"So, you and River?" I asked before taking a sip of my milkshake. We were trying milkshakes on the porch again, Creek and I. And this time I was determined to not ruin it.

Creek nodded, absentmindedly biting on his metal straw.

"Is he treating you nice? I'll skin him if he doesn't. Don't know how but I'm sure I'll find a way."

They snorted and tore their eyes off whatever they had been staring at. "He's nice, so I'll save you the internet deep dive."

"Thank god, my search history is weird enough to begin with, considering I'm in art school. All those weird reference searches."

"Try being a writer. If they ever search the writers' laptops, they'll find search histories of serial killers." Creek chuckled and I did too. "But he's nice. He has been from the start, actually."

"You must be the lucky chosen one. He barely keeps himself from intentionally pissing me off most of the time."

"That's how it is with my brother too. Annoying pain in my ass. All the time." Creek rolled their eyes and made us swing a little harder on the hanging bench.

"Never had a brother before, so I'm still learning." I shrugged a little and took another sip of my milkshake.

"Does he feel like a brother to you?" Creek asked.

I bopped my head from side to side. "I don't know, to be honest. I don't know how it's supposed to feel. But I feel like I wanna strangle him constantly, but also if someone else strangled him, I'd maul them."

They snorted. "Yeah, sounds like having a brother."

We sat in silence for a while, swinging softly back and forth. It was nice. The weather was mild for the time of the year. Winter hadn't really shown its face yet, but the wind was starting to get crisp.

"How are you adjusting to the leg situation? Or should I not ask that?" Creek asked then, breaking the silence.

"You can ask," I said and sighed. "I don't think I've fully realised yet that this is how it is now. I keep waiting for it to get better. But it's not gonna get better. This is it. This is how good it gets. And that's a hard pill to swallow."

Creek nodded a bit, biting on his straw. Silently urging me to continue.

"I have a hard time figuring out how to lead like this. And I know they didn't come for someone who was physically strong, but... I was supposed to help them. And now I require so much help. All the time. I think it's hard to help others while needing so much help myself."

"I can understand that," Creek said. I figured they'd say more, but they didn't. They were letting me ramble away if I wanted.

"I think it's just hard because I've been so independent my whole life, and now it's no longer an option. It's not very romantic to have my partner help me shower. Or having him carry me places when I can no longer walk."

"Does he mind, do you think?"

"No, I don't think so. Otherwise, he would've left... Don't you think?" I asked and glanced up at my friend.

They shrugged. "Probably. I don't think he's the type to stick around in a situation he doesn't wanna be in."

"I'd hope not," I said in lack of something better to say. I wasn't really doubting whether Abel wanted to be here or not. I felt his love every single day, in his soft forehead kisses, in his cooking, in his laughs when we watched telly.

I wasn't doubting his love.

I groaned as Abel dug his fingers into my leg. We were trying to do some exercises and some massage routines to see if it'd do anything. If there were any differences whatsoever. I wasn't sure I felt any different, but mentally it did help to do something about it. I'd try anything at this point.

"Am I hurting you?" Abel asked as he softly ran his fingers over my calf.

"No," I groaned as he hit a particularly sore spot.

He arched a brow at me. I grimaced back. He continued. He knew I'd tell him to stop when it became too much. And in all fairness, it did help a little when he massaged my leg. It was like it got so tense by the end of the day and he went in and undid a lot of that tension. But the undoing hurt like a bitch too.

"Did you have a good day today?" Abel asked, probably to try and distract me.

"Yeah, it was alright. I wanna go back to school soon though. I'm so bored here."

Abel snorted. "I can imagine. You don't know how to relax."

"I know how to relax," I said with a chuckle bubbling out of me, making it so obvious even I didn't believe it.

Abel smiled, fangs showing, dimples digging into his cheek. I lived and breathed for those smiles. Whenever I could make him do that, my life just got so much better. I genuinely loved the way he'd look at me. Like I was his entire world. Just as he was mine.

"You can't relax for shits," Abel said and chuckled.

"I know. It's actually very hard to be like this, believe it or not," I said dramatically. I put the back of my hand on my forehead, like an actress from an old film, just to underline how utterly dramatic this entire situation was.

It helped to joke about it. It might've seemed bizarre or macabre to some, because there really wasn't anything fun about this whole thing. But if I couldn't joke my way through it, I'd just cry all the time. I'd go back to being that depressed and isolated pathetic idiot. I didn't wanna go back to that. I finally felt some resemblance of myself again. I was rebuilding an identity I thought I had lost. I hadn't lost it; it just needed some changing. I had to deal with this one way or another, and it really couldn't get in the way of what I was doing in this town.

"Next year, after summer, I wanna come back to my degree," I said. "Until then I wanna focus on the wolves. I think that it'd be good for me to just focus on that for now."

"And your recovery," Abel said and gently pressed his fingers into my thigh. That didn't hurt at all.

"The pain has moved to under the knee," I said and kept Abel's hands still. "My thigh doesn't hurt anymore."

Abel smiled. "That's progress. Who knows where you'll be in a year?"

I moved up and kissed him, putting the palm of my hand on his cheek. He was always so positive, but calmly so. He wasn't putting ideas of me ever fully recovering into my head. He'd just keep saying it was bound to get a little better. Either I'd get used to it, or the pain would subside a little. No matter what, it'd get better.