Dedicated to @luciannauriel

Chapter 8: Appearance 

Artiste Village
Tajimi, Gifu
August 21, 2022

"Why didn't you tell us, Sarah?"

Kasalukuyang nag-uumpukan ang mga kaklase kong babae sa paligid ni Sarah na nakaupo sa kanyang lamesa. Maging ang mga kaklase kong lalaki ay palihim din nakikinig sa pinag-uusapan nila sa likuran.

Pumutok na ang balita na si Sarah Anne ay ang kilalang manunulat na tinatangkilik ngayon ng nakararaming kabataan.

I stayed on my seat, wishing that I couldn't hear all their conversation. But Sarah's wicked enough to be proud for all of her lies. Dahil sinasadya niya pa talagang lakasan ang boses niya para marinig ko ang usapan nilang lahat.

Bakit hindi pa siya naging masaya sa pagkuha ng pangalang iyon sa akin? Bakit tuwang-tuwa pa siyang iparinig sa akin na wala man lang akong magawa para bawiin iyon sa kanya? 

"Writer talaga ako, matagal na. Tumigil lang ako. Hindi ko akalain na kapag bumalik na ako magugustuhan ko na ulit magsulat. At iyon, ako nga si Rowing Anne," she said proudly.

Impit na nagtilian ang mga kaklase kong babae. With the name Rowing Anne and her achievements right now, hindi na nakapagtataka na ganoon ang magiging reaksyon nila lalo na sa kaalamang kaklase lang pala nila ang kilalang si Rowing Anne.

"I love writing talaga! My mom even bought a new laptop for me. You know, I got my first payment."

"Grabe, ang swerte naman ng parents mo. Pumapasok ka pa lang nakakatulong ka na sa kanila," natutuwang sabi ng isa kong kaklase sa kanya.

"I heard nagsusulat din si Rhoe Anne and she also has a talent in drawing and painting. Wow naman! Ang talented ninyo naman magpinsan," dagdag na sabi ng isa ko pang kaklase.

Tila natahimik si Sarah nang marinig iyon. Of course, she hates it when someone will mention my abilities in front of her face, dahil siya iyong tipo na gusto niya kanya lahat ang papuri at talento.

"Ah. . . yes. By the way, do you want to see my latest drawings and paintings? May picture ako sa phone ko."

Sabay kumuyom ang dalawang kamao ko sa lamesa. I wish I could be one of my overpowered heroines in one of my fantasy stories, that I could break her nose or make her lips bleed for all her lies. Why there are people like her who love to antagonize other people?

And the worst? She's a relative. Bakit hindi na lang siya maging masaya para sa akin? If we share the same passion, hobbies, and wants, why can she hone it herself? Magiging masaya kaya siya sa ginagawa niya? Pretending is one of the worst things on Earth. 

Pinili ko na lang yumuko sa lamesa ko at magpanggap na natutulog.

I should accept that fact that in this story. . . I am that heroine who couldn't fight against her villain. I am just a powerless teenager with her villain's mother's grasp tied around my neck. 

***

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako nasasanay sa mga hapon kapag itinatanong pa nila kay Kousuke kung ilan kaming dalawa sa lamesa. As if Kousuke was alone and wasn't there beside him, or maybe those Japanese really assumed that I couldn't even understand their language kaya hindi man lang nila ako bigyan ng pansin?

Nakakaintindi naman ako nang kaunti, but I wouldn't push it and make myself miserable in a conversation, lalo na't nag-a-adjust naman si Kousuke para sa akin.

I might not look a half-Japanese, but I could understand some survival words. Kung sabagay, I heard a lot of discrimination instances in this country. And they don't look highly on us, foreigners. Well, maybe some Japanese who were exposed to foreigners or experienced working in other countries would think differently, but I wouldn't expect more from that.

Nagkibit balikat na lang ako nang maupo na ako sa posisyon na ibinigay sa amin ng waitress. At katulad ng mga naunang waitress sa bawat coffee shop at restaurant namin na napuntahan, lagi na lang nakakunot ang noo nila kay Kousuke na para bang hindi nila matanggap na ang isang guwapong hapon na katulad niya ay nakikipag-date sa foreigner na katulad ko.

I was confident that I looked pretty and I dressed properly. They shouldn't think that I was here to find a suitable husband and stay here for good. Dahil hindi ako papayag. How dare they! Well, as if I could do something about it.

I tried to glare at the old waitress, but she didn't even glance at me at all. Grabe talaga!

Nasa tabi kami ng bintana ni Kousuke kaya makikita namin ang ganda ng view sa labas. The coffee shop in this place was like a lost shop in the middle of the forest. It's so magical to look at the smell of the brewing coffee and sweet pastries.

Nakapangalumbaba lang ako gamit ang dalawa kong palad habang nakatitig sa labas ng bintana na nasa tagiliran ko. I couldn't help but smile at the peacefulness of the place. And I just realized that life wasn't all about those colorful flowers in the garden that blooms in a different color, but sometimes it's all about that one shade that makes us feel at peace. Like how life is not always about extravagance and lavish things but also about simplicity and contentment.

Hindi ko na napansin na nakapangalumbaba na rin si Kousuke gamit ang likuran ng isa niyang kamay pero sa halip na sa labas siya nakatitig ay nasa akin ang kanyang atensyon.

"Are you sure that you don't want my extra help? I told you, we can easily find your father with—" inalis ko ang pagtanaw ko sa labas at hinarap ko na nang tuluyan si Kousuke. I smiled a little at him.

"You mentioned before that you were in rebellious state against your strict family. To whom are you going to seek for help? Do you think your situation would be good if your family discovered that you've been spending a lot of time with a foreigner?"

"But I have my—" dalawang beses akong umiling sa kanya nang mabagal.

"I appreciate the help, Kousuke. But I want to find my father by this way. I know it seems impossible, but I really want to experience and reach the places that my parents have been to."

Marahang tinulay ng isang kamay ni Kousuke ang isa kong kamay. He gently held my hand and smile at me apologetically.

"I am sorry for insisting—"

"It's okay."

Natuon ang mga mata ko roon sa kamay kong hawak niya sa ibabaw ng lamesa. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya bago ko hinila ang kamay ko nang kaunti at pinitik ko ang isang daliri niya.

"Aren't you too comfortable with me?"

He chuckled. He removed his hand on the table and he leaned on his chair. "I thought we're already a summer couple." He tapped his cheek twice. The spot where I kissed him.

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya at nailing na lang ako. "Sorry. I forgot."

Nag-angat siya ng kilay sa akin. Nawala muli ang pagkakasandal niya sa kanyang upuan at mas inilapit niya ang sarili sa lamesang nasa gitna namin. He placed both of his arms on it and pushed himself towards me. Nakababa ang tingin ko sa kanya habang tila nakasampa ang kalahati ng katawan niya sa lamesa habang nakaangat ang tingin sa akin.

He looked like a playboy who's trying to make me fall in love with him.

I playfully pushed his forehead with my forefinger. "The waitress is coming, Mr. Summer."

Ngumisi siya sa akin bago niya inaayos ang kanyang pagkakaupo. And just like the usual waitress, kunot na kunot ang noo niya kay Kousuke. Of course, she saw what he just did. It's very unusual for a Japanese man to flirt openly like that.

Kousuke and I enjoyed the coffee and the delicious pastries of the Artiste Village, we had a few funny conversations, but mostly he has a story to tell. He kept on telling me how surprised they were when their most introverted cousin suddenly announced that he was getting married.

Pamilyar na ako sa kuwentong iyon pero hanggang ngayon ay pinapaulit-ulit pa rin si Kousuke na parang hindi pa rin siya makapaniwala.

"And now he's already building a family."

"Time makes us decide on something that we couldn't expect. Or maybe, love. . .? My mother is known for her beauty, great mind, and talent. But I've grown tired of hearing that she's been foolish out of love. That's why I grew up without a father," kibit balikat na sabi ko.

"Did you ever think of blaming your father?" pansin kong nag-aalangan pa si Kousuke kung itatanong niya ang bagay na ito.

"Of course. I thought he was so irresponsible, leaving his child to grow up without a father. But as I grew up, I just realized that maybe he has a deep reason," tipid akong ngumiti sa kanya.

"There's no good reason for a father to abandon his child, Rhoe Anne," mabilis na sagot ni Kousuke.

"I hope everyone has that kind of mindset, Kousuke."

Nabalot ng katahimikan ang pagitan namin. Sa tuwing nag-uusap kami ni Kousuke hindi maiiwasan na lumalim ang usapan namin. In first glance, no one would expect that I'd have this kind of conversation with him, dahil sa ngiti niya na parang masasayang bagay lang ang nalalaman, but he have his fair share of family problems.

Maybe we were really the home for each other in this summer escape.

Nang muli akong sumulyap sa labas ng bintana, unti-unting nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Nangatal ang dalawa kong mga kamay at kusa na akong tumayo mula sa aking upuan.

"Rhoe Anne?"

Hindi ko na pinansin si Kousuke at kusa na lang gumalaw ang mga paa ko para sundan ang pamilyar na lalaking nakita ko. I already noticed a garden trellis with vines around it, and below it was a wooden chair painted in white. There were also few stoned tables also covered with vines. I already pictured myself drinking coffee and eating cookies with Kousuke in that place, but the moment I checked on it, my eyes remembered that familiar face and figure as if he came out from my old photograph.  

Bumilis ang mga lakad ko palabas sa coffee shop hanggang sa nasundan iyon ng pagtakbo. Hindi ko na nagawang lumingon kay Kousuke dahil sa pagmamadali ko. Sa bawat hakbang ko at paglapit sa lugar na pinanggalingan ng lalaki ay mas lalong bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

He was here.

I saw him looked at me before he turned and walked away. He smiled at me.

I crossed the bridge, went straight at the wooden chair where he was seated and followed his path. Nakalabas na ako sa entrance ng Artiste Village, but I was welcomed by another small building that sells souvenirs and the parking space.

Ilang beses akong nagpalinga-linga sa paligid habang hinahanap ang matandang lalaking nakaputi na nakadaop ang mga kamay at mabagal na naglalakad papalayo sa akin. He had that gentle smile as if he was trying to welcome me.

He was here.

Pinili kong tumakbo sa kaliwang daan. Bigla na lang tumulo ang mga luha ko habang walang tigil sa paghakbang ang mga paa ko. Halinhinan sa pagpahid ang likuran ng mga kamay ko habang nanlalabo ang mga mata ko.

But my feet brought me to that familiar sound coming from the small falls in front of me. Tila sumabay ang mga luha ko habang nakatitig ako sa bawat agos ng tubig. I don't know this feeling, but why I felt so heavy as if he was trying to ask for help?

"R-Rhoe Anne. . ."

I heard Kousuke's voice. Nagsisimula na akong mahiya sa kanya dahil ilang beses na niya akong nakikitang umiiyak. I hate the fact that he'd realize that I was a crybaby who escaped my country. Or maybe this situation with my father allowed me to cry for all the things I've experienced in the past.

Sumilip ako sa tubig para makita ko ang repleksyon ko. Pero ang siyang una kong nakita ay ang imahe ni Kousuke na dumungaw rin sa tubig.

"I saw him, Kousuke. I knew that he was here. . ."

"Rhoe Anne, I didn't see anyone outside."

"He was here," ulit ko.

"Was it the reason why you've been refusing me to help you?"

"Are you going to blame me if I am scared to realize that I am still alone in this world?"

"You have me."

Marahas akong humarap sa kanya. "I just met you Kousuke Matsumoto. And you are just curious about me. You really never cared. I am just one of your pawns in your rebellious pace. So please, huwag mo akong paasahin."