I don't even know right now I just.

I've been told for the past few years of my life that when I'm sad, it's just because I'm tired. Or when I'm anxious it's just cause I'm shy. And I don't. What if I'm not actually depressed? And I'm afraid to talk about me being all anxious because it's just a fucking self-diagnosis and I know it's probably just me trying to look for attention or be special or be just... not normal.

I don't know. I don't feel sad necessarily. I don't feel happy either though. I just feel restless and I want to cry but I can't bring myself to do it and I want to do something to distract me but I can't do anything without losing motivation. It's this weird mood I get intonsometimes and I'm kind of surprised I managed to write this up. But yeah. I want to work on aesthetics but I can't bring myself to do it. I want to work on stories but I can't bring myself to get my laptop. And I keep stressing about questions for my euro history that I don't even have to finish by Monday and it's hard for me to relax and I just

I should work on it but I can't find the motivation and it just feels so pointless when I could be doing other shit and actually fucking enjoying my weekend but yeah. It's fcking great. I should be happy, shouldn't I? I've been happy for these past few days. Why aren't I happy anymore? Why does my writing suck so bad? Why am I so gross? Why.