Chapter 28
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|| Chapter 28 ||
"BECAUSE I DON'T LOVE YOU," I say loudly, catching him off guard. His lips thin as he stares at me with clouded eyes. "Drew, I'm sorry I can't do this," my voice breaks but before he can say anything I turn away from him, climb out of the car and run up the driveway to my front door.
As soon as I'm inside I slam the door behind me and lean against it, taking in deep breaths.
"Whoa! Door slamming is not cool in my house!" My mothers voice echoes from the living room where I can hear the television blaring.
I open my mouth to apologise but a shaky gasp comes out instead. The feeling of my heart beating faster in my chest makes me crouch sliding against the door until I'm sitting with my knees curled to my chest.
"Hello? Which demon child slammed my door?" My mothers voice asks loudly, no doubt grabbing attention from other people in the house but I can't move except to lean my head against the door. The pressure behind my eyes making me grit my teeth, trying so hard to stop it from escalating.
I try to take another breath but a small noise leaves my mouth instead, my shoulders tensing as the first sob leaves my mouth. And the first tear falls.
The television shuts off, "Soph? Is that you?" My mothers quiet voice starts coming closer as she leaves the living room. She turns on one of the lowlights by the foyer slightly illuminating my curled frame. I push my head off from the door and look my mother straight in the eyes. I would have laughed at the astonished facial expression she gave me if we were under different circumstances. "Tess? What's going on?"
She approaches me slowly, almost as if I'm an injured animal that she doesn't know what to do with, in which case it kind of makes sense since this is probably the first time she's seen me cry in years.
"Hey mom, what were you yelling earlie-?" Sebastian's question is cut off when his eyes narrow in on my face, completely wiping off any emotions. He's stands still halfway down the staircase, looking between myself and my mother.
My chest heaves silently as they both watch the tears roll down my face. My mother wrings her hands together, her own anxiety making an appearance as another uncontrollable sob leaves my mouth. I pull my legs tighter into myself, hoping it'll stop the gasping and bury my face in my arms.
My mother's hands are gentle when she rests them against my forearms, "Honey, can you tell me what happened?"
My face is sticky from the tears but I lift my head and look her in the eyes as I whisper, "I'm a horrible person."
Her face breaks a little at my words but she just brushes my hair out of my face. "Tess, no you're not."
I don't exactly remember what happens next but all I know is one minute I'm curled against the front door and the next I'm in Sebastian's arms and he's carrying me to the couch, my mother following closely. He puts me down gently, dropping a kiss on my head and immediately leaves the room, as if he knows I won't say a word around him.
My mother sits on the couch, lifting my head up and scooting under me, so that my head is resting on her legs.
She runs a hand through my hair, trying to soothe me. I hiccup a sob and turn my head into her legs as more tears slip from my eyes.
"Honey... talk to me."
"He loves me," I whisper, my voice breaking. I turn my head into her legs, sobbing harder. "And I told him I didn't."
There's a heavy silence for the next few moments as my mother pieces together what exactly I'm saying. "Tess." she tilts my head to face the ceiling so that I'm looking at her face.
"Why am I such a bitch? I just yelled at him," the emotion has been completely wiped from my voice as tears track down the side of my face and into my hair past my temple. "We've been best friends for two years, he said he didn't like me like that," my throat is scratchy as I get the words out.
"And you don't love him?" she asks. My bottom lip wobbles as I hold back another sob. Tears threaten to make another appearance. "Because it's okay if you don't." she continues stroking my hair, "Some people feel pressured to love someone back but you never have to that, do you hear me?" She waits for me to nod my head before continuing. "Tess, no one is expecting you to be with Drew. Yes, he may have feelings for you but that doesn't mean that everything has to change now."
"Doesn't it though? He's never going to talk to me again," I moan, clenching my fingers.
"Oh Honey, if you think rejection will turn him against you then you need a reality check." She fixes my tank top strap absentmindedly.
I make eye contact with her, "Mom, why am I so heartless?" She scrunches her nose in confusion, "Seriously," I sit up resting my elbows on my knees and my chin in my hands, "I barely show my emotions as is and I hate it when everyone else brings feelings into everything-ugh, it's so frustrating!" I slam my body into the back of the couch, slouching.
"Tess, you are not heartless. The fact that you're crying as much as you are now-which I must say is really a moment for me because you didn't even cry as a child- but you," she rests a hand on my knee, "are not heartless, sorry to break it to you."
I let out a breathy laugh and look up at our high ceiling, "This sucks."
"It does. And it will but, what's done is over and you can only move forward from that, okay? Give him a day to...come to terms with everything and take it from there." She pats my leg once using that hand as leverage to push herself off the couch. She turns to face me and tugs my hand motioning me to follow her. "You want some ice cream?"
I chuckle letting her pull me along, "I just ate ice cream mom."
She gives me a mischievous smile, "You can never have too much ice cream, Darling."
|| ✨ ||
I'm lying face down on my bed wallowing in self pity the next morning when something smacks my back. I lift my head up and look around. My eyes glance over the random black converse shoe that had hit me, and stop on my idiot brother standing in the doorway.
"Come on, we're going out."
I scoff, ignoring him and lay back down on my bed. Another shoe hits me in the head and I sit up fully, glaring at him.
His face is impassive, "That wasn't a question. Now, put on the shoes and get your ass in my car, let's go."
A large sigh leaves my lips, "Those aren't even my shoes, idiot." He chooses to ignore me and walks out of my room, leaving me alone.
Something inside me wants to just crawl back into bed but I stop myself knowing that he would one hundred percent come back up here so I get off my bed, throw some shoes on and head down the stairs. Everyone is sprawled around the living room keeping themselves busy. Olivia offers a small smile in my direction from the coffee table where she's playing monopoly with Maddie. No one says a word, letting me leave in silence.
Sebastian is sitting in his car with the engine running and he doesn't even turn to look at me as I climb in the car.
Ten minutes later we're sitting on a hill at Hill Street Park, looking down at the skate park, where I've spent most of my time in the last two years. A lot of memories were made here with friends and family... and Drew.
"So, what's up?" Sebastian asks, leaning his arms on his knees as we sit on the side of the hill looking down at the skate park.
I'm resting my head against my arms with my knees curled up to my chest as I cock an eyebrow at him, "'What's up?' Really?"
He looks at me, "Talk." is all he says in reply.
I stay silent.
"Fine, don't talk, I will," he shrugs, looking back out at the skate park where a couple middle schoolers are trying to skate a ramp. "I got a job."
My head perks up at this, "You what?"
He smiles proudly at me, "Yup, totally did, I sit at a desk and everything."
The confusion on my face is almost comical, "Why?"
He chuckles lightly, leaning back on his arms, spreading his legs out in front of him, "Just wanted some extra cash."
"Did mom and dad cut you off?" I ask, tilting my head.
"Nope."
"Then I'm confused, did you overspend on your weekly?"
"Oh no, I have plenty of parental cash on me, no problems there," he has that weird smile on his face again. "I just needed my own cash for something I have in mind."
"Then why don't you just dip into your trust fund? That's your money."
He sighs, looking up, "Yeah, but that's money mom and dad put together, it's not really my own, is it? And besides I'm using some of that so that Liv and I can get an apartment together in the fall." He looks back at me, "I hate the fact that we're trust fund kids, makes me sound like an asshole."
I can't help but chuckle, "Well that's just something we have to live with, mom and dad just want the best for us. You know their one rule was that we focus on school, not having to worry about jobs unless it's work experience, remember?" I give him a pointed look.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah I remember, but like I said, I've got big plans coming, you know, for the future," the cheeky grin on his face alludes to something else.
I can feel my face pale slowly, "No." I whip my head to look directly at him, "Please tell me that you're joking."
His smile is answer enough. "I was waiting for you to catch on."
"Bass, don't you think it's too soon?"
"Tessy, when you know, you know. And I'm not going to do it now, that's why I'm still working towards it. Give it a year or two."
"Holy fuck." His chuckle is my only reply as we both look out at the park around us.
A few kids are on the field next to the playground playing tag. The girls are on one side and the boys stick to the other side, staying away from each other.
"It sucks, you know?" He tilts his head sideways, indicating that he in fact does not know what I'm talking about. "Everyone is always so fucking happy and you've all found The One that you want to spend the rest of your lives with and I'm barely hanging on to reality," I sigh, staring out at the skate park.
"Tess, Olivia and I may look like an awesome couple, and we are I'm not denying that but, we do have our own problems too. Charlotte and Nathan too, we all saw that. We're not perfect, we're just trying to make it work."
"Seb, you don't even know the real me, I don't even know the real me!"
"Then tell me the real you. Who are you?"
"I don't know!" I say and I can feel my heart constricting, "I like sports and prefer to spend time with my family over my friends, who I can't even seem to communicate with properly, so there's that." I throw one hand in the air in exasperation. "I would rather sit alone in my room than be out at a party where everyone knows me. And why is my love life so important to everyone? God forbid I don't end up a spinster at this rate with how everyone is acting," I roll my eyes, falling back on the grass and staring at the sky. "What if I don't want a boyfriend? What if I suddenly decide to date a girl or live alone with a thousands cats later on in life, what then?"
He raises an eyebrow as if I've grown another head, "Then you do that, who gives a fuck what anyone else wants? You are in control of your life, don't let anyone make you believe different."
"Easier said than done," I reply, placing my hands under my head as a cushion.
He nudges my leg next to him, "Wanna tell me about Drew?"
"I'm pretty sure you already know." I rip out a few pieces of grass, throwing them into the breeze, watching them flow away.
"I've made some assumptions but I would prefer to hear it from you." He crosses his legs, resting an elbow on one and placing his head in one hand giving me a cheeky grin.
I stop the smile from showing by pursing my lips, "You're a pain in the ass."
He leans back dramatically putting his free hand over his heart, "That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me." He wipes a hand over his dry eyes.
My lips curl back in a wide smile. Slowly that smile fades at my next words. "He told me that he wants to be with me. That he's perfect for me and the only person on this planet who can 'tolerate' me for more than five seconds."
Sebastian lets out a low whistle. "Damn, he's got it bad."
I throw my hands over my face groaning loudly, "You are not helping."
"Oh please, Drew needs to get over himself sometimes. He needs to drop the feel bad for me act he's got going on." My eyes are wide as I lower my hands staring up at my brother. He looks down at me. "All I'm saying is that he's full of shit for not picking up on the hints, you're my sister and I feel like I was friend zoned by you."
A loud laugh escapes my lips, "You're disgusting."
He watches me laugh with his own smile, "Don't listen to whatever anyone thinks, trust your gut Hayes."
"Thanks bro." I sit myself up and throw an arm around his shoulder giving him quick awkward hug, "You know even though I tell you I hate you often, and your pain gives me joy...I love you and I'm glad I'm stuck with a brother like you."
He opens his mouth but shuts it, genuine emotions behind his eyes, "You don't think I already know that?" His smile is comforting. "Believe it or not but I do know you Tess, you're a pain in my ass but you're still one of my favorite people in the world. You're my sister and I don't give a fuck who you love as long as they treat you the way you deserve to be treated, to hell with whatever anyone has to say." Tears prick the back of my eyes as he grabs one of my hands tightly. "We love you for you Tess, and that's never going to change."
I pinch the bridge of my nose willing the tears to stop, "You suck for making me emotional." A distant car horn interrupts my thoughts.
He laughs, rustling my hair and getting up, "I can make any girl cry, it's a talent."
I raise an eyebrow, getting to my feet and standing next to him, my head reaching his chin, "I don't know if that's considered a talent or not."
He throws an arm around my shoulder and leads me down the grassy hill, "Hey, wanna skate?"
"I didn't bring my board, did you?"
He squeezes my shoulder, "No," he points in the direction of the parking lot, "but they did."
Charlotte, Sophie and Maddie climb out of Charlotte's car, carrying their own skateboards including mine and Sebastian's and walk over to us with smiles on their faces.
Sophie shuffles faster than the other two and takes a second to gently wrap her arms around me, squeezing tight. "You're a badass Hayes, don't forget it." She winks at me as she pulls away, wiping away a stray tear on her face.
Charlotte hands my skateboard to me with a cheeky grin, "Ready?"
Maddie stands next to Sebastian with her scooter in her free hand, her casted arm wrapped around Sebastian's waist.
I take the board, looking at each of my siblings, suddenly sad that there's one missing. "Yeah, I'm ready."
|| ✨ ||
Why the hell do I make Sebastian so lovable??? It just makes me feel so single and forever alone.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! What did you think??
Until next time,
Sammipott xx
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