Part III
Chapter - 2

Nova and Aliya left to speak. I did not need to be alarmed by it, and yet I was. Though, in my life, I had now learned to be a pushover. I understood, that who I was, or what I had,  never entitled me to call anything mine; that I was the kind of person who had to keep my fists open unwillingly, to keep letting my world slide through my fingers, when others demanded it to happen.

Nova returned after a while. I did not look at him, nor did I ask what he had been told. He collected his stuff from my table.

“Alex… I…” he said, “I said yes. I did the right thing, hmm?”

The sentence sent off something inside me. It was something between him and Aliya, why did he feel the need to ask me? What did I have to do with it?

“It's between you and her, why do you ask me?”

I did not look up at him. But I knew he was surprised. He did not move at all.

“Hey… I just…” he wanted to say something to me. But he didn’t. “At least come to the cafeteria with me?”

“Nah, I am not hungry. You go ahead without me.”

Distraction.

He had served to be a great distraction, but now I need to be distracted from him. He was fine now. He did not need me to be there anymore. He would do great on his own.

I began doing all what I could to collect money for the lease. I asked if I could work extra hours from the kind owner of the shop, apart from the ones I already was. For me, it was school in the morning, then the two-hour shift, and then practice. Sometimes, I tried to add on money from what I saved from games and food.

I would see Aliya at practices. She would often come to cheer Nova on. He would wave to her, and sometimes, give her that smile. Then he would turn to me, and wrap his arm around my neck, and talk about the pass I gave him. He would laugh, so much that he would not be able to speak. I liked seeing him like this.

I was busy most days after school, and on the days I was not, I would not see him around. He would have left with her. He would not even be with his friends. That is what I felt. That is what I had felt when she had first asked him out. I questioned whether he would have enough time for us after he moved on?

It was not whether he would value being with me enough, or if his attention would distribute when he moved on with his life.

I would find him at my place sometimes. He would be speaking to mom. It was a surprise always, because he would never tell me before he dropped by. He would be ready to leave by the time I came back.

That is mostly when I saw him.

I felt as if I lost some weight the following month. I got tired easily on the ground. I could not match up with the pace the other players bolted on anymore. They would check on me repeatedly, especially Nova, and then there would be this throttling sense of liability, inflating my chest. The kind of liability I was to my mother, when she had to work alone. I would be gasping for a little more air. I would reach out a hand. Through hazy eyes, and heavy eyelids, I would see Nova calling onto me, and my hand extended out, before my head busted from the pain, and I felt nothing anymore.

Everything was a ceaseless void then.

And I was nothing amongst it.

 Silence and desolation.

It felt good.

I felt good.

I missed someone.

Someone I wanted to see, if only once more.

And then I would feel the warmth of the light, and my eyes would open up. I felt my eyelids flutter, and a warm presence on my cheek, like a soft palm.

A soft whisper. “He is waking up.”

And I would sleep again.

When I woke up finally, I felt my blood gushing painstakingly through the holes in my heart. Something crushing. It consumed my entire body. It pushed through a pressure that I could only conclude to be loathsome; loathe—that my body felt towards me, for not treating it well. I was apologetic.

The only place I did not feel any pain, was my hand. I could feel it, sheathed in a warm embrace, of two gentle hands. A head rested on my thin fingers. He felt it when I tried to move them.

“Alex,” he screamed, as if he was startled from some nightmare.

He panted. He looked at me, and I was peering back at him. He was panicked, his skin slick with sweat and tears. He had been waiting beside me. When his breath returned, he got up, and cupped my face softly in his hands. As if I might break.

“Alex,” he panted, “You… are you alright?”

I mumbled. “Are you alright?”

His palm inspected my forehead and neck. “I shouldn’t have left you alone, I shouldn’t have. It was a mistake.”

I wished he had never left me alone.

I breathed. “It’s good to see you.”

He did not hear me, so he leaned his ear closer to my mouth. I waited. “Mom… where is she?”

He panted. “She is… she is coming to see you. She did not seem happy.”

That was what I knew. This is what she meant, when she referred that I did not understand when to stop. She has turned out to be right, I truly did not think it through. I had disappointed her once again, that too after her warning me once.

When she walked in, I expected her to have either checked on me, or at least yelled at me for what I did. Nova had shown her the way to the school infirmary. He then left. She walked in casually, and placed her bag on the glass table. She ignored me totally, till she was on the couch near the wall.

Her head dropped to her hands. She did not speak a word.

I watched her. And I watched her through. We sat there, alone, for ten minutes. Then my voice slipped, and I asked her if she was okay. I saw her get up, and stride toward me.

She was at the distance of a hand span, when her palm swung and it hit my face. It did not hurt; it barely touched me. But the expression was plainly clear.

Her hands gripped my shoulders, as she jerked me repeatedly.

“What did I tell you?” she yelled. “Why? Why do you not listen to me?”