"Have you ever shifted in the middle of the city?" River asked and smirked at me.

"Of course not. Why would I do that?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Shits and giggles?" He chuckled and shrugged, pulling out a fag. He looked up, as if he was offering me one, but I shook my head.

"I don't see many giggles coming from that happening."

"Don't be such a pussy, Gael." He rolled his eyes.

"I'm a pussy because I don't wanna fuck over my and everyone else's entire lives?"

"Nah, you're a pussy because you don't wanna have fun." He inhaled from his fag and let out a cloud of smoke. "You don't let the wolf go nuts like it needs to. You don't wolf out."

"You don't know what I do," I said and stood up from the tree trunk.

"Yeah, your version of fun is going out to drink with your little friends and then go home and drunk fuck your boyfriend."

"I don't know, man, that sounds pretty fun." I chuckled and looked back at him over my shoulder.

"Doesn't it get boring though? Only doing the same thing over and over again?" Smoke came from his nostrils this time.

"No, I actually quite enjoy the simple life."

River blew a raspberry and fell down on the forest floor very dramatically. "Come on, mate. You never dream of something more fun?"

I sat down on the floor with him and looked up at the crowns of the trees. "Did I tell you how I was turned?"

He lifted up on his elbows, the fag hanging from the side of his mouth.

"I was out. Was on a big bender. Whenever I'd get tired, I needed uppers. For sleep I needed downers. Didn't think I'd make it home if I didn't get a little pick-me-up, you know?" I stopped to take a breath, not realising how out of breath I had become. My heart was slamming in my chest so hard I was afraid of breaking a rib. I swallowed something and took another deep breath. "I found an alley where there was a sketchy type. Usually, sketchy types in alleys have things to sell where I come from. I tried getting some uppers, but hey it was the full moon. How could I have known that guy wasn't bugging out on his own wares, but actually shifting? Anyways, he mauled me. Badly. And I was too drunk and high to even properly recognise that I was dying. I was taking my last breaths while he was ripping my chest to shreds." I took another deep breath. "I have the life I want right now because I've lived the fun and fast life before. And it really wasn't that fun."

"Does Abel know you were a total delinquent?" He smirked up at me.

"No."

"Would he care?"

"No."

"Why haven't you told him then?"

I shrugged.

River sighed deeply and sat up properly. "You know, we were turned by the same guy, yeah?"

I nodded. "I could smell him on you."

"And I could smell him on you.Yeah, that dude was always lurking around bars to maul someone like you and me. I'm not trying to make you come into drugs or whatever. I'm trying to tell you, there's more to life than this. You and me? We can be more."

"I don't know what you mean."

He smiled a little wickedly. "Then come run with me. Shift with me."

I thought it over for a second. Hesitating. Wondering. Was this the right choice? And honestly, what was the worst that could happen?

"Alright."

Shifting no longer feels as painful as it had in the past. It's almost like coming home. I love the smells of the forest, the trees, the sounds. I love all of it because the wolf has taught me how. When I run now it isn't as a passenger. We are merging together, and it is harder and harder to determine where he starts, and I end. And maybe that is a good thing. We are becoming more in sync. He is also allowed space when we aren't running in the woods. He's with me at class. In the studio. He brings a wilder element to my paintings. He remembers how the forest looks better than I do anyways, so he's lending me his memories. I wonder if anyone notice how my style has changed slightly and how it keeps changing. I paint more and more like how the wolf sees the world. Wolves have dichromatic vision, meaning they see predominantly two colours. My paintings were starting to reflect that. Blues and yellows dominated, except when I lent the wolf my vision and he'd see more colours.

I stop by a stream and let my paws sink into the cool water. They get so warm when we are running, and it's nice to cool them down here.

A branch cracks and I look up, locking eyes with something very blue and white. I blink and the other wolf blinks back. Both my wolf and I know this other one. It joins us occasionally.

River is ridiculously easy to spot out here in the pale moonlight. Ever since agreeing to shift with him more often, it has been a little more fun. We'll be running, hunting, finding trails and expanding those more and more. We even got Tasha, Samuel, and Meera to join us. Meera's red-coated wolf was still very wary of us and didn't stick around for long before she went off straying. Tasha and Samuel seemed to thrive more and more though. Tasha still didn't remember much from the shift, but Samuel remembered it all. Something he had done from the very beginning. He'd been very settled with becoming a werewolf, apparently. It never bothered him. He merged with it fully. But it was the isolation that had bothered him the most. Not having anyone to share it all with. So, when he found us, he was in seventh heaven.

And that's what I wanted for this group. To have someone who could relate. Someone they could learn from. To lean on when they needed it.

I race Samuel and River around a particularly big clearing. I am faster, but I'm not sure if River is just letting me win. I know for sure I'm faster than Samuel, but he's also a lot bigger than me. He could probably crush me with one shove. His one paw is the size of my face, more or less. But he is heavy which slowed him down.

It isn't just me analysing the other wolves. My wolf is sizing them up constantly. He is a lot more competitive than I am, which was saying something. I am quite competitive myself as the end to our weekly game nights would be witness to.

It is liberating to finally not spend the full moon alone in the woods. To not dread it. To not feel like shit leading up to it.

After I still wasn'tdoing too good. It was still hard on my body. It was only made worse by thepoint I was like a kid in a theme park, not wanting to go home because it wastoo much fun here. But there was another life waiting for me.