CHAPTER SEVEN // I'M A MESS

BISHOP PARKED HIS BIKE NEAR THE CURB of Riley's house. Rage flowed from his body as he placed his helmet on the handlebar of his bike and stomped his way up the pathway towards her home.

After SAMCRO's SAA paid him a visit he was furious, and yet that didn't even seem like the proper word for what he was feeling. Riley Teller was a hurricane, destroying herself and everyone that stood in her way.

Everyone that had tried to help her was pushed away by hurtful words while she closed herself off to everyone around her. Bishop didn't want to be another on the list of people that had let her down, but he could only do so much with her unwillingness to help herself.

Loudly, he knocked his fist against the door. It was late but he knew Riley would still be awake.

The Mayan President ran a hand over his tired face as he heard commotion inside the house. Bishop knew that Riley was most likely drunk right now, and he wasn't sure how much of a coherent conversation could be had with her but he had to try.

"What are you doing here?" Riley rolled her bloodshot eyes as she opened the door. "I thought me not coming around the scrapyard was enough of a hint that I don't want to see you." Her tone held anger in it as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Bishop looked the tall Teller woman up and down, taking in her appearance. Her brunette hair was thrown up in a messy bun while her green eyes were bloodshot, but he didn't think it had to do with alcohol. Sure, she smelled like alcohol but she didn't seem wasted like usual. If anything she looked sad.

It took everything in him not to grab Riley and ask her if she was okay. He wanted so desperately to hug the sad woman in front of him, but he didn't. Bishop was here for a reason.

"I wouldn't fuckin' be here if your boyfriend didn't come to my clubhouse to start shit." Bishop retorted as he ran a hand over his beard. His rage growing again as he thought about Happy Lowman.

A frown formed on Riley's face at Bishop's words. She didn't expect Happy to pay a visit to the Mayan's clubhouse on his way out. SAMCRO and the Mayan's had been on good terms since before her brother's death and if Happy really went there to start shit it could restart an old war between the two clubs.

"He's not my boyfriend." Riley muttered. "I didn't know that he was going to show up there and do that." The anger slowly disappearing from her voice as she stared at Bishop.

Slowly the rage began to disappear from Bishop's body as he stared at Riley's sad and confused face.

"What happened?" Bishop asked with a sigh. "Why was he here?" A hint of jealousy was in his tone as he waited for her response.

"What always happen, Bis. I fucked up." She shrugged as a bitter laugh left her lips. "I've been fucking up since Jax died — no before that actually." She admitted as tears filled her eyes.

Riley didn't like to admit it, but it wasn't only Jax's death that had made her spiral. There were years leading up to where her life had been now, it was only after Jax's death that it grew worse. Gemma's death made her numb. Riley hadn't really felt it or had a chance to mourn mother, because she felt it was wrong of her. Especially after finding out it was her mother that killed Tara. Why should she mourn Gemma when she took away her brother's wife and her nephew's mother?

All she felt was nothing when Jax told her he had killed Gemma. Jax no longer had a mother anymore as far as he was concerned after what she did, and so Riley felt she needed to feel the same way as him. Her brother had become someone else in his final days — someone scarier and colder.

Drinking was a way for Riley to keep numbing her feelings. A way to keep everything bottled up inside without loosing control. At least that's what she thought. The anger and rage she had inside of her only got amplified by the alcohol and if someone or something annoyed her they felt the full force of that rage. Riley didn't know how to stop it though. She loved drinking.

"I can help you, Riley." Bishop's voice was soft as he practically pleaded with the brunette in front of him.

He wanted to help her so bad. He wanted Riley to be okay and healthy. He cared about Riley more than he should of, more than a friend but nothing could ever happen between them with her like this.

"I don't need your help. That's the problem, Bishop. Everyone wants to help me." A humorless laugh fell from her lips as she wiped at her tear filled eyes. "I'm not asking anyone for help. I don't want to change. I'm okay being this fucking mess and living this way, it's all of you who aren't."

Bishop let out a sigh. He knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with Riley. He could hear the angry creeping back into her voice and he knew it was time to back off and leave.

"Have a goodnight, Riley." He placed a soft touch on her face before making his way down the walkway. "Chucky misses you. I think you should stop by the clubhouse again." He said turning around with a small smile on his face before getting on his bike.

If she came back around the scrapyard he'd be able to keep an eye on her again and Riley Teller needed someone looking out for her — that much was certain.