And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Because I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you...
- Fall To Pieces; Avril Lavigne

Chapter Ten: Mutuality of Completely Different Things

"Todomatsu!" Karamatsu exclaimed as he immediately ran towards the fallen boy who was crying in frustration as he tried to stand up again, only to be pushed down by one of his playmates. The sacristan gritted his teeth in annoyance as he gently holstered Todomatsu up. "What's going on here?" Karamatsu inquired, keeping his voice calm, "Why did you push Todomatsu?"

"Hah! It's because he's too feminine! He doesn't deserve to play with us, right?" An older boy, who seemed to be the leader of the bullies, asked his fellow lads. Two other boys nodded and laughed, throwing more insults at Karamatsu's adoptive brother. "He's so clumsy and acts so cutesy! He's not even cute." One of them chided as he stuck his tongue out at Todomatsu. This made him cry more as Karamatsu cradled him in his arms. The bullies hysterically laughed. "Cry baby! Todomatsu is a cry baby~!"

"Stop that! Don't you know that bullying is not good?!" Karamatsu shouted at them. "Yes. He doesn't deserve to play with you...because you're all assholes!"

Todomatsu gasped at the sudden vulgar words of the sacristan. "K-Karamatsu nii-san, i-it's all rig--"

"No." Karamatsu faced the other boys. "You are young men who pick on those weaker than them. Don't you think that's more pathetic than a clumsy feminine boy?" He smirked upon how taken aback the bullies were. "I would say that you're actually weaker than Todomatsu since you always do that. Does it feel good? To win against the oppressed? Hey..." Karamatsu walked in front of the bullies, his blue eyes expressing anger. He cracked his knuckles while looking directly at their eyes. "How about I experience it firsthand? Nothing beats experience as a teacher after all."

Todomatsu stopped crying. "K-Karamatsu nii-san. No, don't do tha--"

"Karamatsu!" A voice of an older man was heard. The young boys froze on the spot. "What's happening here? Why is Todomatsu dirty? Why are your fists raised? What did I tell you about violence?" The man spoke indignantly as he knelt to dust off the dirt on Todomatsu's clothing.

"F-Father Dekapan..." Karamatsu put his arms down to his side. "They were hurting Todomatsu!"

"You could have talked to them, right?" Dekapan turned to the bullies. "Boys, you do know that violence is not encouraged by the Church, right? Who are your parents? Are they aware of your shenanigans? Now, apologize to Todomatsu."

"No!" The leader of them shouted. "I'm not apologizing to that weakli--"

"H-Hey"---one of them tapped their 'leader'---"you're talking to the parish priest. We can't be disrespectful towards him! Our parents would scold us!"

Their leader paused and gave them a scornful look. He looked at Todomatsu the final time and raised an eyebrow. "Whatever! You're still a weakling! Bleh!" He stuck his tongue out and quickly ran away from the playground. The other two followed suit.

"I hope they all get stomachaches." Todomatsu muttered as he pouted. "They're all bad!"

"Todomatsu, there is absolutely no need for a malicious wish such as that, right?" Dekapan turns to pat the six-year old boy's head. "Go back to your room now. It's getting chilly. I don't want you to get sick." The parish priest smiled at him.

The young one just nodded and ran towards the seminary. Karamatsu was about to follow suit until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"W-What is it, Father?"

Dekapan frowned. "I do not hope for this thing to happen again. You're the older one, Karamatsu; you need to be more responsible about your actions."

"But they've hurt my brother!" Karamatsu exasperatedly set out his hands. "Todomatsu doesn't deserve to be hurt by those kids! What am I supposed to do? Just watch? You know that I can't bear to do that, right?"

"And I can't, too. But don't you think there would be a better way to keep them off your precious brother without resorting to violence?"

The eleven-year old looked down but nodded solemnly nonetheless.

Dekapan smiled at him. "You wish to be a priest, right? But it seems like at your current attitude, it's impossible." The older one clicked his tongue and shook his head as he began walking back to the church.

Karamatsu snapped his head up and hurriedly followed the parish priest's steps. "I will be a priest! A good one! And I'll be with my friend, although I think he prefers being a helper than to be a priest with me...but, still!" Karamatsu grinned as he ran in front of Dekapan, putting his hands on his hips like a superhero. "I'll be a parish priest that will deliver God's message to the lovely people of this town! Mark my words, Father Dekapan!"

The priest just chuckled as he grabbed the younger one's hand. "Sure thing but let's go home now. I'm pretty sure your brother is waiting."

________________________

"W-What are you...saying...?" Karamatsu mumbled after a good minute. "W-Witch?"

The angel bit his lips as he played with his extra long sleeves, looking away from the priest. Dumbfounded--of course, Karamatsu will be. His dear brother is one of the archenemies of the Church? The world must have gone insane.

"You... You must be joking, right?" Karamatsu awkwardly laughed as the sun above them started to be covered by dark clouds---the colors reflected by the stained glass above them slowly fading. "Todomatsu cannot be possibly a witch--a creature that is despised by the Church itself. He helps around here since he was a child!"

"Nii-san!" Jyushimatsu flew towards him, grabbing his shoulder. "Get a hold of yourself and listen to me. This is for your safety!"

"But..." The priest took a deep breath. Okay, first, I should calm down. "C-Can we...just sit first? No one is here at the moment so we all have the time," he suggested as he walked towards the front pew. The angel just nodded as he stood in front of the altar, looking up to the huge cross that was hung on the wall. He muttered a small prayer of guidance as nothing was heard for quite a while.

"How can you be sure?" Karamatsu finally said. "That Todomatsu is a witch?"

"I watched him. Ah, that's not quite right." Jyushimatsu shook his head. "You do know that I am Choromatsu's guide, right? Even though he's already old enough to take care of himself, I can't help but to take peeks on how he is doing without my help. After all, it's only a couple of years since he came in this world."

"A couple of years?" Karamatsu was quite surprised. "He does not look like it."

"Heavenly and hellish creatures have an immediate growth spurt on their initial years and slow growth on the subsequent years. That's why he looks like an adult now. And that's why I still look like young despite the length of the life that I've been living now. You must be aware of that, right?"

"And how does it relate to Todomatsu?"

"Ah, yes." Jyushimatsu chuckled, a sad one. "I wasn't aware at the moment that it occurred but..."--the angel sighed---"...Choromatsu went to Hell."

Karamatsu's eyes went wide as he snapped his head up. "W...What? Hell?!"

"It's my fault." Jyushimatsu mumbled. "I forgot my original duty to watch over him. I haven't warned him about the things that could harm him. I haven't stopped him from having an agreement with the witch! If I had just been more careful..."

"The witch..."

"It's Todomatsu." The angel finished for him. "I don't know exactly how come Choromatsu had a contact with a witch. But I'm sure that Todomatsu is a witch. I've seen it with my own eyes."

Karamatsu sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Eh?" the angel tilted his head a bit.

"I still can't believe that what you are saying is true."

The angel faced him, bewildered. "Karamatsu nii-san!"

"Can you blame me?!" The priest stood up, his hands grasping his rosary underneath his cassock. "Todomatsu is my brother! We grew up together for eighteen years and never in those years that I've seen a sign of him being a witch!"

"Isn't that just because he managed to get under your noses due to your carelessness?!" Jyushimatsu angrily shouted---his voice echoing loudly inside the empty church. Karamatsu gasped in shock with the angel's words. Upon seeing the pained look in the priest's eyes, Jyushimatsu bit his lips. "Karamatsu nii-san, I...I'm sorry--"

But his apology was immediately halted by the loud clacks of the priest's shoes. Karamatsu ran away from him. He clenched his fists in frustration. Why? Why? It's happening...

I failed again.
___________________________

I wonder why the author wrote it that way? What was he implying? Ah, I'm so curious! The young boy thought as he trod carefully on the quiet halls of the seminary while holding a thick book and a small lamp. He can always ask Father Dekapan.

Karamatsu was about to enter the room to ask for help for a paragraph that he couldn't understand on the book that he was reading when Dekapan's voice halted him from doing so.

Oh, maybe I should go back later. Eavesdropping is not goo--

"Huh? Died? What do you mean?" Dekapan's hushed voice reverberated inside his room. He seemed to be talking someone on the phone. "Oh my. That's so unfortunate."

Died? Karamatsu leaned at the wooden door.

"I know you're still mourning over your child's death but we shouldn't jump into conclusions. Have you tried consulting an expert to know why he died?" Dekapan nodded solemnly. "Huh? Maybe he ate something poisonous? Are you sure?" The priest's eyebrows were now knitted together. "All right. We'll see about it. I'll go there tomorrow for a blessing. Again, my condolences." He finally set the receiver down and deeply sighed.

Karamatsu gently knocked on the door. "Father? May I come in?"

"Ah, Karamatsu? Of course."

The eleven-year old pushed the door and was welcomed by a troubled parish priest. He frowned. "Father, is there something that troubles your fantastic, peaceful night?"

"Ah. I'm sorry." Dekapan chuckled weakly. "Remember the one who bullied Todomatsu earlier? He...he died."

"Eh?"

Dekapan nodded. "His mother told me that the cause was a severe pain in his stomach. It was not confirmed if it was poisoning but the family suspects another culprit."

Karamatsu set his book and lamp down Dekapan's table then he sat on an empty chair. "What is it?"

"Witches."

"Witches?" Karamatsu repeated. "But...didn't they..."

"Yes. That's why I'm skeptical as well." Dekapan cut him off. "They are already exiled in this realm for a long time already. I can't believe that they are coming back."

"Are they that bad?" Karamatsu asked.

"Certainly." Dekapan confirmed. "They were actually good before the war between the races occurred---helping the humans in discovering things that will benefit them. But after knowing the impact of their abilities to other creatures, they became greedy and abominable. They caused a lot of plagues, drought, and other calamities together with the devils in the past. They pestered this realm with their combined destructive power. It was chaotic. It caused despair to all of the human beings that resided in this world many years ago.

"And that's when the Heavens came in. They sent several creatures to fight with the combined forces of the witches and devils." Dekapan continued. "It was a destructive war but in the end, Heavens won."

"How come?" Karamatsu inquired. "I mean...two races against one?"

Dekapan chuckled. "It's not just against one. Goddesses, gods, and angels joined forces to defeat those two. Besides, devils betrayed the witches, too--making them vulnerable even to humans. Witches were defeated and they were exiled in this realm. I don't know where they reside now but I'm certain that they won't be in the Heaven or Hell."

"Then wouldn't that leave our world?" Karamatsu deduced. "Maybe they are right behind our backs without us knowing it! Right?" The young man exclaimed.

"Karamatsu! Don't say that!" Dekapan raised his voice. "It's...impossible, okay? They can't be back. The Church made a lot of efforts to keep them from coming back because their race knows a lot of unnecessary things that will cause destruction on people's faith in the Heavens. And as far as I know, the Church is doing a good job on keeping them off here.

"Just keep your faith. Okay?" Dekapan smiled. "I'm sure it's not a witch. It might be that young man's time to go back to the Heavens already. Let's just pray for him, okay?"

Karamatsu just nodded.

"So, why were you here again?"

"Oh, right!" Karamatsu grabbed his book and opened on a particular page. "You see, I have a question about this part..."

_________________________

Todomatsu sighed as they finally arrived at the riverbank, stretching his neck in the process. The morning sun started to shine brightly at the purplish skies and the chilly fog started to reduce into dews. "Choromatsu nii-san, how's the experience in He--" He suddenly heard a soft thump on the grass. The goddess fainted. "Choromatsu nii-san? Hey." Todomatsu lightly tapped on the goddess's shoulder.

"I...I'm all right. Just exhausted." Choromatsu panted as he lied down comfortably at the cold grass.

"You can break the glass now. Your divine aura can help you regain strength." Todomatsu smiled.

Choromatsu languidly reached for the peculiar bottle attached to a string around his neck. He removed the white gloves that the witch had lent him, touching the glass with his bare hands. With minimum effort, he threw the glass on the ground. A small, shattering sound was heard and a large light floated in the air---making its way to the goddess. Choromatsu felt a sudden spurt of strength in his body, making him smile. Thank God. He stood up and stretched his body as Todomatsu started to walk away from the place.

"I'm gonna go now. I never expected that we'll be away for that long. It's already morning. I'm sure Karamatsu nii-san is looking for me."

"Todomatsu..." The goddess stopped him.

The witch stopped and faced the goddess. "Don't worry. If it's about the dress, I can take it next tim--"

"Don't you feel guilty for lying to Karamatsu?" Choromatsu interrupted him.

Todomatsu's eyes expressed a bewildered look for a moment but it was quickly replaced by a pained smile. The witch heaved a sigh and silence followed suit. A while after, Todomatsu placed his index finger in front of his lips and smiled earnestly at Choromatsu.

The goddess gaped at the witch's expression that was a dichotomy of a happy smile and a pair of forlorn eyes. It's wonderful...but painful---really painful.

And he knew very well the answer to his question already.

Todomatsu retreated his hand and started walking away, snapping his fingers so his dress will be replaced by his white church clothes. "Remember our pact, okay? Have a good day, Choromatsu nii-san." The witch said the final time before finally disappearing.

Choromatsu walked towards the water and looked at his reflection. He remembered the witch's face earlier and it made an ugly tug in his heart.

Pain and happiness.

He remembered how he was overwhelmed upon seeing Osomatsu earlier. He was happy but he was so hurt looking at the pitiful state of the demon. Perhaps it was like that?

Ah, no.
He knew Todomatsu was in a more painful state than he is in.

And he had a little wish that it will be better for Todomatsu soon.
_________________________

Todomatsu sighed as he passed through the town before going to the church. The cheerful banters between the competing merchants of the market roared in his ears. Some of them even greeted him and offered some goods for him to buy.

Todomatsu went to a bakeshop and decided to purchase a small, strawberry cake. He didn't know why but he wanted to eat some with Karamatsu. He thanked the owner and proceeded with his morning walk.

Most likely, Karamatsu is now awake and might be cleaning the altar again. It was a weekday so most of the sacristans were not around the church and are living their daily lives. Todomatsu yawned. He definitely should get some sleep later.

Still, a question lingers in his mind upon arriving in this world. How the hell did Tougo learn how to cast basic combat spells like that? Is it true that he forced a witch to teach him as Osomatsu said? There were just a few of them so he basically knows every witch that exists so it is most likely that he knew who that was.

Speaking of witches, it's been long since he visited their land. Perhaps he should do it soon. Chibimi and Iyayo might be missing him already...

"Or not." He muttered to himself, chuckling at the memory of the sickeningly sweet but cruel witches. "I definitely need to visit soon."

After a few more moments, Todomatsu finally arrived at the church's mahogany double doors. He fished the keys from his clothes' inner pockets. After unlocking it, he pushed the doors with all his might.

The church was empty as what he expected aside from a figure that was kneeling in front of the altar. He walked as quiet as he can but the figure stood up and turned around to face him.

"Karamatsu nii-san, good morning!" Todomatsu smiled. "Why the long face? Did you miss me?" The younger one chuckled but was halted by the stillness of the atmosphere.

Too quiet.
Karamatsu was too quiet.

"...Karamatsu nii-san? What's...wrong?" He asked worriedly. He raised the box that he carried. "Look! I bought us some cake. You like strawberries, too, right?"

"Where were you from?" Karamatsu asked him coldly. "You were out the whole night."

Todomatsu was suddenly caught off guard with his tone but he tried to think positively. "E-Eh? I...I arranged some personal things. Why did you ask?"

Karamatsu sighed as he stepped down the altar, going towards the center of the chancel. Todomatsu halted on his steps, right below the bright reflection of the stained glass.

"I've been meaning to ask this to you for a while now but I haven't found the chance. Seems like today is the perfect timing, huh." Karamatsu spoke to himself. "You grew here at the church for twelve years, correct? You've been with me until you were fifteen. You left the church after talking to Father Dekapan and me. We weren't supposed to let you but you insisted on it, saying that you had a lead from where you came from, showing us this person named Atsushi who went with you and helped seeking for the truth of your roots. We let you go since we know that you deserve to know the truth and explore the world.

"You came back four years after and I became a priest by then. I was so delighted to see you again and I gladly took you in this church. You've been helpful, really. But I can't help wonder how did your journey went.

"Now answer me. Where were you in those years? What did you manage to know?" Karamatsu finally concluded with all seriousness.

"W...Why are you asking me this now?" Todomatsu wryly chuckled. "I will tell it to you later, okay? For no--"

"Todomatsu." Karamatsu interrupted him. "You're not hiding something from me, right?"

Todomatsu stepped back slowly as he clutched his pounding chest. "Uhm---I...I need to go now. E-Excuse me." He turned away from the priest.

But Karamatsu was quick to hold him in his place. "Todomatsu!" He shouted as he grabbed his right hand that was holding the box of cake, which now fell on the tiled floor. "Please...I need answers from you."

"Karamatsu nii-san, it hurts..." Todomatsu tried to retreat his arm but he knew that Karamatsu was way stronger than him.

"Todomatsu, answer me!" Karamatsu's somber eyes met Todomatsu's disturbed ones. "I need it to come from you! You're not...you're not possibly a witch, r-right?" The priest let out an empty laugh. "Hey, t-tell me..."

"K-Karamatsu nii-san, my arm hurts! Let go!" Todomatsu finally had the courage to shout at Karamatsu. He managed to slip his arms away from the priest so he started running towards the door. His heart achingly pounds in his chest. He can't take it. He might die of heart attack if this continues.

He was almost at the door when a thought arrived in his mind. He suddenly stopped right before he could open it.

What's the point of running away?

Todomatsu bit his lips. This is not him. He needed to face this. Either way, he knew he can't go back now after all. He can't accept it but...

"I guess you know the truth already?" He faced the priest who was a few meters away from him.

"Todoma--"

"Yes. I am a witch, Karamatsu nii-san, ever since I've been born. I was and am a witch. Are you satisfied now?" Todomatsu said coldly.

Silence loomed over them for a good minute. The younger one gulped audibly with his confession. This is it. Karamatsu will finally sever all of their ties. His greatest fear is now materializing right in front of his very eyes.

"Why?"

Todomatsu snorted. "What 'why'? I was born as a witch who was thrown in this town without me knowing. What are you talking about?"

"WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?!" Karamatsu angrily shouted that shook Todomatsu. "I don't even care about the fact that you are a witch. Christ, I don't even care about anything right now except for the fact that you lied to me! How can you do that to me?"

Todomatsu looked at his side. "I didn't want to hurt you by the truth."

"And do you think that I am not hurting because of what's happening right now?" Karamatsu's tears started to fall down. "Todomatsu, I trusted you with all my heart," he choked out.

"You'll hate me." Todomatsu gripped his clothes while looking down. "You'll...hate me."

The sound of Karamatsu's heels resonated in the empty halls. It was slow---in contrast with the rapid beating of Todomatsu's heart---but it was loud as the ringing in the young one's ears.

"I'll never hate you." Karamatsu spoke gently. "Whatever truth may come out from your lips, I'll never hate you, Todomatsu."

"Because I'm your brother, right?" Todomatsu chuckled, wiping the tears off his face. "I'm your dearest brother."

"Yes." The priest smiled, patting Todomatsu's shoulder. "You shouldn't worry, I wouldn't hate you at a--"

"I'm just a brother, right?" The young one faced him, more tears flowing down his eyes. He gently pushed Karamatsu away from him. "How can you even understand my dilemma?"

"H...Huh?"

"You'll never understand me." Todomatsu mumbled as he stepped forward, out of Karamatsu's place. "I'll be in my room. I'll be leaving this place in the noon. Don't worry, I won't bother you anymore."

"Todomatsu, wait!" He quickly grabbed his hand to stop him. "What are you saying?"

Todomatsu waved his free hand. "It's nothing. Don't worry about me. I'll be leaving soon. You don't have to be my big brother anymore."

"No. I won't let you leave until you explain." Karamatsu's eyebrows knitted. "I'm so vexed by your words right now. Make me understand you!"

"...you." The priest heard it faintly.

"Huh? What about me?" He gripped his hand tighter. "Todoma--"

"I said I love you!" Todomatsu shouted at him without actually facing the priest--the witch's face beet red. "Ever since I came back, I realized how much I missed you. How much I yearned for you. How much I adore you. How much...I love you." Todomatsu withdrew his hand from Karamatsu's grasp.

"Todomatsu...are you sure?" The priest asked with utter confusion etched on his visage. "I'm not..."

"I know you don't swing that way. You're a priest. You have your celibacy, right?" Todomatsu chuckled, still facing the altar. "I know you can't love me back. I mean, it's too disgusting. We're both men. Such an abominable thing, right?" Todomatsu started to walk away towards his room.

"Todomatsu, wait."

"No!" The witch suddenly shouted. "Don't stop me. Don't follow me! You'll..." Todomatsu wiped his tears as he looked up. "You'll give me the wrong idea that you will...you will love me back. So please...don't."

Karamatsu remained at his place as he watched Todomatsu walk away from him.

He wanted to envelop the young one with a comforting hug. He wanted to be the one to make him stop crying. He wanted to chase him.

Karamatsu wanted to stop Todomatsu from leaving his side.

The priest stood there for a while. No sound. No disturbances. No one but himself.

Karamatsu started walking towards the center of the aisle where he and Todomatsu stood earlier. He crouched down to retrieve the box of cake that was long forgotten, swiping some icing to his fingers before smearing it on the floor, writing a message through the means of the sweet treat.

A mix of pink, white, and brown composed the short message. After a while he finally stood up, calling Hatabou to clean up the mess.

The young man quickly arrived together with some cleaning tools. Karamatsu finally left. He was about to wipe off the mess from the floor when he suddenly noticed a writing. He tilted his head in wonder as he said the written message out loud.

"'I'm sorry'?"