suddenly feels incredibly rushed because they've literally just been taken away from school to go to a different school.

Damn, that sounds horrible, if you think about it.

Like yay, I'm free from school! Where do I go now?

A different school!

7. The jokes that Laurent cracked about Mr. Harris being a pedophile would've been way less awkward if Emery, Faith, and Jason weren't kids.

But I can definitely see his attempt at lightening the mood, I guess. Dark humor and all.

8. I facepalmed so damn hard when Jason tried to run away.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

This scene right here makes him look like such a complete idiot because he's already seen how running away didn't work for Faith. Why the hell does he think being in a building he doesn't even know the structure be any different?

At least the chances of running away while in their old school was a better possibility because they would obviously know the hallways.

But here, in this prep academy, they know nothing.

And this imbecile thinks he can just run away? Even after being told that the consequences for that are severe multiple times?

If you meant to portray him as stupid, then you're doing an amazing job with that.

9. And the worst part is . . .

FAITH AND EMERY DECIDE TO RUN AWAY WITH JASON?

I understand why Faith might, even though it's a completely ridiculous idea to act on, but why in the world would Emery do anything that Jason says when they're not on good terms right now?
Then again, she did do it just to follow Faith.

I guess you just needed a reason for Emery to die for shock value and this was the way to do it.

10. I understand why Mr. Harris is calculating and cold about this. At this point, he probably doesn't think of them as human at all and treats them as animals, so it's no surprise how he's reacting to the aftermath of Emery's death.

Faith being devastated after her friend's dying words also makes sense.

What doesn't make sense, however, is Jason just not feeling anything.

I understand that Jason and Emery were on bad terms, but didn't they used to be on good ones too? It's never really stated, but it's implied that they used to be friends before Jason dated Jenna.

Even if they haven't been on good terms in a while, wouldn't Jason at least still feel something for Emery dying? Then again, I know he wanted her to die first, he stated so himself. I knew Jason and Emery didn't like each other, but damn I didn't think Jason was cruel enough to say shit like that.

To say something like that is bordering on hate, not just simple dislike anymore.

But in all honesty, if they used to be friends, does he not regret anything after Emery's death?

Unless he's a psychopath, of course.

12. You're probably wondering why I didn't have much of a reaction to Emery dying.

I mean, I kind of did. I was mildly surprised it happened. I didn't expect the story to go in that direction so soon or for it to be so bloody.

But to be honest, I felt like you could've fleshed out Emery's character way more before she died for better impact.

As a reader, I'm told that Emery is Faith's best friend. I'm told that, but I'm not really shown it that much.

I wish there had been more interactions of them eating at the pizza shop they would frequent to while talking about regular life stuff. More interactions of them doing best friend stuff together while shining light on both of their personalities more.

You need to be able to flesh out Emery's character to the point where the reader can get a gist on who she was before ripping a reader's heartstrings apart with her death.

Or else it just ends up being a death that only causes mild shock value and not something more.

Because as a reader, I didn't know what Emery's personality was like or who she was as a person.

I honestly still don't know right now.

I can't tell what she was like as a person because I didn't even get to see much of her before she went away.

13. Let me just say this multiple times:

Faith should be angrier at Jason.

Faith should be angrier at Jason.

Faith should be angrier at Jason.

Because she's clearly heard him tell Mr. Harris to go shoot Emery instead of her. She's not deaf, she should've heard that. It's never mentioned that she didn't hear that.

Faith should be angrier at Jason.

Not later, but much sooner.

Like right after Jason had the audacity to tell Faith that 'she looks like a mess, no offense'.

Faith should be definitely be more angrier toward Jason.

(Though the silent treatment after she comes back from the infirmary is perfect, that doesn't need to be changed.)

Maybe she should feel a bit of rage towards Jason creep in, on top of her still processing Emery's death, before being so overwhelmed by all of her emotions that she passes out.

That would give Faith a better reason to black out.

On top of Emery's blood being on her clothes, her anger toward Jason would really pack a punch.

14.

I 100% agree with this commenter.

Here's the thing . . .

The way that these characters react to some of these events in the story is . . . just not at all realistic or natural.

Not everything, but lot of things about them feel so stilted, from their interactions down to their mannerisms.

I know some of these characters aren't actually human, but they should still react and act like people. That's literally what they're made for.

But even the characters that are human don't even act like how an actual person would.

For example, if you're Mr. Harris and you're bringing in a group of new artificial humans into a school, it's much less troublesome to monitor over them while letting them getting used to their surroundings in their camera-installed dorm rooms rather than just 'having them go to class right away' without knowing what they'll do whatsoever while on their way to class or in class.

Where's the logic behind these artificial humans having to go to class right away? I completely understand that you need a way for these kids to find out what the rules of this school are, but if someone's just been murdered, not many people are likely to cooperate by being shoved into a classroom.

I suppose that's why Mr. Harris uses force, but at the same time wouldn't this forceful be a drag for him? And isn't he the type of person to not make his job that difficult? 

I feel like after Faith and the others get taken away from their old school, they should've been put into locked dorms loaded with secret cameras for at least a day before being forced to wake up for class the next morning.

Would you, as Mr. Harris, find it easier in your job to let them get used to their environment after monitoring over them with a strict eye before shoving these artificial humans in a classroom? Isn't that the more safer alternative, and with better security too?

Mr. Harris probably also doesn't want to get blamed for failing to not properly prevent these guys from running away. That'll only make his job that much harder.

These artificial humans shouldn't be 'going to class' until they've become somewhat more accustomed to how things work around the school.

This same logic should apply to the nurse.

It should also apply to literally all of the school faculty.

I wonder what the people who came up with this system were thinking. What point is there to go to class right away when that will likely cause even more issues?

15.

After Jason said those words, I couldn't help but think:

Bitch, you don't deserve to know if she's okay or not.

If Jason were really her friend, he would've respected that she was friends with Emery to begin with. Honestly . . .

Real friends should respect their friends' friends, even if they don't like them.

Well, in Jason's case, he hated Emery.

But he's 100% aware of the fact that Faith probably loved Emery platonically.

He should already know that Faith isn't going to just get over Emery like that, no need to be an insensitive asshole on top of not being the brightest crayon out of the bunch.

Again, he's acting like a psychopath. If that's what you intended, if he's supposed to be a psychopath, then I feel like you could've shown more of Jason's psychopathy being displayed through his mannerisms before he and the others have to go to the prep school. It'll be much more clear that he's a psychopath if the pacing of the story slowed down a bit and his personality was more fleshed out.

By the way, when I'm speaking about psychopathic characters, I'm not just talking about 'batshit crazy'.

That's not what being a psychopath actually means, as much as people think that.

A psychopath is simply someone who literally cannot feel empathy. They were born, or/and raised to not feel empathy toward anyone. Parts of a psychopath's brain biologically cannot produce enough of a certain neurotransmitter, probably oxytocin, needed to feel a connection with others.

It is because of this reason that psychopathy is considered a mental disorder.

A character who is a psychopath will only feel emotions for themself, not for other people. To reiterate, they cannot feel emotions for other people.

For example, if you're a psychopath, you wouldn't feel a shred of remorse of you were to see someone murder a kitten.

While most people would scream or cry or go ballistic after seeing a kitten get murdered before their very eyes, you — as a psychopath — wouldn't feel a damn thing for that kitten.

Because you are incapable of feeling bad for that kitten. Your brain cannot process why you should feel bad for it.

You literally cannot bring yourself to care for that kitten.

That's why some psychopaths torture animals at a young age, just to see if they'll feel anything for said animals or simply out of morbid curiosity not limited by empathy.

That's why some psychopaths are serial killers — they want to experience sensations other than the empty void that's usually lodged in their heart. They want to be able to experience the thrill of murder and the consequences of it in an attempt to feel something.

Anything, really.

That's why most psychopaths tend to not care for rules and the well-being of other living creatures.

That's why most of them are egotistical, good actors, and manipulative.

While I agree that some psychopaths are criminals and awful people, some actually make the best lawyers, businessmen, and politicians out there.

Myth debunked: not every psychopath is a serial killer.

But yeah, psychopaths are literally incapable of understanding how others feel.

Meanwhile, a sociopath is basically a less severe type of psychopath that may be able to feel and connect with a few people.

Few, not many.

They might be able to have just a smidge of empathy, maybe they can even love someone to an obsessive and creepy extent, but not towards everyone.

If I really think about it, Jason acts more like a sociopath than a psychopath because of his relationships with Jenna, so there's that conclusion.

If you didn't know what the psychological definition of a psychopath actually meant and the difference between a psychopath and sociopath, I hope my explanation helps clear things up now!

16.

Jason . . .

You're a damn creep.

You can tell how much I loathe this character at this point. After seeing how casually he acts about Emery's death and more, I just can't see him as an actual person.

I've already explained why earlier, so I don't think I need to repeat why I think this.

17.

Ha ha, I agree. I'm already liking how the teacher is handling this matter.

18.

For once since I've read this story, I can actually and truly agree with what Faith is thinking.

19. How would Nate know who Jason is?

That's never explained. Is that a plot inconsistency?

20. I know I've already mentioned this, but how has this flawed system not been subjected to tons of parental outrage yet? Where are the enraged parents that didn't even get to say goodbye to their own kids?

21. I think, though this is a cool story idea, you should've established what this story's world was like from the very beginning and expanded on it more. World building is not at its best right now.

You don't have to dump monologues of info about this world. That's a huge no-no in writing,

Instead, you could've slowed down the pacing by having Faith figure out that she was an artificial human and how she came to that conclusion right from the beginning.

What is an artificial human even?

You could've gone more in depth with Faith's conversation with her mom. Maybe actually add some closure to their relationship. Have Allison and Faith talk about where Faith would go once she turns of age and has to leave.

Maybe actually include Patrick into the picture.

You could've included and shown more interactions between Faith and Emery so that Emery's death could have more meaning later on.

Show how Emery resembles Jenna in appearance because she's her clone.

Show what a clone even is because I didn't know those existed in the story.

You could've also shown how and why Faith and Jason are — excuse me, were — friends in the first place.

Don't hesitate to explore Faith, Emery, and Jason's characters and relationships with each other and the universe they live in before they get taken away.

Characters
As I've already mentioned earlier, most of the characters in this story feel . . .

They don't feel like actual people.

The ones that seem to so far are Cynthia, maybe Nate, and sometimes Faith. I don't know about Emery.

But my main point stands.

These characters' reactions and behaviors around certain events feel stilted because some of it is just so unrealistic.

I've already given examples of what I mean in the plot portion.

Whether a character is human or not, let's get one very important thing straight: characters have to act like they're actual people.

(Though psychopathic characters are kinda sorta maybe an exception to this since most people can't relate to being a psychopath. But even when writing psychopathic characters you have to at least try to understand their kind of mindset.)

The more real your characters feel, the more immersed your readers will be into the story.

And if they don't feel real in substance, if they feel unnatural and shallow, then you've put a wall between your readers and the characters.

You have to remember:

When you make a character, you are breathing life into them.

They are a person, whether human or not.

A person with motives and hobbies and dreams and quirks and habits and fears and a set of personality traits that distinguished them from any other character.

Jason is a huge example of someone that doesn't feel real.

Again, with Faith, I can kinda see her as a person. Not entirely, there's not enough chapters to really determine that, but I can. She seems to have a favorite color and seems like the type of person to be sort of shy?

That's literally all I know about her.

I don't know anything else. Nothing about her hobbies or her quirks or anything like that.

Meanwhile, with Jason, he's just really despicable so far, and not really for any good reason since his character doesn't seem that fleshed out.

Mr. Harris can be too, but at least he's got some reasons for being that way.

But Jason doesn't.

Not much else is noted about his character besides Jadon's nonchalance toward everything.

Is he supposed to be one of the antagonists in the story? It really feels like it, I'm getting strong evil vibes from him.

Because if he is, he still needs to be treated as a person too.

(Even if he is a sociopath like I suspect.)

Antagonists are also people too.

Villains also have motives and hobbies and dreams and quirks and habits and fears and a set of personality traits that distinguished them from any other character.

I think I've said everything I can regarding this topic.

If you do have any questions at all, I'm be glad to explain more.

Conclusion + Grade
If I had to say my grade for this story, it'd be a . . .

6 out of 10.

I was going to give it a 5, but the grammar and writing style have been nice so far, so I bumped it up another point.

This is a good story idea with loads of potential, it just needs to be executed a little better. Try to think of all the technicalities behind the system that creates these artificial humans and really dig deeper into it. Really focus on the plot and character portions of this review.

Before I bid my farewell to you, here's some water brought to you by Makoto from the anime Free! to sober you up.