He hugged me. The hug was tight, but the warmth was missing.

However, I did not expect it to be as tight as it was, leave alone warm . He surprised me. Indeed.

He was still fond of black. Black jacket, black shirt, even a pair of black jeans. And a black bag pack hung from his shoulders. He smiled as we broke the hug.

" Still fond of Navy Blue ? " , he raised his brow, the smile never leaving his lips.

I shrugged.
I hardly ever smiled, a major drawback I possessed, people said. However, I tried to stretch a smile across my lips. Otherwise, he might come under the impression that I was not satisfied with his re-entry into my life, exactly eight years later.

Truth however was, I wasn't. Really.

Last night, when I received a call from an unknown number, and picked it up, only to bump into a unique unforgettable voice, my heart stopped for a minute.

I actually thought, should I drop the call? Should I?

" Did you bring the car? " , he enquired.

I knew he would ask this. And I was prepared with the answer. So much, that it came out as spontaneously as could be.

" I don't own a car.
Just a bike. " , I walked a bit ahead of him along the Arrival Terminal of the airport, to the parking lot.

He followed me quickly.
" Oh cool. Won't mind a breezy ride down Kolkata in this cloudy weather.
I don't believe, it's been eight years since I last saw this city, Soumyabrata! " 

I half smiled.
" Even if you mind, you don't have a choice. Specially, when you yourself invited me to pick you up. "

We reached my bike.
He smiled wider.
Though, said nothing.

I started the bike, offering him a helmet. He got up, placing his hands on my shoulders. 

" Where are you put up for your conference? You said you weren't sure, yesterday. "
I raised my voice as my bike speeded down the airport road.

A minute of silence.
Why did I feel he was chuckling?

" There's no conference.

And I'll stay at your place. However awkward it is for you.
After all, you're my best friend Saumya! "

Over years I had learnt the art of not letting my emotions control my actions. If they did, I would have stopped the bike by now, got down, and confronted him.

Best friend? Really, Arunabho?

I remained silent. And continued the journey in the same pace.

My dwelling was just twenty minutes from the airport. For the rest of the journey, I did not indulge in any conversation. Neither did he.

I reached my apartment, and parked the bike right in front of it. He got down and took off the helmet. I got down too. I knew he was examining my face, trying to extract a reaction, to his sudden, unjustified demands.. from me... out of all people on earth.

I met his gaze.

" The one problem you might face at my place is, you need to do all your work for yourself. I haven't appointed a maid. "

I walked towards the stairs.  And turned, " And of course, there's no lift. Which might be a lot of hardwork for you. "

He joyfully followed me.
" None of it is a problem bro! I swear, I would love to explore new things. "

I did not reply further.

" Hey, do you mean, you are a bachelor still? " , as if it struck him suddenly, as we climbed stairs upto the fourth floor.

I remained silent as I keyed open the door to my 750 sq feet 2 bhk flat.

He got in behind me.

No flex here, but I had forever been a guy whose house remained as prim and proper as could be with three maids, and even a wife.

" Place your shoes on the rack.
Give your bag to me, I'll keep it in the guest room. Freshen up. Hope you've had lunch already. Take a nap. "

I announced at a stretch. And left for the kitchen. He was staring at the paintings on the wall.

•

Arunabho Choudhary picked up a fuming cup of coffee from the tray, settling back comfortably on the settee in my balcony.

" Lovely.
Still the gardener you used to be.
You haven't changed a bit Saumya. "
He met my gaze.

I half smiled again.
" You do not really understand how much a human has changed, by judging his exteriors. "

" Someone who hasn't changed a phone number for eight years, still holds on to the good old days. I can bet on that. " , he smiled.

His smile was terrific. As handsome was his face, as adorable was his voice. He used to be a complete package, as a youngster.

Not that I lacked charm, but I was no competition to him.

" I see. " , I terminated the conversation.

" And you still remain that antisocial.
I broke the internet only to find one social media account of yours, in vain.

By god's grace I found your phone number written in an old diary. I have changed hundred phones since then, I did not have the slightest hope you would pick up. But, you did. " , he placed the cup on the table.

A long silence followed, because I did not contribute.

The rains had suddenly hit the grounds, after an entire day of overcast skies. I kept staring outside.

He took a deep breath after long. As if taking in the raw smells of a wet earth.

It was he who talked again.

" What are you upto these days, Saumya? "

I scratched the handle of the settee for a moment.

" I'm a whole timer at a theatre group.  For the last two years. This is gonna be permanent. I think. I hope. "

He was staring at me. I stared back. I had no reason to avoid his gaze.

" Hmm. Good enough. You...followed your passion....  Good...  " , he spoke softly.

I smirked.

" Words that don't come from your heart, do not get your eyes glittering Arun. Never did. "

He looked away, immediately.

And I stretched it to a few more words, taking the opportunity.
" Neither did, when I came first in the final semester of our undergraduations .
Nor did, when Mahashweta proposed to me at the convocations. "

He looked at me again. His eyes had a strange coldness this time.

" By the way, how is Mahashweta? "

A long silence followed the question I threw at him.

He was now staring at the money plant that creeped along the wall beside him.

" True that.

I envied you like crazy, even though you were my best friend. " , he spoke, as lightly as could be.

I did not believe this.

How easily could he speak out the  terribly unspoken words that stayed between us, all these years?

Since he left Kolkata, and my life, eight years back, I deliberately never spoke to him again. Not that he tried too...to keep things intact..but I was the one who withdrew like hell.

" I always had this in me..

Despite being smarter, more handsome, supposedly having a more prestigious and academic family background, I always remained a loser to you.

You stayed silent, laid back, less of a charmer, and yet, you glowed, not only in academics, but conquered the heart of the best woman of the batch, effortlessly!

So, it would be a lie if I say I did not love you as a bestie, but this thing...  kept growing in me. "

I wondered, if I could ever say things out this way, to myself, if I was him.

But, I knew how he could afford this.

He was way more successful than me in life now.  I had kept myself informed about his whereabouts, till almost five years from now. I let go, after that, completely. And his success in life, was enough for him to look back, pretend to introspect, and put me down.

I could not let that happen.

" Wait a minute.

What exactly are you here for Arun?
After eight long years?

Only to prove, however much I was better in aspects you said, than you, eight - nine years back, I am, a loser to you in life, finally at this point of time? Is it? "

I uttered distinctly..

He, as if, read me for a long minute. Then spoke,

" I did not know you've given up on your degrees finally. So, we can cut that crap.

Yes, you had left MBA midway...after Mahashweta.... 

But still, you could have found a decent job I believed.... "

" You did not finish the previous statement. " , I smirked.
The smirk that hid gallons of disgust.

He now stared at the floor.

" My bad.

You had already given up on MBA.

That was the sole reason Mahashweta had actually walked out of..... " , he stopped again.

" Come-on...
I do not like the halts you're bringing in this roller coaster ride.

Mahashweta...what?
Walked out....right...walked out of a toxic relationship with a worthless guy who had given up on academics, who had started dreaming of a career in full fledged theatrics...

Walked out... And of course, she had found a hand to hold, immediately, in my best friend...  "

My voice broke, finally.

Arunabho took a deep breath.

" How shameless could you be Arunabho Choudhury?

I shared each and every aspect of my perspective regarding life, with you.
I believe you had every idea of the lens I wore to view this world. You knew every little thing that mattered to me more than the rest.

You had every knowledge, how the particular art form pulled me over and above any business deal I could ever crack. Mistakes happen while choosing object of interest, career options....

And then, there was Mahashweta.
A dream woman.

I thought she would understand me too, like you did, like.....you pretended to do....

I hardly knew, both of you were preparing for a major backstab...while I remained clueless, too absorbed to look for the right direction.. "

Arunabho abruptly got up, and rested his body against the railing.
I cupped my face, trying to contain every storm, that had stopped rising in my head for almost two years now.

Five minutes of a deadly silence followed.

" You have every right to be mad at me Saumya. And none of your accusations are even an ounce wrong.

However, before you judge me any further, I'll inform you a word or two...

I have left the MNC I was working with, my dream job. I always wanted to achieve the heights that it was taking me to, and if I had continued well, I would have actually ended much higher than I had presumed.

The heights, the ambitions, that forever sparked the fire of envy for you, in my heart.

And it ate me up from within, that you devalued things you had effortlessly achieved, while I was struggling to get there.

And then, there was Mahashweta.

I till date, do not know, if I was truly, extremely attracted to her, or, if I just had immense pleasure in snatching her away from you finally. The pleasure of a personal win.

However, two years back, when she dumped our marriage, left me screaming that she had always loved only you, that this relationship was a sham where we both, just wanted to teach lessons of some kind to you, and fooled ourselves big time, I knew my world was shattering.

I knew, perspective, was all that mattered.

And everything ran in circles.

I knew I had hurt you terribly someday. On purpose. I believed I had achieved everything in life just by putting you down. You could not finish your MBA, I did.
You did not get the girl. I did.

And at the end, what did I gain?

Nothing, a big zero.

What did you lose?

Maybe, nothing actually.
You're living your passion.

And you truly did not deserve, a friend, and a lover, who lived a life just to teach you lessons..

For what? I have no idea.

As for Mahashweta, probably you failed her. Yet, if she continued to love you, she shouldn't have given in to me, just because she wanted to hurt you.

At the end, we lost.

I do not know if you won, but at least, you did not lose a thing.

Nothing at all.

My sole purpose of this visit, is to ask for a heartfelt forgiveness from you Saumya...

Two long years of a lonely meaningless life, brought me to conclude, if I do not apologize to you, even death won't bring me peace, anyday, anyway...

If you could do that ever....please, forgive me Saumyabrata.... "

However much tears welled up my eyes, I knew, his eyes were glitttering.

The words had finally been spilled... from the heart....

Worth it.