Sydney Jules López

Regina Spring seemed unexpectedly nervous when it was her turn to tell us her story. It was meant to be my turn, I mean, could've been my turn if I hadn't kept on with my quietness but anyway she looked like she wanted to wake up from this nightmare any time soon now.

Maybe I should go first, I thought to myself. Better sooner than later, was it? And so I said, "Can I go first?" And they all gave the look which said, 'Oh, so you're talking now? Great!'.

I had so many questions running around in my head.

Would I cry like Miles Dunne?

Would I miss my mother?

Did I actually miss my mother?

Would they tell Emily about everything I feel?

Was it going to make me look like the victim even though I never considered myself one?

Did I ever know what I was made for?

The miserables can never be told apart by their pain because no one can tell how much pain the other was feeling, rather, they are told apart by the path they choose- whether to live with the pain and suffer or to overcome it? And we were different.

Miles and Kai chose to overcome the pain and came back stronger and better than they were before.

I, like my mother, chose to live with it and suffer.

Perhaps we weren't so different after all.

I never thought I'd be telling someone anything about me ever, but here I was a second away from reading my story out loud to the kids I met yesterday. And I found it to be a stupid idea. Maybe if I would've told them 'no' in the first place then they could've let me get away with that. I should've said no.

Would've, could've, should've.

It all came to me like a blur but when I started it felt like I was living every minute of my life once again. And believe me, it wasn't fun. It was rather a feeling of suffering and hate. I had a bad feeling about everything.

"I've been living with Emily legally ever since I was 13. She is my mother's best friend's daughter and so when my mom passed away in an accident, Julia, mom's best friend took me in with open arms. She loved me a lot. I was her favorite kid. Julia-," I couldn't speak any further for a few minutes, "Julia had cancer and very little time left. And- it's been Emily and me for four years. I never thought I'd live without her but it's just my luck."

They seemed sad and looked at me with worry and something that screamed 'kindness and care' but it didn't matter because I never wanted it. I never trusted people much ever since my own mother tried to kill me. It was just Julia and Emily whom I knew I could trust with my eyes closed.

"Emily is really nice to me and I love her for everything she did and does for me. She's got me at all times I'm crying, screaming, fighting, throwing up," I said and forced out a smile.

"I didn't know you loved me so much, Sydney!" I heard a voice-crack from behind me and froze because I knew who it was. I didn't turn around until I realized and re-realised I had to and found her crying. Tears streamed down my face as I got up from where I'd been sitting. The last thing I wanted was to watch the person I loved the most cry.

"I'm sorry." I said slowly, my eyes looking down at my feet. "I-I got lost and they came to find me and then, we got lost and-"

I stopped in the middle of my apology when she wrapped her arms around me, hugged me tightly and said, "You scared me, Syd."

"I won't do it ever again, I promise," I mumbled. She chuckled through her tears and pulled out a cigarette from the back of my ear saying, "Like you promised with the cigarettes?"

"I promise I won't Em!" More tears streaming down my face. I felt like I could've cried a whole river and drowned in it if she hadn't told me she believed me.

"I should probably take you guys back to the camp now before Miguel finds out about this. He's probably not gonna love this," she grinned and held my hand. I didn't realize I was staring until she finally answered the question in my head, "So you don't get lost."

I nodded and looked back at the kids who were happy to finally get back to the camp. Regina looked very relieved and Kai was grinning happily because he could finally go back to the camp. Miles Dunne stayed unnaturally quiet all the way back and I knew something was bugging him.

Was it about me? I rolled my eyes mentally because it just couldn't be. It shouldn't be.

The way back to Camp Lakesville was just Emily talking and getting on my nerves and telling the kids how much of a dramatic teenager I was while I was there wishing we'd reach the camp a little faster. I couldn't remember the last time I found Em this annoying. Sometimes, on rare occasions, she'd get all lovely and kind to me and I'd be sitting there on the couch pretending to hate it.

Emily did everything she could to make me happy.

Miguel wasn't happy to see us being late for the movie night and Ms. Warren was giving us the look. It felt like that moment when you step in the classroom and the teacher and kids stare at you like you're naked. We sat down behind these girls who were giggling and talking throughout the movie.

"So, you girls got a summer camp crush?" One of them turned around and asked me and Regina. "Everyone's so goddamn cute," she grinned and looked around.

"Maitreyi, can't help falling in love with that Asian boy in their group, can you?" The other girl teased her and Maitreyi blushed profusely. "I'm Ashley by the way. Jesus, guess I should've started with that," she laughed, "This is Maitreyi and she loves that boy over there." She pointed at Kai, who was sitting with Miles on the other side of the room, lost in his own thoughts.

"Ashley, I freaking hate you!" Maitreyi hissed and Ashley chuckled loudly this time. Everyone looked to where she was sitting and she coughed out loudly and said, "Sorry, I think I've caught a bad cold."

Regina held back her laughter and I couldn't stop grinning. We were in trouble, I knew. There was no way Ms. Warren would've let us go after this movie. And I knew we had done something, a lot of things bad but why was I feeling so good?