it has finally dawned on me

that i am not good enough

we should just

eat away my fat

and convert it

into remarks and statements

such as

"you should use acid for your acne"

and that

"the carrots are a healthier choice"

though i didn't ask

for your opinion.

i need to take control

and start curving the right parts of my body

by replacing bread with cosmo magazines

to remind me that true happiness comes

when i am perfect

because my intellect doesn't matter

in a world where people kiss my lips

rather than my head.

in fact, we should take my brain

and grind it up into pieces

to distribute to those hungry people

who lunch off the money i spend on

waxing

bleaching

curling

blending

into this wonderful society

full of wonderful, unique people

though we all look

exactly

the

same.

i should celebrate

as i am being broken down into my original form

filled with

caged ribs

skin

and no soul

and the quicker i get there, the better

because i am an ugly moth surrounded by beautiful butterflies

so two fingers down my throat

and isolating myself

to focus

while limiting my meals

to never

is the best way to succeed

at the game with no prize.

i am ready to embrace

getting lost in their game

as i forget the meaning

and keep playing

while my worth is being measured

by the number of tears in a glass

divided by the weight i've lost

equaling the most important audience in the world

strangers.

i cannot wait

to be turned into a number

rather than a person

because big girls don't cry

but they should

right?

- they talk about body acceptance but i don't see anyone who loves my stretch marks