A/N

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who stayed and read this story until this chapter. I know that this is quite different from my previous stories since it doesn't have that usual humor or thick romance, but mostly are travels, coffees, and characters' adventures (most of the places in every chapter are the travel destinations that I want to reminisce every time I visit this story). I hope you enjoyed and pictured those beautiful places that I shared with you through Rhoe Anne's POV.

When I was in Japan, I told myself that I should write a story about this country. I stayed three years in this foreign country and witnessed a lot of things. This story was inspired not just by the beautiful places in Japan, but also by the people living in it— beyond those beautiful sceneries, famous tourist attractions, and smiles of every photograph in this aesthetic place are also sad and heavy stories of people. Some people in Japan are too sad, too tired, and alone— a common crisis of every individual that some of them failed to overcome because they don't have empathy and compassion for one another (even with their family or friends). Not all, but a lot of them. I'd witnessed how someone breakdown, lost it, talked to himself, or even withdraw from life (saw the suicide forest and found an abandoned car), these are the scenes that inspired me to write this story with an unusual plot with a twist.

I don't know if other foreigners can feel it, that behind these beautiful sceneries, ang bigat sa pakiramdam ng Japan. The place is so developed and convenient, the sceneries are so colorful, but when I try to look at most Japanese— I can't see any bright colors from them. Siguro dahil hindi sila mahilig ngumiti? Siguro dahil mas gusto nilang naging yumuko? Siguro ay dahil nasanay silang hindi magpakita ng emosyon.

This story has a special place in my heart because most of the chapters were my own experience. How I wish I also have my own Kousuke Matsumoto that would accompany me with free kisses in my every travel, baka hindi na ako umuwi (haha).

Thank you so much for reading Rhoe Anne and Kousuke's story. Thank you for traveling with them. Thank you for reaching the Torii gates.

'Till next Matsumoto Series.

Epilogue

What I can remember before I start to see them were blurry visions of my parents calling my name, there were people with white uniforms around me, and I was on a moving bed, it was so noisy with the sound of wheels, voices, and a beeping sound, the light was blurry, there was something on my nose, my head was spinning, and my whole body was aching. I was gasping for air. I was trying to move but I couldn't. . .

I couldn't sleep. I got up on my bed and went outside of my room. I was thirsty. And when I found my parents in our living room, I felt relief, my footsteps got bigger to join them and tell them that I wasn't feeling good, but when I heard my name, I stopped and hid behind the wall.

"There is nothing wrong with our son," my father said with conviction.

"You've seen it! He's been talking to himself! He needs assistance!" my mom answered, sobbing.

"No, he's just stressed. He just needs to rest properly."

"Stressed?! Rest? Kousuke is a child! What kind of rest are you talking about? You know that it is not what he needs right now! Our son needs to seek a doctor. There's something wrong with him!"

"There's nothing wrong with Kousuke," my father strongly said.

"Come on, are you going to deny it until he got worst?!" my mother's trying to keep her voice down, but I could hear her clearly behind this wall.

"And what? Everyone in the family will judge our son?!" my father replied in his angry voice.

"Then what is your plan? Let him be?! He's been like that after the accident! It might be a trauma or something! You never cared about our son! You just cared about the image of this damn family!"

"Stop it, Misako."

"I've talked to some people who experienced the same problem as our son, mostly are survivors, those who experienced a life and death situation. Those people tend to open their—" my father cut her off.

"Let's stop this conversation, Misako. I don't want to fight with you."

"No. . ."

"Kousuke is well. Kousuke is fucking well!" My mom didn't reply but I heard her cries.

I ran quickly inside my room when I heard my father's footsteps leaving my mother behind.

But my mother didn't listen to my father, she secretly brought me somewhere, she introduced me to this shaman and they talked about my situation.

"Your son has a rare gift. He can't just see them but talk to them. C-Can you touch the water, boy," the Shaman asked me, and when I dipped my hand in the water, the shaman gasped and took two steps backward. "Y-You might have able to touch them. . ."

My mother cried after hearing it. "It is not a gift, but a curse. How can my boy live his normal life? How can I stop it? People will call him insane!"

I pressed my mother's hand as I looked into the eyes of the old shaman wearing a white kimono. "He'll have to get used to it. But I can give you some items that will avoid him from some of those spirits."

"T-There is no way to stop it? Will my son forever suffers this curse?"

"I am sorry. That's the least I can do for him."

My mother nodded with her tears. Before we left that unusual place filled with old items, papers with writings, and statues, my mother talked to me. She looked stressed, unhealthy, and filled with anxiety. She kneeled in front of me with both of her hands on my shoulders.

"Kousuke, son, I know that you're a bright boy. Please, promise your mother that you will avoid them. Do not talk to them. Do not look at them. Do not be friendly. Do not let anyone discover that you can see them," my mother almost begged with tears.

"I will, Mother. I promise." That day I felt my mother's tightest hug.

***

Before the start of twenty summers. . .

My cousins and I visited one of our old houses in the province of Gifu. It has a huge space where we could ride our bicycles together. I heard that my grandfather wants to buy the land near where an old hotel stood, but the owner was too stubborn and never accepted the price.

"Be careful!" my mother shouted.

My cousins and I started to ride on our bicycles. "Let's go there!" Kyohei shouted.

We followed his track until we passed by the parking of the old hotel, and when I had a side glance, I saw a tall beautiful girl who just got off her bicycle. I was about to wave at her, but my cousins were quick to get her attention. She waved back at us and smiled.

"Kirei. . ." we said in unison as we continued to pedal our bicycles.

It took us hours before we got back to our old house, and when we passed by the hotel the beautiful girl was gone, she was probably already inside.

My cousins and I spent our summer vacation playing together.

***

The First Summer

"He shouldn't join his cousins this summer. You heard what happened near that old house. Aren't you aware of the news?" my mom asked my father the night before the start of my summer vacation in the old house.

"Kousuke is fine with his cousins." Almost every night I could hear the argument of my parents, and it's giving me sleepless nights. I hate it.

All I did was to cover my ears with my pillows.

"You never cared about our son!"

***

I thought I wouldn't be allowed to join my cousins this summer, but fortunately, my parents sent me to the old house early in the morning.

My cousins and I were playing our soccer ball in front of our old house when I noticed that someone was watching us. I looked around to find those watchful eyes until my eyes reached the second floor of the old hotel beside us. The woman in the white dress was standing near the window while she was holding her curtain to fully watch us below.

I smiled and waved at her. Isn't she the beautiful girl last summer? Is she, not a foreigner? But she doesn't look like a Japanese.

She smiled and waved back at me before she left the window and closed her curtains. My brows furrowed. What were my parents talking about last night about this old hotel?

***

The Second Summer

The sun was scorching. Every one of us was seated around a small table with a pitcher of cucumber and apple pie.

Tadashi was fanning himself using his hand. Kyohei kept on complaining while putting a lot of ice on his glass of cucumber, Shin was busy with his phone while sweating heavily, and Seiji's eating an apple pie silently while continuously wiping the sweat on his forehead.

"Can we just get inside?!" Kyohei complained again.

"The AC is not yet working," we groaned in unison.

I was lazily leaning my back on the backrest of my chair while moving my head side by side with an automatic fan on my hand as if it would reduce the heat of summer. "It's so hot. I'll die."

"I thought you like summer?" Tadashi asked me.

I grinned. "I am about to change my mind."

When I turned my head again in the old hotel's direction, I saw her again, watching us with amusement. I was about to wave at her but she left the window again. I never saw her again that summer.

The Third Summer

My cousins and I went to Valor because we bought some fruits, and when we were about to pass by again in front of the parking lot of the old hotel, I saw that familiar beautiful girl again.

I think that's her favorite dress. And a white dress suits her well, like an angel in summer. I almost fell down from my bike when she looked at me and smiled.

"Oh. . ."

She saw it that's why I got her attention and started to walk towards me. "Are you okay? Did I startle you?"

I looked at the back of my cousins who were about to turn their way to our old house, I let them be. I rode off my bike, straightened myself, and faced the beautiful girl who was taller than me. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. She giggled before her gentle hand went to the top of my head. "There's a leaf on your hair. What is your name?" She removed the leaf and blew it in front of me. My mouth hung open as I gazed upon her. She was like a fairy in white, with this warm wind and bright summer.

"Kirei. . ."

She even bent a little to meet my eyes. I could feel the heat on my face. She's too close and very pretty. I averted my eyes away from her and I whispered my name. "k-Kousuke. . ."

"You're a very handsome boy!" she pinched my cheek and my eyes widened.

"I am Rhoe Anne. I am a tourist. I travel in different places here in Gifu."

"Oh. . ."

And then she glanced at her wristwatch. "I think I have to go."

But when she was about to turn her back, I called her. "Wait!"

"Yes?"

"Do you want an apple?" I offered her one of my apples.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. She accepted my apple and smiled again. "Thank you."

I tried to meet her again after that day but I never saw her again until the end of summer.

The Fourth Summer

"Why are you always looking at that window, Kousuke?" Kyohei asked me.

"Hmm? Nothing." I don't want to tell them that I have a crush on our neighbor.

I haven't seen her since the beginning of summer. Where is she? So, she travels to Japan every summer?

"Aren't you aware? That hotel is abandoned. I think almost four years?" I abruptly turned to Tadashi.

"What?"

"There are no people in there. Are you blind?"

I glanced at the hotel, thinking that Tadashi's fooling me around. Every summer she's here. Every summer she smiles at me. There's no way that Tadashi's telling us the truth. Where is that beautiful girl named Rhoe Anne?

So, the next morning I waited for the girl in a white dress, and I almost jumped for joy when I saw her climbing down the stairs. I quickly walked towards her with chocolate behind my back. "Hi. . ."

"H-hi," she greeted back awkwardly.

Did she already forget about me? Did I really grow taller this time? I gave her some chocolate. And she accepted it hesitantly. "T-Thank you."

I smiled at her. "You're welcome."

"You're one of the kid neighbors?" I stared at her. What is this conversation? Can't she recognize me?

I nodded. "I am Kousuke and we—"

"I am sorry. I have to go."

And she left me at the parking without even looking back at me again. I might have scared her because I never saw her again until the end of summer.

The Fifth Summer

I might have scared her after what happened last summer because when I waved at her when she was standing near the window she ignored me.

The Sixth Summer

She ignored me for the last two summers.

"Kousuke, stop looking at that hotel! You're giving us creeps!" Kyohei irritatingly said. They kept telling me that the place was abandoned and no one was living inside it, but they were all wrong.

When my cousins went to the nearest 7-eleven that evening, I took the opportunity to walk near the old hotel. And there she was, on the second floor of the hotel, she was standing there with a cup in her hand with her silk nightgown flowing with her hair. We're already in the mid of summer and this was the first time I saw her again this season.

"You're one of the neighbor kids, right?" she noticed me.

"Yes."

"Are you looking for the landlord?"

I shook my head. "W-Why do you look so sad?"

She stared at me and laughed. "Even Japanese kids can notice! Why are you here? Why are you alone? Where are your brothers?"

"They are not my brothers."

"Hmm. . ."

When she entered her room, I thought she already left me hanging that night, but when I saw her go outside again, she has a box in her hand. "Come up. I have something to give you."

I quickly climbed up the stairs to reach the second floor, and there she was, looking pretty in her white silk dress. "Here," she gave me a box of cupcakes.

"My name is Rhoe Anne. You are?"

I stared blankly at her. "Can't you recognize me? I am Kousuke. The boy last summer. You were here last summer, right?"

She laughed at me. "This is my first summer in Japan. You have a cute name, Kousuke. Thank you for accompanying me tonight. Maybe you just mistook me for someone."

I didn't stay any longer in that hotel, but when I went back to our old house, I just found myself holding an empty dusty box. And before I could even enter the door of our house, for the very first time, I saw the old hotel in a different version— a building filled with crawling vines, a few vandals, and broken windows. I lost my balance and my tears suddenly fell.

"S-She dead. . . what happened to her?"

The Seventh Summer
I was twelve when I thought I could easily recognize the living from the dead, but I was wrong. Because sometimes I have mistakenly treated those spirits as if they were alive. Before, we usually spend our summers together, but now that we are all taking different extra classes, I wasn't surprised that it was just me and Seiji this summer inside this old house.

I told myself that I'd start ignoring Rhoe Anne inside that old hotel, but my curiosity towards her kept on pulling me closer to that old hotel.

"Kyohei said that the place was abandoned when a foreigner died in it. I heard it was a heart attack," I couldn't even reply to Seiji but I continued to stare at the hotel. I've been meeting Rhoe Anne for the six consecutive summers and if my assumption was right, she has no ability to remember everything— is it every human encounter?

"Seiji, can you accompany me somewhere?"

"Not inside that hotel."

"It's not inside the hotel."

Seiji and I took a taxi and walked a lot to reach the place of the shaman. It was six years ago when my mother and I went in her place, and looking at her reaction, she wasn't expecting that the innocent boy who was clinging to her mother before would return and seek her help.

There, I told her about my encounters with Rhoe Anne. I know that Seiji and my cousins are already aware of my situation, but they've been trying to ignore it or cover it from the elders. Just like how we protect Seiji from all his bullies in our school. We got each other's back— even without a word of agreement.

I already researched the incident inside the hotel, she was a tourist who had a heart attack, and there was also a fire that almost burned half of the hotel. I want to further dig into her identity but I stopped myself because the elders might discover it if I used too many resources of the Matsumoto.

"Then it could be a cycle every summer. If she came here during summer and her life ends at the end of the summer season, her soul might be kept on appearing on the same day of her arrival and disappear on the day she dies."

"Why?"

"Because souls who are not aware of their death are souls who never fulfilled their dreams or goal while they are alive, but I think we could make a prayer to send her soul—" I cut her off.

"Alright. Thank you so much."

Seiji and I were walking silently on the street, but I could feel his hesitant stares at me. "What?"

"If the elders will hear about this. . ."

"Are you going to tell them?"

"I will not tell them."

"Thank you, Seiji!"

"But be careful."

After that conversation with the shaman, I decided to spend more of my summers near that old hotel, not thinking about the future ahead of me.

The Eighth Summer

It's not yet summer but when our car passed by our old house, I asked our driver to stop our car. I told him that I have to pick up something inside our house and he should buy a drink for me in the nearest 7-eleven. I even asked him for some items as an excuse for him to take more time.

And when the car went off, I immediately ran to that old hotel. I was hoping that Rhoe Anne was there, but the shaman was right, her soul appears every summer. I carefully climbed to the second floor and when I tried to open her room, it was locked. So I used my force to push it, it took me five times to push the door before I finally opened it.

Even if her room was too old after almost eight years, I could see how neat and organized she was. I could picture her standing near that window in her white dress. I closed my eyes and tried to feel her presence, but she wasn't there.

I went to her table and saw that small notebook filled with dust. I coughed when I blew the dust off it, I wiped it using the bed cover, revealing her beautiful handwriting. I was about to start reading her diary with entries of places, dates, and her experience when I saw our car.

I immediately went outside of her room and brought her diary with me.

And before I even returned for the eighth summer, I have already read all her experiences in Japan together with all her pain and struggles when she was still in the Philippines— making me curse a certain name of a woman from that country.

"Hi, I think you dropped this."

Rhoe Anne, the beautiful soul every summer looked at me, I gave her the diary that I stole from her. She gave me that beautiful smile that I've been dreaming of almost every day. Today's my 8th summer with her and I am about to reach her height.

Give me a year or two, you'll no longer look at me as a little boy, Miss Rhoe Anne.

"Thank you so much!"

I placed my hands inside my pocket and started to make a casual conversation with her. "Are you a tourist?"

"Yes."

"It's rare that you chose Gifu. Why not in Tokyo or Osaka?"

The 8th summer was the start of how I strategically met her in different instances, and I never run out of ideas to meet her and make a great conversation with her that made me become her friend.

Before, I could only have one wave or a smile every summer, now that I know what I am doing, I managed to gain her trust and have a daily conversation with her— making me drown in the situation I wished I never had to escape.

The Ninth Summer

"They are so strict and it's killing me. They've been giving me extra subjects. I'll get crazy in no time."

She laughed. "You're a smart boy. It's okay."

"I.AM.NOT.A.BOY, Rhoe Anne," she laughed and raised both of her hands in defeat.

"Alright, you are not a boy."

"And how can you say that I am smart? You only met me this summer."

"Because I can feel it. You are a very smart boy—" She was about to touch the tip of my nose when I pushed her hand. "Don't touch me. And don't call me a boy! We're at the same height!"

"How old are you, Kousuke?"

When her face comes a little bit closer, I moved backward. "F-fourteen. . ."

She laughed again. "Boys nowadays. . ."

She opened an ice cream and offered it to me. "Do you want ice cream?" I nodded and she smiled.

Seiji's just shaking his head every time I went home with a smile on my face. I can't wait to grow up faster.

The Tenth Summer

"You can't return during summer in that abandoned hotel, Kousuke. What if the government abolishes it? Listen to the shaman, it's better to offer a prayer—" I cut him off.

"Let's not talk about this, Seiji. Please mind your own business."

Seiji didn't reply but he watched me walk to that abandoned hotel again. I sighed as I looked at Rhoe Anne from afar, thinking about a way to get her attention again and start all over again.

To many people, they would say that my summer is filled with horror, sadness, and pain, but for me, it's all about happiness being with the gentle girl in a white summer dress. I will tell her stories and she will gladly listen to me. She will smile and laugh, and most of the time will annoy me.

"I like you, Rhoe Anne. Please go out with me."

But she just patted my head and smiled at me. "I have a boyfriend, Kousuke. You're cute, you can find someone with your age. Do you like older girls?"

"I like you. Not the older girls."

"But I have a boyfriend," she lied.

I didn't insist to be her boyfriend this time, but when I reached the right age, I know that she'll never have the opportunity to reject me.

You'll be mine, Rhoe Anne.

The Eleventh Summer

During the eleventh summer, I started to feel that pain every time I introduce myself to her. That all those memories during the previous summers were nothing but my memories alone. To Rhoe Anne, I am just a passing memory every summer, I am not part of her diary—I am not part of her story.

I was sixteen when I silently prayed every night that the next summer might be different, that she'll be alive, and that everything was a dream. And every story and conversation we had were shared memories together.

When I tried to kiss her hair, Rhoe Anne immediately withdraw and sent me away. That's how she treats an infatuated young boy. All throughout that summer she ignores me and gives me awkward smiles.

And I just watched her, waved at her, and smiled from afar all throughout this summer.

The Twelfth Summer

On our twelfth summer, I tried to be friendly again, I kept a distance from her and tried to suppress myself to touch her. As a teenager, now familiar with my every emotion, I have this every urge to satisfy my curiosity and my feelings. I knew from the very start that I'd been infatuated with Rhoe Anne's beautiful face and warm character. I grew up excited every summer to see her and hear her voice, but now that I am a growing teenager, aware of my feelings— every time I gaze at her, my chest clenched as if I'd die if ever failed to at least kiss or touch her face.

On the last day of summer, I failed to control myself and kissed her cheeks. "See you again next summer, Rhoe Anne."

"k-Kousuke!"

"You know that I have a crush on you. Can't I kiss my crush?" I stuck my tongue out before I started walking away from her.

"I am not here next summer, Kousuke. Goodbye. And please, take care of yourself."

I smiled bitterly. "You are here. And next summer, I'll kiss your lips. I am already on my legal age."

I turned my back and placed my hands inside my pocket. I looked at the dark sky. New summer. Another forgotten memories again.

The Thirteenth-Fifteenth Summer

These summers were filled with my flirty words and actions for her which she consistently ignored and avoided. Even though we only have a few years gap, she never took my confession seriously as if she was still talking with a very young boy.

My 18, 19, and 20-year-old selves enjoyed touching Rhoe Anne's hair, telling her how pretty she was, giving her chocolate and fruits, and asking her to be my girlfriend.

And every end of those three summers, I managed to steal a kiss on her— to her lips.

The Sixteenth Summer

This was the summer I met him. The old ma, Mouri. Someone who knew Rhoe Anne more than I did. He told me that I should stop seeing Rhoe Anne's soul, that I should send her away, but I never agreed with him.

I even asked my family, Matsumoto to buy the land of the abandoned hotel and promised that I'd make a business out of it to make the place untouchable.

"I am warning you! Do not cross this place. The Matsumoto will own this place. You are trespassing! I am warning you."

"It's been sixteen years."

"What?"

"She's been sixteen years trapped in that place. Her soul can't stay until the twentieth year, Mr. Matsumoto. You can't be selfish and trapped her in this place alone—forever. You can't be trapped in this place every summer. You have your own life. You are alive."

But I didn't listen to that old man, instead, I enjoyed every moment I have with Rhoe Anne, now that she's starting to open her heart to me, now that she can see me as a man.

Now that she's accepting my love for her.

The Seventeenth Summer

What's the painful part of summer? It's the beginning and the end of the season. When she sees me without our memories together last summer, and when we part ways thinking that we'll start all over again next year.

If I could just steal her away if I can just bring her to the other seasons. . . if I just born earlier and met her. Maybe I could save her, maybe we could spend more days and seasons together. Maybe we don't have these repeated and forgotten memories together. Maybe we're not trapped with one season. . .

Tomorrow's the end of summer. Rhoe Anne's sleeping soundlessly on her bed, her delicate naked body covered with her white sheets while her hand was holding mine. I caressed the few strands of her hair on her face. "I love you. . ." I whispered as a single tear fell down my cheek.

I want to carry her away in this abandoned place. I want to find a body so I could fill it with her soul. If someone could give me a way to make me live with this woman forever. . .

When I glanced at her bedside table, I'd read that familiar name again. My fist balled and my blood boiled into a rage. I have to find that woman and make her life miserable.

When the summer ends, an unexpected event happened in our Matsumoto Family. Someone tried to kill my cousin Seiji and now he's announced dead. A few more weeks passed before I finally got the wind off the plan for our family. Seiji's alive and our family was hiding him. I want to get involved with Seiji's issues, but I have my own business to attend to when I went to the Philippines.

While everyone's busy with Seiji's attempted murder case, I secretly find Rhoe Anne's hideous family that made her life miserable. Because I promised myself that I'd give them twenty times the hardship and pain.

Without giving any trace, I get back to Rhoe Anne's old boss, his wife, Sarah, and her mother. With the use of money, I took my revenge on her. Who says that revenge will never be the answer? For someone who has great money, it will always be the answer.

Rhoe Anne's old boss didn't stop his habit of being the womanizer that put him in jail, his wife who thought would have received a large amount of money from his husband received nothing, Sarah lost her job and got humiliated for her old sins, her adulteries, stealing someone else work, and some illegal business. While her mother's dying of illness without any financial support. According to Rhoe Anne's diary, it was the father that treated her like a family, so I gave him one thousand pesos. Because if he's a good man, he'd never allow his daughter and wife to abuse someone in front of him. He's a coward. And I don't think I'd be happy if I gave him more amount that he doesn't deserve.

Now, the old Sarah's in front of me with a handcuff and orange shirt, looking puzzled. She's not aware of how my family works. And I could even kill her with just a single flick of my fingers, but she needs to suffer before she dies.

"W-Who are you?"

Of course, who am I to meddle with her life? How can she compete with my beautiful and smart Rhoe Anne? Even with her age, it's easy to spot a beauty or not. And she's definitely not a beauty. She's hideous.

I am starting to think how life was so unfair, Sarah could die with her sins, but why my Rhoe Anne? Why the love of my life who did nothing wrong?

I slapped my hands on the table. I stood up and moved my head closer to her with my eyes that could almost kill her.  "You will never leave this place until you die. You will be trapped in this hideous place, not just every summer, but every fucking day," I said with my gritted teeth.

The Eighteenth – Ninetieth Summer

These summers are the happiest and most painful summers of my life. I spent almost every day of my summer with Rhoe Anne, treating our dates, stories, kisses, and hugs just like a normal couple. I'd give her everything she wants, I'll listen to her stories, and remember her every smile and laughter.

I wish could take a lot of pictures of her, but I knew that the cameras are not working on her. That's why every time she asks for a picture, I always think of any way to avoid it. I want her to enjoy her days with me with the little amount of time that we have.

I'll open my summer with a smile but it will always end up with tears as Rhoe Anne waves her goodbye.

"I love you. . ." I whispered before the curtain falls and Rhoe Anne disappeared for the ninetieth time.

The Twentieth Summer

And now that I have enjoyed my last summer with Rhoe Anne, there were no nights that I'd shed a single tear inside my room. She might have invited me a lot of times to share her room, but I declined it to hide my tears away from her. But when we were in the Torii Gates, I couldn't stop myself and looked fragile and pained in front of her.

That I endured those years to give her endless warm smiles while it is killing me inside.

I thought I was ready. I thought I'd accept it after those nineteen summers with her, but I was wrong.

I wished to be trapped inside those twenty summers forever. I don't care if I will always repeat the cycle. I don't care if I will introduce myself twenty times. I don't care if I will do twenty different ways to get her attention. I don't care if it is painful every end of summer. . . as long as she's there at the window, smiling at me and waving at me. Calling my name and listening to my stories.

I don't care if I grow old trapped inside that abandoned hotel. I don't care about sacrificing my every summer trapped with her.

The moment she stepped into the Torii gates, she disappeared before my eyes with a wish I always prayed for every end of summer. "I wish I'd known what I did last summer with you, I wish I'll remember all those twenty summers with you, Mr. Matsumoto."

My knees weakened until I knelt on the ground, tearing up with my eyes blankly staring in front of the Torii gates. "R-Rhoe Anne. . ."

And for the very first time, I failed to hear my own voice as I called her name and continuously hit my own head on the ground, trying to feel the pain in it, but all I felt was my chest, tightening as if it was about to explode.

The last thing I remember was the taste of blood on my face, and the arms of my cousins trying to stop me from killing myself.

***

"Did you already visit your doctor?" Seiji asked me.

"Yes."

My cousin's wife, Sidra Everleigh is currently busy with her latest movie, that's why my cousin, Seiji's doing his daddy duties today, shaking milk bottles for the babies.

I am currently with the twins, Yu and Sayuri on the carpet. The twins are starting to learn how to crawl, but they are constantly falling down because of their round bodies. They are the cute version of my cousin because these babies look exactly like him. The difference is these babies looked energetic while Seiji's not.

"Do you think your babies need a diet, Seiji? They are super round and heavy."

"Yes. But Ibu likes them round and heavy like lazy pandas."

"Lazy pandas? Seriously?"

Seiji nodded.

I tried to carry the twins and made them sit on my lap. Seiji sat beside me and gave Sayuri her milk. The babies are too busy to hold their own milk bottle, so Seiji and I were helping them as they drink it and watch the commercials on the television filled with Everleigh's endorsement.

The living room was filled with the sound of the television and the noise of these panda babies clapping every time they see their mother. "A-Are you okay?" Seiji asked hesitantly.

"Yes."

"A-Are you sure?"

"It's been a year. I am already okay."

"Not yet. The summer is approaching. . ."

"Come on, it's always summer in this country."

"Are you going home? Are you going to stay here?"

"I will stay here for a while. And please, don't talk to me about it, Seiji. Everyone believes that I am mad. Stop pretending."

"I believe in you. I know that you fell in love with a girl named Rhoe Anne."

I looked Seiji into his eyes. I want to share with someone what happened to me those twenty summers, I want someone to believe that Rhoe Anne was real and that I shared good memories with her. She wasn't my imagination or hallucination caused by trauma. She's my first love and probably the last. . .

When Sidra came home and invited me to stay for dinner, I politely declined their invitation. "Maybe next time."

I lied to Seiji when I told him that I'd stay in the Philippines because right after I left Seiji's house, I booked a flight back to Japan. And I didn't care about my exhausted body, all I want that time was to see that abandoned hotel in front of my childhood's house.

I arrived at almost 2 AM in the morning. It was still dark, the place was so quiet, and heavy. The window glasses were still broken, the crawling vines almost covered the whole walls, and the familiar curtain was still there, but the vision of that beautiful girl was no longer there.

When I woke up after I tried killing myself in front of the Torii gates, I never shed a single tear. Even when I had a conversation with my doctors, everything was so dull and numb. Mouri, the old man even tried to meet me, but I refused to see him. And I avoided all the places that Rhoe Anne and I have been to. It's been a year since I last visited this place, and I know that no matter how I tried to pretend that everything is okay, I will never be okay. My every summer will never be okay.

My doctor told me that I shouldn't visit the old hotel anymore, but I found myself again inside her room, I sat on her chair and looked blankly at her table with her old diary. I tried to open every page of it, but I couldn't see my name on it— because I was never part of her story.

I was late. . .

"I was late. . . I wish I was born earlier. I wish I was able to help you. I wish that we weren't just trapped in summer, I wish to spend the different seasons with you," I whispered as I slump my face on her table. And there, after a year of trying to suppress the pain, I allowed myself to cry again, wishing that I'd be trapped again for this coming summer.

"Do you know what's my wish, Kousuke?" Rhoe Anne asked me. There's a white handkerchief headband on her head and a basket on her hand filled with white curtains, clothes, and towels.

She's looking like a beautiful wife during summer, doing our laundry while I was watching from our balcony, with slices of watermelon, pieces of bread, and different biscuits waiting for her on our small wooden table.

"What is your wish?"

"To have a family. To see little kids playing in this huge yard, while we chase them with our one golden retriever dog. And of course, parked with your iconic red car."

"That sounds good," I said with a smile.

"Why don't you help me here, Mr. Matsumoto?"

I came closer to her and helped her hang our laundry, and when she pulled the bigger curtain, it was as if it was the first time I saw her in front of our old house during our twentieth summer. She was covered with a white curtain from her head down to her body— like a bride in summer lights.

But this time, she lifted the white curtain, tiptoed, and shared it with me, covering our bodies from the light of the sun. I helped her hold the curtain, and my eyes never left her gaze. "Rhoe Anne. . ."

She allowed me to hold the curtain before her hands found my face and cupped it. "Do you know what's my wish?"

"A family. . ."

She shook her head. "For you to escape. For you to find a way to end this summer trap with me. . . if you had the courage to let me go, please, let go of yourself as well. You deserve to experience the real warmth of summer, Kousuke. Live free and escape this trap. Forget me. Forget those summers that will make you miserable. You have a life to live. . ."

"I can't. . ."

"You can. And you have to promise me, Kousuke."

But all I did was look at her even until she gave me her fluttering kiss for the last time— the first and the last time she visited my sleep.

***

"Everything's alright?" Kyohei asked.

I nodded. Still, my eyes were in front of the half-demolished building. "Are you sure that you want to build a house in this place?"

"I am fine, Kyohei."

"I never thought that you have an interest in dogs," he said while eyeing my golden retriever puppy in my arms.

"Just a golden retriever."

"Oh. . ."

"I think we should go."

Kyohei and I walked back to our old summer house, and there in our huge green yard were Seiji, Everleigh who's very much pregnant for the third lazy round panda baby, Tadashi, and Shin waiting for us.

"How many months will it take to build your new house?" Shin asked.

"Probably just two months after the demolition," I answered.

I put down my golden retriever dog and when it spotted Yu and Sayuri running happily around our yard, my puppy joined and played with them. I sat on one of the available chairs as we watched those round little kids play with my dog.

"Aren't you three going to get married soon?" Sidra asked us.

Shin, Kyohei, and Tadashi shrugged their shoulders. When Sidra looked at me, I just leaned my back on my chair and glanced at the half-demolished hotel. "I don't think I can marry. I'll just buy more dogs. And I think you and Seiji can do the job."

And we laughed together.

"I think we can make it up to fifteen babies, Seiji? If Kousuke's not willing to have one."

"Ibu, I don't think we can have enough money--"

Sidra rolled her eyes. "Come on, I am one of the richest actresses in Asia. I can provide for our family. Just do your job, Seiji, and give me fifteen babies."

"O-Okay."

"What's with those newly published books? I thought it was Seiji and Sidra's work," Kyohei asked.

With the help of Rhoe Anne's friend, I managed to publish all her hidden stories with her name Rowing Anne, and all the proceeds of the books will be donated to victims of bullying and domestic abuse.

"Maybe I am into publishing as well," I simply answered.

Today's one of the summer days in Japan. Our table might be hiding in the shadows of a huge umbrella, but I allowed myself to lean more on the headrest of my chair, giving my whole face access to the blasting sunlight.

I closed my eyes and silently feel the sunlight as it slipped through my skin. It felt so warm as if someone cupping my face with those delicate hands. I could hear the laughter of the children, the small bell hanging on my dog's neck, the muffled voices of my cousins and Sidra, and the faded noise of the demolition team.

When I slowly opened my eyes as I raised one of my hands trying to grab the sun, the bright summer light escaped the little spaces of my fingers, stinging my eyes— giving me that sudden pain. A pain that I wished was just for my eyes.

I suddenly see her image, with her white long dress, curtain on her hands, smile on her face, her laughter, her fluttering hair with the wind as she slowly ran away from me. I was chasing her. I was trying to touch her. I was trying to hold her in my arms, but this time I stopped running. I stopped walking.

And I watched her run away from me.

I covered my eyes with one of my arms and I allowed those tears to escape, together with that promise to leave this summer trap. A promise that was meant to be broken. "Because those twenty summers with you will never be forgotten and forever trapped in my heart."