Sun Saiyaan

"Hate, hatred for yourself, for other people, will confine you, but love can set you free."

- Denzel Washington -

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Chapter 12

She flapped her glassy eyes as soon as she entered Sanskaar's room, distracting herself to avoid crying. She already cried and made herself anxious yesterday, today she just wants to relax and be away from all the drama. She faced the door after hearing footsteps and saw Sanskaar enter the room.

He was hesitant to speak yet stopped right in front of her, "Ragini. . ." She sensed the uncertainty in his tone and could predict what he wanted to say.

"I don't want to go." She made herself clear once again and he exhaled, "I won't force you to go Ragini, I want the decision to be yours. But. . ."

He moved towards the wardrobe and opened it, "I think you might want to go after you read this, I found this in your storeroom.' He took out a letter and approached Ragini with it, confusing her.

She took the letter and then blinked at him, "how did you get this from my storeroom?" He curled a faint smile, "remember the time we met in your storeroom secretly?" He reminded and she recalled that time, nodding her head positively, "I accidentally knocked something off which made a noise and you had to lie to your Daadi that you saw a cat upstairs to save me, this letter fell out from that trunk.. I never had the perfect timing to hand you this letter, but today I think is the day you read it. I think it was meant for me to find it so I can give it to it's rightful owner otherwise it would've been stuck there forever and you would never have even known it existed."

Ragini curiously looked at the letter, unable to understand how this letter is related to her going back home for the ritual. "I don't understand, what is in this letter?"

"Read it and then you'll know but at the end of the day the choice is always yours Ragini." He replied and she opened the letter afterwards, starting to read it. He left the room straight after.

'To my sweetest, most innocent, purist, kindest, loving, caring, naughty but cute child, Ragini.

Mumma loves you so much! You're the best thing that has happened to me during my time with this family, and I'm so grateful God granted me such a beautiful soul otherwise I would've had no purpose to live.

If you see this letter and I'm not there, then I'm glad that I wrote it. I don't know why I had the urge to write it all of a sudden, but you do know your Mumma enjoyed writing her diary and you couldn't read it, so I'm writing you something you could read. But I do wish you see this letter when you're older.

If I'm not there with you, then you must've grown into such a beautiful of child Ragu. Someone who always takes care of others before herself and makes sure everyone is happy. It's a great quality to have and I'm sure you must have a lot of it overflowing. But Ragu, I want to let you know it's okay to be selfish at times and choose yourself over everyone else. You can't keep sacrificing. You need to choose your happiness first and then take care of everyone else. I would hate to see you putting others before you all the time, it would break my heart. I don't want you to be like me Ragu, I want you to get the world's happiness under your feet. Please put yourself first! Always let go of what hurts you and take a step for yourself, otherwise you will keep hurting like me.

If I be honest Ragu, I never loved your father. Our marriage was a decision made by both our mothers, my dreams died the day I married your father and was left to be a housewife, but I always wanted to be an author. I was never allowed to do what I wanted and had to follow what Parvati Maa told me to do, I couldn't find a sense of myself there. Your father continued telling me he had another woman he loved and made me feel bad for marrying him. I felt suffocated Ragu, I wanted to escape. But I wasn't strong enough to do it. Dhruva did it, but I couldn't! But I don't regret staying because then I had you, you entered my life and made me the happiest. Every moment spent with you were the best moments of my life, at last I could show Dhruva why I didn't come with him. If I would've then how would I have had you? And now I'm pregnant with another child too, I'm sure he or she would be as lovely as you! You're like my sunshine and the new child would be like my moonlight, both of you will shine the brightest in my dark days and get rid of this darkness surrounding me, where I have no hope or life, just love from you. It feels as if it's only you and me Ragu, I never considered your father to be a part of our small happy world because he didn't make the effort, he had constantly loved another woman for all those years and blamed me for ruining his love, and Parvati Maa never felt like a Maa, but I'm grateful that she's at least good to you and that you're getting the love from them that I never received. Your father may have not been an amazing husband but he dotes on you Ragu, despite having another daughter he never showed me that he didn't love you.

If you ever come across the woman your father loved and their daughter, then don't resent them Ragu. Accept them as a family if they approach you because I don't hate that woman or her daughter, I came in between their happiness. I was the second woman and that killed me every time I was reminded. I wasn't even an option but someone who was unwanted. Your Daadi didn't want your father to marry his love so she separated them when she shouldn't have. After all those years your father could never love me, and that's when I realised if we ever go for someone who already gave their heart to someone else, then we will never find a place in it. All these years, I wasn't even treated as a friend, he had always resented me. I hated living like this.

I would never wish what I suffered from on you Ragini, I wish you never experience a loveless marriage, or enter a family so strict and traditional. I pray you never fall for someone who loves someone else. I pray you never go through that pain. I pray you find someone who allows you to be yourself and does everything for your happiness, I wish the family you enter shade you from everything and treat you like their own daughter. I pray you never hurt Ragini. I always pray that you stay happy wherever you are. My only wish is to see a smile on your face, a smile that shines the brightest because you're my sunshine Ragu and seeing you upset will always break my heart.

Ragu, if I'm not there with you and I go somewhere far where I can not return from, then remember I'll always be watching you from distant and every time you cry it'll hurt me. But please please please promise me to be selfish and put yourself first. Prioritise your happiness and do whatever you want, always follow your heart bachcha. I know it wouldn't be as easy with Parvati Maa but you will also have Dhruva, so knowing he's with you will always make me feel at ease. He has always been there for me, so I know he will always be there for you too.

I couldn't live the life I wanted but I want you to live yours to the fullest! I pray your heart is full of joy and love. If you ever find yourself in a situation so cruel, just run away, you don't need to keep standing there, you can learn to let go!

I love you forever my sunshine!

Love,
Mumma.'

She fell on her knees after reading the letter and bawled out into tears, "Mumma." She cried, touching her chest and beating it. "Mumma I'm sorry." She felt apologetic and guilty, hugging the letter afterwards.

Sanskaar leaned against the wall outside his room and sighed a relief, feeling better that he managed to deliver Janaki's last letter to Ragini. But alongside the relief he was in pain, Ragini's cries were breaking his heart.

X

In the main hall.

Sharmishta, Shekhar Swara, Annapurna, Parineeta, Lakshya, Sujata and Uttara were silently waiting for Sanskaar and Ragini. Shekhar was feeling anxious and nervous, after all the tears he let out, he felt upset and angry at himself for being oblivious to Ragini's sufferings. He was scared that he'll become someone she wants to stay away from and someone she would be happy without, no father in this world would want their child to hate them, and Shekhar was one of those top fathers that hated the feeling of being hated by his daughters. He wanted to try his best to become a cool father but realising that he wasn't a good father for Ragini had already broke his heart. The last thing he'd ever want Ragini to think was that he didn't love her.

Swara continued recalling Ragini's words, feeling saddened and guilty for not seeing the pain Ragini was in, for being blind while Ragini was breaking inside. She was convinced that Ragini was okay when in reality, she wasn't and now it's starting to Swara that Ragini had forced herself to lie so that Lakshya and her could be happy. Her heart was aching and she glanced at Lakshya who made eye-contact with her, confused to see Swara's tears. He signed her 'what happened' with his eyebrows and she shook her head negatively, looking away.

Sanskaar walked down the stairs, grabbing everyone's attention. He stopped mid way, near the exit and gazed at Shekhar nodding his head, assuring him that Ragini will be coming, after getting that assurance Shekhar sighed a relief and eagerly waited for Ragini, looking at the top of the stairs again.

"I need to leave now, I have an important meeting to attend. But I'll come to pick Ragini up at 8pm." He uttered, surprising everyone and then left before anyone had the chance to say anything. Shekhar furiously scrunched his eyebrows and looked at Sujata, "8pm? That's too early, the ritual must be for a day at least. And if I be honest then I don't think I'll be sending Ragini back, she wasn't happy with this marriage anyways and I don't want her to stay in this marriage if it has no future or meaning!"

Sujata glared at Shekhar, "that's for Ragini to decide, not you. If Sanskaar said 8pm today, then that means Ragini doesn't even want to stay a day with you, I hope you can take the hint!"

Shekhar was flabbergasted with Sujata's response and clenched his fist, "don't act like you know my daughter. Just once, if she says she doesn't want this marriage then I'll do all it takes to separate her from you and your son!"

"It's better in a sense that Ragini gets a divorce rather than staying around people who plan to ruin other peoples happiness and then try to justify their actions." Lakshya spoke in between their quarrel and stared at Sujata, taunting her.

"That's why they should be thankful to God that he saved her from you!" Sujata answered back, offending Lakshya who sighed in annoyance, "don't keep pointing fingers at me to cover up your deeds, you claim I feed on peoples happiness, well you feed on their miseries!"

"Like I said earlier Laks, we're branches from the same tree. So that doesn't make you a saint. I won't lie and try to hide it, but it runs in the blood. You, your father and his brother put people in miseries. I agree my son did the same but he's still your blood so he has similar traits to you, but at least he reformed and realised his mistakes, he stopped and let you and Swara marry each other without any obstacles. He lost his love, but he let you have yours and stepped away after he realised that he'll put you through the same pain, which he decided he didn't want you to feel. You, your father and his brother would never have the guts to admit they were wrong!" Sujata honestly uttered, not covering up her sons mistakes yet defending him. She knew she couldn't hide the truth as it was the truth, but she also knew that her son doesn't want to live that truth anymore so bringing that up was the only way she could say that he was changing and is no longer that version of him anymore.

"That doesn't change anything." Shekhar spoke, "I won't let Ragini come back here." He added and then looked at the stairs again, seeing Ragini standing there.

"If she says she doesn't want to come back to us, then we will respect her wish." Sujata responded and Ragini looked at her, hearing Sujata's response made her feel emotional and her tears that she wiped and hid, had returned again. Sujata didn't even know Ragini was there as her back was facing her, yet she said something Ragini always wanted to hear, no one had ever said something like that to her face or behind her back. As simple as that, it was 'are you happy Ragini? What do you want to do?' We will respect whatever decision you make.' Yet no one could utter those words, no one she could tell her honest feelings to, no one who understood her.

Amid those thoughts, Sanskaar's face flashed across her eyes for a brief second and her gaze changed, she was taken over another thought, the hate that was clouding over her heart and mind had vanished for the moment as she realised that she was wrong, the only person who she opened up to and let see her struggling version, the not so strong Ragini, the unhappy and broken Ragini, the Ragini that was in pain, was Sanskaar, who used to be her best friend. Her first ever best friend, someone who had and was always there to listen to her feelings, someone she comfortably shared her feelings and thoughts with, someone who understood her pain and related to her, because not only did she lose her love, he did too.

Her mothers words that she read from the letter warmed her cold heart and she looked at the floor, she tried her best to hate him again but now, couldn't. Her mothers letter opened her eyes to what she was being oblivious to, which was that she could never have had Lakshya's love because he has always had his eyes for Swara. Sanskaar saved her from the life her mother prayed for her to never live. Tears seeped down her eyes and she clenched her fist. She hated that he saved her, she hated that he was there for her when she thought no one understood her, she hated that he made parts of her mothers wish come true, she hated that he saw the letter before her, because now it will get difficult for her to hate and resent him. Now, he made her seem like someone who was crazy and obsessed only in his eyes while he became the villain who sabotaged Swara and Lakshya's happiness in everyone else's eyes, all alone, protecting her from their hate and allegations. She indeed, really hated him again, but for this new reason. He was always there for her when she thought she was always alone.

T o B e C o n t i n u e d

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✨❤️ THANK YOU FOR READING! ❤️✨

Guess who's back, back again with another chapter, I really hope all of you enjoyed reading this chapter, let me know what you think of it in the comments and don't forget to give it a like by pressing the star!

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And signing off for today,
Yours only, Halu 😘🫶🏼✨